It had taken Jackson an hour to get himself and Harriet ready to go to the hospital, which he was thankful for. Hopefully April would still be asleep when they got there, as it was only about 5 am. He knew she needed her rest so he was hoping to be able to catch up with the nurses and Amelia, who was staying the night at the hospital to over see April's care personally.

As anxious as he was to talk to her he wasn't exactly sure what he would say when he was finally alone with her. The previous 36 hours had been overwhelming, not only because of the trauma that she had been through and that he had watched her go through, but because of the emotions that he had felt. He had been in shock when he had heard that intern say that they needed blood to save April's life. Then he had seen her on the table in the O.R and he had felt overwhelming grief. Three hours she had been down from what Meredith had said.

Then Maggie had gotten a rhythm back and he was overwhelmed with joy. But then he had to wait for April to open her eyes and he had to wait to see how her brain function would be affected by the lack of oxygen she had suffered. That was the excruciating part. The waiting and the not knowing, that is what had lead him to pray for God to save her. Finally, she had woken up and been fine. Everything had been fine. She was talking and responsive to stimuli on a normal level. That's when the relief had set in. Relief that he still had his friend, his partner in raising Harriet. But how?

That's still what he wanted to know, but first he needed to make sure that she was still doing as well as she was when he had left the hospital the night before. That's why the first place he found himself going was to the nurses station in the ICU to page Amelia. He knew that he wouldn't have to wait long for her, but he was surprised to see her already standing there when he arrived.

"Jackson, what are you doing here so early? I assumed we still had a few hours before you would get here." She asked while taking Harriet from him.

"Well little miss woke up and wanted her mommy, so I decided to go ahead and come. I wasn't sleeping much anyways. I was too worried to really sleep. How's she doing? Any changes overnight?" He asked with a much calmer tone than he was feeling at the moment.

"She's doing just fine. No changes from the original exam. I actually just came from her room, so she's awake if you want to go in."

"She's awake? Already? I expected her to sleep for awhile after everything her body has been through."

"I know. I was expecting the same thing, but yeah she's awake. She paged me about 45 minutes ago to come and do my exam. Said she wanted to have some time where she would be uninterrupted when you got here."

"Really? She wants to talk to me?" "Why does that surprise you Jackson? Of course she does. Go in and see her. Let her spend sometime with you and this precious little one. I will tell the nurses to keep everyone else out until one of you tells them otherwise."

"Thank you Amelia. That means a lot to me." He said taking Harriet back in his arms. He turned to look at the room that April was in, trying to find the courage to go in and see her. Now that he knew she was awake he felt nervous. She had wanted to talk to him? About what? He knew why he wanted to talk to her, but what could she possible want to talk to him about?

"Go!" He heard Amelia say as she pushed his shoulder forward.

"There's my girl! Please bring her to me Jackson." April said as he walked into the room reaching for their daughter. He of course did exactly as she asked and placed Harriet on the bed next to her.

"Oh my goodness how much did I miss you baby girl. Mama is sorry for missing her time with you yesterday." April said with tears in her eyes as she held their daughter close to her chest.

"uv you mama!" Harriet said in her baby talk while snuggling closer to Aprils chest.

"She woke up missing you so I figured I would go ahead and bring her to you. I knew there was no way I would be able to get her to go back to sleep since she hadn't seen you yesterday." Jackson said as he pulled a chair closer to her bed to sit down in.

"I'm so happy you did. I was going to give you about another hour and then call and wake you up myself." she said with a chuckle.

"I know you missed her just as much as she missed you. I would never stand in the way of you seeing her, I'm sorry I didn't bring her by before I left last night."

"No, don't apologize. I wouldn't have wanted her to see me yesterday. I was still to weak. I mean I'm not back to my normal and I'm sure I could use a shower but I'm better this morning. Thank you for waiting. You knew exactly what I would want without me even needing to say it. You always have in a way." She said reaching for his hand.

"I wouldn't exactly say that. But I knew that you needed your rest yesterday. I'm surprised that you are even awake now. Why are you awake April?" "I just couldn't really sleep. My mind has been racing all night and I haven't been able to fall asleep."

"Yeah. You're not the only one. I've been up all night thinking about everything that happened."

"So talk to me Jackson. Tell me what's on your mind." She said sitting up a little in the bed being careful not to pull on any of the wires she was attached to and making sure that Harriet was still comfortable.

"Did you know that I prayed for you before yesterday? The day that you gave birth to Samuel and you wanted to go back to work because you didn't think you could handle giving birth to him and saying goodbye to him all in the same day. I prayed. Nothing specific, I just asked for Him to show up for you. But he didn't. I've been up all night thinking about what the difference was between yesterday and that day. Why he answered my prayer now but not then. I haven't been able to make sense of it in my head."

"Oh Jackson. I didn't know that. But you are so wrong! He did show up for me then. He did answer your prayer, he just didn't answer it in the way that you thought he would. Do you remember me telling you about the girl I met that day?" He just nodded and waited for he to respond.

"Well she was a believer too. And she was struggling because God had taken her fiance away from her in a car accident. They were on their way home from visiting a possible venue for their wedding and they crashed into a truck and he was just gone. When I started to speak to her to give her comfort to respond to her telling me that she wasn't ready to leave the hospital because that meant leaving him, well God spoke to me through the words I gave her. I believed enough for both of us, for you and myself to get us through losing Samuel. I was hurting and so were you but I would get through it. We were going to get through it because we were strong. He had talked to me while I was talking to her. He had showed up for me in that moment He had answered your prayer. As well as my own prayer. Do you know what Samuel means in hebrew?"

"No, what does it mean?" He asked looking up to her with tears in his eyes.

"It means heard by God. That's why I choose Samuel for his name. For me this girl was God's way of showing me that He had heard my prayers, and now your prayers as well Jackson. He heard you and answered you, just not in the way that you thought he should have. As a Christian one of the hardest lessons that you learn is that God doesn't always answer your prayers in the way that you think He should. Sometimes this is even hurtful to you, but in the end it's the answer that He knew you needed at the time."

"But that's exactly why I don't understand why you choose to believe in this God. Why do you choose to follow His rules and regulations for your life when He chooses to hurt you so badly? April I don't understand how you can choose to love a God that may have saved you, but he still choose to take our son from us. He choose to take our marriage from us."

"Wow. You think God took our marriage?" "I do. What else would you say? It ended as a result of Samuel's death. God choose to take Samuel, therefore he took our marriage."

"I never knew that you saw God in this light. As a dictator, rather than a ruler that guides you. For someone who says he doesn't believe in God you sure do give him all the credit for the bad things in your life Jackson. Now I don't mean that in a condescending way I just mean that you still don't understand what I've been saying to you all these years."

"If I see God wrong then explain it to me April. Explain to me why He allows the people who are the most faithful to Him to go through such pain."

"It's an easy explanation Jackson. God gives us free will. Yes it may have been His will that Samuel die. And believe me that hurts. It has not been easy to cope with, it's why I have questioned Him so much lately. But don't twist my words. I never thought that God was the reason why our marriage ended. That is not His will, it wasn't His will. What God brings together He will not seperate. That failure was our own. It was because of the decisions that we made on our own that our marriage ended."

"What decision did we make that He didn't allow though?" "Well I can name a few of my own decisions that He allowed. I went to Jordan and left you alone. When I had the chance to come back home, while you were still able to accept me coming home I chose to stay. In the end that is what hurt you the most wasn't it. That I chose to stay away from you?"

"Yes it was. You left when I needed you most and when I expected you to come home you didn't. But like I said God allowed you to make that decision, so he allowed our marriage to fail. And if He was so powerful then He wouldn't have allowed you to make that decision."

"But don't you see Jackson God isn't that kind of God. He doesn't control our every movement. He has a picture of our lives that He wants to see us come to, but He won't force us to follow a specific path to get there. That's why he is such an amazing God! He allows us to have free will over our lives even though He has the power to control them."

"What do you mean? I don't understand." "God of course has a plan for our lives that He would like us to follow. Just like any parent has for their child, but like most parents He doesn't force us to follow His path. Instead He gives us options and one of those options is even whether or not we want to follow Him and be in relationship with Him. Thus, we control our own lives and destinies. Yes there are time when He makes decisions about our lives that we have no control over, such as Samuel. But even then we have a choice in how we handle what He has given to us. These decisions are how we form the lives we have."

"So you mean that because you choose to leave after Samuel and to stay gone and I choose not to accept you when you came back that it was our fault that our marriage ended and not Gods?"

"Yes! That is exactly what I am saying. Do you understand that now?" "I think I do. Wow. I've had it wrong this whole time. I was so sure that it was God's fault that I didn't even consider that it was our fault. That makes me feel so awful."

"Don't! Jackson don't feel bad about that. Look at all the things that wouldn't have happened if we hadn't gotten divorced. Would Harriet have been here? Would you be as involved in your families foundation as you are? Would you have went searching for your father? You can't question the things you think you did wrong, or beat yourself up for them because God still uses them to shape your life. There is a scripture in The Bible that tells us that God uses all things for our good and I truly believe this. No matter what we go through in our lives. No matter how bad or screwed up our lives get God still uses everything to heal us and shape us into the person that He wants us to be."

"Yeah I guess you are right. I mean look at this moment right now. If we hadn't been through everything we have gone through I doubt that I would really be sitting here talking to you about God." He said with a chuckle as he sat up a little bit straighter in his chair. Trying to prepare himself for what he was about to tell her.

"You know I actually sat down and read one of your Bibles last night."

"You did? Wow Jackson that is huge!" "I don't know about that. Don't get ahead of yourself. I was just wanting to see what it had to say about miracles and try to understand what happened yesterday. I guess you could say I have gone from not believing in Him to just not sure that I want to have a relationship with Him. I mean after what He did for you yesterday how in the world am I able to deny His existence."

She looked up at him with tears streaming down her face. He knew that she was an emotional person, but he hadn't expected this kind of reaction out of her. She was looking at him like he had just told her the secret to the universe. Like he had just put together all of the broken pieces of the world. She was looking at him with a look of absolute adoration.

"Oh Jackson! You have no idea what those words do to me. You may not call yourself a follower yet, but it's only a matter of time. God has captured your attention, which with you is the hardest part. Believe me I know." She said ending her sentence with a chuckle.