Disclaimer: Still not mine.
Author's Notes: Okay, first, I will say, in response to the reviews I got begging me not to kill of Jo...I will never ever kill off an important character without putting a character death warning on the fic. Mostly because I will stop reading a story immediately if a character I like gets ganked without a warning on it. And if the time ever does come for me to kill Jo, I wouldn't do it without having already planned some way to bring her back. That being said...this chapter took a lot out of me. A lot being the last six hours in which I should have been sleeping (why yes, I am typing this note at 5:23 AM) and more tears than I'd like to talk about, since I was listening to the song that inspired this story on repeat the whole time ("Give Me A Sign," by Breaking Benjamin, in case you're wondering). Anyway, this chapter, particularly the conversation between Sam and Dean, is the scene that I've been writing in my head for weeks. Basically the whole story thusfar grew out of this chapter. So PLEASE leave me a review and tell me if I did it right.
The Reason
Chapter Four
"NO!" Dean shouted, but it was too late, of course. He jumped up and ran to Jo, scooping her off the ground and running after the others. He hated to jostle her, knowing she was injured and he might make it worse, but since the other choice was being eaten alive, he thought a little jostling was the far better option. Sam and Ellen covered them, shooting everywhere that they even suspected a hellhound might be. He could hear Ellen screaming something, but he couldn't make it out over the rushing of blood in his ears.
Finally, they made it into the hardware store and Castiel pulled the doors shut behind them before Sam chained them shut. Then he grabbed some ice salt and spread it in front of all the doors and windows. Dean put Jo down, leaning her against the front counter. Ellen had already retrieved the first aid kit from underneath the counter, but one look at the wound told them they would need a hell of a lot more help than the meager kit could supply.
Dean looked desperately at Castiel. "Can you heal her?"
Castiel shook his head sadly. "All angels are given specific gifts. Healing isn't one of mine."
"Still friendly with anyone who can do it?" Sam asked. Ellen was pressing an Ace bandage to Jo's stomach, and Jo gasped in pain.
The angel wracked his brain, then finally said, "Anna was a healer."
"Then go get her!" Dean yelled.
"I have to find her. It might take some time."
"Then we'll keep her alive until you get back," Sam said, trying not to look worried. "Go!"
Castiel looked at Jo one more time, then met Dean's eyes. He nodded and disappeared.
"So much for not getting my blood on your hands, huh?" Jo asked Dean, smiling weakly.
Dean looked down. He was covered in her blood. "Oh yeah, that's great, Jo. I'm glad you recognize that now is a really good time to be cracking jokes."
"Humor in the face of overwhelming odds and death," she said, repeating her thoughts from that morning. "Winchester Rule Book, right? Just trying to fit in."
"Yeah, it's on page three," he joked back, but there was no humor in it. "But it's a stupid rule. We're getting it removed. This isn't funny at all."
Ellen moved Jo's hand to cover her own bandage so she could free up her hands. She grabbed a pen and paper from behind the counter and started scribbling out a list. "Boys, I'm gonna need you to get this stuff for me. You should be able to find all of it around here."
Dean took the list from her hand and looked it over. "Green paint and canned foam?" He squinted at the list just to make sure he got one of the items right. "Miracle grow? What is all this stuff for?"
"Healing spell," Ellen answered, but there was something else in her voice that Dean almost recognized. "It's dangerous, so I don't want to use it until we know Castiel is going to be too late. But I want to have it ready, just in case."
Sam grabbed the list from Dean and looked it over himself. "None of these really look like spell ingredients. Anyway, aren't almost all healing spells supposed to have aloe vera and..."
Before he could finish, Ellen fished out a small bag from her pocket and placed it on the counter. "I carry the harder to find stuff. You think I would let Jo hunt if I didn't have a few contingency plans to make sure she didn't get herself killed? As for the stuff on that list not being magical, some of the stuff they use to make it has magical properties. Just make sure to get the brands I wrote down."
Dean was ready to try anything to prevent Jo's death. He dropped to his knees by her side again. "Don't die on me, okay?"
Jo looked torn for a moment, then confessed, "I went to your grave when you were dead. Made Bobby tell me where it was. So I'm not gonna die, Dean. Because I wouldn't want to make you go through anything like that."
Despite her words, Dean couldn't ignore how weak her voice was. This was exactly why he hadn't wanted to hunt with her. He and Sam nearly got themselves killed to save the other at least once a week. Sometimes, they did get themselves killed. That's why most hunters worked alone. Now Jo was staring down the barrel, and it was because she'd stopped him from getting devoured by hellhounds. He leaned in and kissed her softly. "I'll be right back."
He stood up and started off down an aisle, calling back to Sam, "Come on. Grab a basket."
Sam followed behind him, picking up a basket from the front while looking down the list. There were seven items in total. In addition to whatever Ellen was carrying, that was a lot of ingredients. "Dean, whatever this spell is, it's going to be really complicated. I think."
"So?" Dean asked, looking over a wall for the correct brand of insulated wire. He found it and threw it into the basket. "It's not like we've never done complicated spells before. They're out of the right brand of green paint. Let's check the back."
When they got to the back, Sam quietly said, "I'm saying that spells this complicated have a really low success rate. And I got a good look at that wound, Dean. We don't have a whole lot of time." He paused, steeling himself for Dean's reaction. "I think Jo is going to die."
Dean didn't think. He just hauled back and punched Sam in the face. Sam stumbled back a few steps into a wall, then recovered quickly. He had almost expected that. He knew Dean would need to hit something. "She's not going to die," Dean nearly growled. Then he softened a bit and leaned against a work bench. There was defeat in his voice when he said, "Jo can't die, Sammy. She's the reason."
"The reason?" Sam repeated, confused.
"Yeah. My reason."
The younger Winchester was getting more confused by the second. But he took a stab at responding to whatever the hell Dean was talking about. "Well, then I don't think she's really doing her job, Dean, because you've never really been all that reasonable."
Dean shook his head. He dropped down onto a stool and put his head in his hands. "That's not what I'm talking about." He looked back at Sam. "Everybody needs a reason, Sam. In this terrible life, knowing that you've got a better chance of winning the lottery while being struck by lightning than living past forty as a hunter, you need a reason to keep going. You fight for revenge. Not a big deal. It's hard to find a hunter who doesn't. You fight because of what they did to Jess, and Mom and Dad...hell, even our grandparents. Not to mention us. And I used to fight because of that too, but lately, it's been more because..." he trailed off.
"Now you fight for her?" Sam guessed.
"Jo fights pretty well for herself, actually," Dean said. "So not really. It's hard to explain. I fight so..." He took a few deep breaths, trying to find the right way to say what he meant. Finally, he said, "I fight so that maybe, someday, she and I can have half a chance without having to worry about something evil breaking down the door and eating us."
"Dean..." Sam was almost at a loss for words. "Are you saying...that you love her?"
He sighed. "I'm not saying anything."
Sam didn't buy that for a second. He saw the answer in the bleak look on his brother's face. "Dean...you have to tell her."
"Can't do that, Sammy."
"Why the hell not?" He'd always regretted not telling Jessica more often. To imagine never having told her was downright painful. "Now's really not the time to be stoic. I know the whole mysterious brooding hunter thing works for you, but what if..."
"I can't tell her, Sam," Dean cut him off. His voice was very quiet when he explained, "If I tell her now, I'll only ever have said it because she's dying." And with that, he was done talking. "We don't have time to hug and share our feelings. Now let's find that damn green paint."
They gathered the rest of the items on Ellen's list in near silence, then finally returned to the front to hand her the basket. Dean went straight to Jo and sat next to her, taking her hand. She didn't look too good. She was pale on a normal day, but now she looked like she'd had the color completely drained out of her. And he couldn't ignore that he was sitting about an inch away from a pool of her blood. "How you holding up?"
"Not good," she admitted. "Don't wanna worry you, but things are starting to go a little dark around the edges."
"Then it's time to get this spell started," Ellen said. "Sam, help me set up here."
Dean heard that thing in her voice again, and now he knew what it was. Of course, he'd seen and heard it before, from his father, his brother, even himself. Even his mother, back in the past. It was the sound of a person who was fixing to sacrifice themselves for someone they loved. He looked at Sam and he could tell that Sam heard it too. He silently begged Sam to start asking questions so he wouldn't have to. Who was he to try to stop Ellen from saving Jo? He himself had sent himself to hell to save his brother. And he thought it might kill him to argue against any plan that meant Jo would live.
"Ellen," Sam said. "What exactly is the cost of this spell? Magic always has consequences. What can we expect here? You said it was dangerous."
From the look on her face, he could tell that these were questions she'd been hoping he wouldn't ask. "The cost is ten years off the life expectancy of the caster. Me, in this case. If I live."
"If you live?" Jo asked. Her voice was faint, but they could hear the concern in it.
Ellen met her daughter's eyes. "Sam's right. Magic ain't free. I'm going to heal you by transferring your injuries to myself."
