Hey, guys. I'm still taking requests, unless they're stupid or I am lazy. So... Enjoy this chapter, anyway. It's more memes. I own nothing. If you havn't seen Llamas With Hats, I highly recommend it. You will spend the rest of the week going, "Caaaaaaaaaaaaaaarl!" And guess what? Alek's evil uncle was named Karl!
If you think about it, "pocket monsters" are messed up. And do they eat them? What exactly is Brock's curry made of? Does he have to kill and butcher a pidgey? Hope I didn't just ruin your childhood. And I would just like to ask: is it normal to still know the entire original theme song, and be able to play it on your guitar?
And it's short. Sorry.
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1. Llamas With Hats
"Doctor Barlow!" called the message lizard in the voice of Doctor Erasmus. "There's a problem with the carnivorous llamas." Nora swore under her breath.
"I'll be right down. End message." The lizard scurried away, and she hurriedly jammed her hat on her head, jogging off to the cargo bay. These llamas were... a challenge, to say the least. It had been difficult to engineer them, though they ought to make up for it in military application. If she had done a good job, the llamas ought to be able to devour row after row of infantry, while having more endurance and handling terrain better than a horse.
Nora pushed open the door to find the llamas placidly standing there, blinking their long eyelashes innocently. A good distance away, the young prince was staring angrily, while Mr. Sharp and the loris were both doubled over with laughter. Doctor Erasmus was wringing his spindly hands.
"The grey specimen seem to be showing signs of aggression. The middy and this young man here were trying to feed them, and-"
"Your godless creature tried to bite my hands off! I tried to give him a carrot, and he lunged at me!" Alek burst out.
"He was probably hungry," said Nora cooly. "They are trained to aim for the hands, to disable the enemy." At this, the prince muttered a curse to all godless Darwinists under his breath in German. She pretended not to notice.
"And their behavior is... Rather off. The grey specimen is unusually vicious, while the brown one is unusually reserved," observed her colleague.
"I like Paul," Dylan said happily. "He let me stroke his neck." At this, Nora made a noise of exasperation.
"What have I told you," she said, every syllable shaking with cold fury, "about naming the animals?" The middy had the dignity to look properly ashamed of himself.
"Sorry, but..." He smiled crookedly. "He looks like a Paul, doesn't he?"
"Please tell me you didn't name-"
"-Carl!' exclaimed the loris happily, pointing to the grey llama. She could have stomped her foot, she really could have! Looking closer, she noticed red, peeling skin on the tops of their heads.
"Unusually susceptible to sun, I see," Nora said, glancing at the ultraviolet lamp that simulated sunlight in the animal section of the bay.
"What should we do?" asked Erasmus.
"I'll be right back." A few minutes later, she returned with a wooly hat taken from Mr. Newkirk and her oldest, least fashionable sunhat.
"You can't be serious!" Dylan grinned. "That'll look ridiculous!" Aleksandar smiled a bit, and even Doctor Erasmus let out a nervous laugh.
"It's this or sun poisoning," she said, fixing them with a withering look.
"And that," Carl finished, "Is how my great-great-grandfather received this hat."
"I don't believe you, Carl. That's absolutely ridiculous."
"Then the hot doctor lady tried to keep him in a pen. For that, she was sorry. They all were sorry."
"Caaaaarl, what did he do?"
"All I'll say is it starts with an F and ends with an Ire, Absolutely Everywhere."
"Caaaaaaarl!"
"Are you insulting my heritage? He was a war hero. To the Germans."
"Oh my God, that's awful."
"The kaiser disagreed."
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2. Pokemon
"Beg your pardon, ma'am, but what are we doing here anyway? It looks like an... unsavory neighborhood," Dylan whispered as they navigated the crowded streets of the Tokyo slum.
"Shutting down a fab fighting league."
"Isn't that the responsibility of the police?"
"It would be, if they weren't hopelessly corrupt in these parts." Nora carefully avoided the animal waste in the gutter, lifting her skirts as far as modesty would allow.
"Still, you can't just command them to stop."
"Watch me," she snapped. "The crew-" -which she was not a part of- "-Has the protection of the emperor himself. "These men call themselves pokemon trainers, though slavers would be a more appropriate word. Do you see what I'm holding in my hand, here?" She waggled the red and white sphere.
"A capsule of some sort?"
"An enclosure!"
"That's- that's terrible!" gasped the midshipman.
"Indeed. And the trainers are forced to begin in the arena at the tender age of ten."
"What happens if they lose?"
"They must pay an exorbitant sum." Nora clenched her fist, disgusted. One day she would bring this barbaric "pokemon league" down.
