A.N: Seeing the views, it still makes me not understand why so many people are doing this to themselves.
heavy implied Siegfried/Zwei and Viola being the usual pervert
Summary: Giving a nickname to Siegfried
At Siegfried`s apartment
(Viola, Z.W.E.I and Siegfried are present)
V: What are you doing, boss?
(The blond man who is busy enough working on his laptop, furrows his eyebrows while massaging his poles)
S: How many times do I need to tell you that you shouldn`t call me boss.
(Z.W.E.I overheard the conversation and joins)
Z: Yeah Viola, don`t call boss, `boss`!
S: Especially you Zwei, you shouldn`t call me either!
Z:What`s that supposed to mean?!
S: It means, you two shouldn`t call me boss!
Z: What should I call you then?! Mr. Schtauffen?! (trying to make his voice girly) Ahem… Mr. Schtauffen you got a faaax. AS IF!
S: Are you mocking me right now?
Z: Ya wanna fight, old man? (stands up)
S: You`ll regret this like you always do.
V: Okay, sorry to interrupt. But you two can do it until I am gone unless it is something else, then I will watch.
S&Z:…
V:… ahem… I don`t want to call boss Mr. Schtauffen. It sounds weird.
S: What is weird on it! It´s normal since you refuse to address me with my name.
Z: I think that she doesn`t like your name.
V: No that`s not the reason… It sounds like this…
(Suddenly the light goes a few shades darker. Out of nowhere a pleasant background is playing)
Z: Oh no, there she goes again.
V: An innocent caretaker…*cough*…Zwei…*cough* of a successful living man, falls secretly in love with his employer and then… One day, the business man comes back home, drunk…he and the…
S: Okay enough of this shit. I am peacefully trying here to work and if you can do me a favor, get out immediately and stop thinking about stupid soaps!
Z: That`s not true! Drama soaps are great for an example: `the fallen red petals`! They have a well thought plot with drama, tragedy and suspense. Right now: Kilik, the ex-boyfriend of Xianguah, who everybody thought was dead, appears again and makes out with Xianguah because of the still, not settled feeling. Maxi found out about the two and is now up to stay silent in front of Xianguah`s current boyfriend.
S: In the end isn`t that just crap?! Which part is well thought!
Z:It`s not crappy! Charles gonna die!
S: Who the fuck is Charles?!
V:…Quickly the man grabbed the other´s shoulder for a hold and said: …You BLEEP me…Your BLEEP is BLEEP…AAAAH (in a monotone voice)
Z: Viola! Stop making weird stories!
S: The explanation was way too long and also there were too many BLEEPS that I couldn´t understand a damn thing!
Z: Nobody cares about it!
V: What`s weird about? Okay, you are not that girly but I used true facts!
Z: Wait a second…Did you peep in my bedroom?!
V:Pfft… Silly you. I do not peep, I use my magical eye to do the work for me…Oh?! (she shuts her mouth with her hands)
S: That is still called peeping, Viola.
Z: Who-cares- about- it!
S:Well I…
Z: Don`t even try it, Sieg!
S:There! You can call me with other nicknames!
Z: It depends on my mood!
S: What, if you are in doggy-mode, you call me master or what?! (if he is able to form a word beside whining and barking)
Z: Fuck no! But I will if you want to!
S: How lovely! (in a sarcastic tone)
V: You guys do realize that you are talking about your private life in front of a person whose imagination is quite strong…
S: Shut it Viola! Go stand in the corner and do your reflection!
V: So mommy and daddy are talking?
S: Viola, to the corner.
V: Mommy! Dad is being mean to me!
Z: How could you, darling! That`s horrible. She just a child!
S: I don`t remember raising her in that way… Why am I playing with and why are you doing this?!
V: Daddy don`t be violent! Mommy isn`t fault!
S: I am not your daddy! Your father is a woman molesting idiot with a French accent!
V: So mommy had an affair?!
Z: OH hell no! Even the French guy isn`t your real father!
S: Now you are being cruel…
V: I am adopted twice! That`s horrible…
Z: Yes my little flower, that`s explain why you are molesting people…
V: I am a pervert… Oh no…
S: That doesn`t sound reassuring at all…Why are we doing this?
Z: Darling! You do understand now that she isn`t that bad!
S: Uhm, are we still continuing this game…
V: (whispering) He has a knife….
S: Wasn`t the main problem how to call me…And Zwei put the knife down! You are only allowed it to when it comes to important matters!
Z: Kay! (throws the knife in the direction of Siegfried. The blond quickly dodges it)
S: Why?! I said put it down.
Z: Yeah, I did.
S: That´s not called `putting it down`
Z: Is that so…
V: He is angry cause you aren´t resting, boss.
S: I see that he is angry but just because I am forty doesn´t mean I need rest! And stop calling me like that!
V: Tch! He noticed.
S: Oh really?! I did?!
Z: Whatever you need rest!
S: Why? I am fine! Blurgh! (coughing blood)
Z&V: BOSS!
S: Stop it! Aren`t you giving me no rest!
T: Then we should call him with another name. How about Lord?
(The three turn, detecting Tira sitting on the window sill.)
S: Why…
T: Why what? Why Tira break in or why Lord?
S:…
V:From boss reaction…It was a no.
T: Awww
V: So since we are still at it… How about Aniki?
Z: We are not the Yakuza or some kind of mafia. And shouldn´t we take care of Sieg?
V: But Mitsuguri is one and has scars!
Z: Just because somebody has scars doesn´t mean he is one.
T: Then Tira has a question. (saying it while raising her hand) The blondie is weird, shouldn´t he actually have more scars since in one of the fights with Lord, he got severely injured?
Z: What should be weird about him beside the fact that the designers of this game are too lazy to make the scars since he is always wearing a full body suit… and being a dense person.
S: Why do you make it sound so bad? Is being dense so horrible for you?
V: Yeah and that is the reason why you died in Soul Calibur V.
Z: I didn´t die, I just fell from the cliff…
V: Yeah everybody who fell from the cliff survives….
T: Well the blondy almost got torn apart and is still here. Then why can´t the doggy?
V: That´s an argument…
Z: … (looking around)
V: What´s wrong?
T: So we finally come to the topic of Tira…
Z: Where is Siegfried?
V: Well he was sitting there, complaining…(she looks at the sofa, not finding the older man)
…He is gone!
T:…
Z:Siegfried! Siegfried! Where are you?! (searches through the apartment)
V: Did you find him?
Z: (comes back) No, maybe he went outside.
V: I never knew he was good in escaping.
Z: Yeah that would be weird…
(A few minutes silent)
T: Maybe he is hiding? (suddenly slapping herself) How the hell can a middle-aged man be good in hiding!?
Z: Is she alright?
V: Don´t underestimate an old man, clown with boobs!
Z:…
T: What? Is that my new nickname? From all insulting nicknames, you call me a clown with boobs.
Z: Does that now become a discussion about Tira´s nickname… Something dropping on me…Blood?!
V: You look like a clown all pale and full of makeup…and boooobs.
Z: Hey I found Siegfried! He is holding himself in the ceiling! Sieg, come down! That´s not very healthy what you are doing.
T: Why did you stretched the word boobs. Are you telling me that you like boobs. Should I take it in consideration that you like my boobs. You are saying that you want to touch my boobs!
V: Not really… You aren´t my type.
T: …
(Siegfried comes back on the ground, guided by Zwei to the sofa)
Z: You aren´t in the right state to do that!
S:Shut up! Leave me alone! I am better dead than alive!
V: Oh no, seems like boss has his suicide thoughts again…
S: I heard that!
T: Awww where I thought, he would be calmer and now he turned into that stupid person…
V: You mean where he didn´t forgive himself and almost dies in every ending in Soul Calibur IV?
T: Yeah that one! Where did you know?
V: Hilde told me about her husband. He always complained about how scary he was… The one you actually should call the wife.
Z: Oh that guy who always runs off when he sees Sieg!
T: like everybody else…
S: Come on. I´m not that scary…
(everyone else become quiet)
T&V&Z:…
S: …why ?
V: Don´t be mad, it´s your charm point, boss.
S:…
V: There aren´t many people who are dense and simple.
S: Viola, I know you are a woman. But can I hit you?
V:Boss, do you want to know why you are dense?
S: I don´t get it. Which part makes me dense? So tell me!
V:… Do you actually know what an S is?
S: Wait, what does it have to do with everything. Weren´t you going to tell me which part of me is dense?
V: Boss, answer my question.
S:So what if I don´t…(suddenly breaks down)
T: Should we now panic?
V:No…Zwei what did you do?
Z: I sedated him…
V: Why?
Z: You were telling him too much…
T: You have a problem.
