vampyregurl73: Thank you for the feedback and suggestions – I'm hoping that I caught more of the 'oh shit' moments this time!
Willara4ever: Could you ever doubt that Willow and Tara with Ceri would be anything but cute :-) I'm glad you like it so far!
JustJane18: Age and parenting helped me calm down SOME – I figure it could do the same for Tara. As for the visual of Buffy staking the slippers…I stole the concept from something I did. I kidnapped one of my co-workers Tigger slippers years ago and sent her a picture of them with ransom note. :-D
Chapter Rating: PG-13
Feedback: Pretty please…I'm flying without wings here - no beta reader…I'm my own worst critic and well I'm not sure this fic is good, but I'm hoping! If it's bad, someone please tell me!
Chapter 4
Tara got Ceri out of her bath and got her settled into bed before joining Dawn and Giles in the living room.
"Did you take a bath with her," asked Giles.
"I'm not sure, I didn't try to at least," laughed Tara as she looked down and noticed how wet her shirt was.
"So, I talked to Willow and she said that she loved the idea and if Giles can get the Council's help, we'll have a family vacation to Sunnydale."
"I'll go visit them first thing in the morning and get them working on it. What time does Willow get back into town day after tomorrow?"
"Her flight gets in at noon," said Tara. "I was going to pick her up and then we were going to go get something to eat and talk through some things."
"Is that a good idea right now Tara?" asked Giles. "I mean we are planning to go to Sunnydale and spend time with her, what happens if you two start talking and someone says something they shouldn't and you guys have a fight. Won't that kinda ruin the trip or at least add some unnecessary stress to it."
"Giles, we are adults," started Tara.
"Adults who until yesterday hadn't spoken in five years and still haven't addressed the issues that tore them apart five years ago."
"We can behave besides I won't do anything to ruin this trip for Ceri; I know how much she really wants to see where her Auntie Dawn lives when she isn't here with us," said Tara. "I also see the importance of Ceri getting to know her now."
"Alright, but if you guys get in a fight you are going to have to deal with one another because we are still going," scolded Giles.
"Yes dad," teased Tara as Dawn laughed at the interaction between them.
"You two are just too cute," said Dawn.
"Thank you," the two adults said in unison.
"Well, I am going to go read before I turn in. Good night girls."
"Night Giles," said Dawn as she gave him a quick hug.
Tara walked over and wrapped her arms around him and gave him a big hug, "goodnight Giles!"
"You guys have the best relationship," said Dawn after Giles left and Tara got situated on the couch.
"Well he helped me through some of my roughest times. Honestly Dawn, if it weren't for you and Giles I don't know how I would have survived the past five years. I owe you both so much."
"Tara, you are the strongest person I know. And I know that you would have survived without us being here, but I'm glad you didn't shut us out."
"I'm not that strong Sweetie; I just do what I have to do to survive."
"Willow is right; you don't give yourself enough credit on things. You survived your biological family and all that they put you through, your mother's death, then you became this badass wiccan, you took care of me and helped Buffy and I survive after mom died, you have ALWAYS been here when I needed you, when anyone needed you. Really you survived what Glory did to you, you held us together when Buffy died, then you helped us get back to functioning when Willow brought her back, then you tried like hell to help Willow with her addiction, and you survived walking away when I know damn well that none of us made it easy. I know I went out of my way to make it hard on you because I felt Willow should have been the one moving out, you were my mother at that point. Then you moved here finished your degree and have built your own business with multiple stores, you have raised one of the sweetest little girls in the world – and I am not biased. You did all that and honestly Giles or I being around or not would not have stopped you from surviving it all." Dawn said as a few tears streamed down her face as she tried to show Tara how much she truly admired and loved her.
"Sweetie, come here," said Tara as she pulled Dawn into a hug. "I love you too. You know that you will always be my best friend, and my daughter. I survived a lot of that on fear and the support of you guys though. I didn't do it alone."
"No, you didn't do it alone, that is what a true family is for, but you still survived it and knew when to ask for help and when to let us help you. That takes real strength."
"I'm a bit scared now though Dawn," admitted Tara.
"Scared of what?"
"I'm scared of letting Willow back into my life, into Ceri's life, and scared of the future and what it holds."
"Do you still love her? More-so are you still in love with Willow?""
"I never stopped loving her or being in love with her and that is part of what scares me too. I have built a life here, a life that I love, and I have to think of what is best for Ceri."
"You aren't alone in being scared about things. Willow is just as scared if not more," laughed Dawn. "She is scared about you two and the future as well. She told me that she isn't certain she would want her daughter growing up on the Hellmouth and in such a dangerous area."
"Really? She said that?"
"You're surprised? Tara she never stopped loving you and wanting to get you back into her life in one way or another."
"Willow and I have a lot to talk about and work through. What if she decides she wants to take Ceri away from me?"
"Ok, now you are just being a dummy. First of all, Willow would never do that, secondly, I'd kick her frilly ass if she tried, and a third reason, she loves you and would probably rather you all be a family rather than take Ceri away from the only mother she has ever known. Willow isn't stupid," scoffed Dawn.
"I never said I had rational fears, just that I had fears. So, better subject, what do you think Buffy's reaction is going to be?"
"She is going to freak, and then she is going to be pissed that we kept this from her, she's already not amused with me in general for keeping your location a secret and she doesn't even know that it was for the past five years, and then she is going to be giddy over being Auntie Buffy."
"You were honoring my wishes and really protecting Ceri. She can't be mad about that and if she does tough."
"This is Buffy we're talking about, the over protective Slayer. You do remember what she is like don't you?"
"Yes, I do," laughed the blonde. "It is going to be surreal going back to Sunnydale. I honestly never thought I'd set foot back there. I have a lot of mixed feelings about returning, though I do miss everyone."
"It's home Tara, no matter where you are – the Summers' house in Sunnydale is your home too. You believe that don't you?"
"Yes, I know it, but after all that went down with Will and I, I don't know that it still truly applies to me."
"Tara, you are family no matter what, if Buffy can't handle it – it's my house too and I say that you are family and it is your home. Don't push me Maclay, don't fight me on it just accept it as fact," laughed Dawn.
"Thank you, Sweetie."
"You're welcome," smiled Dawn.
"I think its bedtime," said Tara.
"I agree, good night Tara."
"Good night Dawnie."
"Hey T," said Faith as she came into the flat the next morning.
"Hey Faith," smiled Tara as she sipped her coffee.
"So, honestly, what was it like having Red around again?"
"Faith it was nice, it was surreal, it was scary, and it was Willow."
"I bet. So the truth, what really happened when you told her about Ceri?"
"Oh you mean when Mount St. Willow blew?"
"It was that bad?"
"Well, it wasn't good. There was swearing and yelling and all sorts of accusations flying around, but we got through it, and in reality it could have been much worse."
"Ceri seems to have taken a liking to her."
"Yeah, they are great together. Willow is a natural with her that actually scares me a bit. Dawn says I'm crazy and being a dummy, but what if she wants to take her away from me? What if Ceri likes her better?"
"Seriously Tara? Dawn is right you are crazy and a bit of a dummy. I mean wow your imagination is very out there. First Ceri loves you more than she could love anyone including Red, secondly, Red wouldn't try to take Ceri away from you, she sees the bond that you two have and the glow you get whenever that little girl is around. Oh and thirdly, I'd beat her ass into the ground if she tried to take her away from you or tried to hurt her."
"I have no doubt you would, and I know that my imagination is overactive, but they are fears that I am going to have until Will and I get some things worked out."
"And that is all on you and Red! When is she coming back? You need to make sure you are honest with her T for any of this to work."
"She gets back tomorrow. We are going to go out for lunch and talk and then come back here so that she can spend some time with Ceri. Giles is working to get us all on the same flight back to Sunnydale to have Buffy, Xander, and Anya meet Ceri so then there are no more secrets, no more hiding."
"Wow, that vacation would scare me. Are you guys going to at least give B a heads up?"
"Dawnie seems to think it'd be more fun not to, so we're going the 'Surprise the Slayer' route."
"Dawn is evil, I'm liking that kid more and more."
"Hey, no more corrupting my daughters," laughed Tara.
"I don't think you can blame me for her corruption…though when Ceri gets older, maybe I can take some of the blame, but that may even be a stretch, especially with you and Red as her parents."
"Watch it; I know ways to make you pay Slayer."
"You do, but you are too sweet and kind to use any of them to ME of all people," Faith said with a smirk.
"Yeah, not true," said Tara. "I'm not the same innocent person I used to be."
"Whatever! I've gotta run, but tell me when you guys are leaving and then when you get back we'll go out and you can let me know how things go in Sunnyhell. It should be VERY interesting."
"Will do," said Tara as she hugged the brunette Slayer.
Tara arrived at the airport a few minutes early to pick Willow to give herself time to find the right gate.
As Willow entered the terminal her heart skipped a beat, there was Tara waiting for her. She was leaning against the railing wearing a pair of faded jeans and a blue V-neck t-shirt that was the same color as her eyes that had the Brigid's Box logo on it. Willow couldn't help but smile at how beautiful Tara looked. Then she noticed the handwritten sign Tara was holding that said ROSENBERG.
"Hey you, nice sign," said Willow as she reached where Tara was waiting for her.
"Hey yourself," smiled Tara. "Do you need to get your luggage at all?"
"Nah, I decided to ship it home so that I wouldn't have to worry about fighting with it and checking it in. I just have my carry-on."
"Well then what do you say we get out of here and go get something to eat?"
"Lead the way," said Willow following the blonde out of the terminal to the car as she tried desperately not to look at Tara's butt, though she glanced occasionally and enjoyed the view.
"I tried to think of a great place to have lunch and talk and the best place I came up with St. James Park. It isn't far from here or the flat and the scenery is beautiful. Is that ok," asked Tara once they were settled in the car.
"Sounds great, I haven't seen much of the city in the few times I've been over here."
"Well then sit back and enjoy, it's only about 20 minutes from here."
Once they arrived at the park Willow was shocked at how beautiful it was.
"I can't believe that we're in town. This place is beautiful."
"Yeah, when I first moved to London I spent a lot of time out here meditating. Then while I was pregnant or once I knew I was pregnant with Ceri I think I created a permanent mark right over there in the area near what they call Duck Island, it's a little nature preserve for the parks birds. It is always so beautiful and peaceful."
"I can see why you spent so much time here between the view and well, even without using magic I can feel the grounding effect the earth has here."
They walked towards the island where Tara had already arranged to have a picnic set up before she went to the airport to get Willow.
"I just made some standard picnic stuff, I wasn't sure if your tastes were still the same and then my 'Willow-brain' and nerves got the best of me and every time I asked Dawn a question she laughed at me and told me to relax. She said it so many times to me that Ceri thought it was funny to walk up to me, tap me on the leg, tell me to relax and then run off giggling. I don't think Dawn is a good influence on her," Tara said with a lopsided smile.
"Yeah, that is our Dawnie. She didn't have anyone to pick on growing up so she is using the first kid she can get her hands on."
"Great and our daughter is her kid of choice?"
"I didn't say I condoned it, I just explained it. You have raised an amazing little girl though. She is so beautiful, sweet, caring…which doesn't surprise me, she is your daughter."
"Willow, she's our daughter. I know you haven't had a lot of time to absorb that, but she is ours and she has a lot of your qualities as well."
"Yeah, that still blows my mind, well, that and the fact that we're sitting here together talking. I honestly thought that I would never see you again or at least never get the chance to talk with you about anything."
"I'll be honest with you Will, for years I wasn't sure what would happen if I ever saw or talked to you again. Well, you personally, I see you in Ceri daily, those freckles, that red hair, as if there was a doubt that you on her parentage," laughed the blonde.
They ate in silence both lost in thought about where they were, where they wanted the future to go, was there a way to get there, and more importantly – did they both want the same thing. Neither was truly sure how to start their talk.
"Tara, I know you did what you had to, and if you hadn't left I never would have quit abusing magic. What did you do? Where did you go, well before coming here? What was the pregnancy like? Was she a good baby? There is just so much I want to know about both of you and your life together," babbled Willow.
"Will, are you sure you want to hear this? There are parts that aren't pretty and may be very hard for you to listen to."
"Tara, I need to know and to understand. I am prepared for there to be parts that are going to hurt, but I need to know. I'm still processing the hurt that we have a daughter and nobody mentioned it, and knowing what you were going through may help me with it."
"If it gets to be too much, just tell me and I'll stop. And I know that I was wrong for not telling you about her, I am sorry."
"I appreciate that," said the redhead as she got comfy on the blanket and looked deeply into Tara's eyes.
"When I first left the house I wasn't sure where to go or what to do. I went and found out that my old dorm room was available, so I moved in there to try and figure out what to do next. I thought that since we had so many happy memories there it would help. I spent a lot of time crying and wondering why. Why I wasn't enough for you, what made the magic so much more appealing? I was driving myself into a nice and cozy depression feeling helpless and worthless. I tried to understand my thoughts and feelings or make sense of them, I really did try. One day I went for a walk just to get out of the room and there were so many memories of you, Dawn, everyone, and our life together, I realized I needed to get out of Sunnydale. I needed to find a place to go, I sure as hell wasn't going back to my Dad's, but I didn't know where else to go. I don't know what made me do it, but I called Giles, maybe it was because he was like a father to us all, I really don't know what made me do it, but I'm grateful that I did. He and I talked for a long time about all that was going on and my leaving you and the house and he offered for me to come to London. At first it was just going to be to get my head sorted out, but then we found out I was pregnant and it just felt right to stay."
"Tara, how long was it before you left Sunnydale to come here?"
"I was there for two months. The first night I was here turns out to be the night that I became pregnant with Ceri. That was an interesting night, and one I don't think that Giles will easily forget. I had been having nightmares nightly since I had moved out of Buffy's house. That night I woke up screaming from the intensity of the dream I was having. I think I about gave Giles a heart attack when I screamed. He came running into my room and he just held me and comforted me until I had stopped shaking and then he stayed with me until I fell asleep. It was then that I had the dream about us and Ceri."
"THAT was your first night in London," squeaked Willow as Tara nodded. "What were the dreams about if you don't mind me asking and if it isn't too painful to talk about?"
"The first nightmares was reliving what Glory did to me, feeling the vivid pain of her breaking my hand, how it felt when she took my mind, how lost I felt after she did it. I dreamed of her coming back for me and there being no way for me to save myself since I was all alone. The second one was of you going all dark magic and veiny and trying to kill us all and end the world. The third dream was of Amy the rat and some slimy magic guy hunting us down trying to kill us; it then would transition to me getting shot through the heart and dying. That one I always woke up with a pain in my chest. They were so realistic Will, I could feel the pain, smell what is going on around me, I mean I even heard the background noises. That first night here I had the one about Glory."
"Wow, those are intense dreams let alone having them be vivid dreams."
"It wasn't until two months later that I found out I was pregnant. Giles and I were shocked and confused to say the least. Giles thought that there may be some type of demon possession because I had lived on the Hellmouth. We did tests to disprove that quickly. The weekend I found out was the first weekend that Dawn surprised Giles with a visit and got a surprise of her own finding out I was living here. When Dawn learned of the pregnancy she was so excited, that was when she started to spend every holiday and any time she could here with us. I don't know what I would have done without her that weekend. I was in shock, I was scared, I had no clue what to do, but her and Giles were there for me and have been ever since. Giles got the council to help with my Visa and all the stuff I needed to stay here."
"Wait, so Dawn has really known for all this time?"
"Yeah, she has. Please, don't be mad at her, she didn't say anything because I told both her and Giles that if either of them told you, Buffy or anyone I would disappear for good and I could guarantee that there would be no way that anyone would find me or the baby."
"I'm not mad, hurt yes, but definitely not mad. I'm glad you had them around, you know people who loved and cared for you and that you loved and cared about."
"Thank you for understanding. After I found out I was pregnant the nightmares finally went away, I was so grateful for the peaceful nights of sleep; I could however have done without the morning sickness."
"Oh no, was it really as bad as they say it is," said Willow feeling some pangs of guilt.
"Most days weren't too bad, but there were a couple weeks that were really bad and Giles had to take me in to the doctor to get IV fluids and nutrients because I couldn't keep anything down. Other than those couple of weeks it was a model pregnancy, Ceri did love to use my bladder as a squeeze toy and to practice her kickboxing. Trust me when I say that she has Slayer talent in kicking and punching." Tara saw Willow smirk. "Are you getting enjoyment out of what YOUR daughter did to my bladder?"
"No, not at all, but you do glow when you start to talk about her and that makes me smile; even if OUR daughter was a bit harsh on your bladder. Your smile is still very captivating," said Willow as Tara blushed. 'Stop flirting with her Rosenberg.'
"Truly unconditional love does that to you and how can you not glow talking about her? Dawn actually was here when I went into labor too, thankfully. Giles had been called away on some 'emergency' meeting at the Watcher's Council when my water broke and I went into panic/freak out mode. Dawnie actually kept her cool, she called Giles and told him to wrap up whatever he was doing and meet us at the hospital, she called my doctor, and then she got a cab and got us there safely. We arrived at the same time as Giles, and then the waiting started, I was in labor for 38 very long hours - without meds I might add. She was a very stubborn little kid."
"Wholly crap! You are a goddess," said Willow smiling in awe of the blonde.
"Well, I wouldn't go that far, but I believe it is good that I didn't know it was you that had gotten me pregnant because I was ready to put a curse whomever it was, and we aren't talking the hugs and puppies curses either," Tara said raising an eyebrow and fixing a knowing look at will before smiling at her. "Giles and Dawn were amazing though they got me through it. Once Ceri was born, I swear that I had to keep checking Dawn's bag before she left every visit; she loves Ceri so much she was ready to take her with. I love that Ceri is essentially her little sister, and she is so amazing with her; I've been so grateful for her visits. After Ceri was born I was able to finish University with a business degree and then I started my first Brigid's Box location, which is the one you saw the other day. I got lucky to have Giles' help with Ceri and the store. She was a great baby though, she slept almost through the night after the second month, she's only gotten sick once and that was a cold last winter. She was walking and talking by the time she was a year old, so she's been on the go for a while. She's so smart Will; I know she got that from you."
"I meant it the other day when I said I want to be a part of her life and for her to know me. I've already lost out on so much. Tell me more about her likes and stuff."
"I want you to know her too; I won't try to keep her away from you, now that you two have met. Things to know about Ceri…you already know she is smart, her favorite colors are blue and green, she has magical talent, though we are still teaching her fundamentals so knowing what all she is capable of hasn't been tested, but it is all light magic."
"What do you mean 'we' are still teaching her. Who is we?"
"Giles took me to the Council library often when I first got here and that is where I met Morrigan. She eventually became my magic mentor and subsequently Ceri's as well."
"So, she is with the Council? Tara you remember all the trouble they gave Buffy?"
"It's ok Will, she is with a Coven nearby that consults for the Council and several other organizations. Ceri calls her Grandma and she really has become that for her and a Mother figure to me."
"Oh, ok," said Willow.
"Ceri plays sports with some of the other kids and isn't bad, she loves her computer, reading, drawing, her favorite movies are Disney/Pixar movies, and you already know her vast knowledge of cartoons. She is an angel, though I maybe a bit biased. The more you get to know her, the more you find she has a thirst for knowledge and learning. Again, I believe that comes from you. She captivates the heart of all that get to know her. She's amazing, Will. Not to delve into darkness, and if you don't want to talk about it I understand, but what was it like for you quitting magic."
"For me quitting magic was one of the hardest and most painful things I have ever gone through next to losing you. There were months of waking up in a cold sweat totally drenched and disoriented, throwing up for hours. I am guessing I probably would have preferred your morning sickness compared to what I went through throwing up. Then there were the muscle cramps and aches from tensing, I had nightmares and daymares throughout most of the ten months, there were panic attacks that kept me from leaving my room at times. Buffy and Dawn stuck by me the whole time, Xander and Anya babysat me when they weren't working or to give Buffy and Dawn a needed break. I spent a lot of time the first few months crying over losing you and berating myself for being so stupid to choose magic and lose you. Knowing now that Dawn knew where you were and she still didn't say a thing to me shows how amazing and loyal she is. Though I would have liked to have known you were ok and about Ceri, I can also understand not wanting to put a baby in the hands of a newly clean addict. After getting clean I finished my degree in Computer Science."
"Will, Dawn told me that she told you guys that she had heard from me early on and that I was ok."
"Honestly Tara, she may have and the withdrawal was bad enough that I have no memory of it, but that was also one time and a lot transpired after that."
"I know you are still hurt Willow, I'm sorry, but I did what I felt was best for Ceri and I, and then as time went on I just got scared. I know that will never make up for things, but I hope that we can move forward."
"We can, it will just take time for all the feelings to process," Willow said through a small smile.
"What made you start your own business?"
"Dawn actually suggested it. Now that I have some additional insight on things I'm starting to question her motives. After I got my degree I had done a couple of consulting jobs before getting a full-time 9-5 job. It wasn't me, I didn't like being confined, I loved the consulting jobs that I had done and Dawn suggested that I start my own business and that way I could work from wherever I wanted and whenever I wanted. Right now I have about 40 clients and a wait list that is constantly growing."
"That is amazing Will, and I think you are right to question Dawns motives. She's sneaky and devious."
"We trained her well," said Willow causing them both to laugh.
They sat there for a bit in silence, just staring into one another's eyes, sensing that though they had a long way to go, there was still something between them.
"Tara, one thing that totally baffles me, how is it that you honestly aren't seeing anyone," blurted out the redhead.
"Like I said the other day, I haven't even been on a serious date since we broke up. Giles, Dawn, and Faith have tried to 'encourage' me to get back out there, they even set me up a couple times, but it wasn't for me, I had my one true love, my soulmate, already and now I'm focused on giving my daughter my love and attention and running my businesses. When I explained that to them, that was when Faith started to encourage me to talk to you and either make it work or let it go and get on with my life."
"So, when you gave me a hard time the other day for only having work and helping Buffy in my life, were you projecting as well?"
"I prefer to think of it as channeling my inner Giles," laughed Tara.
"I'm amazed that you haven't had a line of people trying to get your interest, even if you weren't interested in them. You still take my breath away just at the sight of you, let alone when you smile or laugh. I'm sorry if that is out of line or too forward, but I'm going for honesty here."
"I can say the same about you Will. I find myself getting lost in your eyes more than I care to or probably should admit."
"Are we going to be ok? I mean I know that we've both changed and our lives have been turned upside down, but are we ok with each other? Can we start moving forward to building some type of relationship together? Start rebuilding the trust?"
"I think so, trust has to be rebuilt for both of us, and we need to get to know one another again, but I think we're ok."
"Good," smiled Willow.
"What do you say we clean up and head back to the flat and spend some time with Ceri?"
"That sounds perfect I've missed her a lot."
After a short drive back to the flat, they were greeted by Giles.
"Well, I'm glad to see that neither of you threw the other into the water," joked Giles.
"That view was incredible, I loved it," said Willow.
Suddenly hearing a new voice as Ceri came racing into the room headed right for the two that had just arrived.
"Mommy," she screamed as she jumped into Tara's arms with a little more force than Tara expected and as she staggered backwards a bit Willow moved to catch Tara in case she started to fall over.
"Did you miss me?" said Tara as she nuzzled into her daughters neck.
"Yep, I always miss you when you are gone. Hi Willow, how was your trip?"
"It was really good, but I'm glad to have it done and be back here."
"I'm glad you're back here too! Wanna play a computer game with me? Auntie Dawn says you are good with computers and games."
"I'd love to play a couple games with you," said Willow as took Ceri out of Tara's arms and the two headed to Ceri's bedroom.
TBC...
