Stephenie Meyer Owns These Characters!

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Chapter 4: Why?

Bella's POV

I turned around to where the laugh was coming from, and there he was standing not even 5 feet away. I was the one who wanted to see him, I guess it is kind of my own fault. I wanted to get to know him. But I knew he was coming to end my life. I had never wanted to know someone's name so bad. Maybe I would know it before he ended me.

"How peculiar it is, after all these years, we meet again. Don't you think Isabella? I have lived several hundred years I never thought that I would come face to face with you again. With vampires no doubt. Did I attract you to my kind, or is it in your blood to like cold hearted creatures?" I didn't know how to answer that, because I didn't know. Was it because of him that I was interested in hanging with my vampire family. I shrugged, not trusting my voice to speak. He laughed and stepped closer. I backed up until my back hit my book shelf, my newest journal falling down and hitting me in the head, it then fell on the floor open face down. My heart started beating faster, I really didn't want him to see my journals, especially this one. Not only did it have pictures of him all over it, it also had thing written, dream I have had of him. I only hope that he would not be interested in looking at it.

"What- what do you want from me." I stuttered out, hoping to distract him from my journal. His eyes snapped up to me once again, and a lazy grin crossed his face. He looked down once again at the blue journal at my feet damn it "What's your name?" I all but yelled in his face. He looked back up at me looking frustrated. He obviously knew I was distracting him FUCK.

"James." He said as he squatted down. James that name suited him, I thought to myself. James reached out and snatched my journal. I groaned and I could feel my face heat up. James looked up at me and smiled. "Something embarrassing in here, Isabella?" I just closed my eyes wishing my journal would combust into flames. No such luck of course. I opened my eyes just as James, turned the journal over. His black eyes grew wide and he looked up at me. "What is this Isabella?"

I didn't know what to say. Well for the past 11 years I have been a little bit obsessed with you, trying to get your face just right. "I-I was trying to get your features right." I said stupidly. He narrowed his eyes and his hand shot out. He grabbed my throat and squeezed slightly. I could still breath, but it was a struggle.

"I mean Isabella, why are there drawings of me all over your personal belongings?" I felt like such a moron. Why did I draw his face all over my shit. Why did I always have to draw him. I shook my head back and forth not wanting to explain to him my fucked up obsession.

He reached forward and started pulling all my journals down with his free hand. Opening pages, seeing more of him, some were from when I was younger and the drawings were awful, but you could still tell it was him, I knew he could tell.

He was getting angrier with every journal he looked through. He would growl and squeeze tighter. I was clawing at his hand trying to get him to loosen his grip so I could breath. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry. Please." My voice was barely a whisper, but he heard me. He removed his hand from my neck and I fell to the floor coughing and sputtering. Gasping for breath. By the time I had caught my breath and was done with my coughing fit I looked up and James was gone.

I looked around frantically. I ran from my bedroom/living room, to my tiny assed bathroom. He was gone. My window by my bed, was now open, I could feel the breeze. I walked over and looked outside. There standing across the street looking at me was James. A loud ferocious growl ripped out of his throat, and he spun around and disappeared into the forest behind him.

I felt awful, tears started pouring out of my eyes. I should have been happy that he didn't kill me, I should have been happy that he left. But instead I felt awful. I wanted to scream for him to come back. I really was a masochist.

I don't know why he didn't kill me. Something he seen in my journals, obviously my obsessive behavior towards him, stopped him from wanting to kill me. I walked over to the book shelf and started putting all my journals away, not worrying about an order.

I had 22 journals in total one was sitting in my desk drawer, it still had blank pages. I had 21 on the shelf. I wrote so much and drew so much that I had to get a new one every six months. And I had started keeping a journal after James had saved my life.

As I put the journals back I realized that there was only 20 journals. One was missing. I frantically ran around my room, thinking maybe he flung it. But it was gone and it was my newest one, the first one he had looked at, the one I really did not want him touching.

My face went red as I thought back to the dream I had written down. It was a very physical sexual dream, of James and myself. I wrote every single detail, never wanting to forget about how wonderful it felt. I remembering waking up alone and feeling so alive, and so lonely.

I lay in my bed, tears still flowing. I laid there for hours wishing desperately for sleep to take me. Finally at 5 in the morning my eyes closed and I fell into a uncomfortable, and exhausting sleep.

I woke up to a very loud persistent knock on my door. "Bella wake up right now!" It was Alice, damn pixie. It was Sunday, I wanted to sleep in, especially after my night.

"Go the fuck away Alice, I'm sleeping. Come back later, or not at all." I yelled at her. I heard her huff on the other side of the door and stomp away like a petulant child. One thing about me is if I say no I mean no. No matter how much begging you do. Alice learned that the hard way. When I tell her to leave me alone. She now does. I looked over at the time and it was 8 in the morning. I threw my pillow over my head and drifted back to sleep.

I woke later to my cell phone vibrating against my side table. I reached over and grabbed it. It was Edward. "What do you want, Edward?"

"Well hello to you too! Jesus Bella, its after 2 I was just making sure you were still breathing." I sat up quickly looking at the time. Sure enough it was quarter after two. I shook my head trying to clear the fuzziness.

"Oh, well I guess I needed the sleep. What are you doing?"

"Nothing, just wanted to come visit." I was about to tell him yes, but I knew the minute he stepped in here he would smell James, I knew he would. Then I would have to explain my journals. I would rather poke my eyeballs out.

"How about I come over there, watch a movie with you?" I asked.

"Wow yeah sure, sounds good." Exclaimed Edward before we said our goodbye's. He was surprised because I hadn't been to his place in over a month. If we wanted to visit he would come here. I always felt better in my own element. I showered and threw on some clean clothes. I locked my door and headed for my car. I had a beat up old pickup, it was orange and rust. I know most people hated it, especially Edward. But I loved her, she was my baby.

When I got to Edward's place. He was at my door before I even came to a full stop. Chivalry was not dead, where Edward was concerned. He opened my door and helped me out. Kissing me lightly and chastely. God forbid I get a little tongue action.

The next couple hours we sat on the couch in silence watching a movie I couldn't name. My head was somewhere else. Part of me was thinking of James, and the other part of me had just decided that I no longer wanted to be with Edward. I need more.

"We need to talk." Were my words as the end credits were rolling up on the screen. Edward looked at me with sad eyes, he knew what was coming. "I cant do this anymore Edward, I cant be with you anymore. I need physical contact. I need a relationship where I cant be intimate." Edward looked down at his hands. Nodding solemnly.

"I know Bella, I know you do. I wish everyday that I could give that to you. I want to be physical with you. But I cant do that, I cant take the risk." I nodded and smiled at him.

"It's okay Edward I knew this was going to end one day. I know you did too. You need to find someone, someone you can be with fully. I will always care about you Edward, and we will always be close. But no more of this childish schoolyard romance. I need to have sex." Edwards eyes widened and I laughed. "Well it's the truth, I need a little bow chicka bow wow." Edward's face broke into a grin, and I knew that everything would be alright. We would be exactly the same. We were always like friends instead of a couple. So it wasn't like much would change between us.

"Okay, okay I get it Bella. I really am sorry I couldn't be everything for you." I shrugged and smiled. It was fine by me. We sat there for a bit, just talking. Alice came in a couple minutes later. Yelling at us, telling us that we cant quit. I laughed and so did Edward.

"What's so funny guys. You are supposed to be together forever." Edward and I looked at each other and looked back at her. I was about to speak but Edward beat me to it.

"Alice your visions are not always correct, and both Bella and myself have realized this wont work. I love Bella and we will always be in each others lives. But I refuse to give Bella what she needs, which is…a little Bow chicka bow wow." with that a fresh wave of laughter erupted from Edward and I and Alice's frown faltered. "It will be okay Alice. Bella is still going to be in our lives, your not going to lose her." Alice finally nodded and reached forward, pulling me into a tight hug. I just laughed and hugged her back.

After assuring Alice, that I indeed would not disappear to never return. I left to head home. I needed to be alone and adjust to my new found freedom. Even though it felt exactly the same.

There you go, hope you Enjoyed.

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