CHAPTER FOUR – "Our lives would never be the same,"

At six thirty, after a less than reasonable night's sleep on the couch, Tony was woken by an unusual weight on his back. He lifted his head to see Jamie, sitting comfortably on his back, watching the TV that Tony had forgotten to turn off the night before.

"Whatcha doing there, kid?" Tony grunted, trying to sit up. "There a reason you're sitting on my back?"

"Nowhere else to sit," Jamie explained simply and Tony sighed, knowing Jamie had a point – they were both currently on the only couch in the apartment. He picked the boy up and sat up himself in one swift movement, then set Jamie beside him on the couch with a smile.

"Can we go see my mommy now?" Jamie asked.

"Your parents are busy. They'll come and pick you up when they're ready."

"What are they doing?" He asked, and Tony sighed. Why did kids ask so many questions?

"Why don't you ask them when they come and get you in a few hours?" He suggested, standing.

"Now what do you want for breakfast?"

"Ice cream," Jamie grinned.

"How about cereal?" He negotiated as he opened the pantry, finding no cereal in sight.

"Okay… How about left over pizza?" He asked, opening the fridge. There was still a slice left. He put it on a plate and gave it to Jamie, who was grinning in delight. Tony was pretty sure he had broken every rule of babysitting in one night.

"Now here's the important bit. You can't tell your mom."

Jamie nodded furiously, taking a bite of the pizza.

"If I don't tell my mom, can I go home after breakfast?" He asked, and Tony couldn't help but feel guilty as he stared into Jamie's dark, sadness-filled eyes.

"Haven't we had fun?" Tony asked, sticking his bottom lip out into an exaggerated pout.

"I still miss mommy," Jamie reasoned, a frown set on his face.

"You don't want to finish your movie?" Tony asked hopefully, remembering the movies they had rented the night before for Jamie to watch. "You only saw the start last night, and you have the second one to watch too."

"Can't I take them home and watch them with mommy?" He asked, and Tony shook his head in frustration.

"You drive a hard bargain." There was no negotiating with the kid. "You eat your breakfast, and I'm going to call your mom, okay?" He asked, leaving Jamie in the kitchen eating his pizza.

He rang her mobile, only to be greeted by her voicemail.

"Hey, Ziva, it's Tony. I've got one homesick boy here, and I'm fairly sure he will be conning me into taking him home in the next hour, so if you could call me back, that'd be good… Just giving you a heads up."

"Can I talk to her?" Jamie asked hopefully, as Tony hung up.

"Sorry, bud, she didn't answer. She's probably still asleep."

Jamie shook his head vehemently. "She's always 'wake before me,"

"Why don't you at least watch the end of the movie, so we can be sure that she's awake when we get there?" He suggested, and Jamie reluctantly agreed, as Tony followed him back to his room.

Jamie took the opportunity to jump on the bed as he watched the remainder of the film, which didn't turn out to take as long as Tony had hoped.

"Let's go, let's go!" Jamie said, bouncing off the bed and picking up his backpack as soon as the credits began to roll.

"Calm down," Tony said, looking around the room for anything that didn't belong to him. He couldn't understand how Jamie had so much energy, especially so early in the morning.

"Shouldn't you get changed out of your pyjamas?" Tony inquired, and Jamie shook his head.

"Don't matter."

"At least put your sweater on," he said, taking it from the backpack. "And your shoes," he found them at the foot of the bed, and helped Jamie tie them.

"Okay, let's go!" Jamie encouraged, but Tony looked down to realise he was still in his sweats and an old T shirt.

He pulled a sweater on too, and followed Jamie out to the car. He strapped him into the car seat Ziva had lent him, and twenty minutes later they were standing at Ziva's door. Jamie knocked loudly, before Tony could stop him.

"You don't want to wake everyone else," he told Jamie, taking his hand, and checking no angry neighbours were sticking their heads out their door.

A few minutes later Ziva opened the door, wearing nothing but a silk robe – similar to the one she had donned when they had been undercover all those years ago – her hair tousled, radiating sex. Tony wondered how Jamie could be so oblivious, when to him it was so blatant, so hard to ignore.

"Hi," he stammered, unable to take his eyes off her.

"Is something wrong?" She asked Jamie, concern flashing across her face.

"I called you…" Tony started, before Jamie interrupted.

"I missed you!" He exclaimed, and Ziva lifted him effortlessly onto her hip, as if he were still a baby.

"I missed you too," Ziva responded. "Do you want to come in, Tony?" She asked politely, but he shook his head.

"Nah, its fine." He handed her the DVD's he had rented for Jamie. "We rented these, he still hasn't watched the second one, I thought he might want to…" He trailed off, forcing himself to stare at the floor, and not at the way Jamie's weight on her hip was pulling the robe down, exposing her bare shoulder.

"Thanks," she bit her lip as she watched him, so uncomfortable. Daniel came to the door, slipping his arm effortlessly around Ziva's waist, and pressing a kiss to her cheek.

"Hey, Tony," he nodded, before turning his attention to Jamie.

"You're back," he exclaimed, as Ziva put him down. "Why don't you come put your backpack down?" Daniel suggested, leading Jamie into the apartment, and leaving Tony standing at the door, trying not to watch as Ziva straightened the robe, tightening the tie around her waist.

"Did everything go okay?" She asked, and Tony nodded.

"We had fun. He just, really missed you this morning. You may want to feed him some actual breakfast, though," he answered with a guilty smile.

Jamie came running back to the door, pushing past Ziva.

"Bye Tony," he said, hugging his leg. Tony crouched down, pulling him into a proper hug.

"Bye, buddy. Now remember what we talked about this morning," he told Jamie, and Jamie nodded.

"Don't tell mommy," he repeated in a whisper, but it was loud enough for Ziva to hear.

Tony smirked when Ziva glared at him. Five years ago, he would have been petrified by a look like that. Now? He felt something, but scared wasn't it.

Tony held out his hand as they did the secret handshake he had taught the boy the night before, and with another wave he had disappeared behind the door, having returned to his father.

"Was he good?" Ziva asked, as Tony stood.

He wanted to ask 'were you' or something similar,but he wasn't sure whether it was appropriate in this new friendship they had started.

"He was. You have a great son, Ziva. I mean, he's cute, loves his movies, funny as hell. With a few tips from yours truly he'll be a heartbreaker in years to come. What more could you want?"

She gave him a small smile, shaking her head. "You are not teaching my son about women."

"Too late," he grinned. "Nah. That's something his father should do. After all, I'm one who's going home to an empty apartment every night, when he has you. Not easy to see who the winner is there." He said softly, full of sincerity before his face flooded with embarrassment. "I'll talk to you later." He mumbled, turning to leave. She grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"Thanks for last night, Tony," she told him, leaning forward to place a kiss on his cheek.

"Yeah," he mumbled uncomfortably, trying to focus on not grabbing her and kissing her properly. He couldn't cross that line, he forced himself to remember. She is married. She has a son. She made her decisions, many years ago. She doesn't want you.

She watched him leave, stunned at how he had grown up in the last five years; he had matured considerably. She closed the door once he was out of sight, joining Daniel and James in the kitchen.

"… and then we had dinner and watched Shrek," Jamie was telling his father.

"That sounds fun," Daniel answered as Jamie nodded.

"What did you have for dinner anyway?" Ziva asked, eyeing her son carefully.

"Pasta with veg-tables," he said purposefully. Too purposefully.

"James…" She warned and his eyes went wide.

"Tony said I can't tell you," he replied, but with one look from his mother, the words were spilling out of his mouth instantly.

"Pizza," he answered. "But don't tell Tony I told you!" He pled, and Ziva frowned.

"Why not?" She inquired.

"Tony said when your best friend tells you a secret, you don't tell anyone. Just like you don't tell anyone the secret handshake," Jamie explained.

"Best friends, huh?" Ziva asked, as her son nodded.

"Tony said that he doesn't have a best friend anymore cause you used to be his best friend, but then you couldn't be his best friend so I told him that I could be his best friend," he explained, only fumbling on a few words as he repeated what Tony had told him the night before.

"Really? What else did Tony say that was a secret?" Daniel asked with a playful smile.

"He said that he loved my mommy just like I do," Jamie answered proudly, not noticing the smile disappear from his father's face.

"How about you watch the movie Tony rented you?" Ziva suggested quickly, setting up the TV in the living room and making sure Jamie was fully occupied before leading Daniel into the bedroom. If they were going to fight, Jamie sure as hell wasn't going to hear it.

She looked at the room, completely dishevelled, clothes discarded all over the place, a lamp having fallen off the bedside table in their rush to find the bed in the dark.

She faced Daniel, wondering how a few words could change the mood so entirely.

"I knew it," he accused, facing her, as anger flooded through him. "He has always had a thing for you."

"He has not," Ziva defended. "Stop being ridiculous."

"Ever since the day I met him he has hated me for no other reason than the fact that I'm with you, and he's not."

"That's not true. He was my partner. Our jobs included protecting each other, having each other's backs. It is not my fault that he is overprotective," she said, trying not to overreact.

"It's more than that, Ziva, it always has been," he lowered his voice, not wanting to upset her any more than he had already. "Until you got pregnant, and then suddenly everything was different. He was no longer all over you, no longer correcting your grammar every second of every day. You never even told me what happened." He said, expecting her to tell him now. Her face flushed with the memory.

She had spent the morning in the ladies bathroom, vomiting. When she returned to the squad room, Gibbs stood waiting.

"How far along are you?" He asked, and she wasn't even surprised that he had figured it out.

"Eight weeks," she answered, looking at the floor.

"Congratulations," he had kissed her on the cheek, and left without another word, leaving her in the bullpen, a little stunned.

"You're pregnant," Tony's voice startled her, and she turned around to face him.

"Yes," she stated, recognising the anger in his eyes.

"Is it mine?" He spat, and her gaze returned to the floor again, suddenly passivity overcoming her, instead of the desire to fight back. He grabbed her arm, his nails digging into her flesh, causing little beads of blood to appear. Passive Ziva had always scared him. He was used to the Ziva who would never back down from a fight.

"Is. It. Mine?" He asked steadily.

"No," she forced out in a whisper. At that he let her go, leaving her alone in the squad room. She had bitten her lip, not knowing the answer to his question herself.

"He didn't like that I was leaving," she said lamely. "He thought it was because of you, and he didn't like the idea of having a new partner. And you were more than happy that he was out of our lives, that he was no longer an issue between us." Tears were in her eyes now, as she stared at him, and at that Daniel recoiled, regretting having upset her.

"I gave up my friends, my job, my life, for you. So that we could be a family. So I could look after Jamie, and so you could keep doing what you loved." She took a breath. "I don't regret it." She added. "We have the family I always wanted. But you never acknowledge the sacrifices I have made for us. And now you throw this in my face, when it's nothing? When all Tony has done is be a good friend? Give us a night alone together for the first time in years?"

He was sitting on the bed now, ashamed.

"I'm sorry," he started. He stood, putting an arm around her waist and pulling her into a hug.

"I do recognise the sacrifices you have made… Everything you have done for our family. For Jamie…" He pulled away from the hug, cradling her face in his hands.

"I love you so much," he said, kissing her lips softly.

"I love you," she replied, as she remembered her last year at NCIS.

It had started just like any other day, but after the case had turned ugly, the kidnapped petty officer being killed minutes before they arrived to save her, they had both needed comfort. It began innocently enough. But a 'just stay the night' plea from Tony had resulted in her naked in his bed the next morning. Two weeks later, after they had sworn to forget it, she had met Daniel. The charming lawyer; he was almost too perfect. They were dating for five months before it happened again. It started with a kiss, a kiss she knew she should have prevented.

"Do not do this," she had begged him, knowing that if he kissed her again she wouldn't be able to stop herself.

"I love you more than he ever will," he murmured in her ear and whether it was true or not, she hadn't been able to bring herself to stop what happened next.

But three days later he was back to hitting on every woman they encountered, and she didn't break up with Daniel, like she had intended. It was a one night lapse in judgement, she had told herself. She was in a relationship with a good man who wasn't going to break her heart. A man she could love. When she found out she was pregnant six and a half weeks later, it seemed like some kind of cruel joke. There had been times she had forgotten a condom and gotten away with it, and yet now, the one time in her life she had slept with two guys in the space of a week when she was on the pill, she got pregnant.

Tony's reaction made up her mind. He was angry, violent, before she even told him it wasn't his. After that he was less so, but he still wasn't Tony. He didn't want a child, he didn't want a family, and he didn't want her. He was committed to the life of a bachelor. Daniel wanted kids. He had a good job – he could provide for a family without a second income, if necessary. He wanted children, they were in a normal, stable relationship, and he loved her. It had seemed simple, regardless of the child's paternity.

A/N:

1. Hats off to iheartiva and MegpieLovesTiva for the last chapter title :)