Once the Soldier wakes up a second time – heart pounding and breath racing, but not screaming – he decides that everyone would benefit if he did not leave the room again, not until Steve returns. The less time he spends around people, the quieter he becomes. It's a struggle to remember the last time he came out of cryo, but he does know that when he first thawed, he hardly retained the ability to speak.
No communication is as good of a mission objective as the Soldier can think of on his own, but it fails immediately once the phone beeps with a message from Steve.
[text received from: Steve Rogers] Bruce is offering to teach you meditation. Want to give it a go?
[text to: Steve Rogers] Stark says Banner turns into a giant green rage monster. I don't know what he is referring to. But from what I know about meditation, that is a contradiction.
[text received from: Steve Rogers] New rule, Buck: Whenever Tony tells you anything, have either Natasha or Jarvis clarify it.
[text received from: Steve Rogers] And being a giant green rage monster is actually beneficial in this case. Sort of.
He spends the morning on meditation, which sounds promising until he realizes that it is not a less painful, more selective version of HYDRA's memory wipes and it is not something that can be done to him, but something he must do himself. The Soldier has trouble figuring out whether or not he is hungry without assistance, so how can he shut down the thoughts and feelings and creeping nightmares in his head just by willing it?
When Bruce – who, as far as the asset can tell, shows no signs of rage or greenness – dismisses him with a smile and words of encouragement that must be borne out of pity, the Soldier begins back toward the room where he sleeps, only to be interrupted by Stark, who is in a suit of armor and carrying a casserole dish of the thing called ratatouille. He says it is from Thomas Keller himself, as though the Soldier knows who that is, and he felt like flying out to California to get some and set the mood for the next film viewing. This is how the Soldier ends up eating the second pleasant food he can remember having while watching the adventures of a computer-generated rat, along with the others. Half of the commentary during the film involves Thor trying to pronounce various French words.
His accent would kill Dernier, the Soldier thinks abruptly, and he cannot recall who Dernier is when he tries to revisit the thought.
[text to: Steve Rogers] Are you certain these people helped you save the world? Someone else may have done it for them when you weren't looking.
[text received from: Steve Rogers] Remind me to introduce you to Youtube when I get back. And don't ask anyone else about it. Tony would make you watch videos of him for hours, and I shudder to think of what he's got floating around online.
In the evening, Bruce and Stark disappear into the labs and Natasha announces that she and Barton – the Soldier managed to catch his name during the film – are going to retrieve Oreos. The Soldier does not know what Oreos are, but he takes the opportunity to slip back into his room and is confronted by the voice of the machine in the walls immediately upon arrival.
MR. STARK INSISTS THAT YOU EAT AT LEAST TWO MEALS A DAY, SERGEANT BARNES, JARVIS explains, and the Soldier decides it fruitless to argue. Stark appears to understand how being a human works – he reminds the Soldier of Americans in propaganda films, only he is not obese and nor is he a slave-driver – so perhaps he has a point. Besides, the kitchen will be empty, so it isn't as if the man will need to speak.
Or so he assumes. In actuality, the possible god is there, drinking from an ornate and massive tankard. "Greetings, Soldier of Winter!"
The Soldier is not sure Steve would want him to respond to that name, so he makes a noncommittal sound in reply.
"Midgardian ales are so small," Thor says, in reference to his beverage, "and so weak that I have to combine them if I hope to feel anything at all."
"I can't drink," the Soldier says, though he can remember someone, maybe a handler, putting a glass briefly to his lips in celebration of something and laughing at the frown he gave upon feeling the burn of alcohol. He knows enough about intoxication to realize it is a bad idea for someone struggling not to kill everyone while sober.
"Ah," says the god, and retrieves a second, equally enormous tankard, pouring the full gallon of milk from the refrigerator into it. "Here."
The Soldier decides that is a large enough portion to constitute a complete meal and begins to drink.
"What does it come from?" Thor's eyes are on him, his expression both puzzled and smiling, as always.
"крупный рогатый скот." The Soldier wipes at his mouth. "Cattle."
"There are cattle on Asgard." Thor's voice when he says it – when he says most things – makes it sound as though this is the best thing he's ever heard. He is off, going on about what Midgard has that Asgard doesn't and vice versa, and something about "bilgesnipe" and his encounters with them, the way that he and his brother would provoke them.
The Soldier is content to let him speak, drinking in silence. The lighter the tankard becomes, the more aware he is of an odd and increasingly unpleasant pressure in his stomach. The Soldier has never been full before, not that he can recall. He eats when he is told to and stops when what he's been given is gone. The thought of listening to his body's signals and ceasing before the glass is empty does not occur to him.
Around an hour after sitting down, the tankard is empty and the Soldier is reeling internally in a mix of nausea and pain and completely missing all of the adventures the god is describing. He concludes that this sensation must be a result of sabotage, poisoning, and in that moment, the most logical course of action that occurs to him is to rip the door from the refrigerator with his metal arm and send it hurtling toward Thor's head.
Five minutes or so into the ensuing battle, the Soldier's metal arm is malfunctioning from the blows rained down upon it, and that only serves to make him angrier. He resolves to make this god bleed, but the effort is immediately halted by the sudden and uncontrollable vomiting the Soldier begins to experience. By this point, Stark and Bruce have arrived and Thor is holding the asset's hair back, apologizing for not understanding the frailty of Midgardian physiology.
"I think it's time for some house rules, Frosty," Stark says. The Soldier is lying down on one of his workbenches, body tensed and ready for searing, all-consuming pain that does not arrive as the man repairs his damaged arm. "Rule one: No destroying appliances lovingly selected by Pepper. I mean, that's getting me in trouble here without even having the chance to earn it. I can destroy my own fridge, thanks."
Elsewhere on the same floor of the building, the Soldier can just make out Barton shouting at the god. It isn't the fight that bothers him from what the Soldier is hearing, but rather the lack of milk. He makes out the words "You can't wash cookies down with water!" and then the sounds of someone stomping away.
"Rule two," Stark continues, "next time you think you've been poisoned, you say "I am not feeling well and may require medical assistance." Or something similar but less "Danger Will Robinson" about it. You know, so we have a chance to see what's wrong before you use your karate chop action?"
"Well?" the Soldier repeats. Missions go well. He understands the word then. What does it mean in regards to people?
"Yeah, well. As in, not about to be sick everywhere? Content? Not in pain? Healthy and happy?"
"Happy," the Soldier repeats.
"Uh-huh," Stark murmurs, switching out one tool for another.
"Then I am never well."
There is a pause in which their eyes meet. "We're also gonna have to have a talk about things not to say when Cap's around," Stark says finally, but the Soldier's mind is suddenly in another place, another time.
"Your father said we'd have flying cars."
Stark blinks. "One train of thought at a time, Tin Man, okay?"
"At the expo, decades ago." He can remember watching. "He said it would be a few years before everyone had a flying car. What happened?"
"Fury's car had flight capabilities before you flipped it with your Frisbee of death," Stark offers. "Dad got a little distracted with stuff like the war, searching the sea for MIA patriotism popsicles, and forming SHIELD and all, but hey, remind me once we've taken out HYDRA for good this time and I'll see what I can do for Project Chitty Chitty Bang Bang."
The Soldier's expression had gone blank at "MIA patriotism popsicles," and it remains that way.
Thor enters, leaning against the doorframe with a sigh. "Your people are so excitable. And confusing."
The Soldier realizes he is included in that statement, yet he still cannot help but agree.
A/N: Thomas Keller is an American chef who developed the type of ratatouille used in the Pixar Ratatouille film.
Jacques Dernier was the French member of the Howling Commandos.
Drinking a gallon of milk in an hour is a surefire way to be sick everywhere.
Somewhere out there exists a comic in which Clint has a tantrum due to having no milk to wash down cookies, and that is the reason why there's so much Hawkeye-related cookie stuff in this story.
