Different Shades of the Same Colour
Chapter 4 – Denial
It was twenty passed eight when Emily walked through the glass doors of the BAU. She wore a turtle neck sweater, to cover the red hand marks on her neck and her usual dark slacks. Her hair was perfectly straightened and her make up heavier than usual to hide her red rimmed eyes and the dark bags encircling them.
She saw the rest of the team at their desks or in their offices and studiously avoided looking at any of them. Sitting down at her desk she had this inane fear that if any of them were to look her in the eye they would know what happened. Silently she made the decision to avoid eye contact with any of her team and to avoid as much interaction with them as possible for a few days; she couldn't let them see her as weak and helpless.
She engrossed herself in work, ignoring the rest of the team as much as possible. That ignoring however was shot to pieces as JJ scurried through the bullpen, a folder inches thick in her hand. The team had a case, and by the looks of it an urgent one and Emily knew she would probably be forced into interacting with the team.
'Conference room, ten minutes guys,' JJ announced as she walked along the catwalk towards Hotch's office.
Emily looked up, startled at first before swiftly moving from her seat to get more coffee. She took her time in the break room, trying to avoid any conversation before they started the briefing. She watched as JJ and Hotch left his office before making her way in to the conference room.
She sat between Morgan and Reid, keeping eyes almost solely focused on the case file in front of her. She looked over the bodies, her mind drifting as she did so. She was so disconnected she didn't notice the rest of the team leave or Morgan talking to her until his hand met her shoulder, causing her to jump in her seat.
'I'm sorry, what were you saying?' Emily asked as she glanced up at Morgan, trying to control her anxious breaths.
'I was just asking if you were all right princess. You seemed a bit spacey,' Morgan replied his brow creasing in confusion and worry at Emily's behaviour.
'I'm fine, just tired,' she told him, quickly gathering her things and making her way out of the briefing room.
Morgan stood watching after her in confusion. He could tell something was wrong with the brunette and he wanted to know what. Watching her fiddling at her desk he made a mental note to ask JJ or Garcia about when the case was over.
Emily was silently grateful that the case had taken close to four days to solve. She was grateful because it was four days not having to face Harry after what had happened. In those four days she had delved further into denial, telling her self that they'd had rough sex and he hadn't forced himself on her, taking what he wanted. She was completely in denial about what had really happened and despite what she knew it really was she was still in love with him.
She sighed as she exited the elevator with the rest of the team and made her way into the bullpen. She dropped into her seat and got to work on her report, it was only five in the afternoon but she didn't want to be stuck doing her report tomorrow. She worked solidly, ignoring the team so she could be done by at least seven, she wanted to be home as soon as she could; she didn't think she could stand the teams looks and asking her if she was okay for much longer. She just needed a few days to her self before she could face them properly again.
Just like she had planned, it was a quarter to seven when she finally finished her report. She printed it out and took the file up to Hotch, he needed to sign off on it but she was hesitant to be around him without the presence of any one else. She knew he had noticed something was wrong, they all had but as her superior she knew he'd ask out of concern for her well-being and the teams.
She knocked on the door as she entered, sticking her head in first as Hotch gestured her into his office. She gave him a small smile, still not looking him in the eyes as she handed him her report.
He looked up at her, trying to catch her eye but just like the four days previous she avoided all eye contact. As she turned to leave Hotch just had to ask because he just knew there wasn't something right with Emily, he knew she was hiding something.
"Are you okay Prentiss?" he asked curiously.
She glanced briefly over her shoulder as she stopped at his door, "Fine sir," she told him.
Hotch didn't believe her for a second but she was already out the door before he couldn't question her on her obvious lie.
It was a quarter to eight when Emily finally got home and all she wanted was to lay down and sleep. It had been a long few days and the fact that she wasn't sleeping hadn't helped at all. Every time she closed her eyes all she could see was Harrys anger filled eyes as he tossed her upon their bed. Outwardly she had told her self it was just rough sex, really rough sex but deep down she knew the truth, she just wasn't ready to face it yet.
Walking into the apartment the first thing she noticed was Harry's bag and coat on the sideboard. She dropped her things by his and cautiously made her way through the apartment. She checked the downstairs and didn't find him so figured he'd but upstairs in the study or the bathroom or their bedroom. She silently hoped he was already asleep in their bed because she desperately wanted more time to prepare herself to talk to him.
Unfortunately luck wasn't on her side and he was just coming out of their bathroom as she reached the top step. He had a towel wrapped around his waist and despite everything Emily still couldn't help herself from staring at his well formed abs. It took less then a moment for Harry to look up and see Emily standing before him, causing his face to wash with regret and guilt.
"Emily," he gasped rushing to her but not touching her.
He knew he had crossed the line the other night and he wasn't sure how well she'd respond to him. He hadn't meant to go that far, he hadn't meant to rape her but he'd just gotten so angry and he hadn't been able to stop himself. He did regret it though; he had never thought he'd be capable of doing something like that to the woman he loved. He wasn't going to lie though, the power trip he'd gotten had been like nothing he'd ever felt before. The fact that he had the power to do whatever he had wanted with her, in that moment, was honestly, addictive.
"I'm so sorry about the other night. I went too far, I should have never-"
"Don't!" Emily cut him off, "Don't say it. It was…it was just, rough sex. Do you understand? Nothing else, so we can just forget about it," Emily told him, not looking him in the eyes.
"But Emily?" Harry questioned, not sure what to make of the situation now that the brunette wanted to pretend it had never happened.
"Just pretend like that night ever happened Harry because in my book it didn't," she told him as she brushed passed his towel-clad body.
Harry stared after her in shock. She was seriously telling him to forget the fact that he had raped her. She wanted to pretend that it had never happened and in doing so gave him permission to do whatever he wanted now because he knew, he knew, she would never tell anyone. She had just, unknowingly given Harry free reign to do whatever he wanted because she was always going to pretend it never happened and that was the biggest mistake she'd ever made.
AN: It's short I know but from now on I think the chapters will be getting longer. I would also like to say this chapter was really more of a filler chapter and a foundation chapter for what's to come. I promise next chapter will be more of the team worrying about Emily, and I hope you all picked up on the fact that Hotch and Morgan are both seeing a change in Emily, not just Garcia and JJ.
Um, as for the question I asked last chapter...I'll answer that in my next chapter, which I'm hoping to get up in a week. Two at the most. Please review! CT.
