Chapter Four
The sounds of soft cooing woke Regina from sleep the following morning. Raising up on her elbow, she peered into the bassinet beside the bed, a soft smile tugging her lips up at the sight that greeted her. Charlotte was awake and chewing on her fist. It was only a matter of time until she wanted to be fed soon, so Regina sat up, pushed aside the blankets, and reached for her robe at the end of the bed. As she put it on, she smiled at the image of Robin and Maddie. The little girl had twisted sideways on the bed sometime during the night - her head laying on Regina's pillow, and her legs stretched out across Robin's chest.
Shaking her head, she padded over to Robin's side of the bed. She could just see her daughter turning and smacking Robin in the face with her foot. Taking Maddie's legs, she moved her gently back to the middle of the mattress. But in doing so, Robin must have felt the movement. He woke with a sharp inhale, and she placed her hand on his chest. He raised up onto his elbow and blinked up at her bleary-eyed, confused.
"I just moved Maddie. Go back to sleep. I'm going to take Charlotte downstairs."
"Do you want me to get up with her?"
Regina shook her head. He had been up later than her getting Maddie to bed and knew he was tired. "No, sleep with Maddie a while longer."
He didn't argue, only nodded and hummed. She leaned down and kissed him before he flopped over and buried his head in his pillow.
Regina shook her head, a soft chuckle she couldn't hold back escaped her at the sight of him. All this time, four kids who were mostly early risers, and many early work mornings, and he was still the same man who would sleep until noon if he could.
She nursed the baby before she went downstairs. Decaf coffee called her name, though she longingly wished for regular. With each pregnancy, her caffeine had been the only thing she truly missed, but even she would begrudgingly admit, once the usual withdrawals subsided, she was fine without it. She didn't give it up all at once. Like with Maddie she weaned herself off of it with half decaf and then less and less until her body got used to being without it. The only reason why she wasn't drinking it now was that she wanted to try breastfeeding exclusively.
She tried to with Maddie, but after a few months she couldn't keep up with her appetite. Emma had teased Regina about her baby girl's chubby cheeks and legs, but then around seven months Maddie started crawling and at ten months she was up and walking, and all that adorable baby fat melted right off her. Even now, she could gobble up pancakes , toast and hashbrowns and still she was so little. Her lithe build was one of the reasons she suggested ballet to Robin.
However, with Charlotte, Regina seemed to have just enough. She never worried about her being hungry and she slept well after every feeding. It was reassuring and after everything, it was a special bond she had with her baby girl. After carrying her and worrying for so long, it comforted her to know that she was providing the nourishment to her daughter now that her body almost failed to provide life to her before.
So she would live without caffeine a while longer if it meant being able to keep the bond with her daughter a few more months.
In the kitchen, Eleanor sat at the table with a cup of tea and the paper. She smiled up at Regina when she came into the room. "Regina, love, how did you sleep?"
"Well, thank you," she replied. Her eyes followed Eleanor as she rose to her feet.
"Would you like some tea, dear? I have a wonderful herbal hibiscus and juniper berry."
Actually, a cup of tea sounded amazing, and while she would normally insist on making her own, her arms were occupied with a dozing Charlotte. "Yes, thank you."
"Is Robin still asleep?"
She took a seat by the window and settled the baby against her chest. "He is. He and Maddie will probably sleep a little longer."
Eleanor tipped the kettle and Regina watched the steam as it rose from the cup. "Did Charlotte wake last night? I barely heard a peep out of her."
Regina's gaze drifted down, and she smiled softly before dipping her head to place a kiss on her baby girl's head. "Well it helped that we kept her close by, and I think I've just become accustomed to sleeping light. I seem to wake just as soon as she starts fussing."
With cup in hand, Eleanor came over to the table and sat it down in front of her. "May I?" she asked, extending her arms out.
Regina smiled, kissed Charlotte once more, and said, "Of course."
She shifted Charlotte to Eleanor who took her, cradling her in her arms. Regina watched with a proud warmth as Eleanor's eyes drank her in, her hand came up to brush her dark hair away from her brow. "She's just precious."
Regina smiled. She would have to agree with that. "Thank you."
"Will she be your last?" Eleanor asked, taking a set across from her at the table and then looked up at her with genuine curiosity. "Have you and Robin talked about having any more?"
With a deep breath, Regina turned her gaze to the baby and admitted, "That's a conversation still to be had."
"Ah, I see. I'd imagine with how your pregnancy with Charlotte went, you would want to be done with it."
Regina's eyes slid back to Charlotte, who chose the next moment to yawn and open her eyes. She looked up, blinking at Eleanor, and for a moment Regina thought she would be fine in her grandmother's arms, but her lips pulled down into a distressed frown and whimpered. Eleanor tried her best to coo at her, assure her that Regina was there in the room, but Charlotte wasn't convinced. Soon, her whimpers became more and more and she scrunched up her face and began to cry.
Regina reassured Eleanor she was just being very particular who she went to lately, even Robin had a hard time with her a few days before they left, went over and took her daughter. Regina lifted her and cradling her, held her close, dropping kisses to her brow and hair, whispering, "Hey, baby girl, Momma's here," until her cries softened. She pressed her nose close and breathed in her scent.
Suddenly, Eleanor's words drifted back into her mind. "... you would want to be done with it." Done with that pregnancy, yes. With this? God… was she?
Returning to their conversation, Regina said, "It was hard. Not just on me but on all of us." Looking down, the baby smiled up at her and it drew her own, and tapping the baby on the nose, she said, "But you were worth every moment."
Her daughter reached up and took hold of her finger. Her grip tightened and pulled her finger toward her mouth. Regina smiled and shook her head. She managed to free her finger from Charlotte's grasp long enough to reach over and grab her pacifier from the table. The baby took it, but only for a moment before she spat it out interested only in cooing up at her, clearly she had no intention of sleeping or relinquishing her mother's attention. It seemed this morning she was all eyes for her.
Only when Eleanor's voice pulled her attention, did she look away from the baby. "Well, she's here and there's nothing wrong with not wanting to put yourselves through that again. And four children is quite enough for most people."
Four.
They never discussed numbers, but after Maddie, she always had a secret one in mind. A secret little image of their family she never voiced aloud. Just something she thought of sometimes when she went to bed or occasionally when they were all in the same room together.
It was a silly thing, really. Something she stopped thinking about during her pregnancy because at the time, that was it. In pain, uncomfortable, and inconvenienced, were just the tip of the iceberg on the list of things she was done experiencing. With Olivia, she went into early labor, with Madelyn she had severe Braxton Hicks from dehydration and stress, and then this last time... That magical number in her head vanished the night she woke up in pain and soaked in blood.
But now the image was back, and damn it for returning because she'd been so sure before.
"Yeah," she said with a soft sigh. "I suppose it is."
He wasn't sure how long he slept, but it sure didn't feel like long enough. His daughter hadn't been ready for bed when they called lights out. She tossed and turned between them for a good two hours before she finally started to yawn.
"Daddy, I'm not sleepy yet," she had told him. It wasn't quite a whine at him, more her way of arguing with her exhaustion.
"I bet if you were to close your eyes you'd see that you were," he had attempted to coax her softly through his own yawn as to not wake his sleeping wife. But still, Maddie had managed, at least, another twenty minutes of whispers before she flipped onto her side and cuddled against him. Her hand rested on his cheek, patting it gently until her breathing deepened and her hand stilled.
He breathed a relieved sigh, took her hand and pressed a tiny kiss to the back of it then set it down beside her. He had been out just as quickly as she.
Unfortunately for him, she didn't think much of sleeping in, and so it was with a slightly surly grunt he opened one eye to stare up at the thing that had woke him, or more specifically, poked him in the nose.
Maddie's face was inches from his. Her hair still in its braids but some of it had fallen out around her face in a wild disarray, her little mischievous blue eyes were wide and awake as was her little grin.
"Daddy, I'm hungry," she whispered. "I want Mommy."
He hummed, nodded, and sat up, blinking and blinking. He wanted momma too, and coffee. Loads of it. It was only a five hour time difference, but he was bloody exhausted. What he wouldn't give for a few more hours or days. He snorted and smiled to himself. Not likely. Not with his energetic lot. While rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he felt the bed dip and then looked over just as Maddie began to jump.
"Come on, Daddy. It's morning time!"
His hand dropped and he smiled ruefully at his daughter. He loved her with everything in him, but he couldn't wait for nap time. As soon as the little ones were down, he was going to take him and his wife back to bed.
Getting to his feet, he held out his arms. "All right, darling. Let's go downstairs."
She jumped from the bed and into his arms. Tired as he was, he still lifted her up into the air and "flew" her across the room, imitating her favorite superhero she came to discover while watching the show with her big sister. She held her arms out in front of her and burst into a fit of giggles as he called out, "Supergirl!"
Downstairs, Robin found Regina sitting at the table with his mum, Olivia, and Roland. The children were busy eating toast and cereal. Maddie twisted in his arms wanting down, so he put her on her feet and she ran over to her mother. His wife's lips broke into a smile, and she helped Maddie up into her lap with one hand while holding Charlotte with the other. Their eyes met as he crossed over to her and held as he leaned down, kissing her good morning.
"Hey, handsome," she murmured bumping her nose against his before he could fully lift away.
He hummed and then kissed her once more. "Morning, beautiful."
"Good morning," his mother said.
He was about to open his mouth and say good morning, when he heard his father say it for him. "Morning."
Robin looked up to see his dad walk into the room and over to his mum where he kissed her cheek and they stood there looking at each other lovingly for longer than Robin was comfortable with. Her bright smile followed by a kiss on his dad's lips had Robin's brow furrowing.
"Did you sleep well?" she asked him.
"I did, thank you."
He was aware that his mouth dropped slightly open but was helpless to do anything for it. Robin couldn't remember the last time he'd seen them kiss like that, on the mouth, in front of everyone. It was slightly unnerving, to say the least. Only when he felt Regina's soft chuckle did he tear his eyes away from them.
She mouthed, Let them be, and he frowned but begrudgingly relented. "Can you take the baby while I fix Maddie's hair?"
With a nod, he took Charlotte from her, and he was happy to see she was awake and just as excited to see him as he was for her. Holding her out, he kissed each of her cheeks, drawing her wonderful smile then cradled her in his arms. She cooed up at him and kicked her feet, making him smile. She'd been doing that more - making her little voice known. With his eyes wide, he encouraged, "What's that, my little darling?"
She caught his finger in her hands, smiling, positively grinning at him, and opened her mouth. The sweetest sound, perhaps the start of a laugh, filled the room. Regina looked up, met his eyes, and he grinned at her before settling his eyes back on Charlie. He absolutely adored her.
"Tea?" His mum's voice pulled his attention from his baby girl.
Robin opened his mouth to decline, because sod the tea he needed coffee, strong coffee, but again she wasn't speaking to him, but his dad.
"Yes, darling, thank you."
Was his dad massaging his mum's shoulders? Robin looked over to see not only his but Regina's brows rose just as astonished by the exchange.
"What are your plans for today?" Eleanor finally asked, looking at him once she and his father finished ogling one another.
Robin blinked, stood silent until Regina cleared her throat from beside him, snapping him out of his stupor. "Regina and I thought we'd ease everyone into the holiday, so we'll just be going around town today. Maybe even take them to Leeds for lunch and let the girls shop."
His mum's eyes widened at that. "Oh, let's all go. It's been years since I've been. What do you say, Jack?"
His father shrugged. "Whatever you'd like."
"Well, we'd hoped that you'd want to come along." Regina smiled across the table at his mum as she finished up with Maddie's hair. "There we go, sweetheart. How about some breakfast?" Regina bounced her legs making Maddie giggle then showered her with kiss after kiss on the cheek.
"Pancakes, Momma!" she shrieked with laughter. "I want pancakes!"
Lotherton Hall wasn't exactly Downton Abbey, but it was close. She and Robin walked hand in hand through the house while Olivia and Roland played checkers on a giant life-sized chess board outside with Jack, while Maddie played at the small park with Eleanor. Charlotte slept against Regina's chest, snuggled into her warmth, perfectly content as they took some time for themselves.
Her fingers tightened around Robin's as they came into a great sitting room. The gold and crystal chandelier and grand piano brought out the luxuriousness, but the floral displays and family paintings gave the room a charm she always pictured old English homes to have. "This is beautiful."
"Mm."
The olive and dark green tapestries worked with the cream-colored Victorian ceiling. Her eyes narrowed thinking of their bedroom. She loved the gray, but this… "The colors in here make me want to repaint our room."
He looked over at her. His brows pulled together right before his eyes took in the room around him like he just noticed they were in another room. After a moment, he said, "Yeah, whatever you'd like."
She frowned. "You haven't been listening to a word I've said, have you?"
Robin's shoulders dropped and he let out a breath. "No, I have been. I'm sorry, darling. I guess I'm just distracted." His gaze shifted out the window and her gaze followed. From the room they were in they could see that everyone was now at the chessboard. Maddie, Eleanor, and Jack on one side with Olivia and Roland on the other. "Have you noticed something odd between them?"
Regina leaned into him. Watching his mother help Maddie move to another square while his father laughed. She hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary, per say, if anything she'd say it's been a great day for all of them. "How so?"
"They're just uncommonly polite to one another today and… affectionate." He said the last word with such disgust in his voice she couldn't help but laugh.
Turning to face him, she considered him. He looked genuinely concerned and it softened her amusement. "Honey, I think you're trying to see something that's not there."
She noticed his lips tugged up at her term of endearment. She didn't call him that very often. She didn't use many terms other than handsome, or occasionally dear, when she was in a mood and channeling her mother. She saved the real terms for the bedroom. When she straddled his lap and his arms were around her, when they were impossibly close with him inside her, filling her, and between their lips, they would whisper things like, Fuck me, babe, and Do you like that, baby?
"You think?" he asked.
"I do."
He let out a sigh. "All right. I'll leave it alone then."
"I'm not saying that, I'm just saying relax." The baby chose that moment to stretch, placing her hand over Robin's that reached out to rest against Charlotte's back. "You're going to spend all your time worrying about them and miss out on the other stuff going on like the kid's excitement," she said, gesturing out the window with the tilt of her chin and then driving her eyes back to his, biting her bottom lip and teasing, "and your wife, who misses her shameless, flirtatious husband."
His lips tugged up in to a guilty crooked grin. "You have him, I'm sorry."
She gave his arm a tug toward her. "Don't be sorry, just kiss me."
His top teeth sank into his bottom lip in an attempt to stifle his dimpled grin, but he failed miserably. A slow, light chuckle turned into a deep rumbling one as he leaned in to kiss her. If they weren't in a room filled with strangers, she would have deepened the kiss, but they were, so she didn't, but still she pressed another and then another, and drew out the last one long enough to make him hum happily from it. When he drew away, it was only to dip his head, place a gentle kiss on Charlotte's hair and then meet Regina's brow with his.
"Have I told you how much I love you lately?" he asked her, a shiver running down her spine as his hand came up, his palm settling on her cheek, fingers tangling in her hair while his thumb feathered across her cheekbone.
Her smile was automatic. A silly, ridiculous thing that came from words she'd heard hundreds, if not thousands, of times before and shouldn't have had such an effect on her, but they did, and she didn't think they would ever stop.
"Not since this morning," she said, lowering her voice as her daughter began to wake.
He shook his head. "Far too long then." He closed the inches between them and kissed her once again. "I love you."
Only when their daughter decided to make her presence known with her soft cooing did their gazes drop from each other to down between them.
"Well, hello there my sweet girl," Robin told her, making her smile.
Regina sighed as the baby began to chew enthusiastically on her fist. She should be hungry soon. Just as soon as the thought left her, her stomach growled. "We need some lunch."
Robin chuckled and taking a step away, he took her hand and began leading them out into the hall. "Shall we call in the troops? They have a small café here or we could drive back into town for something more filling?"
She let out a light laugh, only because for the last eight weeks she's eaten nothing but fruits and vegetables, lean meats, and drank water for days. She wanted food. Real food. Wanted to indulge in something she would enjoy and not feel guilty after. "As hungry as I'm feeling, let's go into town. I want fries... or what do they call them? Chips?"
Robin chuckled, and his fingers pulsed around hers. "That they do."
Later that evening the adults sat on his parents' back porch while Maddie, Roland, and even Olivia chased after one another in the backyard with plastic swords and foam bows and arrows they'd gotten at a gift shop in Leeds. Roland was the best shot out of the three, the girls couldn't quite get their aim right even when Robin had tried to show them to use their mouth as an anchor.
Regina had raised a brow at him when he returned to his seat beside her. "I didn't know you knew how to shoot a bow."
He chuckled and explained how he'd participated in the festivals in the summertime with the rest of his little mates and probably couldn't hit a target these days if he tried. However he wasn't about to get off that easy, as his dad reminded him that there was a festival next week and he could always give it a go, and then challenged him when he tried to blow it off.
"Now that's something I'd like to see," Regina said, taking a seat next to him on the small cushioned bench and sliding up against his side, having come back from checking on Charlotte who was sleeping in the living room.
He raised his arm and put it around her. "I assure you, babe, whatever middle-age fantasy you've got in your mind is nothing like this. It's nothing but a bunch of overgrown men thinking they're all extras from the Game of Thrones.
His attempts to pull her from whatever she was imagining was a lost cause, though. Her eyes were filled with nothing but amusement and a teasing desire to see him make a fool of himself.
With a quick lift of her brows, she bit her lip, and then leaned in and whispered in his ear, "I'm sure we can find you some tights."
Robin snorted a laugh, then kissed her. "No."
Regina was still giggling beside him when his mother looked up from her notebook filled with her scribbling and said, "I want to go over my plans with you both. I have the cake and balloons ordered. Regina, you and I can go pick out the bunting and banners next week."
"Mum-" Robin tried to interrupt.
"I know what you're going to say, darling, but it's my prerogative to spoil my granddaughter on her birthday and the little ones for that matter. For the food, I thought we'd do a buffet. Sandwiches, and vegetables, dips, cheese, lots of crisps. Maybe some sausages..."
"Mum, that's a lot for just us," he began.
"Not just us, Robin. You're all here, I had to invite the family."
His brows rose. "The family?"
"My sister and her children, your father's brother, and his sons. Then there will be Nimue and Alex, and Mrs. Davies and Sebastian. We want to make it fun for everyone."
All those people? She had to be joking. Not that he was against it, really. Robin had no problem introducing Regina and the kids to his relatives but she could have mentioned it a bit sooner. He felt Regina's hand as she placed it on his thigh and gave it a squeeze. He met her gaze, and she gave him an encouraging smile. One that told him to let his mum do whatever it was she had planned.
With a shake of his head, he gave in but still added, "Fun is not a word I'd have ever thought you'd associate with your sister."
"She doesn't," his father said, setting his crossword down on the table. "She merely wants to show you all off."
His mum looked over at his father with raised brows. "What if I do?"
"I'm not saying anything against it, dearest."
"Besides, it's Saturday, we can always have a small party for her Sunday."
"I'm fine with it," Regina said, then all eyes fell on him.
Robin held up his hands. "All right, I've got no objections."
"And Robin, you and Regina are going out which night? This Sunday, wasn't it?"
He nodded once while eyeing his mum for any sign she might give away his surprise. "It is."
"Good, then us girls will go out shopping for it on Saturday."
Robin felt Regina shift beside him, and he looked over to find her looking up with him. Curiosity filled her lovely brown eyes, but he wouldn't fall for them. This was one surprise he had hoped to keep. "When do I get to know what we're shopping for?"
He leaned forward until he was inches from her lips and murmured, "I will tell you Saturday morning," then kissed her.
Regina growled against his mouth, making him chuckle and pull her into his embrace. Her head fell against his chest with a soft sigh, and he buried his nose in her hair, breathing in the scent of blossoms and the Clinique she was so fond of.
"Jack, why don't we take the children for a walk? Give Regina and Robin a small break. We can go down to the corner store and get them all a treat."
Regina's head rose. "Eleanor, you don't have to-"
"No, it'll be fun." His mum stood and called out, "Who all wants to go for a walk for ice cream?"
Maddie dropped her bow and all her arrows at her feet and began to jump in place. With her arm raised high in the air, her eager little voice called out, "Oh, me, me, me! I do, Nan!"
"Let's all get our shoes and jackets. It's not cold, but you never know when it's going to rain."
It took a bit of convincing on his part to let his parents take Charlotte. She'd been awake for a little while now, but not too long ago she'd been fed and changed and her eyes had grown heavy. A quick little ride around the corner would surely put her to sleep and it was that thought that had Regina giving in.
"You know, I knew this pram would come in handy," his mum said, looking down into where they had just tucked the baby.
Saying their goodbyes, Robin closed the door after them. With the sounds of their children going quiet in the distance, he stepped toward her. Her smile widening the nearer he went until he closed the distance. Hands finding her hips, they pulsed there, then wound around her waist, pulling her against him.
His eyes watched as her top teeth sank into her bottom lip trying to keep that beautiful smile at bay, but it was no use. He reached up and tucked a lock of her hair behind her ear and asked, "What shall we do with all this time?"
She chuckled, that rich, sultry laugh that sent a shot of desire straight to his cock whenever he heard it. He watched in fascination as she licked her lips and then said, "Race you upstairs?"
She might as well have been standing in front of him naked, because in that instant he went from half hard to solid as a bloody rock, and groaned, "I'll win."
Before he knew it, they were both off like shots, running through the living room toward the stairs. He thought he was going to get there first, but then his gorgeous, incredibly sexy wife managed to swipe Maddie's blanket from the couch and toss it at his head. Too caught up in his excitement for what awaited him up stairs, he didn't put his hands up in time, so the blanket went over his head, blinding him.
He stumbled forward and let out a curse. He heard Regina laugh, her footsteps on the stairs as he pulled the offending material away and tossed it haphazardly back in the direction of the couch then started up after her.
She was in their room, out of breath and grinning at him when he closed the door behind him. Holding up a hand, Robin pointed at her. "That was cheating."
She snickered, then pushed herself back so she was sitting on the bed and teased, "You should probably punish me for it."
A soft growl was his only response. Stepping between her legs, he took her face in his hands. Their mouths met and softened. A moan escaped her, and he chased it with one of his own. He felt her hands on his hips and then reaching around, grasped his arse and pulled him towards her so she could grind against him.
Her hands stole under his tee, and God help him, he trembled at her touch. She must have noticed because she broke their kiss to stare up into his eyes. His thumbs traced her cheeks as he stared back. Though normally he might have asked what she was thinking or told her how much he loved her, in this moment they didn't need words. Coming together after so long was emotional for both of them, and for that reason, when he leaned toward her again, it was with a tender intimacy that made his heart knock hard in his chest just as it had the very first time they made love.
Her hands drifted up his sides, taking his tee with it and they broke their kiss only long enough for him to shrug it off. Where it went or landed, he didn't care, not in the slightest.
Reaching down, he unbuttoned her jeans, and she lifted up so he could slide them and her underwear down her thighs and off. His hands ran up and down the bare skin of her thighs, but she didn't let him enjoy the feel of her for long. With her weight on her hand, she pushed herself back until she was in the middle of the bed. With a soft smile, she held her hand out for him.
He rid himself of his jeans and boxer briefs, then climbing on the bed, lowered himself over her, and groaned when his skin met hers. She lifted her head as he lowered his, her soft lips meeting his over and over again. They kissed for long moments, and for a while the only sounds in the room were of their breathing and hands over skin.
He reached down between them, sliding his fingers over her finding her hot and gloriously wet. Her breathy gasp was like music to his ears. "Christ, love, I've missed you."
Just as he took himself in hand and began to slowly sink into her then stopped.
"Me too."
Any other time he would have been encouraged by her words, but these came out in a shuddered exhale. Robin pulled away, looking down he discovered her eyes were filled with tears. Dread filled his middle, and he immediately pulled from her, and asked, "Regina? Did I hurt you?"
She shook her head, but her eyes looked away from him. "No."
Brow furrowed, he raised his hand and with fingers against her jaw gently lifted her chin to draw her gaze. His heart pounded hard in his chest thinking he'd done something. "Babe, look at me. Why are you crying?"
"It's nothing." Her legs tightened around his hips. "Make love to me," she pleaded in a whisper.
He shook his head. Something was wrong, he felt it. Sex be damned, he would not make love to her until she told him what was wrong. "It's not nothing. Baby, talk to me."
Slowly, so slowly, those dark lovely eyes he loved more than anything found his. Robin didn't realize he'd been holding his breath until she said, "I don't want to get pregnant," and the air whooshed from his lungs.
"Oh." Her eyes were filled with tears, and it broke his heart. "Christ, love, I didn't even think…" He started to move away from her. "We don't have to…"
Again, her legs tightened around him as she protested, "Yes, we do. We're married. I want you. I miss you." She let a sigh escape, then drew another deep breath before admitting, "I just don't know… I don't know if I want another baby right now, and it takes us nothing to get pregnant."
He tried not to smirk at her rueful look but felt the corners of his lips tug up regardless of his efforts. "We are pretty good at making babies." Her look softened, and with it so did the tightness in his chest. "Why the tears? I'm fine with being careful or if you want to explore other things…" he trailed off as she shook her head.
"Deep down, I know that you are, but..."
"But what?"
"I don't know if I want anymore. Not just now but ever."
He nodded, understanding why she wouldn't want to. "How long have you felt this way?"
She gave a little half hearted shrug. "A little while, I guess." She swallowed and raised her hand so that she was the one to cup his cheek and caressed over the stubble there. "I suppose I was afraid if I told you I wasn't sure about having anymore you'd be disappointed."
Disappointed? Christ, he was a wanker. He should have talked to her before. When she was laid up in bed for months and he was scared out of his mind probably having the same fears and doubts as she.
"Never." Leaning down, he placed a light kiss to her lips before pulling back again. It was time for some honesty between them, because over the last six months they let their fears become bottled up and put on the back burner but not anymore. "Darling, we have four of the best kids any parents could ever hope for. I'm going to be honest and admit this last pregnancy scared the hell out of me." He watched as more tears filled her eyes and her tongue came out and touched the top of her lip as she inhaled another breath. "Almost losing the baby and having you in the hospital like that… it made me want to say sod it to having any more. If there was a chance something like that could happen again I didn't think I could bare it. That first night you were in the hospital, I watched you for a while as you slept, and the kids all asleep on the little cot in the corner, I went on my phone and looked into vasectomies."
Her eyes widened. "You didn't."
"I did. Even with all of Kathryn's assurances that you and the baby were fine, that it wouldn't affect any future pregnancies, I was terrified. The possibilities were endless and if it took me going in for a little snip, so be it."
Her eyes searched his, and in them, he could see a bit of hurt there and he kicked himself for not opening up to her from the beginning. "Why didn't you tell me?"
He tried to explain, "You were a bit emotional at the time and then once Charlotte got here you were so happy. I thought I'd wait because I knew you were stressed about other things, you were healing from her birth so we weren't being intimate then. I meant to bring it up, but I decided when the time came for this then we'd discuss it. I suppose I got a bit, uh, excited and didn't think."
She shook her head, but a small laughed left her. Her eyes fell away from his, and he held his breath while she chewed on her lip. It was with a long sigh that she finally slid her eyes back to his. "Is that what you want?"
Her tone, if he wasn't mistaken, held a touch of sadness to it, leaving him slightly confused. Before he would have given her as many children as she wanted. He liked the idea of a large family, but her pregnancy with Charlie had given him a new perspective on things, made him even more grateful for the family they already had. If she wanted to be done, then so be it. He'd put that fantasy away for her.
Brushing a lock of her hair behind her ear, he told her, "Darling, I'm more than happy with the family we have. If you're done, then that's that." At his words, her eyes began to pool once again. He couldn't understand it, so with a hand over her heart he implored, "Regina, please, tell me how you feel."
Her hand came up to swipe the tears away. "That's just it, I don't know exactly. I mean, I thought I did, and for all the reasons you mentioned but also, I think of our family, how busy we are and how can we think of having more. But then..." she trailed off, and her gaze took him in for a long moment, before she said, "before we had Charlotte I always had this idea… this future for us. I know you're sure we'll always have girls, but as Roland gets bigger I think how much I love him, how I missed his first few years, and I just saw us having one last surprise. Having a boy."
There were many times in his life where Robin truly could say he'd gotten choked up. At his wedding, for his children's births, and though this was merely her fantasy, he saw it and it affected him no less than if it were real.
Blinking back his own tears, he took a breath and said, "Well, when you put it like that." Her hands slipped from his cheeks to around his neck and she drew him down on her. His head fell into the crook of her neck and his hands clasped around her shoulders. He couldn't say for how long they laid there, holding one another, but after a while he lifted his head, and after dropping another kiss to her lips said, "Tell you what, let's do what we can to not get pregnant in the short term while we're here, hm? I can go get us condoms for now, and when we get home you can go back on the pill…" he trailed off at her raised eyebrows because yes, she had been on the pill when they'd gotten pregnant with Charlotte so he amended, "or something a bit stronger. From what I've read, the procedure for me it isn't exactly reversible."
"No, I don't want to risk that. I've been thinking of getting an IUD. It doesn't involve hormones, latex, or cutting anything."
He chuckled and kissed her cheek, her nose, her lips. "It works out well for both of us."
Her nose bumped against his, and he was able to place a kiss to the tip before she moved away. "Do you still think we have time for this?" she murmured between them.
His eyebrows shot up. Still half-hard, even with the seriousness of the conversation, there were still parts of him that were very aware of their position and how close he was to being inside her, and all it took was that desire back in her eyes and the slight tilt of her hips and he felt himself stiffen once again. But then his lips pulled down - they had nothing, no protection. "You still want to?"
She chuckled and began to rock against him. "Yes, but pull out and be quick."
Robin groaned. "After six months without you, love, I can promise you, quick is what you'll get."
She chuckled against his lips, but then that chuckle turned into a moan. His hand fell away from her shoulder and reached down and taking the hem of her shirt, came up to cup her breast. His fingers pushed away the material of her bra and his palm ghosted over her nipple and then pinched it between his fingers but oh so achingly gentle. While they hadn't had sex in a while, it didn't mean they hadn't fooled around and he was aware of how tender she had been.
He didn't stay there long, and she frowned, but then remembered they didn't have time for a big build up. His hand was back between her legs and his fingers against her clit and oh… that was better...
He broke away from their kiss, and her eyes opened to see him looking down at her. He turned his strokes against her clit into tight little circles and it made her belly clench and her breath hitch. "God, Robin," she murmured before pressing her lips together. She could feel her orgasm building, it was right there. She shouldn't be right on the edge this fast, but God it'd been so so long, and he knew her. He had always been good with his fingers and after all this time he hadn't lost it. He had this… rhythm he discovered she liked and once she was wet enough, he strummed those tight little flicks against her and oh my God, she was going to come and it was going to hit her hard.
"Let go, babe," Robin told her, and her eyes fluttered open to see his eyes dark with desire and want. "Come for me."
Any other time she might let go, but that wasn't what she wanted. Not this time. Shaking her head, she managed a, "No, inside me."
He frowned at that, but they didn't have time to argue, and so he made no protest. His hand slipped from her and in less than a heartbeat, she felt the tip of him against her and bliss as he pressed himself into her. It was all she could do not to cry out at the feel of him.
Robin stilled to ask, "Are you all right?"
She nodded, swallowed, and her voice was tight and breathless when she answered with a, "Uh huh. Don't stop, please."
"I wouldn't dream of it." He pulled out and then thrust into her, began to build up a pace that had her eyes scrunching shut and the ache build again.
Then his mouth covered hers, and his thrusts went quicker and deeper with every hard press against her and fuck… the angle had him hitting her clit and she couldn't help but moan and gasp into his mouth. She was going to come…
"Baby, I- Christ I don't think I can last much- Mmm God… much longer."
There was a canopy in her head, her nails dug into his shoulders, and then stiffened as she fell off the edge. Wave after wave taking her, making her tremble, and she told him, pleaded with him, to come with her. His groan of relief filled the room, and when he pulled out of her, she was vaguely aware of the warm, wet feel of him as he spilled on her belly.
He collapsed beside her, his breathing heavy and his eyes shut. His arm reached out over her chest, pulling her close, and she turned her head toward him, their foreheads falling against the other's while they caught their breath. And for those next few minutes that was all they did until sounds of laughter from outside had them calling an end to the afterglow. Grabbing a baby wipe, he cleaned up her belly and then himself, and they were back in their clothes and downstairs greeting their children who had hands full of ice cream and even a couple cones for their parents.
