A/N Hey guys, I'm back! You're the best, just so you know. I would have updated much sooner but my laptop of seven years now only boots in safe mode, which means no internet for me. I had to wait a couple paychecks, but I've got a new computer and we're back in business. Hopefully this was worth the wait. I was actually pleasantly surprised at how this chapter turned out. :)
Gus was shaking in anger as he wore a rut in the living room carpet. Where did Lassie get off? I'm his friend too! What could Lassiter do for Shawn that Gus hadn't already tried? Replaying the hostile phone call was aggravating. He just hoped the police chief would keep his word and not let Shawn run away. Well, run further away, he supposed.
And where did Shawn get off on just flying the coop without any warning? They were nearly forty! When was he going to stop running away from his problems?
As soon as Gus had the thought he felt incredibly ashamed. Shawn hadn't ran away in ten years, and had matured during that time-exponentially in the last two years. And this wasn't just any problem. He'd lost his wife. The love of his life.
Gus stopped his pacing for a moment to glance at the woman sitting on his couch. Olivia had become the love of his life. Two pairs of brown eyes met briefly before he pivoted on his heels and continued in the opposite direction. He was lucky she'd stayed with him this long. If Shawn didn't run potential girlfriends off with his crazy antics, Gus usually found a way to sabotage his relationships himself. Even now he was probably scaring her with all this anxious energy that was rolling off him.
"I thought being your own boss meant you could take as much time off as you wanted."
Gus had been working very hard the past two years getting certified in physical therapy. Something he'd tried simply because it was in the medical field and found he really enjoyed doing. Just last month he got his own practice off the ground. But then he'd taken a whole week off for Juliet's funeral and to help his friend grieve. And his business was suffering for it.
"Wouldn't that be nice!" He snapped. Then he deflated. "I'm sorry. I'm just worried about Shawn."
"I hadn't noticed." Her curls bounced a little as she giggle awkwardly. Then her face became more serious. "Shawn's a big boy, he's gonna be fine. Now would you stop pacing and come sit by me."
She patted the empty space next to her on the couch. Gus sat down heavily and released a sigh. His whole posture was the picture of depression, his forearms resting on his knees, head hanging limply between his hands.
"I know. It's just with . . . without . . . Juliet!" His brain had seized forming whole thoughts as grief took over. Why Juliet? He looked up once more, his eyes seemingly searching Olivia's face for some some kind of comfort. He found it in the concerned curve of her brow and pressed on. "And . . . he's Shawn."
Olivia draped her arm across his back and leaned into Gus's side. She let her chin rest on his shoulder and said lightly into his ear, "I thought you said he was staying with a friend."
"Well, friend might be generous." Gus scoffed.
There was silence for several terrible moments. Finally, Gus broke it with a shuddering exhale, and then a voice barely above a whisper. "Tell me what I should do."
"Look." Olivia stopped and gave him a squeeze before continuing in a softer tone, "Can your practice survive without you?"
Gus rubbed his hand over his head and dropped his shoulders. He looked back up his head shaking in defeat.
"Ok. Can Shawn survive without you?" Olivia prompted.
"He shouldn't have to." And Gus was up and pacing again.
"That's not what I asked. Gus, I understand you want to be there for him, like you always been there for him. But would Shawn want you to give up your dream for him? Would Juliet?"Gus's movements stopped again, but he didn't face his fiancee. "I know it's hard to believe, but Shawn will get through this. All of us will. And you don't have to be in the same city to support your best friend."
Gus could feel the wall he'd put up coming down brick by brick. He wasn't sure how Olivia could do that to him. She could read him almost as well as Shawn could. "Why does it feel like I'm being selfish?"
Gus heard Olivia moving behind him, her soft footfalls on the shag carpet moving her closer to him. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder.
"You can't grieve for him, Gus. Especially when you haven't allowed yourself to grieve properly."
"I'm fine," he said. But his actions betrayed his words as he leaned his head into Olivia's touch.
When he still didn't turn she let go and took a step back, then continued in her normal voice, "You are a good person, Gus. If you weren't I wouldn't have agreed to marry you. But you know how when you're in an airplane and your left ear is half listening to the captain as the flight attendants demonstrate how to use the breathing apparatus? What do they tell you? Always help yourself before helping those around you. Even children. Even Shawn. Because you can't help anyone if you aren't breathing yourself."
Not breathing? What did she mean he hadn't grieved? Did she really believe his job was more important than his best friend? Was Olivia trying to make him choose her over Shawn?
Could he even make a choice like that?
Once again she returned to his side, and Gus imagined he could feel her love for him radiating through him, warming his very soul. "I'll support you no matter what you choose, but here is what I think." Her whisper tickled his ear and sent tingles down his back. "Taking care of yourself does not make you a bad person."
She kissed him on the cheek and then left him with his thoughts.
