Act IV. Checking Out


The Enchanted Forest: The Lost Year...

Its official, I have finally landed in a Hell fit for a deposed Evil Queen and its green and populated with nothing but jovial people. That being stated, accepting Snow's truce was a given because our feud has finally run its course and its past time to let go of all that old hurt. This has proven easy for me to do because another more recent hurt has settled into its place. I gave up my son to Emma Swan. I gave her my memories and some of the hidden corners of my heart. I don't think I will be able to go on here with such a hole in my heart. Henry filled the void that Rumpelstiltskin spoke about and now that he's gone its back. All I want to do is wrap myself up in anger but I can't find the energy to even do that. I feel so sad and lost, more than any other time I can recall.

I hate traveling with the Charming's and it doesn't help that they of course seem disgustingly content to be back in our home realm. I'm not for reasons that stretch beyond not having Henry in my life anymore. The modern world was a good fit for me and in that realm I had the potential to just be Regina. Sadly, I've only now begun to appreciate the freedoms that I didn't fully capitalize on in the thirty years that I resided there. We still have a few more days to go before we reach what will be our new home; my old castle, which I will then be expected to co-habitate with the Charming's. This march through the woods feels like a prelude; my punishment has just begun, but I'm not that kind of a masochist where I think that this scenario is exactly what I've earned.

A biting chill forces me to pull my cloak tighter over my chest and its then I notice that I've garnered the attention of Snow's best friend. I must've unknowingly allowed my ardent thoughts to float too close to the surface. She pulls off the hood of her cloak; moves away from Snow's side, and weaves her way through some of the dwarves. It would appear that I'm an open book now for anyone to browse whenever they feel up to the challenge.

"I thought you said that you weren't worried about me, Miss Lucas." I say as the intrepid and not so little Red Riding Hood follows in step beside me.

"You heard that huh?"

"I may not have your natural abilities but I have excellent hearing nonetheless."

"Awesome." Miss Lucas says sounding completely out of place. "And by the way I still don't feel sorry for you, Your Majesty."

"Please don't call me that, Regina will suffice." I say while trying not to notice Leroy's rather odd way of placing his feet when he walks or rather marches, since that's what we are doing in my estimation. "But I'm not calling you Red Riding Hood because that is one too many of you Hood's to keep track of."

"Then just call me Red."

I smirk at the simple answer and the pleasing nonchalant way she said it.

"Red it is then, no more Miss Ruby Lucas."

"I like that name too, Regina." Red says and I glance down to see her gathering the ends of her rather fetching red cloak as we get ready to traipse through what looks like an endless mud hole. I already miss paved roads and it's only been a few days. "But yeah, no more Miss Lucas, but if we ever get back to Storybrooke you can call me Ruby."

The silence isn't really quiet between us, random chattering between the dwarves and the motley crew of Merry Men that are acting as a buffer. But even if the world around us were to fall completely silent I don't believe it would be uncomfortable between Red and I.

"Snow told me about you trying to bury your heart like a dog with its favorite chew bone."

That meddling woman clearly will never understand the meaning of discretion. Snow White won't even be able to keep a secret when she's dead and resting in her coffin and buried in the dirt.

"Careful wolf or I'll put you in a doggy bag."

Red laughs and I chuckle along with her because I truly mean no ill will towards her.

"It's good to see that you're doing a bit better." Red says and I look over and smile at her. It's not true but I can fake it when I have to and it would appear that Snow has sped that along for me.

"You know Archie informed me that getting a pet would be beneficial."

Red nudges me in my side lightly, "Well in that case, you will really have to stomach being friends with me. And don't worry, I'm housebroken and everything, and I have teeth but I don't bite."

"Be that as it may, I do hope you were up to date on all your vaccinations before we left Storybrooke."

"I am and for my sake I hope that you remembered to leave all your HBIC attitude with your mayoral pantsuits."

I laugh through the near constant pain in my heart. Red Riding Hood is almost my equal in terms of banter and of course I'm well aware that she just called me a 'hot bitch in charge'. I don't know whether I should be offended or flattered. I suppose I'll settle for a bit of both.

"I can't believe that you know what that means." Red says slyly. "And much as I was just ribbing you back, I also meant it as a compliment. Someone has to be the Alpha around here."

"How primitive."

Red chuckles and the pain in my chest lessens again, "I want you to know that I'm not making a pass at you, Regina."

"Too high maintence?" I say playfully, even though I have no romantic inclinations whatsoever towards the woman beside me.

Red laughs loudly and Sneezy or Snotty as I would label him instead, looks back at us but then he predictably has to sneeze so his attention gets diverted to his obviously soiled handkerchief.

"You really are fun Regina, but in all seriousness I would like you to consider me as your friend." Red says and the sweetness of that statement nearly gives me a cavity on the spot. Still I offer her a smile, but then she abruptly swallows rather nervously. "I know that losing Henry was probably your worst fear to come true, but I won't say all the stupid things like 'you'll see him again.' I don't know that you will but I also don't know that you won't. So until one or the other happens though; you're not alone anymore."

I feel my eyes stinging and the dreary grey morning begins to appear a little blurry. I take a deep breath and tell my tears to dry because no one in my vicinity is allowed to see me fall apart a little. A hand touches my elbow and then I'm lead out of the march towards what passes as a low shoulder on the roads in the Enchanted Forest. Talking with Red has allowed the pain to subside for a few minutes, but I know it will never leave me until I see Henry again.

"That heart of yours is strong and it overrules everything else about you sometimes doesn't it?"

"Don't tell anyone." I say looking into Red's green eyes. "I want them all to continue believing that it's the equivalent of a burnt potato in my chest, and with much the same capacity for emotion."

Red shakes her head and smiles at me, "That's really messed up, but I'll keep your secret. I'm actually pretty good at it, unlike my best friend, but you already know that."

"Snow has irritable word vomit syndrome."

Red laughs while gently pulling on my arm again and we resume our marching with the masses. Thankfully we are not downwind of that donkey pulling the cart. I suspect the wolf finds that scent as unpleasant as I do.

"I would never have guessed you were funny." Red says and I look over at her and she smiles again. "Scary, snarky and a total badass but...yeah."

"Red! I'm about to die give me something from your basket!" Granny shouts back at us and I don't bother fake chastising Red for her assessment of me. The widow Lucas has already raised her voice loud enough to reprimand her granddaughter and disturb the dead. Red lets go of my arm and rushes ahead to provide the sorely needed sustenance to her over-protective grandmother.

I wasn't fortunate enough to have a grandmother, all I had was my father and he was too afraid of my mother to protect me from her. Walking on alone I take a deep cleansing breath and its then that I feel eyes on me. I allow whoever it is to get their damn eyes full before I glance to the side to confirm who has the audacity to stare. And it's the other Hood in our moving party, along with his tiny son that's nestled in his arms. I don't care for the way the man is staring at me. Just as I'm about to ask him if he has a problem, Red comes back to walk with me, but without her basket this time.

"Miss me?"

"Yes, like no other before in my life Red." I say dryly and somewhat louder than needed. "If not for any other reason than to shield me from prying eyes."

Red looks around and spots the other Hood who finally decides to cease his overt glaring at me.

"What's his problem?"

"Clearly me, but I could care less about what happened over thirty years ago now." I say while moving my hands inside my cloak to warm them; even with gloves my fingers feel numb. "I'm not the Queen anymore and I'm certainly not the Evil Queen that he used to steal from."

"Yeah, I heard about him." Red says while reaching behind her to pull her hood back over her head. "His kid is cute but I can't say I'm all that impressed with the thief or his legend of stealing."

"I'm sure he doesn't see it that way." I say with a smirk. "I would wager that he referred to his thievery as liberating my ill-gotten gains to help the people that I didn't care for."

I pick up my walking pace after ending my tirade and surprisingly Red follows suit. One would assume that she would've retreated to Snow's side by now or her Grandmother's, in place of staying with me. I slow down once we've caught up with the dwarves. I'm a little winded but to my shape shifter companion a brisk walk mostly likely didn't even raise her heart rate by a single beat.

"Hey slow down Regina, we're not as young as we used to be." Red says with a chuckle and I look down for a moment and smirk. "Back to what we were talking about, I don't remember you being unfair to people unless it involved Snow. In fact I recall that the only evil that wasn't punished in the lands was..." Her voice goes flat and when I look at her Red Riding Hood seems fearful, but she has nothing to worry about.

"It's alright Red I may be dressed like her but I'm not her anymore." I say with as much indifference as possible. "You can't make me angry about my old self; I have no will left for that really."

"Good to know Regina, but tomorrow we should be at the castle. And even though I would happily pester you and follow you like a puppy that you've secretly wanted, but are you going to be alright?"

The wolf's pure intentions provide some relief and I feel fortunate that another person has chosen me for friendship. I was shocked when Kathryn also acclaimed that she considered me a friend, and that she still does.

"I'll be fine Red." I say while I move closer to Red and lightly grasp her forearm. "Tell Snow that I've been kissed by a rainbow and that I had a unicorn tattooed on my ass via the curse when we landed here. So I'm suitably armed."

The werewolf laughs and Grumpy turns his head to look back at us, "What's so funny, Red?"

"Regina."

"Sister's got jokes, huh?"

"Yeah." Red answers for me and I smirk.

"Good, because you have to have something else to offer other than some seriously kick ass lasagna." Grumpy says and I smirk at him. He simply grins and then turns away.

I'm surprised that all these people are affable towards me. Perhaps the entire collective is tired of the old squabbles too. I used to hold on to the hurt, so that my anger was that much stronger. My worst fear at one time was letting go of my resentments; who would I be without it? People have always taken things from me, sometimes all I have, and the act of letting go was something that I had never really done before. Not that I've ever had much to let go of. In truth I've had so very little in my life to call my own.

"Where did you go just now Regina?" Red says and the darkness of my thoughts lifts like a veil.

"I have so much rage in me that it is all I've ever known my whole life." The words fall out of my mouth and I feel exposed, but for now I don't care.

"I was born cursed." Red says so softly that I stop walking, as does she and the people behind us move around without a single protest.

A sense of understanding passes and the air is so much easier to breathe.

"I'm starting to believe that I was too, Red."

The werewolf in women's clothing smiles at me and her luminous green eyes shine with tears. She truly is a gentle soul but fierce when the situation calls for it. I wish this promise of friendship and embracing change would prove to be enough for me. But speaking of curses because there rarely is a time when we aren't. Maybe when we make it to the castle I can concoct a sleeping curse for myself that is if I can get away from Snow and anyone else who would stand in my way. I know that there is no substitute for Henry's absence and I don't wish to fill it with a poor imitation to dull my pain. I already know that I'm not going to be able to survive for very long, my heart just isn't in it. A lifetime here without my son isn't something that I want to live to see.


Storybrooke: Two Weeks Ago...

The days have long since passed where I watched after Emma, perhaps to a stalker degree. But after everything that I've done in my life what does more time paying penance really matter? In those last days Elsa finally chose another form of clothing than that albeit regal, but far too chipper blue gown for my tastes that she paraded around in for weeks. The two of them grew close and it was through my former old arch enemy Snow that I learned about the night of Emma's magical reckoning. I cannot believe that Emma would be that stupid, that she truly intended to give up her powers because of her moronic parents. I find it a surprisingly bitter pill to taste knowing it was Elsa that talked her down. I wish that I had been the one to do that, for reasons that I'm still making amends with.

After the dinner at Snow's, which could've gone worse, I allowed a few days to pass and then I texted Emma. I chose to ask her if she would like to have lunch sometime; purely as friends is how I sold it to myself, because I know that's a part I can play somewhat. She accepted and then I immediately felt I had finally lost what's left of my mind; judge that however you see fit. The Savior was punctual and things were going well, much like our interactions after Emma returned to Storybrooke during the second curse. But that quickly changed since she is profoundly skilled at making me angry, public settings notwithstanding. A back ended insult from The Savior over lunch is a recipe for indigestion, especially one that consisted of my shady past with Rumpelstiltskin, and that wasn't what I came here for today.

"You've called me awful things Emma for more times than I care to count now; much like everyone else, but to be fair I gave you many reasons to." I say sharply while I move my half eaten salad away from me. "Also, I thought after the way we've worked together you had finally witnessed with your own eyes that I was more than what I had allowed you to see beforehand."

I almost don't censor myself and blurt out: 'And then I let myself start to believe that you would apologize to me.'

"Regina, I didn't mean that the way it sounded." Emma says before tossing her napkin down on the table. "So many things went wrong in Neverland. Hell, I'm still sick of the place and it's been over two years now or three, whatever. Plus you were still pretty prickly towards my parents."

I exhale loudly, "I had no interest in fully letting my guard down in front of," Once again I nearly say: the two idiots but I manage not to. "Snow and her beloved Shepherd, so I had to maintain most of my bite."

"You still use plenty of bite nowadays if you ask me." Emma says under her breath but I heard her all the same. "Since my ass still smarts where you chewed it out over your ex-boyfriend's wife."

I should have never entrusted Robin with my heart and I mean that both literally and metaphorically. Nothing good came from it in either instance. Then just as I'm about to calmly, civilly address Emma she starts up again.

Emma sighs loudly and slouches down in the booth.

"What's all this about Regina? Asking me to lunch? Did Henry put you up to this to keep me from going back to Killian or something stupid like that? I know that he doesn't like him anymore." Emma says in that infuriating bored tone that she takes with me sometimes. "Because if it is then I'll tell you exactly what I told Henry and it's the truth. I'm done with Hook and I'm sticking to my guns this time about him."

Emma makes everything about her and its tiring, but she probably thinks the same of me. Still whatever she thinks, I know that I'm well past my 'use by date' in regards to the pirate; he's like expired milk that needs to be discarded since it's already been forgotten.

"Oh please Swan," I start while I place both of my hands on the tabletop. "You couldn't stick to your guns if they were super glued to both of your hands."

"You know I almost started to miss you, but thank God you started to speak." Emma bites back with volume and I feel a sense of pride, due to the fact that she just insulted me and very well I might add. "But I'm confused, why do you keep bringing up Hook? I dumped him and eventually I'm moving on. I don't need to process my breakup." I feel myself getting angry with her because she helped me process mine with liquor. "Then there's you and your extreme mood shifts. I mean take last week for instance; you poofed your ass out of my mother's loft like it was on fire, after we had a little spat!"

Granny's diner goes silent. And since I most certainly don't want to make a further spectacle of myself, I quickly stand up and leave, knowing that Emma will follow; she always does. The sound of my heels is pronounced on the polished linoleum and so is The Savior's low heeled boots.

"Damn it Regina!" Emma says as loudly as the front door of the diner slamming behind her. "This is the last time I'm going to chase after you!"

I abruptly turn around and Emma stops right in my personal space. Today her attire consisted of a dark red button up under a stylish black pea coat and of course those skintight jeans that she cannot seem to live without.

"Finally! Something logical that I can recognize instead of your bumbling idiocy, that I've been subjected to ever since you rolled into this town four years ago!"

"Do you ever stop? You're driving me crazy with all this!" Emma shouts while indicating my entire body wildly with both hands.

"So with that gesture you're saying that something is wrong with me?"

"No, there's nothing wrong with you!" Emma says with a sigh that implies that I'm being ridiculous. "But well with the way you've been acting lately and with everything's that happened. You know trying to get the upper hand on all your old friends, the gaggle of Darkside Bit..." I glare at Emma in a way that dares her to call me that kennel based word by association. "Right, them and anyways I need you to know that I'm not looking for...a rebound with you."

This is preposterous and I want to immolate Emma where she stands. I don't wish to even so much as hold hands with her right now. How dare she jump to such a conclusion about me? My magic awakens without me even calling it forth, which is becoming a common occurrence in her presence. I really didn't want to have another fight with her in front of Granny's but here we are, again.

"Rebound? Not even if you wished upon a star, Miss Swan." I say and Emma frowns. "So you found out that the pirate is a fraud and just another self-serving asshole, now what? Perhaps you should've set your rebound itch on the visiting little blue Scandinavian Ice Queen that was all but attached to your hip when she invaded."

Emma rolls her eyes at me, "Are you seriously jealous of her now?"

"Don't go back to being stupid on my account." I say with a measure of venom. I'm certain that even if it were a request Emma would do as such on autopilot. And I'm not an envious greenie witch that title belonged to my late half-sister. "But since we're on the subject of Miss Deep Freeze, I find it unfair that you embraced a complete stranger who almost let you freeze to death, because she's more clueless than you are about magic."

Emma frowns more and shoves her hands in her front pockets, "That's true, but." She says simply and I want to strangle her for the other words that she's clearly incapable of.

"What! Say something, say anything!"

"Why is this so damn important?" Emma finally shouts back at me and I watch her green-blue eyes become glassy with excess moisture. "I mean you've made it transparent as glass that you think I'm pretty stupid most of the time. And I would be lying if I believed that I haven't done a lot of stupid things without really thinking everything through. I guess one of my biggest mistakes in your eyes was leading Neal on once he came to Storybrooke. But I got so caught up in...I just completely forgot that this was the man who got me knocked," I look at Emma sternly in an effort to convey that she not phrase her past quite like that; though it's true, but my son is precious to me. "I was going to say the most likely two hundred plus year-old man child who got me pregnant at seventeen which is sick now that I think about again, and let's not forget that he got me thrown in jail to boot."

I may have to check and see if the apocalypse is arriving, because Emma Swan has finally decided to be honest with herself for once. I mean if I must listen to her the least she can do is shame the devil and tell the truth. It would appear that her 'superpower' doesn't recognize her own bullshit but I do.

"All valid points and just think, now thanks to your mother you'll be forced to think about the thief every time you hear your little brother's name."

"You just had to say that didn't you?" Emma says roughly and her eyes begin to shine due to the tears that I can tell she's valiantly trying to hold in. "I don't understand why you suddenly care again, even though I would say that you go about it in a pretty harsh way."

"Who the hell said that, Miss Swan?"

Impulse and near rote behavior at this point made me say those words harshly and at the sight of Emma's now very watery eyes I already want to take them back. What's happening to me?

Emma scoffs and wipes under her eyes roughly, "My mistake, it won't happen again. And since you don't give a shit why don't you just go back to hiding in your vault and fuck Robin some more until his wife wakes up? Oh wait, he doesn't want you either being that he took his wife and kid and left town months ago!"

I don't think that could've kept myself from doing it, but when I felt the sting bloom in the palm of my hand it hadn't really registered to me what I had done. And as I look into those wounded green-blue eyes I feel more than sorry for my actions. Hurting Emma feels so very wrong to me; it feels like I'm hurting myself.

"We're even now." Emma says coldly while she rubs her reddening cheek. I can't help but recall the first time that she struck me. What a hand Fate has dealt me to play this time around and in this realm.


Storybrooke: Present Day...

I haven't felt the need to seek refuge in my vault for quite a while. I had hoped after a lengthy absence when I walked past a certain section I wouldn't be reminded of the groans and other sounds of heated flesh pressed together in a display of shameful rutting. I may have to fix a forgetting spell after all if I'm to be free of that memory. I can't very well demolish that portion of my vault. But as illogical as it may sound, I came here today to forget, even though this place is constructed of memories. If I had cast the second curse that brought us back here instead of Snow, I would make a new vault for myself; a clean slate, or at least the best that a tainted person such as myself can conjure.

I will all the small candles scattered about the space to ignite with my magic and I stop in the room where my mother's things were. I finally moved all of her belongings to better storage; a place where I don't have to see them so much. The chest that held all of her collected hearts is all that I left here and all of the drawers contents went silent when my mother passed away. I emptied my collection of hearts years ago, by returning them to who they belonged to. No one knows that I chose to do that and I prefer my actions to remain my secret. I wonder sometimes about Emma's heart; how fierce the heart made by True Love must beat. With a sigh I lean forward and place my hands against the empty chest of hearts.

Recent distractions have made it easier to not think about what happened between Emma and I. Honestly I didn't mean to make a spectacle of us in front of Granny's yet again, but it seems that just wouldn't ring true considering our history. I haven't seen Emma much since our heated argument a few weeks ago and I know that's for the best. The pirate is still circling her, despite her deciding that she has no use for him. On a personal note, my magic has been spotty at times, perhaps it's punishing me for my reluctance. It has been several months since I was at Gold's and he saw fit to saddle me with a Swan, again. I finally understand the subtlety in Rumpelstiltskin's joke all those years ago about roast swan.

Since that day I've gone over all of our interactions in my head and I did drop all pretenses with her on occasion. The occurrence in my office when we were trying to recreate a memory potion for Henry is an example where I showed her who I was once and if I'm being honest instances like that happened quite a few times. That day in mines when we stopped trigger would qualify too, not to mention a year earlier when Henry was trapped in the mines and Emma rescued him and then I felt involuntarily drawn to her. I couldn't keep myself from stepping so close to her; I can't remember what I was thinking or what I was feeling too much that day. Then more recently the time we had tea together after Emma's first magic lesson before the handless wonder interrupted and very recently; oh God that day on the line I touched her.

A gasp forces its way past my lips and my vision becomes like running watercolors on a canvas. Tears flood my eyes and spill down my cheeks, I feel like I'm not in my body and it's like I can't be expected to be able to breathe anymore. Pain blooms in my chest and then it tracks down my left arm. It feels like a heart attack, but then as quickly as the pain began it goes away and I feel warm. I close my eyes as all that warmth starts at my fingertips and moves up my arms. I know what a magical awakening feels like; I felt it more than a few times in my life, but this is different and yet not. It feels like a full body magical healing and it hurts. I sink to the cold stone floor in front of the empty heart chest of drawers, but I have no more tears left to shed. Now is not the time for tears, is what my heart says.

Truth is freedom and it's rightfully found me. Henry filled the hole the first Dark Curse left in my heart, but now I feel like the part of my soul that was vacant isn't so empty anymore. I never realized that it was missing and I don't know whether it was something that I gave up or if it was another thing that was taken from me. I close my eyes and I can see it all. It has to be me because I've always need saving. Not horribly ridiculous damsels in distress rescues, but being saved in a way that a believer seeks redemption; like finding spirituality. I close my eyes as my heart begins to ache. But heavy boot steps that I would know anywhere put an end to it. The sounds on the stone steps descend down to my level, and now I suddenly have the urge to transport into my house so that I may turn on the stove's oven and then put my head in it.

"I would've knocked but you pretty much left the door open." Emma says loudly and with amusement.

If she's willing to show up here then it would stand to reason that she seems to have let it all go and I do envy that ability. But then again life in Storybrooke became very active again and perhaps she used all that excitement to forget too. I get up off the floor, wipe under my eyes, dust my pants and long overcoat off and have my scowling stare in place before Emma hits the last step and upon seeing me she smiles nervously. It's momentarily confusing to me when I realize that I enjoy seeing her smile in any capacity, but I've crossed over now and I know that my Swan-free days are over, not that I've had many of those in the last four years.

"You know your Dad's coffin is technically the door and you...never mind."

I openly roll my eyes at her because I would hate for her to miss that.

"So let's update." Emma says while slapping her gloved hands together. "I'm still working on your 'Happily Ever After' and I guess you've stopped caring about the unfair plotting book dude. Since the all the villainesses of the storybook world blew through town and we've had bigger fish to fry and then my mother..."

I have to tune out Emma for so many reasons, all of which are now painfully obvious. I watch her mouth move but her words are lost on me. My magic is even more awake within me now that she's in the room; it feels like it wants to crawl out of my skin, so it can join with hers. I wonder if she can feel it too? She's still talking, about God knows what, and then she slowly starts to move closer to me. I inhale sharply and turn around to face my mother's empty heart chest, as of now I wish that my heart was in one of the drawers and not beginning to beat faster within my chest.

The feeling of Emma's hand on my shoulder brings her words back into clarity for me, "Regina did you even hear me? Cause if you're not going to listen then I'm going to go."

My shoulders sag and Emma finally moves her hand off. It's time to show a different kind of courage, because I can't stand this any longer. Maybe she will put me out of my misery or worse deepen it? I turn away from the heart chest to face Emma, only to discover that she's far too close. I feel my magic's pull even more, and it desperately wants to join with the other magical vessel in front of it.

"Emma, I never wanted an insipid 'Happily Ever After' because frankly the thought alone makes me want to look for a good place to lose the contents of my stomach for the last several years." The Savior chuckles and I'm fine with that. "What I do want is for someone who understands me and you do. Although, accepting my shortcomings you aren't so skilled at but so we're clear, I'm not propositioning you for a rebound or a fling."

"Since when do you date women, Regina?" Emma interjects when I pause, because I still can't believe that I'm going through with this.

"That's what you deduced from my statement?"

Emma shrugs then smirks at me which is irritating, but then again she excels at that. What's worse is I'm sure I like that and I think at some point I must have missed the part where I signed myself over to become an experiment in artificial stupidity.

"I don't," I begin but stall because the urge to say: 'Miss Swan' when she gets on my nerves is overwhelmingly familiar. "Emma, I'm not talking about dating women in general. I was inferring that unless you are put off by the idea of me being interested in one woman in particular." I pause for a moment to look into widening green eyes. "I would simply like to try to date you."

There I've said it; asked her for a modern chance of affection, since the last ounce of resistance has been purged out of me. I have once more thrown myself under the proverbial speeding bus in the name of Fate. What a pathetic sight I must be because I feel exactly like someone I wouldn't hesitate to ridicule. At least this is my accepted choice, I let go. The Savior still owes me but I want her to realize that on her own and it shouldn't be difficult to figure out what exactly, if she can feel what I feel or if she has been paying attention.

"Henry told me about your talk months ago." Emma says evenly, just barely meeting my gaze. Instead she seems keenly interested in the floor of my vault. "The kid means well."

I can't say that I'm shocked, but I'm sure my face tells a different story. For all I know she is here under the guise of another one of Henry's operations. Aside from that, one of us needs to be an adult though and I know that is me by a landslide.

"I see and you're not interested in me?" I say while despising the very inflection of my voice, which sounds bereft over my impending dismissal. It also seems that at some point in my life I became infected with latent 'Charming' tendencies at times, since I can't seem to stop reluctantly falling face first for these idiotic notions of true love. Rumple didn't lie to me for once and my magic confirmed it all just before said True Love arrived to annoy me. In this sudden and suffocating silence between us I force myself to make eye contact with Emma; she looks up and the combination of the look in her eyes and lack of action are far too loathsome to bear one second more.

"Do me a favor and forget that I said anything, Miss Swan." I say as tersely as possible even while it feels like my battered heart is finally going to break apart, stop beating and die right in my chest. "I apologize for stepping over the line and if I made you uncomfortable."

I just might cry. But only due to the fact my life is what it is and there never was enough blame to go around. Perhaps I should lay it all at my mother's feet, because she's the one who gave birth to the likes of me. I could never blame my father for anything; he loved me unconditionally. I have to get out of here and when I've moved my family's remains I may destroy this place. I don't want to be reminded of this time in my life ever again.

"Regina, wait a minute I'm sorry!" Emma says as I push past her.

"I don't need to be let down gently Savior, so save it!"

"Damn it Regina! I need to think!"

"Don't hurt yourself while you're at it."

"You see its shit like that would give anyone pause, Regina."

I stop at the foot of the stone steps and turn around to glare at Emma, "Well in that case if you're looking to be gently coddled, then I stand by my previous request of forgetting I said anything."

"I don't want to be coddled, have you even met me!"

What the hell am I doing? This is my space not hers!

"Show yourself out of my vault, please?" I say and my damn voice wavers. I will not cry in front of her, not one damn tear because she hasn't earned that.

"Alright I'll go for now, but I'm serious that I still need to think about what you said." Emma intones rather gently. "I haven't said no, you know and pardon my ass if I need to reanalyze things between us; fighting and bickering is all we've ever really done! Seriously, we're like the damn Hatfield's and McCoy's of Storybrooke!"

"Whatever." I say lowly while I continue to glare at her.

Emma lingers under the archway; her strong, lean frame is quite the silhouette. The absence of red leather and flannel only adds to the pleasing sight. But it's the light streaming down from the skylights overhead make her blonde hair seem luminescent. I know that Emma is an attractive woman, but for me it's as if I've only now seen her. I silently watch as she slowly moves closer to where I'm somewhat rooted in place.

"Regina I don't want to see you hurting, so I'll stroke your ego a little." Emma says as she stops to stand in front of me. "I think you're astonishingly hot and sexy as all of Hell's best vixens, but that's not enough anymore for me." She adds quickly and without a hint of shame or malice. "And I don't want another fling. I finally shook off a needy, deluded pirate who could use a good chest waxing."

I smirk because there was no way that I could keep from it. Seeing the man who does enjoy eyeliner waxed might very well be a torture session that I would gleefully enjoy. If I were inclined to care about improving the pirate's grooming, which were I asked an emphatic 'no' would resound for miles.

"Give me a little time, Madame Mayor." Emma says with a faint but growing smile. "I get that patience isn't your strong suit. Frankly, it's not mine either but I give me a few days at least. I'm not interested in leading you on or anything, I promise."

I can see that she means every word, though I still feel disappointed even though I understand completely. If our roles were reversed I would ask for time also. If I were being delusional; like Snow for example, I would imagine Emma being overjoyed that I had feelings for her, but still I would never expect such a rapid shift between us. I fear rejection just the same as any person in any realm, maybe even more so, because it's something I'm overly familiar with. In the meantime, I will wait and then I'll survive if the answer is no.

"Thank you." I say as I step away from Emma and move towards the archway in my vault.

How have I managed to let my potions chest become so untidy and why is it sitting there in the first place?

"Congrats on winning the election by the way." Emma says nervously which makes me stop and I look back at her. "I voted for you and it would appear that I wasn't the only one who thought you should be in charge again."

"It was another sham." I say while opening a drawer on my potions chest and place the clawed glove that successfully grabbed Emma's attention during one of our magic lessons before closing it up soundly. "I was unopposed as you should be well aware of."

"A win is a win Regina."

I look at Emma again and smile because I'll be damned if I can keep from it, "If you say so. Good day, Sheriff Swan."

"Since I'm being dismissed I guess I'll see you later then?"

Her words aren't so much a statement but a hopeful question, and I'll be damned all over again that the sound of it keeps me smiling at her.

"I'm certain our paths will collide again, Emma."

The Savior smirks at me and then proceeds to stomp up the steps. But the smile falls off my face when I can no longer hear Emma's footsteps overhead. What would happen if she found out about her encore performance role; her being my True Love? I don't know what to think anymore and the knowing only makes it worse and I can't be trusted to just blindly go on what I've been feeling. A small part of me is resentful of my surrender to this crinkle of fate, because of how easy I'm making it to let Fate have another laugh at my expense. But a light is shining in me now; telling me that I should be brave and wait for Emma's answer, even as utterly ridiculous as it all sounds to me.


Soundtrack:"Go Walking Down There" by Chris Issak, "Only Love Can Hurt Like This" & "Taste My Own Tears" by Paloma Faith, "Somebody To Love" by Queen

A/N: Now you know why Regina and Ruby were so friendly in the diner back in Act 2. And clearly I adore Ruby too or I wouldn't have tried my damnedest to work her into this story.