I don't know for how long I was frozen like that, but I'm pretty sure I was standing there, just staring at the phone for a bit too long. Unable to move.
I know they say that time heals everything, but when you are a warlock (and therefore an immortal) time is a different matter. I told myself that's why I wasn't over him yet. Why I was still thinking about him, and why he was still stuck so deep inside me. Because, for a warlock, two years was nothing. I sighed. But so was three years. And those three years I had with him was better than even a decade with Camille. Hell, it was better than a decade with anyone.
I decided to text Catarina. I didn't trust my voice enough to make a phone call.
*It's been two years today.*
Her reply came almost immediately.
*Oh, sweetheart… let me know if there is anything I can do for you.*
She didn't have to say anything else. I just needed to know that someone was there. And she was.
God, I hated this. No matter how many centuries you have lived for, this just never got easy. This was is exactly the reason why I had shut myself down from emotions for so many years. That was before Alec. Not even my wildest magic could have seen him coming.
I looked around me. This new loft still didn't feel quite like home. But would anything ever feel home-like again without Alec? It would have been weird staying at the old one, regardless of anything though. That loft would forever have Alec all over it. And it belonged in Brooklyn.
I wondered if I would ever move back again. Right now it didn't seem like an option. There were too many memories and way too many unsaid things. But I knew that it was only a matter of time before Catarina no longer would be able to hold things together. Especially without my help.
I pulled out the omamori charm again and I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.
Yes, it was stupid to hold on to something that your ex-boyfriend had given you when you were desperately trying to get over him, but it was more complicated than that. Not only was the charm a reminder that someone like Alec once had loved someone like me, but he had also considered me worthy of gifts. You'd be surprised how rarely that had happened to me over the years.
But Alec wasn't like anyone I had ever met before. As a warlock I was used to people bringing me demands, wanting something from me. People using me. But for him… For him, it was never a one-way street. With Alec it was like, the more you gave him, the more he gave you back. I smiled as a sudden long lost memory appeared in front of me.
I walked into the loft as a rare smell caught my nose. Was someone cooking here? No one had ever cooked here other than me, and even that was mostly with the help of magic. This certainly wasn't.
I walked to the kitchen, only to see Alec deeply concentrated, looking over some pots and cutting vegetables. He was singing. Not very loud, of course not, but even this was rare. It was so rare that he loosened up and let himself just enjoy anything, that for a moment I just stood there, watching him, smiling. I felt so extremely lucky.
Finally, I spoke, "You know I have magic for this kind of stuff, right?"
He jumped, clearly not expecting me to be there. He sighed. "You surprised me."
I walked towards him. "Actually... I think you're the one surprising me," I put my arms around him, "If I'd known how good a Shadowhunter looked in my kitchen, I would have got me one sooner."
He raised one of his dark eyebrows, "So I'm your very first Shadowhunter, huh?"
"You're my first a lot of things, Alexander...
Including the very first to ever cook me dinner."
He smiled at me. "Well, Warlock. Prepare yourself to be amazed."
I grabbed the whiskey bottle and took a deep sip before another memory would start to appear. Something a lot harder to think about. And I wasn't about to lose control, not now. Then, just I was pulling myself together, someone knocked on my door.
