Slight AU in which things go differently when the Colossal and Armored titans' identities are revealed. I would just like to apologize in advance and tell you that I hate this prompt because this is the only way I could think of going. Probably because I'm demented and depressing, but hey what can you do? Yeah I'm still really sorry. Plus I mean it's a sort of vague connection to dishonesty to begin with, but whatever. Also major trigger warning on this chapter: character death and suicide.


It seemed that nothing else could go wrong at this point. Annie was in some weird cocoon and she wasn't coming out, and now Reiner and Bertholdt had run away with Eren and Ymir. He didn't know what was happening there exactly since he had thought Ymir was a prisoner of some sort. Now it looked like she might have joined them. After all, why else would she kidnap Christa?

But of course, something else could always go wrong. The armored titan, no, they knew who he was now. He would never call him that again. Reiner had begun throwing titans at them. It wasn't a big deal to him at first. Sure, people were dying, but they had known that people would die going into this, and besides it was no one that he knew personally, so why should he waste precious time and energy caring about them? There were more important things at hand. Everything was hectic, with all three branches of the military, and it was hard to know exactly what he was supposed to do. He was mostly sure that they had gotten Eren, but he couldn't see him, and the back of Reiner's neck was facing away from him. But then the unthinkable happened. One of the thrown titans was heading straight for him and Jean, and despite his warning shout, Jean was unable to avoid it.

His body was slammed into the ground and rolled several feet, limp as a rag doll. When he came to a stop, the blood was already flowing down the side of his face, and suddenly nothing else existed to Armin. He had heard people say things like that before. That everything else seemed to vanish, but the had never thought that they meant actual tunnel vision that prevented them from seeing anything else. Then again, that was supposed to happen when you were happy, and this was far from happy. Maybe that wasn't what he was experiencing at all. It didn't matter what was happening to him, the important thing was Jean.

When he reached his side the other boy appeared to be eyes were closed and his face was relaxed. If it weren't for the trickle of blood it might have looked like he was sleeping. As it was, however, Armin was worried he might never wake up. He tried to lift him, to carry him back to his horse, anything, but the extra weight caused him to trip and fall over backwards with Jean half on his lap. His head was sort of dangling over the side of his leg now, and Armin had to hold it up in a effort to prevent further injury. The most bizarre things kept popping into mind, like how Jeans head felt a lot heavier than ten pounds and that was supposed to be what heads weighed, and how really it should feel lighter than ten pounds since he was loosing blood. That blood was now soaking his pants and staining the white fabric red.

"Jean, please. You're okay. You'll be okay Jean." He heard himself speak, although he hadn't ever really decided to, and it was odd because he was either whispering or shouting and he had no idea which.

It didn't really matter either way because Jean didn't listen to him. His lips were moving weakly and somehow Armin was able to make out what he was saying. "Armin, he's here. It's Marco, do you see him?" His eyes were halfway lidded and dull against his horribly pale skin. "It's so bright out. Was it like that before?"

"Jean no, listen to me, you're fine, just a little confused. You hit your head, you'll be fine." Even making eye contact with him, they weren't really looking at each other. Jean was somewhere else, where Armin couldn't follow.

"Good, I can't die now. Marco's back, I can't die." He smiled then, and gave a feeble cough that brought up blood. "I missed you Marco."

He must be hallucinating, that was all. People who got head injuries hallucinated all the time. It was normal, he would be okay. "Please, Marco isn't here, you're just confused is all. Everything is fine."

"No it's not, you're crying." Jean's eyes found him for a moment before they were unfocused again. His breaths were getting weaker by the second and Armin didn't know what to say because he hadn't actually realized that he was crying. He had been too focused on the way Jean's head kept getting lighter and that was definitely a bad thing because it was way better off when it had seemed too heavy. Jean wasn't going to make it.

Why was no one here? Why wasn't anyone helping them? He had to do this, he had to be strong for Jean. Jean the self preserving bastard who thought that he would be okay. He couldn't know what was really happening. "Everything is okay, I promise. I'm crying because I'm happy Marco's back."

"But you said-"

"I know what I said, I was just joking with you." The excuse never would have worked on a healthy Jean, but now it made the other boy smile and nod. "You're going to fall asleep soon, but that's okay. When you wake up your head will be all better, okay?"

"Can you sing me a song?"

It was such an absurd request that it took a minute to register. Why would he want a song? But then, he wasn't entirely himself right now and nothing should be that surprising right now. It was just sad. "Yeah Jean, I can sing to you." He assured him, searching frantically through his mind for a song. He knew plenty of them, that wasn't the problem, he just didn't know the words. He didn't have much time, his lips were starting to turn grey like lips always did when people died. He finally landed on some song his mother used to sing before she died, and he hummed it close to the other boy's ear so that he could hear. Right here he could feel each weak breath blowing on his neck, including the last shallow shaky one that cut into him like a knife.

It was all a blur after that. He dimly recalled trying to fight a titan away from Jean's body with a single blade, and Eren somehow controlling the titans. He remembered putting Jean on his horse and riding back to the wall with him. Closing his eyes and laying some stupid flowers on his chest. He was burned with the others, his ashes indistinguishable from theirs. Gone, nothing. Just a memory. Just a smell like burnt meat lingering.


That was when he really broke. The last thing he had ever done with Jean was lie to him, and now he knew that he had lied to himself as well. He had always told himself that if Jean died he could carry on, but those were empty words. He had seen too many friends go, and Jean had been different. He had really loved him, the way boys were supposed to love girls. Maybe that's why he had never told him, but it was too late, now he didn't even have the choice. He wished that he did. He wished that it would stop hurting. He wished that he was stronger, so that he wouldn't have to do what he was about to do.

It had taken him a long time to decide how he would do it. The resources were limited, and he didn't want to be stopped. It had to be fairly quick. His choice was made for him. He managed to get away from everyone, thankfully. He didn't want to make any excuses, he just wanted to be left alone right now.

It had taken a lot of work to get here. First he had to do a lot of research about knots, which was sort of difficult to conceal from the others. A noose seemed to be the proper type of knot, but Armin couldn't figure out how to make one, so he substituted with a slip knot like people used when they crocheted. Of course, his made with rope rather that yarn, but it was still simple and effective. He had tested how well it tightened by tying it to his bunk and putting one foot through the loop. He had nearly woken Eren, and it had hurt his foot pretty bad, but it was better than finding out later that it wouldn't work.

He had managed to sneak out a stool earlier in the week, and now he stood on it to tie the other end of the rope to a strong looking branch on one of the trees outside the camp. He double checked that the rope wasn't too long before slipping it around his neck. Actually he had to stand on his tiptoes to keep himself on the stool. That was good, he couldn't stand on his tiptoes forever.

Armin stood there for a moment, breathing deeply. He had that terrible nervous feeling in his stomach and it wouldn't go away. What if this didn't work? What if it really hurt? Above all he felt sorry. Sorry for being weak, sorry for lying and hiding his feelings from Jean, sorry that he was doing this to himself and hurting Eren and Mikasa. But no matter how sorry he was, it wasn't going to change his mind. He had to do this. With shaky movements, he hooked a toe on the edge of the stool and stopped using his other foot to support himself.

As he had expected, his initial startled kick was enough to knock the stool over, and suddenly he was dangling there. He had been right in more than one way. Not only did the slip knot do the trick perfectly, it was also extremely painful. It felt like his head was going to explode from all the blood in it, and he could feel his windpipe crushing underneath his weight, there were black spots dancing across his vision as well, and for a split second he wished he had done this some other way. Mercifully it didn't take too long for his brain to run out of oxygen and stop feeling the pain.

And there was Jean, smiling his typical cocky smile, and Armin was walking over to him somehow. He looked back and saw himself, as if from a different world. His eyes were bulging and bloodshot and his face was purple. He looked awful. He hoped that whenever someone found him some of that ugly purple would go away, but it was hardly important to him anymore. He was with Jean.

When he turned back the other boy was looking at his body, a sad sort of smile on his face. "Armin, I have to say. I'm glad to have your company again, but I never wanted it to happen this way."

"I know, but I couldn't do it without you. I was in love with you." He explained. He felt the need to justify his actions somehow.

"Yeah, I know. I was too, sorry I never told you." It was only a small surprise for him. He already sort of knew it. He already sort of knew how everyone felt about him now. It was strange. "It all seems so stupid now, worrying about you not feeling the same way. What's the worse thing that could have come from it?"

"Well we're together now. And we'll never lie to one another again."

Jean took his hand, leading him away from that tree and the stool. "Never."