DISCLAIMER: I do not own anything Twilight. All the characters belong to Stephanie Meyer. I just own the plot.
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Chapter Four
He was done with me after a few minutes. I've been through this time and time again and now it just seems easier to go through the motions. If someone tried to help me they would say I need to be stronger, fight back, don't give in. I tried all of that and it got me nowhere. So I take what Phil dishes out to me. I realize I'm pathetic and a sad excuse for a teenager. The truth is I'm done trying to fight my life. Abuse has consumed me and is just that, my life.
The motions follow like a routine. Phil does things, I lay there like I'm dead, he finishes, and he tells me I'm disgusting and so on. I crawl into the shower and sit on the floor. I try to stay emotionless, empty. But it comes sometimes and I cannot let feelings override my body. So I get the stupid razor and do what I have to do to get the pain to go away. Then I wash my body. Finally, I can go along with the outside world.
By the time I can get myself looking presentable to leave the house its nine o' clock. I sigh as I stumble down the stair and see Phil passed out on the couch.
I'm in the Cullen's drive way by the time I see the car, shiny light blue and behind the Volvo. Tanya. This is exactly what I needed. I'm already having a great day, no make that a great life since I was seven. I just wanted to stay home tonight, lock myself in my room with some music. But no, I felt obligated to put on a show for my best friend and ex-best friend. If I was staying here I needed to avoid Tanya and Edward- at all costs. Seeing the two together is enough to make me want to puke because he deserves better. Edward is better.
I slowly creped through the house and was on the third stair when I heard Tanya giggle. It caught my attention so I turned my gaze to the living room, where she was straddling Edward. I felt my lunch coming up. I took off running up the stairs into Alice's bedroom. The door was open but it was completely dark inside. She wasn't there. I decided to wait a while, maybe she went to the store or something.
I glanced at my phone. Zero messages, ten-fifty. It was time to go home. Alice never came home; I had no idea where she was. Every once in a while I heard another giggle from downstairs, so she must still be here. I took the back door this time.
The night was oddly warm for September, for Forks in general. I didn't really want to go home to him, but I couldn't stay at the Cullen's either. I went to the tree house, my safe haven. I store blankets and pillows up there and I just hoped they weren't wet. Luckily, they were warm and cozy.
I cuddled with myself, listening to soft music from my phone, and gazed at the stars. I wanted to be angry. I mean, I should be angry. My best friend forgot the plans she made for me on my birthday. I just couldn't bring myself to be pissed off though. Alice does so much for me and keeps me breathing. No, I couldn't be mad at her. Then there is Edward. I liked him too much for my own good. As I thought back to Tanya straddling him I should be mad as well. He said he needed to talk to me, even though I didn't want to. All I felt was a little jealousy. I wanted Edward to myself. That wasn't fair. She makes him happy. She makes him happy. She makes him happy. I couldn't make him feel that way; I couldn't get anything out of him but pity.
What are you doing! I mentally screamed at myself. Edward deserved better. I kept telling myself that. Reality was that he doesn't care for me. Tonight was proof that he was just trying to be a good guy earlier. He forgot about you. So did Alice. There are other things, more important things, then you, Bella. You're not good for them. You'll never be good enough.
"Shit."
I was startled awake. I looked around confused. Then I remembered I was in my safe haven, I was okay.
Then who just said-
"I'm sorry, B."
Edward. Why was he here and what time was it? He was sitting beside me on top of my blanket running his slender fingers through his bronze hair. If he brought Tanya out here I was going to be pissed. This is our place.
"What are you doing out here?" I moaned these words groggily but harsher then I intended. Edward flinched a little.
He sighed, "I guess I deserve that."
"What are you talking about? Just go home and get some sleep Edward. It's pretty cold out here," I said as a shiver ran through my body. The temperature had dropped a fair amount. I tried to pull up my blanket but was prevented by Edwards's weight on it. I shivered again.
"Exactly," he whispered softly, "you are the one who needs to go get warm. Come with me Bella."
"No." He was trying to be that good guy again. It wasn't real. I stole a glance up at his face. He was so damn beautiful. But I could see the sadness in his face, maybe he missed Tanya. It seemed like I was the one to always put a frown on that perfect mouth.
"Please?"
"I can't."
He stuttered, "Why not?"
I was afraid to tell him why. He wasn't my best friend anymore. He shouldn't have to listen to my problems.
"I just don't want to go home, okay?"
"B, I never said you had to go home. My parents left this afternoon for New York. It's for some conference thing with a bunch of egotistic doctors. Come to my house so we can talk, please? I'll make you hot cocoa," he smiled at the last part.
I was freezing and it had been years since he made me cocoa. I smiled a little bit and it felt nice. I had something to look forward to, even if it was just a drink. I stopped thinking about talking, about Phil, and how stupid I was being. "Okay."
