Perspire ran cold down my every outer being, dampening any and everything within it's reach. I felt my body's temperature drop, as if someone had dumped me into the Arctic Ocean, leaving me to freeze to my own demise.
My body trembled, paralyzed, not allowing myself, it's owner, to maneuver my system back to safety, to it's close to healthy state.
Trying to stay as calm as possible, I kept my eyes closed, trying to listen for anything that would give away that I was in danger. Having experienced this before, I knew I had to keep calm as best as possible. If I hadn't heard my monitor, that was a good sign, but it was bad that I was incapable to warn someone, unable to get aid.
Opening my eyes once I was self assured that I was calm, I looked around. Everything seemed to be normal, in place, all except for two.
The man, my roommate, was peacefully sleeping in his bed beside me to my right. Even at such a distance, I could still decipher the small to large details in his frame. From the disheveled curls that were splayed on the top of his head, to the faint detail of the way his long lashes shadowed his checks, curving just before they could touch his soft skin.
Looking down to my lower left, beside me, was a small little girl, silently weeping, as if her trembling voice was muted from the world. Her small body shook, arms wrapping around, tightening with each small fracture of a moment, never missing the small drum of my steady heart. Her long black hair was a curtain, shielding away her face.
3:04
It was late, not even a moment's worth of minute could pass before I had felt a pang of suspicion hit my chest, warning me to prepare for whatever was to come.
The moon light's small dim that shine through the window, through it's small peak through the curtain, it was my guide. I understood what was happened, I hadn't made a fuss. I had told a doctor before but they hadn't done much, there was nothing to do except for getting a regular good night's rest.
But even that was impossible within my home.
I could hear the loud rings that chimed within my ear, feeling as if it was shattering my drum whole. The pain was almost unbearable, but I was use to it. No tears escaped past my lids, not even forming, they never did.
Turning my focus back to my roommate, trying my best to ignore the fact that my ears were practically bleeding at this point.
My roommate began opening his eyes; instead of his calm green orbs, I was met with pitch black, haunting my every being through and back out. Still, though, I tried to keep calm, snapping my vision to the peeling white ceiling, every strip that ripped away, a dark red oozed away, drip dripped down as if the ceiling was weeping in remorse.
Looking to my left, reminded that the small girl was there, still she wept, except loudly this time, voice ringing over the painful shrills in my ear.
"I want my mommy, I want my mommy," she chanted.
I wanted to reach out for her, to comfort her. The walls' paint began to peel and chip away, allowing the dark red to ooze down.
The small audible sniffles that emitted from the small, bone chilling, little girl ceased entirely. Her body ceased it's trembles, as if her whole being was paused with a remote, not wanting to be put on play any longer.
Still, though, I stared. Nothing was happening so far from what I could see, but I just knew that it was the opposite. No, she was only making myself anxious, anticipating her next move as if I were her next opponent in chess, itching for her next move with her all mighty piece.
Never, I let my guard down but for a small moment, I let it down, allowing curiosity to seep through. The small girl, snapped her head up, dark hair still covering her face, shielding all except for her mouth.
The small girl's mouth widened as her teeth elongated, all sharp, resembling canines. She snatched up my limp hand, pulling it towards her mouth. I wanted to pull away, tried. I attempted on moving it, jerking as hard as I could, but I knew that my attempts were only futile.
I couldn't hold in my urine any further, letting loud whimper. But that hadn't stopped the small girl from shoving my arm into her mouth. Before she could bite, before her teeth could effortlessly tear away the flesh and bone on my arm, I closed my eyes.
With experience, I knew that I was experiencing hallucinations. Still the ear shattering shrill rung all through out my ears, but I attempted to ignore it.
I made work to move my body again by starting from down and working my way up. I twitched and wiggled my toes, feeling relief hit the pit of my chest. From my toes were my feet, legs, fingers, hands, arms...I was now moving these limbs all at once before I finally jerked myself awake.
Yes, awake. It is called sleep paralysis, it happens when you are lacking too much sleep, it's a sleeping disorder. There are many times, and unfortunately I've experienced them all. As of now, I get them when I'm either transitioning to sleep or when I awake. The only position I am allowed to sleep is on my right side. And it has to be quiet, no lights, no sound.
I guess someone had forgotten to turn these things off or cause a ruckus near my sleeping form.
Heart loudly thumping in my ear, almost cooling down the relapse of the excruciating agony my ears endured. My body was sour, fatigue, as if it had endured an intense fitness session.
I usually get this almost several in a row, because I always tend to fall back asleep when I know my body won't allow me to. In order to properly go to sleep when these things happen, I have to keep my light on, stay awake for almost an hour before attempting again.
Clicking on the small light above me, my eyes squinted at it's bright blare. Dimming it to it's lowest point, I allowed my eyes to adjust. Looking around, blinking rapidly, I caught sight of the steadily snoring male.
Even asleep he was scowling.
3:07
That's one of the main things I hated about sleep paralysis. Your mind is awake but your body is asleep, which is why you experience such hallucinations. Everything seems so real, and I believe that's true. I believe that your eyes are honestly open. But what scares the pit of my core is that they're actually not.
How do I know who's there and who's not? How do I know what exactly is in place and what's not? How did I know that it was exactly 3:04 and I was in that state for three minutes?
How did I know? How do you know?
And I loathe it so much that I can't take it anymore. Sleep paralysis has become a large portion of my life, all because I yearned to know what it was like to lucid dream, to finally grasp and control your dream.
I've been with this sleeping disorder for almost six years now, and I want it to stop. You'd expect me to get use to it but I can't, it's not possible. I can't. I don't want to. I want this to at last stop, to leave me alone.
Alone, I know that very well. I'm always alone. And every time I yearn for it, it's crushed from ever coming close to my reach. I guess I've accepted that. It's like someone wants to play God with me and they're controlling my every burning move, just as if I'm their precious puppet.
Rolling over to my left side, not wanting my new roommate to see, I let a few tears to escape. Feeling sadness pang my heart as the tears streamed, snot unwillingly running.
Now sniffling, I was sure my roommate was to hear and wake up any moment now, but he hadn't. I was okay with this but I sort of wanted to be comforted with my condition and home circumstances now that I finally had someone to accompany me.
Still, he hasn't bothered.
Hearing my door open and close, I felt a strong familiar palm clutch my hair, yanking from its root, snapping my head back. My scalp buzzed with pain as I felt my body surge from it's resting position, away from my captor.
"Why are you giving me problems, Bella?"
With a gulp, I turned my head aside, meeting the face of the familiar black haired man with hard brown eyes that glared into my soul, boiling and bubbling, burning every where his soles glanced.
"I-I don't know what you mean by that, Jacob."
He sickly chuckled, wrapping his arms securely around me, bring me in to a large warm embrace, as if he actually cared for my well being, even though not just a second ago he was abusing me.
I felt his disgusting lips place upon the side of my head, grazing my soft flesh. His lips lightly trailed down to my ear, causing a shiver of trepidation drip drip down my spine, trickling down every bone and crease, down every form of dent or nerve.
"My money is slipping out of my pockets, Bells. Why is that?"
I began to wriggle myself out of his grasp, feeling tears graze down my cheeks. I hadn't wanted this, nor hadn't I excepted my father to either. This form of "punishment" was never something my former friend and now significant other had used.
"Tell me or I'll rip out that tube of yours," he grounded out in my ear, arms firmly wrapped around me as his free hand slipped lower and lower down my abdomen. "Leaving you to bleed."
"No," I cried. "Please, Jacob. I'll be a good girl, I promise."
I felt my gown begin to slip away as I struggled to wriggle my way out of his firm grasp. I silently whined as I felt my gown fully slip, leaving my body bare for anyone to see.
"L-Leave. Alone."
I felt Jacob throw me against a nearby wall, causing my body to smack against it's hard concrete-like wood. I felt my bones crackle, snap, and pop; a small inaudible gasp to leave my lips. I had felt the wind knocked out of me, leaving me in a choking mess, gasping for any signs of oxygen.
Not acknowledging that my eyes were closed, I opened them, watching the sight in horror in faded vision of the mysterious brute scream at Jacob, my significant other, as he pounded his fists into him, easily dominating over him, almost murdering him as Jacob attempted to get the man off of him from the floor.
I wasn't able to hear myself, or anyone for that matter, but I knew that the doctors were coming soon, I could tell. My heart monitor must have been going off, along with my roommate's.
Unable to even comprehend myself, I knew that instinctively, I was defending my boyfriend.
"No."
Both men hadn't paid me any attention until I said it louder for them to hear. Not able to hear myself, I was sure I was loud, unable to naturally critique my volume.
Only the man who is brutally pounding on my boyfriend, using his right palm to firmly restrain Jacob from further movements that would harm anyone, whether it was myself or him.
His hard green eyes were softened, snapped to mine in shock on hearing my voice. His eyes began to roam over my now uncovered body, without a gown to shield away prying eyes, they harden at all of the various of marks that were permanently engraved in my skin.
Turning back to Jacob, it appeared to be that he was scolding him but I was unsure of his exact words before the man began screaming at Jacob, vein on his neck visible.
The door burst open, as if it were locked, not granting a fed up person's wishes to enter. Men ran in, yanking the man off of Jacob, separating them both.
Jacob's "mask" went up, his character, shielding away his true nature from prying eyes. He appeared to be shocked, fear slowly ebbing away at his emotions, himself not yet acknowledging what just took place before his eyes.
My doctor ran to my side, flashing his light in my eyes. I was unable to make out what he was saying, not able to hear a word, not even a small ring. It appeared to be that he was asking me the standard questions to make sure that I was alright, checking my vitals.
I hadn't responded.
I knew my doctor knew that I wasn't okay, he was smart enough, he was experienced. My doctor had began to command orders to one of the men behind him to help me.
Looking around him, my eyes roamed for the man who saved me from my boyfriend, but my doctor had brought my attention back to him.
"We're...help...", was all I was able to manage to comprehend from him.
I began my search again for the man, wanting to see if he was alright, to see that he hadn't gotten into too much trouble. But unfortunately, he wasn't in the room.
I had felt indifferent about it, about him not being here, about not being able to than him. I hadn't felt anything deep for him, I had only just glanced at him yesterday, let alone speak with and meet him.
6:35
It was three hours afterwards and still, I hadn't heard a word from anyone regarding both my father and my strange roommate. Everyone was ignoring my questions, not answering me.
The sun was just about peaking over the horizon, wide awake and ready to show every one the inhabits earth of its glorious brings of today. But unfortunately in this hospital, I was apart of the many people who doubted today.
Sometime today, I was supposed to have my daily morning exercise when I'm here. It's different than just a run at home. Here, they monitor your every movements, seeing what works best with your health and what doesn't.
So far, my body is only able to handle jogging, not any other sort of sport or exercise. They don't know why but they highly recommend it, even if I have a break down afterwards. Though, they still test me on certain types of exercise, even if I always fail terribly at them both vitally and mentally.
"I'm going to need to run some tests on you today after your 9 o'clock exercise. They are all absolutely necessary," my doctor, from what I learned to be Doctor Cullen, informed, examining his clipboard as he spoke with me.
With a small nod of my head, I looked down at my lap with a small sigh.
Why me?
8:55
Walking out towards the hospital's entrance, I reveled in the cool crisp air of January. At most times, I wasn't much of a fan of winter, hating it's sheer white essence of snow it emitted, but I had missed it. I had missed this, missed going outside, missed cursing every time I slipped and fallen over ice.
I missed this part of my life.
"Alright, Isabella. I'm going to need you to sit on that bench for today, it'll only take a moment," my instructor directed, backing away from me, closer back into the hospital's entrance. "I'll be right back."
With a small nod, I made way towards the bench. Sitting down, I let my eyes roam around, reveling in the feeling of being outdoors.
I felt joy blooming essence spread deep within my chest, hands reached out wide, ready to grasp hold any and everything, wanting them to feel my absolute and utter happiness.
I heard small pitter patters ahead of me but I ignored then, still taking in the scenery all around me.
The trees, branches have traded their leaves for icicles, being left almost bare. Frost covered almost anything and everything it's fingertips could touch. I smiled brightly, missing this.
Feeling an unknown presence near closer to me, I turned my attention to whatever was ahead of me. It was the man, my roommate, the one who aided me from my father's sick intentions.
He continued to slowly walk until he was directly in front of me, easily over towering me. A dark shadow was casted over him, making him look even more menacing than normal, but I swallowed those small drip drip drops of fear, I hadn't known my intentions but I hope they were perspicuous enough for even someone as myself to see.
"Venire," his soft and velvet but strong foreign accent serenaded along with the crisp winter's breeze.
"W-What?"
"Andiamo."
"I-I don't..."
Before I could finish, he snatched up my hand, tugging me off of the bench, walking me across and down the street hand in hand. I was greatly befuddled but I hadn't bothered to ask, only playing along with what my roommate's wishes were.
As we walked, it was uncomfortable being hand in hand with him but as I sparred small quickly glances his way, it seemed that he hadn't seemed bothered by it the slightest.
I hadn't bothered to make small talk, I was too nervous to, fed up within my own world.
In the distance, I could hear a whistle being blown, followed by faint shouts and calls of voices. Looking back behind me, I found doctors, nurses, and even officers chasing after us.
My roommate muttered something before tightly gripping my hand, pulling me along with him. He sprinted down the street, dragging me along with him. I was able to keep up with him, my body being use to this treatment of exercise, but I could feel myself wear down closer and closer to my break downs.
"W-Wait, I-I can't handle this any-"
My roommate stopped shortly, swinging me over his back for me to grapple and hold for dear life, catching my breath. I hadn't known why I complied but I just did.
My roommate had seemed to have slowed down now that he was carrying my weight along with him, though he hadn't stopped. It wasn't until he reached the end of the road until he stopped completely and let me down.
I could still hear the men chasing after us, even faint sirens. But the man just stayed there, not making any movements of fleeing, only staring down at our enclosed hands.
"Venire."
At this, he pulled me across the street, walking back up the road, back towards the hospital's direction, towards the fatigue and angry men.
...what was he thinking?
