A Strange Land of Which I Knew Nothing A Strange Land of Which I Knew NothingChapter 4-Time's a Wastin'

Thankyou to everyone who's commented on the story so far, it's really good to see you enjoy my work. Sorry again for the long time in updating-exam time is upon me so it's been difficult. I should be able to post more frequently from now on, however. With response to some comments on the previous chapter I do feel Holly was a little OOC, and for this I apologise. I was trying to show Artemis can be loosened up & has changed since we saw him last. Also, this is not a 'gradually Holly & Arty fall in love' fic. I think that within the books, they're 3 quarters of the way there already-they just need to realise how they feel. Many Thanks, Enjoy and don't forget to post a review once you've done!!

There was a smoking ban in place. Apparently. Had anyone not familiar with the doings of the Irish Health Ministry entered the pub, however, they would have remained blissfully unaware of that completely irrelevant fact.

In a secluded side corner of the establishment, a young redheaded woman coughed on the noxious grey swirls that made her throat feel like the sole of a troll's foot. "This…cough…is quite…cough…disgusting" Holly Short choked out. "Commander Root's stuff wasn't pot pourri but it didn't make me retch like this".

"Quite" Artemis Fowl the Second agreed. "Then again, nicotine, tar and carbon monoxide never did make the best tasting cocktail-even if they do have many of the same addictive and toxic effects as alcohol".

"And you people breathe this stuff in willingly?" The elf gasped, an expression of incredulity at such obvious stupidity etched on her face. No response was possible, as the waiter brought their drinks-Iced water for Holly, and a half pint of cider for Artemis, along with the menus. Artemis' eyes immediately began to peruse the Pasta and seafood sections, but Holly seemed to be confused by the selections.

"Having trouble deciding?" Artemis enquired, his silent smile played in his lilting Irish tones.

"Yes. Well, no. Erm…sort of" Holly confessed. "I'm sorry, but I've never heard of half of these dishes before, and I must have something vegetarian".

"How's that?" Artemis enquired, his curiosity piqued at how Holly's understanding of food was lacking with regards to human cuisine.

"Well, in the Lower Elements we don't have that many vegetables as they need sunlight" Holly explained. "We eat a lot more fungi-based food and no meat as it's unethical".

"I see" Artemis nodded, his inquisitive nature temporarily sated. "Well why not try the lemon risotto, or the tomato and basil tortellini? They're both excellent".

"May I take your order, sir?" the returning waiter enquired.

"Yes, you may" Artemis replied, turning to Holly expectantly.

"I'll have the Lemon risotto, please" the elf answered.

"And I'll have the chilli glazed tuna with spicy paella" Artemis completed the order.

"Excellent choices, Madame, Sir" the waiter assured them, "they'll be coming right up".

Artemis was opening his mouth to speak when another voice rang out across the pub.

"Well, look who it isn't! Little Lord Arty come down to visit us mere mortals!"

Artemis cursed under his breath as a blonde haired, musclebound teenager strutted across the room towards his and Holly's table.

"Who is he?" she whispered urgently.

"James O'Kearney" he replied "captain of the local rugby team and as stupid as they come".

"Well well arty boy" said O'Kearney, a twisted grin playing across his features. "Whatch'a doing down here eh?" Decided to come down to earth from that big freaking mansion of yours, have ya?"

"No, actually" Artemis drawled "I'm observing the local gorilla population".

"Gorilla what?" O'Kearney shouted. "Are you out of your fuckin mind-there ain't no gorillas round here!"

"Glad to see we agree" Artemis grinned, the joke apparent only to him. "They're everywhere-big, lumbering, smelly apes with tiny brains and smaller dicks."

Holly could no longer hold in her laughter, and snorted some of her water, which she had been in the process of swallowing, into her glass. "Sorry-not feeling very well" she explained to the perplexed O'Kearney.

"Whatever, freak" the boy shot back. "And if you every get tired of him and want a real man, gorgeous" he said to Holly, "I'm always around".

"I'll think about it" Holly smiled sweetly back. He was, Holly decided, a bit of an arse. 'His looks means he's never had to use his brains around girls' she thought. As she looked up, Holly saw Artemis giving O'Kearney's retreating back a glare that, if looks could kill, would have left him stone dead several times over.

As their food arrived, music started to play from the back of the pub. Holly instantly recognised it as one of her favourite songs-one of the few that could get the Neutrino-toting, locker-room proclaimed 'stiffest girl in Haven' to get even a little teary eyed.

Holly remembered, being carried back nearly 70 years on the opening strains of Bryan Adam's 'We're in Heaven'.

Holly Short had never met her father. According to her mother, he had been a hotshot LEP officer who had been transferred to Atlantis shortly after he and Holly's mother had met. When she had discovered she was pregnant with her one and only child, Diana Grubble had immediately tried to contact him. No response ever came. After years of searching for him, Diana finally found a contact number buried in the records of the tax office where she worked. When she had called, the communicator had been answered by a lady introducing herself as Mrs Harriet Short. From then on, Diana had led a solitary life. Elven single parenthood was almost unheard of.

When Holly was 10, the phone had rung again. A soothing, gentle male voice had asked if her mother was available and if he could talk to her. It was later explained that the Shorts had temporarily separated and that her father wanted to see her mother again. All Day before he arrived, Diana had been unable to control her precociously excitable daughter, boundlessly enthusiastic at finally getting to meet her daddy. As they arrived at Haven Shuttleport, LEP and Haven Emergency Rescue vehicles surrounded the area, the confusion and smoke was unbearable and nobody seemed to know what was going on. It later turned out that a terrible accident had occurred, and a shuttle had been hit by a falling giant stalactite, disabling its control systems. The ensuing crash, the worst in nearly 2000 years, had killed all 261 crew and passengers onboard, as well as 73 ground crew and passengers in and around the main shuttleport building. It was not until 2 weeks after the event the LEP confirmed that Captain Peter Short, LEP Atlantis division, was among the names on the passenger manifest.

The funeral had been a tense affair. Harriet Short and Holly's half brother, Michael, had walked behind the coffin while Holly and her mother had been forced to watch from a distance. No doubt the striking resemblance between Holly and her father further antagonised Harriet. The strong jaw, and auburn hair, the hazel eyes-were all those of her father. As the fine Maplewood coffin had been lowered into the private incinerator, the strains of Bryan Adams had rung across the marble crematorium.

Fate, it seemed, had yet dealt Holly a crueller hand than denying the young elf her father. After Peter Short's death, Holly's mother slipped further and further into depression. The stigma of being a single parent, and the refusal of the Short family to accept her daughter had broken Diana Grubble's spirit. At 5:23am (the soonest available slot in the crematorium timetable), the melodies that had accompanied the passing of her father had, via holly's tinny third-hand disc player, been her mother's only fanfare, aside from the sobs of a heartbroken daughter, into the incinerator. Just one more nondescript matchboard coffin on a conveyor belt of mourning. From that day on, Holly vowed she would prove she was every inch a Short, by besting her father in his own field. Aged 19, she became the youngest ever LEP recruit, and began a meteoric rise through the ranks.

Holly's eyes refocused on the candle in front of her, as she saw two coffins disappearing into flames. Her hearing adjusted just in tie to hear a rather inebriated blonde girl launch into the chorus.

"She has all the vocal attributes of an injured rhinoceros" remarked Artemis, dryly.

"True" agreed Holly "It's a shame she had to pick such a good song to murder". Artemis nodded. "Bryan Adams is quite clearly one of the greatest singer songwriters of the last century"

"I don't know" Holly said "Johnny Cash was very good-I saw him live at Disneyworld in California".

"Was that the 1999 anniversary concert" Artemis enquired?

"1959" Holly grinned back at him. "Well before your time". Artemis decided that he would never get used to Holly, who looked barely 16, being old enough to be his mother several times over.

As he smiled at her, a voice boomed out across the pub once more. "Thankyou very much Donna…a, err…new interpretation of Bryan Adams' classic love song…beautiful. So revellers" he continued as Donna half-climbed, half-fell from the stage, "do we have any more entrants for this months 'king of karaoke' competition?"

"Come on Artemis" Holly laughed enthusiastically "let's have a go".

"No Thankyou" replied Artemis, remaining steadfastly in his seat. "I have no wish to debase myself in public in such a manner".

'And I thought you'd loosened up a bit' though Holly "come on Arty, please" she whined, enjoying the look on his face to hear her using his mother's pet name "you can't be anywhere near as bad as the last one".

"I will still decline, thankyou" the young Irishman replied "but by all means, you go ahead. I'll stay hear and listen".

"Ok-don't go anywhere" Holly shot over her shoulder as she rushed over to the MC. "I'd like to have a go please" she piped.

"Ok then, up here" said the MC, giving her a hand up onto the makeshift stage, "are you with anybody tonight?"

"She's singing with me" said a voice. Holly turned to see James O'Kearney strutting across the stage towards her.

"I see" said the MC "and what will you be singing?"

"Time's a wasting by June Carter & Johnny Cash" O'Kearney replied, flashing Holly a smile and gazing pointedly at her chest. Holly returned an equally simpering smile, walked towards the mic, and began to sing.

'Now I've got arms
and I got arms
let's get together and use those arms
Let's go
Times a wastin'

James came closer to Holly, brushing her side with his right arm.

I've got lips
and you've got lips
let's get together and use those lips.
Let's go
Times a wastin

James began to hold holly from behind, and holly could feel a small lump pressing into her bum.

The cakes no good if you don't mix the batter and bake it
And loves just a bubble if you don't take the trouble to make it
So if your free to go with me, I'll take you wuicker than 1, 2, 3
Let's go
Times a wastin

As the instrumental began, James ran his arms over Holly's front, and tried to feel her left breast. Enough, Holly decided, was enough.

The force of the slap could be felt throughout the pub. Holly jumped down off the stage, walking through the pub towards the entrance, looking for Artemis. The young Irishman, however, was nowhere to be found.

"Looking for your friend, Missy?" the Landlord asked as she looked about helplessly

"Yes" Holly replied, a touch of annoyance creeping into her voice. "Do you know where he might have gone?"

"Try Anthony's Rock, 'bout a mile out of town" the Landlord replied ,continuing to wipe down the bar "the big feller who came to pick him up last time he were in said he goes up there to think, like".

"Thankyou" said Holly, rushing out of the door.

As Holly came to the summit of the rock, 15 minutes later, her head was buzzing with annoyance. Why would Artemis leave her, alone, in an unfamiliar place like that?

She stopped as a dark shape loomed out of the evening gloom. It was Artemis, sitting on the ledge at the edge of the mound, feet swinging freely in the breeze.

"Artemis" said Holly, softly.

"Oh, there you are" Artemis replied, the old sneer from his younger years as her enemy markedly back in his voice. "Finished your fun with O'Kearney already?"

"What?" holly asked, astonished by Artemis' display of hat could only be called jealousy.

"I saw you" Artemis sneered, his mismatching eyes narrowed into slits "you certainly looked like you were enjoying yourself up there".

A crack echoed across the valley below. Artemis raised his hand to his cheek, feeling the raw red goosepimples where Holly had slapped him.

"You think I enjoyed being felt up by a smelly drunk arsehole with a hard-on and beer breath?" Holly shouted, incredulous at Artemis' rudeness.

"No, no-when you put it like that"

"Yes-like that" Holly screamed "you rude, arrogant little idiot!"

"Holly, please" Artemis pleaded, "I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking. It's just-O'Kearney has done that with so many before, and they've all loved it and…well…you can guess what he did when he tired of them".

"Well I'm not one of them" the elf assured him, her anger abated by the abject look in Artemis' eyes "and I did offer you the chance to sing with me before he barged in".

"You did" Artemis admitted. "I'm sorry, I'm just not comfortable doing something like singing in front of people".

"I understand" Holly smiled, embracing Artemis around the shoulders "But Artemis"

"Yes?"

"Could you do one thing for me?"

"Maybe" Artemis answered, unsure of what Holly had in mind/

"Will you sing for me?" He wanted to say no. He really did. But seeing one of his own eyes looking back at him, with such an imploring expression of hope, he felt he had no choice.

"Very well". Artemis got to his feet, cast one look over the valley, the town and Fowl Manor spread out below them. He turned to Holly, looked deep into her one hazel and one electric blue eyes, and began to sing.

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