A/N – Writing fanfiction is exciting. Enjoy this chapter, cause it's probably my favorite.
BOOK FOUR
The Triwizard Tournament takes place, and Harry greatly enjoys watching it.
Shortly after the uneventful third task, Voldemort does the impossible yet again and apparates into Hogwarts! He then sneaks around in the shadows, looking for someone to use to lure Harry out of his dorm. He finds Cho, who is searching for Diggory. So Voldy is like "HMM. I can use her! She shall lure Harry out of Gryffindor Tower and I shall beat him this time!! MUAHHAHAHAHHAHAHH!!" so he swipes Cho Chang and he takes her to the room where the Philosopher's Stone had been kept 3 years before. He chose this room because he wanted to defeat Harry in a place where Harry had once defeated him, and he could not use the Chamber of Secrets because the rotting Basilisk carcass would depress him.
Later, Harry is sitting in the Gryffindor Common Room when a silvery white chipmunk came bounding through the portrait hole. "…" Harry said. The chipmunk, who was actually Simon Selville of Alvin and the Chipmunks, responded squeakily. "The DARK LORD awaits you in the room of stone philosophy. He has YOUR GIRLFRIEND! CHO CHANG! HARRY'S GOT A GIRL FRIEND! WOOOHOOOOO!" The chipmunk ran away. Cedric was randomly in the Gryffindor Common Room searching for Godric Gryffindor's "lost" diadem, which actually was not lost… It's always been in the Common Room. Silly Cedric. ANYWAYS. Diggory overheard Simon and was like "OHNOEZ! NOT MY DARLING ASIAN RAVENCLAW WHO TOTALLY DOESN'T BELONG IN RAVENCLAW!!" Everyone gives Ced a blank stare. Cedric then ran out of the Common Room, and was followed closely by Mr. Potter himself.
So Cedric and Harry are both running to said room and then they are stopped at the door by a doorman. Yes, like at a hotel…with a little tassel on his hat and everything. That's right, he's wearing a fez! Hahaha at the word fez. ANYWAYS; The doorman with the fez said in a Texan accent, "You must complete the obstacles ahead. Good luck, young stupid heads! :) "
Wink Yahoo, the host of a show that you likely don't know, then pops up out of nowhere and says "RAWRR! WELCOME TO SAVE-CHO-CHANG! YOU HAVE 3 TASKS, THAT'S RIGHT, THREEEEEEEEEEEEE! YOU MUST COMPLETE THEM OR.. you die. : Now, for the first task…"
A huge stone wall popped up out of the floor, separating them from the second task arena. "For your first task.. YOU MUST PUSH THIS RED BUTTON." Harry and Ced looked at each other like "Are they kidding?" They both walked forward and in turn pushed the giant red button that was in the middle of the wall. The wall then slid down into the floor.
"Now, for your second task…you must turn a Knut into pure gold, then you must flip it and see if you get heads or tails. If you get either, you die. If you get neither, you then must SURVIVE THE KILLING CURSE!" Harry looked at the floor, and there was the Philosopher's Stone! Right where Voldy had left it in Harry's first year. Both Ced and Harry used the Stone on their Knuts. Then they flipped them, and, seeing as Knuts have neither heads nor tails, merely stars and elephant toe nails, neither got heads nor tails. So then Wink Yahoo casts AVADA KEDAVRA on Harry. And Harry survives and is like, "Meh. No biggie! :" He turned to Cedric and said, "Nice knowing you!" "Yeah, you too," said Ced. Then Wink Yahoo cast AVADA KEDAVRA! And Cedric lived! SO THEY WERE THE BOYS WHO LIVED!
As they walked towards the third task, Cedric tripped, and fell face-first onto a rusty nail sticking out of the floorboards. The nail went up through his eye, into his brain, thus damaging his Vital Point. "CEDRIC. NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Harry screamed. "Harry," Ced gasped, "you must carry on without me. SAVE CHO. SAVE HERR… save herrr…. save her…. PS. Take my body back :)" Harry responds with "Fo shizzle!" Wink Yahoo then says, "What a touching moment. Now Harry, for the 3rd task… you must pluck this chicken WITHOUT MAKING IT CRY OUT!" Harry casts a Silencing Charm on it and proceeds to pluck said chicken. "Tah-dah!" He smiles.
Wink Yahoo high fives him and says, "Well, I shall reveal my true identity." Wink Yahoo pulled off a mask, revealing… ORLANDO BLOOM! And then Nagini comes out of Orli's mouth. OHSNAP. Harry is like "…" and runs to the room of Stone Philosophy…
Inside is everyone, including the Voldster himself. "Well, we couldn't start without you! That would defeat the purpose, rather." And Harry said "Righto. Let's do it then, shall we?" And the room seemed to explode with curses and whatnot. Seeing as it is 20 against one, Voldy is beaten into the ground. But Voldy is the one and only Voldy, so he snaps up (think Bend & Snap, like in Legally Blonde), knocks Harry down, and sends Harry's wand flying across the room.
Everyone froze as Voldy pointed his wand at Harry and said, "Any final words?" and Harry said, "Well, actually, yes. However do you keep apparating in and out of the castle?" "Well, in all actuality, I haven't been APPARATING in and out. I have these hyper speed sneakers, you see. They make me run incredibly fast, so fast that I cannot be seen. I just run up to the Hogwarts gates, run right up them and down the other side, and I go so fast that it gives the illusion of invisibility. Also, for added flair, I set off a firecracker just as I begin running. It's all about distracting your audience you see!" Everyone applauded him politely.
"Secondly," Harry asked, "Why do you have no nose? And why are your fingers so long?" "Well," Voldy answered, "They're both the same question, really. You see… I had decided that my fingers were not long enough, so I went in for finger plastic surgery. But they did not have soul-split tissue for me." Everyone made a … face, but Voldy continued. "They told me that they would have to build my fingers out of my nose. So I agreed… I do regret it some days though… all the Michael Jackson comparisons…" Voldy dabbed at his eyes with a monogrammed handkerchief. "There, there," said Harry soothingly.
"I have one final question…", declared Harry. "Why are you so mean??" Voldalicious replied, "Well, I never had any family… I grew up in a Muggle orphanage, always the odd-one-out, an outcast. No one ever understood me! And I could not understand them. I was always so different. Even when I came to Hogwarts, I was always smarter than the other kids, and they therefore hated me. Many made cruel, hurtful jokes that I should have been in Ravenclaw. But I trouped on, and their harsh words only made me stronger. But perhaps I have built up my walls too much… After all, a man's fortress is never his home…I admit, I --"
And at this point, Harry leapt up and stole Voldy's wand, used it to Accio his wand, and pointed his own wand at the place where Voldy's nose should have been. "It's all about distracting your audience, you see," said Harry smugly. Voldy sighed, "Oh noez…" Then he 'apparated' away, yet again. "HE GOT AWAY! Until next year…" says Harry.
Then Cho comes out of the blue and says "Why thank you Harry. Have you seen Cedric? I was looking for him when Voldy snatched me…" and then Harry's like "I'm sorry to have to tell you this Cho Chang…Cedric died, trying to save you, with me. DON'T WORRY! YOU STILL HAVE ME THOUGH! D" the Cho says, "BUT I DON'T LIKE YOU! I LIKE CEDRIC!" Harry said, "Wow, that was hurtful." So everyone went to their places to sleep.
A/N - This could be the longest chapter in the story, but who knows what the future will bring…Reviews hopefully ;)
-Megan
