A/N: I wrote this last night, I stayed up till like som time in the early morning, but I was just really getting into it. And I've made sure to edit it, so I hope there are no mistakes that I missed. Anyway, I hope you liking it. Keep reading, I think it's starting to get good!

I'm a little, like 'Grr nate' right now though. Which is stupid, cos I'm the one writing him like this. But oh well lol

tonton16: Yea, I think part of why I love writing this story is I've kind of been there myself. I hope your enjoying it. :)

These chapters seem to all be ending on a sad note. Didn't mean to do that, sorry. Kind of the vibe of the story though. But yea, it'll get better. Happier. I pinky swear it!!

Substitute Sugar Is Never Good Enough

I stir my coffee round and round till the drizzle of white cream starts to fade into the chestnut brown. She still hasn't noticed how down I am today, too entranced by the boy beside her. I can't bare to look up, I can see them out of the corner of my eyes anyway. Talking and giggling and touching. It makes me feel sick. I don't think I'm ever going to drink this, I've been stirring it for a good ten minutes now, I'm pretty sure it's gone cold.

"Mitchie?" Mikayla turns to me, taking her eyes off of Nate for the first time in half an hour. I look up, quickly plastering on a fake smile that after much practise over the past two weeks I'm slowly mastering. Nate's eyes are still all over her and I'm just stopping myself from fuming. They're moving down from her glittering eyes and sweet smile to the nape of her neck and further… God I want to slap that boy right now.

"Yea, what's up?" I ask, lifting the coffee to my mouth and taking a slow sip, trying to act is if nothing is wrong. Oh, I was right, it has gone cold. She smiles softly and I grin back. Ha! Take that Nate, she saves that smile all for me. That's my favourite smile. I mean, not that I memorize her different smiles or anything… But just say (hypothetically) that I did, that would be my favourite. It's this gentle smile, full of warmth and love and kindness and sincerity.

"I'll be back in just a sec, I'm just gunna walk Nate out to his car" she tells me, that look in her eyes saying she knows I haven't been paying any attention to the conversation. I just nod indifferently and go back to my coffee as if I'm really enjoying it.

They leave hand in hand, swinging their arms as they walk as though in some feel good movie. As they step out onto the street the car is already waiting for him, and she leans up to kiss him. At this point I have to look away. My stomach is churning, sick with envy at just the thought of what they're doing right now. My mind flashes back to the day I kissed her, overloading on the memory. Her soft skin, red lips, silky hair. How she tasted strongly of vanilla. The feelings that overtook my body, just being that close to her. And then heart ache when realization hit.

I look up at the loud creak of the door swinging shut again, glad to be pulled from my thoughts. I observe the way she walks towards me, the way her hair sways, the way her clothes move around her petite form. A she reaches me I finally let my eyes meet hers, my fake smile failing miserably in the wake of what has just been occupying my mind.

"Your coffee's cold…" she comments, just an innocent observation, and her eyes meet mine. My nod seems redundant, but I do it anyway before rising to my feet. For a moment it's awkward before me manage to fall into the fake friendship we've formed over the past two weeks. It's a crappy substitute, like 'splenda' instead of sugar, but maybe in time we'll be able to get back to what we used to have. I miss real sugar.

"Come on, let's buy a tub of chocolate ice cream and watch a chick flick. Just the two of us. What do you say?" she asks, smiling sweetly. Oh gosh, I love that smile too. It's her giddy, excited, childish kind of smile. Hmm… On the one hand, ice cream + Mikayla… last time that didn't go well. On the other hand, a totally sugar filled pig out and some sappy romantic movies with my best friend is exactly what I need right now. Because honestly, I feel like crap,

"Sounds good" I grin back, and she takes my hand as we exit the small café.

"…said I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen, and I was like, oh my god. I mean, isn't that just the sweetest thing? I think that is like the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to me…". Oh god, oldest trick in the book. Besides, I could say something sweeter. I want to. I would tell her she was beautiful every single day if I could. Because she is. She's so very, very beautiful. Inside and out. God, I wish I'd never introduced Mikayla to the guys of Connect 3.

"…totally romantic. You know, he's a really good kisser" she sighed. My god, I wanted to be sick. She stopped talking and we fell silent, me not knowing what to say. I was about to try and strike up a conversation again when she laid back into me, and my arms instinctively wrapped around her waist. We seemed to fit together perfectly. Her eyes fluttered closed and she covered my hands with hers where they sat on her stomach, holding them there. She really seems to have no idea what she does to me sometimes. Can she not hear my heart pounding loudly in my chest, like someone bashing a consistent beat on as set of drums?

Her breathing evened out and for a moment I thought maybe she'd fallen asleep when suddenly she murmured "I love you Mitch". I smiled, leaning forward to press my lips lightly against the soft, dark brown hair on the top of her head.

"I love you too Micky" more than you'll ever love me.

I dig my spoon deeper into the ice cream, scooping a very large heap onto my spoon as I try to dispel the thoughts of the other day from my head. I really do need to stop living in the past. I do it too much lately. I feel the weight on the couch shift as Mikayla moves closer too me. Oh no.

"I love this bit" she sniffs, snuggling into me and sliding her hand across my stomach till her arm is wrapped around my middle. I look up and smile knowingly. Oh, this part, I should have known. I haven't been paying attention to the movie though. I've mainly been watching her face as the TV shed it's dim light on her stunning features in the dark room. I take a deep breath and try and move a little bit away but she holds onto me tighter and I notice a tear slide down her cheek. She chose to watch 'The Notebook'.

By now she's cornered me at the very end of the sofa and I have no where left to go. If I do something stupid right now, it's all her fault. But there's nothing left to do, so I reach up a hand and run it gently through her hair, letting my fingers tangle in her elegant dark chocolate curls. I'm trying not to imagine the fact that she probably tastes like a mix of milk and dark chocolate right now, sweet with a hint of bitter.

Over the soft, moving music and the voices of the actors I hear a sound escape her mouth that sounds a lot like a moan as my finger tips massage her scalp. My cheeks flare bright red. No, not a moan, I'm sure it wasn't a moan. I continue to do it anyway though, ignoring the warm fluttering inside my stomach.

"Mmm…" she mumbles, moving round slightly against me to get completely comfortable. And then she decides to choose the worst moment possible to have one of our most awkward conversations. Ever.

"Mitchie?" she asks, looking up at me in the flickering light of the TV screen " Where you okay today? With me… and Nate…". I have to think over how best to answer this. Was I okay? Well, not really. But is this one of those conversations where I'm supposed to lie so everything stays okay between us? Or does she want us to actually, directly talk about what's going on between us at the moment? Maybe it's time to face the truth.

"No, I wasn't okay" I tell her truthfully, trying to keep my eyes on the TV and my expression blank as I know she's watching me. I'm staring straight at the screen but taking nothing in. A heavy sigh escapes her lips, the warm breath of air hitting the side of my neck and blowing a few stray strands of my messy hair about for a moment.

"I'm sorry. What should I do?" she asks softly and I quickly turn to her, a little confused. What does she mean by that? I hope it has nothing to do with not being friends anymore, because I couldn't stand that. Sometimes even cheap substitute sugar is better than nothing sweet at all.

"I mean… do you want me to brake up with Nate? Will that make it easier for you? I just want us to be okay again Mitch" she tells me, her grip around my waist tightening as the words escape her mouth with a slight edge of desperation. I want to say yes, brake up with him, be with me. But the truth is, she's my best friend, and I could never ask her to do that. Her happiness is the most important thing to me. And what would her being single change? She'd still never love me.

"No. Just… there's nothing you can do Mikayla. I… I love you. That's something that neither you nor me nor anyone else can change. But our friendship is still the most important thing to me. It'll get better, I promise you" I say, my words quiet yet strong and unwavering. And I can't believe I actually said it. I told her I loved her, and for a moment I thought I saw a smile flicker across her lips, but I was probably just mistaken.

"Do you really love me?" she asks, eyes falling to the floor "I mean, how do you know? Maybe it's just… nothing at all. Maybe you don't really have those feelings for me. Maybe…" but I interrupt her there, because I know. Oh god I know. I am definitely, un-arguably in love with this girl. It's not like I just woke up four weeks ago and thought, hey, maybe I'm in love with Mikayla. God, I can't even remember how long I've been trying to hide this secret. One year? Two? Maybe ever since we first met at age seven. And I've tried to deny it. I've tried to fight it. I've tried to pretend it isn't true. But it is. I love her.

"No, Micky. I love you. Of that, I'm certain. I love you more than I've ever loved anyone before…" I whisper, so quietly I think she might not have heard me until she gives me the sweetest smile, leans up and presses her lips against in my cheek in a lingering kiss. And as soon as her lips are gone, there is a burning sensation left behind, like a tattoo that will forever mark my skin.