A/N: Okay… So great news! I had more time to work today. Yay! Thanks to Tanya and chocolateelephantz who reviewed. Not to mention my first two reviewers; you guys rock! Ummm, any new-coming readers please enjoy! I love review; they immensely inspire me.
Okay, so on with the new chappie. Hopefully it's longer than the last one. LoL! I was inspired, what can I say?
Early Mornin'
Ever have one of those moments? Like, you have something you need to say, and you spend all this time working up the courage to say it when something else just jumps up and "steals the spotlight?" I can't tell me dad now, he'll freak. That's too much in one day. He's already "losing one of his babies". Yep! Sadie decided to drop the bomb. The simple, yet elegant white-gold and diamond ring stood out like a sore thumb (but more gorgeous) on my sister's left hand. It's strange, really. All that wishing my sister were here, and now that she is, I am almost disappointed. I was actually ready to tell me dad. Now? No way. Too many surprises.
After congratulating the lovebirds, I finally went upstairs. Sadie came up shortly after to unpack and let dad and Kwest get to "know each other more". Ugh! It's so…weird. Maybe I'm just acting insanely jealous. I have no idea what is wrong with me. Psychotic much? Possibly. I blame mood swings.
Yes, I think I have started showing other symptoms besides the more-recent morning sickness. Even still, the nausea isn't as bad as I thought it would be. But after looking at my calendar to see if pregnancy was even a possibility, I noticed something else. I would be somewhere around eight weeks. Now that I think about it, I think the baby is considered an actual fetus now, and not just an embryo. Either way, I'm still a few paces off the deep end. I have no idea how I can be so calm on the outside, while inside…I'm having a full-blown panic attack.
I spent some time, before I took the test, wondering what would happen if I was pregnant. I mean, before I knew I actually was. What would it be? What would it look like? Would it love music as much as mommy and daddy do? Would it be glad to have me as its mommy? Would I even make a good mother? Can I handle raising a child? Now? Ever? How would my family and friends react? How will my fans react? The paparazzi would go absolutely insane. Eighteen-year-old, single, Instant Star pregnant! That's just great!
I even started debating whether or not I should get my own place. If I did, I can almost picture my life. The baby, maybe a dog, a nice apartment…all to myself. It sounds nice…quaint. But it still seems off. What could possibly be missing? That's a rhetorical question, never mind. I know exactly what, or rather who, is missing from that picture. I just…I don't think he'll be as understanding as people would say. Especially after I broke his heart. And then if he comes back and the first thing he sees is me pregnant? Even if he learns it really is his, would he be upset because I never tried to tell him? Not that telling him by email/text/phone would be a very smart thing to do. That's one of the most, or rather three of the most, horrible ways to tell someone something like that.
It might make for a nice Christmas present though. Or not. Or not. Who honestly knows right now? I am too confused to really think. Oh! I'm just so…lost. Without him? It's awful. I feel so lost, so…lonely. I need him. I really do. I can't do this, any of it, without him. Maybe I should just, try to call him and calmly explain things. Maybe-
My thoughts are abruptly halted as my sister knocks softly before inviting herself in. I'm lying on my back, on the bed, day-dreaming. Or so it appears. My hands are gently resting on my stomach, on my child. Not that Sadie knows that yet. I let my eyes wander over to her. My features immediately switch from content, to confused. She is no longer smiling or holding that engagement glow. Something's up.
"Sadie, what"- She cuts me off.
"Jude, what is going on? Dad told me that you practically collapsed in his arms earlier. He said you wanted to tell him something right before we walked in. What"- She stops and looks at my stomach, my smooth hands resting on it. Noticing the fact that her eyes are widening, I quickly remove me hands from their comfortable position. "Jude?" She already figured it out, I can tell. Sadie may be blonde, but she is far from dumb. The tone of her voice isn't questioning what is wrong, but how this could happen.
"I just found out today…" I whisper. She lets herself fall onto the bed next to me, her hand covering her mouth in a gasp. She is surprised to say the least. Why wouldn't she be? Her baby sister is having a baby. "Sadie, I", I choke out, "I'm so sorry. I don't even know how I let this happen. I just, I…I feel so confused, so lost. What am I gonna do?" I sob and sit up, noting the tears falling from her eyes. She finally pulls her hand away, only to pull me into a hug. We stay like that for several minutes, hugging, crying together, and comforting each other. This is the way it should be. I really did miss my sister.
When she finally pulls away, she wipes away her tears, letting out the smallest of laughs. "Jude. It's okay. It'll be okay. Okay?" I nod at her, letting a final few tears escape. "I'm here for you. We'll…we'll do this together. Just…just know I'm here. You aren't alone, Jude. I promise."
I nod once more, truly believing her words. "Sadie, you have no idea how much that means to me. Now all I have to worry about? Telling Spied, Dad, Jamie, and everyone else." I let out a slight laugh. She smiles at me, and now, I don't feel as alone anymore. I know she's here for me. She always will be.
I wake up, the bright, cheery sunshine beating down on my face. I blink away the bright shock to my eyes. The headache I had last night from so much weeping is no more. I feel, somewhat relieved. I'm not the only that knows now, and I know I'm not on my own. It feels nice, waking up and being grateful for this beautiful day. Despite the snow, the sun is shining brightly, gleaming full of life. And hope!
After showering and picking out slightly looser clothing, I head downstairs. I think, whether he can handle it or not, it's time I tell dad. Might as well tell Kwest, too, since he's still here. I am assuming he stayed the night. But what do I know? I over-slept, he could have come back earlier.
Bounding into the kitchen, I see Sadie at the stove, my dad, Kwest, Paegan, and ohmygod! Jamie. Now what? Well, Sadie knows and I am guessing she told Kwest by the dirty look he's giving me right now? I look at Sadie questioningly and she confirms my thoughts. She told him. Yay! Note the sarcasm. He's pissed at me because he knows whose it is. He also knows I haven't told that certain person. As for my dad, Paegan, and Jamie, they have no clue. Problem: I wanted to tell dad. He needs to know. Paegan could even know, as long as he can keep a secret. Jamie? Wow. This may just be fun. I was hoping not to lose my best friend. Ever.
Remembering what I said to him the day Kat broke up with him. The same day we "unveiled" out tattoos. I made him promise that no matter what, we would stay best friends forever. We even pinky-swore it. Not that that can add up for much to most people, but for us it means the world. He's been my best friend for fifteen years and I'm not about to end it. He's helped me through so much, and maybe, just maybe, he can help me through this too.
I look to my sister once more, pleading with my eyes on what I should do. She just looks at me like 'you need to deal with this'. Goodie. My dad smiles at me, but his eyes are curious. Right, he's still worried about me because of yesterday. I smile brightly back at him, and then, as quickly as it came, I let it fade.
"Morning." I say, attempting to sound cheery. Again, attempting. Not really succeeding. Jamie moves over to me and gives me a hug. I think my dad may have told him what went down yesterday, because his tone sounds worried, too. I sigh. I have to suck it up and do this, whether Jamie hates me or not. I take a deep breath. "Okay, okay. I know. Dad, I was trying to tell you something yesterday." All eyes are on me, but to prevent myself getting general paralyzing freaked-out-ness, I avert mine to focus on my dad. I can do this. I can do this. I take another deep breath, and finally start.
"Dad. I have some news." I know it may seem like I am drawing it out. Kind of like how announcers of contests draw out the winner's name. Trust me I know how that one feels. But I am honestly not. It's not like that at all. This is hard for me. Especially with Jamie in the room. I guess I should be glad that Tommy isn't here. I couldn't do it if he was.
My dad coaxes me into confessing. "Honey, whatever it is you can tell me. You know that. Just…please. Tell me, you're scaring me." He is giving me the most heart-breaking look right now. I can't take it.
"Dad!" I cry, but shoo Jamie's comforting arm away. I need to get this out. Now. "Daddy, I'm so sorry." Sadie rushes to me side, and holds me up just as I feel my body give out.
"Jude, c'mon. You can do this." She nods reassuringly at me, her eyes filled with genuine certainty. I force back more tears, and frustratingly wipe away the ones left on my face. I look up at my dad's face once more, and my heart immediately breaks by the hurt I see there.
I look down. I can't face him when I tell him. It'll break his heart. "Dad?" I whisper. "I'm…I'm pregnant." I utter out so softly. It didn't matter. They all heard it. They were so silent, we could hear a pin drop, so as not to miss a thing I would say. And it worked. They know. They all know. Now I just have to tell SME. And eventually, daddy.
I feel strong arms wrap around me as I let my head fall onto the shoulder. No more tears come. I'm too shocked to cry anymore. I still can't believe this is happening to me, now. As my breathing slows back down, I feel warm liquid on my shoulders. My dad's arms are the ones keeping me secure. I knew it would break his heart. How could this have happened? I mean, children are supposed to be blessings, but not now. Why me, why now?
After staying in my dad's arms for what felt like an eternity, he finally pulls away. He still is bearing that heart-breaking look. I can't handle this, knowing I've caused his pain. Is this what Tommy always saw on my own face? I hope not. It's not a great feeling: guilt. It leaves the bitterest taste in your mouth, and can leave your body feeling like it's been hit by something hard and metallic
"Dad, please say something." I exhale. I hadn't even realized I'd been holding my breath. He shakes his head gently.
"I, uhm. I have to…get to…get to work. I'll uh, see you…later." He grabs his briefcase and, after glancing at me, swiftly exits the room. When I hear the echo of the front door closing, I let myself collapse into the nearest chair. Sadie sits down next to me, whispering comforting words into my ear. I can't even bear to look up at Jamie, not after seeing how badly it wounded my dad.
"Sades…what. What did I do, to deserve this?" I know it sounds downright evil, for me to think a child could be a terrible thing, but I just can't handle this right now. It's too hard of a time.
"Jude Elizabeth Harrison! How dare you think this a burden! Most people would think of it as a blessing." Told you. I interrupt her before she can rant on more.
"Sadie. Calm down. I didn't mean it quite like that. I just mean, I don't know how I can do this. Right now? I mean this is hard." Her expression softens and a small smile graces her features. Oddly enough, I can feel myself smiling too. Maybe things will be okay. I think back to what she said yesterday and feel that small part inside of me that is holding onto hope, I can feel it expand.
"I can't believe you let him do that to you." A cold voice interrupts. My head snaps in the direction of the voice. Of course! The owner of that voice is Jamie. His face is cold, hard. It's that seething, non-Jamie thing again.
"Jamie"- I'm cut off by him walking out and slamming my door behind him. Paegan looks at me, and speaks gently, comfortingly, before following Jamie. "Jude, sweetheart. Don't worry about him. He'll come around; he's just shocked. Give it time. In the meantime, I'm here. If you need anything."
I smile grateful for him. He's a good guy, honestly. After he leaves, my eyes trail to my soon-to-be brother-in-law. "Kwest…please don't be mad at me. I only found out yest"- He cuts me off.
"Jude, I'm not mad at you. Honest. But there is something you need to do." He stands up, kisses Sadie on the cheek, and leaves the room. "I'll leave you two alone for now."
"Thanks, babe." Sadie says. Another smile grazes her face as she looks at her fiancé.
"Sadie?" She looks at me and refocuses on anything I might need. "I think I'm going to head to the space. I need some time to think. Not to mention, I should tell Spied. And I know he'll understand." She nods.
"Whatever will be good for you." I stand up and, after re-doing my makeup, head out the door. I sigh as I get into my car. This is going to be one long day. So much has happened and it's only early mornin'.
A/N: Okay, so that's it for now. I'm already working on Ch. 3. And may have it done by tonight. I wrote more than I thought I would, but I'm actually happy I did. So review. Lol! Thanks guys…soooooo much.
Much love,
LeeCee
