She approaches me. "This would be your corset." Ann says, as Felicity and Gemma laugh harder.
Excuse me?
The girls continue to dress me in a most cruel fashion. I am in a daze; spots form before my eyes from the sudden loss of oxygen as Miss Bradshaw pulls the corset laces with the force of a draft horse. She produces a tape measure from her knitting basket and wraps it around my waist. They're measuring me; I feel I shall die from this torture.
Felicity cranes her neck to read the number and she immediately scoffs. "Twenty seven inches, Mr. Kartik? That's not fashionable at all!"
"I do not wish to have a fashionable waist!" I say angrily. "I'm a man, not a girl!"
Felicity boldly sizes me up. "Not with those knickers you aren't."
I ignore Miss Worthington's comment as she throws a dress over my head. I ignore the mocking laughter that escapes her cruel lips. I refuse to look down at my presumably "unfashionable" waist. I stand as still as a spooked deer, defiantly not acknowledging the girls around me or what they are doing to me. Unfortunately, despite my new feminine appearance, male instinct takes over. I can feel her behind me.
"Kartik."
Her voice is lovely, with a touch of sympathy for me. I turn to face her and gasp as the boning in that blasted corset jabs me in the ribs. Felicity laughs.
"See, Mr. Kartik? Your posture is all wrong." Her tone is sarcastic. I decide I do not like Felicity Worthington very much.
Ann chimes in. "You must hold yourself as if your spine was connected to a string pulled by God himself."
The girls laugh, as if I've missed some joke between them. I try to straighten my spine in vain; it only results in more pressure on my ribcage. This makes me quite irritable. "I don't believe in God anyway, so why should I be one of his puppets?"
The girls stare at me in surprise. Perhaps I've been too rude. Felicity looks away. "I'm not quite sure I believe in God anymore."
What? That is surprising. All proper English ladies are supposed to believe in their Christian God. Gemma and Ann nod meekly in agreement, as if they're not sure of their position in the matter. Gemma speaks first with sadness in her eyes.
"After all that we've been through, all that we've seen…It just doesn't seem plausible that anyone is looking out for us."
I want to hold her. I want to kiss her and tell her that I'll always look out for her. I want to see her eyes reflect my love for her, to see happiness replace that sadness I see now.
There is an awkward silence in the cave. Gemma fiddles with something in her hands. "Oh!" She says suddenly. "Kartik, please sit down."
The silence is drowned out by giggling. I look at her for help, anything to end this misery.
"It'll be over soon, don't worry." She whispers in my ear, her warm breath a comforting caress on my ear. I try to stop the thoughts before they come. This night is proving to be an exercise on my self control, and I am failing miserably. All I want to do is throw the other girls out of the cave and take Gemma right there. I want to feel her porcelain skin against mine, our body heat mingling so that she begins where I end. She won't care about what others think, she won't miss her virginity; all she'll want is me, and it will be enough…
Of course, the corset isn't in my fantasy, but it is what shakes me from it. I feel it contracting around my torso like a boa constrictor as I gingerly sit down. Gemma stands behind me, and I wonder what she is going to do to me. I feel her slender fingers gently rake through my hair and electricity explodes through me. Broken visions of past fantasies race through my head. We're rolling in a garden, her hands tugging at my curls as I explore her with my tongue…She's moaning, she's whimpering with pleasure, she's … talking?
"What do you think, ladies?" Her voice reaches my ears, exposed to the cold as she pulls my hair back. "Do you think his hair is long enough for a chignon?"
More laughter. But I am not as bothered by it as Gemma is the one in control of me now. Oh Gemma, please control me. Tie me up and punish me for all the times I was in control of you. Every time I had you up against a wall, a tree, an altar, oh please let us return to an altar. Let us control each other and ourselves, forever…
She pins up my hair, the thin metal pieces scrape my scalp delicately, into a delicious raw feeling. The lack of oxygen from the corset makes me feel lightheaded, as if I've just smoked from a hookah pipe. I can get drunk on this feeling, so much pleasure and pain rolling into one intense feeling of euphoria. Thankfully though, the corset restricts blood flow to a certain area of my body, though I faintly wonder if it would matter in so many layers of clothing.
"Finished!" Gemma claps her hands together in accomplishment.
I reach up and carefully touch the back of my head. Sure enough, my hair is in some modified hairstyle that ladies wear. I am slightly proud of Gemma for managing to contain my wild curls with just a few pins, but I am not really happy that it's up in the first place. She is quite a clever girl though.
I sigh. "May I take these off now?" I ask, referring to the ridiculous clothes I am wearing. Honestly, I get the point – these girls have to go through this every day. Here's the difference – they are used to it. I'm not, and frankly, I do not really wish to put up with any more of their antics. All I want to do go to bed. Preferably using Gemma's lap as a pillow, but unfortunately, that isn't going to happen tonight.
Felicity laughs. "This is just the beginning, Mr. Kartik! Or shall I say, Miss Kartik?"
I whip my head around to Gemma. She said it was almost over. She shrugs, her green eyes not quite meeting my brown ones. I am quite doomed I think. I wonder what the Rakshana would think of me now, although I don't really care what they think anymore.
The girls sit in a circle, with Gemma on my left, Ann on my right, and Felicity in front of me. Ann pulls tea cups and saucers out of the knitting basket the girls brought with them. She hands them out. I stare down at the china in front of me and laugh weakly.
"Are we to have a tea party?" I ask. For some reason this idea strikes me as funny. Gemma stares curiously at me and Felicity's eyes narrow.
"Yes. How else are we to teach you any manners?"
"My manners are fine." I grumble. I am not quite in the mood for tea. I just want to sleep.
Gemma and Ann look at Felicity uncertainly. "We didn't bring any tea, Felicity." Ann says.
A feeling of relief washes over me as I cling to the possibility of ending this night early. That feeling, however, is soon replaced with dread as I watch Felicity's thin mouth curve into a devilish smile. She reaches for the half-drunk bottle of whiskey I spied earlier and shakes it triumphantly. I feel my face pale. I do not want to compromise my inhibitions tonight.
Gemma moans, a sound that I find I enjoy hearing. "Fee, no! You remember the last time we drank spirits! Frankly, I've lost my taste for them since them."
I look at her, for what she has said has struck my curiosity. "What happened the last time you drank alcohol, Gemma?"
She blushes and looks down at her hands. "Nothing happened." She says quietly.
Felicity cocks her head to the side, sizing up Gemma. "The last time we drank…it was with Simon Middleton, was it not?"
What?! Gemma was drinking with that rich wanker? Anger and jealousy burn in my stomach. I look at Gemma accusingly, but she deliberately avoids my gaze. Felicity glances at me and turns back to Gemma with a newfound look of understanding in her eyes.
"Yes," Felicity says slowly. "We shared absinthe with him the night of my Christmas Ball."
Christmas, the day I left Gemma.
Felicity continues, ignoring the look of distress on Gemma's face. "You drank too much, Gemma, didn't you?" She pauses to watch Gemma squirm. "Yes, you did. Then Simon took you somewhere. You were gone for awhile. Where did you go, Gemma?"
It feels as if a boulder has been dropped in my stomach. My heart is pounding. Gemma looks as if she's about to cry. But I don't care right now. I just hope I don't start crying before I get out of this cave. As much as I want to leave, to run away forever, I find I cannot move.
Gemma speaks, her voice quiet. "I didn't want to go with him. He knew I was intoxicated. He tried to take advantage of me. But I screamed. I wouldn't let him." A few tears spill from her eyes.
The raging feeling in my stomach ceases, though I feel a newfound hatred towards Simon Middleton. Gemma's friends stare at her in shock. I hate them too, Felicity, for putting her through this, and Ann, for not trying to change the subject. Felicity puts her arms around Gemma and apologizes.
"Gemma, I'm so sorry! I had no idea!"
"Yes, I thought you liked Simon!" Ann awkwardly reaches over as well.
Gemma shakes her head in disagreement. I can't think of anything appropriate to say, so I keep my mouth shut, though I have to say that I feel like dancing around. Gemma doesn't like Simon!
The girls break their embrace. "I cannot believe he would do that to you and still have the nerve to propose!" Felicity exclaims.
This time I cannot control my words. "He proposed to you?" I blurt out.
Gemma finally lets her eyes meet mine. She gives me a small smile. "He did, but I declined, Kartik."
Relief rushes past my lips with a whoosh. Felicity smirks, and I wonder if she did all this on purpose. Gemma still looks shaken. Ann stares at her, confused.
"Gemma, are you still chaste then?"
This thought has not hit me until now. Would Middleton steal her virtue? Would Gemma let him? The churning in my stomach returns as I await her answer.
Gemma stares at Ann, almost in disbelief. "Heavens no! Do you honestly think that I'd still be here if I did? I'd be married off to him straight away!"
"Perhaps that's why he tried to do it then." I say quietly.
Gemma turns her lovely face to mine. "Perhaps." She says softly.
We share a look. That's one of the things I love about her. Sometimes we don't need words between us. I am beginning to think she's my soul mate. We are so different, yet so much alike.
Felicity disturbs our moment of peace by filling our tea cups with a generous amount of whiskey.
"Okay," she says. "Hold your cup and saucer like so." She demonstrates, and the others follow her lead. I try to as well.
Ann tutts at me. "You have to hold your pinky out!"
"Yes, Kartik, you have to hold your pinky out." Gemma says, smiling slyly at me.
"Oh, of course." I stick out my pinky, trying to make my hands look dainty like hers. I can't believe I'm doing this. "Is this better, Lady Whatsit?"
"Oh, much better, Lord Hoity Toity."
Felicity and Ann share a puzzled look. I wink at Gemma; she blushes and looks down at her teacup. I look at mine. The lantern light reflects in the whiskey, making it shine both red and gold, exactly like Gemma's hair.
I wish she would let down her hair, both literally and figuratively. I wish she'd let me into her life and stop letting society rule her. And dear god let me see her like I did the night I accidentally watched her undress. Her long red curls dripping down her back and on her bare shoulders like a waterfall. Her rose lips parted at her reflection, as I watched stupidly, unable to move or talk.
When I was younger, I was told to resist women, that they were bewitching and made men weak. I see that, in retrospect, it was probably just the Rakshana's bitter feelings towards the Order.
I have a sudden desire to drink what's in my teacup, to get drunk and see where the night leads me. I am tired of always having to plan my life, an endless string of calculations and schemes. I watch the girls sip daintily at the whiskey, trying not to wrinkle their noses in distaste. I'm tired of this game.
I throw back my head and down the contents of the cup in one gulp. The burning sensation warms me almost instantaneously. Felicity narrows her eyes at me.
"You're not playing by the rules."
"I don't care."
She harrumphs. "Then you cannot join the Order."
I laugh at this. "I do not wish to join the Order." Gemma looks shocked, so I clarify myself. "I only wish to be of service to Miss Doyle. To help and look out for her, whenever she needs me. My loyalty is with her, not with you, Miss Worthington."
Gemma smiles sweetly at me, and I know I have said the right thing. She places her hand over mine. It is a small gesture, but one that has great significance to me.
Felicity shrugs. "I can drink to that." She drinks the rest of her whiskey like I had, and Ann follows suit.
I refill my cup. "Cheers." I say to Gemma, as I touch my cup to hers.
A few minutes later, or hours as I cannot really tell anymore, we lay around the cave lazily. The bottle is nearly empty now, and the girls are all very tipsy. I suppose I am too. My head is fuzzy, but clearer than theirs. Or at least I think so. I really want this corset off.
"Gemma." My voice sounds foreign.
She giggles from a few feet away. She is lying on her back. "Yes, Lord Hoity Toity?" This has her laughing again. I watch with interest as her chest rises and falls with her laughter.
"Gemma, take it off!" I sound like I'm whining, but I can't really help that now.
"Huh?" She sits up and looks at me curiously. She has taken the pins out of her hair and curls spill over her shoulders.
I realize I've said something that could be taken the wrong way. All eyes are on me now. "I mean the corset. Take it off please."
She laughs again. "Why do you want me to take off my corset, Kartik?"
"No, my corset. I don't know how to get it off." The truth is, I haven't tried. I'm just too lazy to move.
"Okay, stay where you are."
I'm lying on my stomach. She stumbles over and kneels next to me with no grace at all. I feel her fiddling with the buttons of the dress I'm wearing.
She laughs. "I can't make my fingers work!"
I sit up. She is very close to me. I can feel her heat intensely. I want her more than ever.
"Here, I'll show you how to." I reach behind her and undo the buttons of her dress.
"Oh!" She gasps as her back is revealed to the cold. But she doesn't try to close her dress again. In fact, she wriggles out of it, much to my delight and her friends' dismay.
"Gracious, Gemma!" Ann exclaims, but Gemma doesn't acknowledge her.
"This means payback, Kartik!" She yelps, trying again to undo my dress. This time she succeeds. She unlaces the corset next. Soon I am free to dress in my own clothes. I do so as Gemma stands and does a little victory dance at her drunken accomplishments. Felicity and Ann cheer her on.
"Here," Felicity says, handing the rest of the whiskey to Gemma. "You deserve it, Lady Hope!"
Gemma falls to her knees, looking like the very meaning of sex with her hair cascading over her breasts and her cheeks rosy from the liquor. She drinks the rest of the whiskey straight from the bottle. The drink glistens on her lips. This time I won't try to control myself. I want that liquor, and I intend to get it.
Ignoring Felicity and Ann, I lean towards Gemma. It's a stretch, but I am able to reach her, and she doesn't move away. I lick the golden liquid from her lips, enjoying her softness on my tongue. She parts her lips and I enter, with all intentions to kiss her until I die. Instead, I lose my balance from leaning so far forward. I crash into her and she falls backwards. This has her laughing again, and I feel her squirming from underneath my body.
Suddenly, I feel ashamed of what I have done. I am no better than the dreaded Simon Middleton. I lift myself off of Gemma, who is remains where she is, legs slightly splayed and a look of confusion and disappointment on her face. As much as I wish to continue what I initiated, it would cause my heart pain to know that she was intoxicated and not fully in control of herself, no matter how willing she may be.
Felicity stares at me, her eyes glazed with the whiskey. "Well," she says, flopping down next to me, closer than I would like. "I think you can be in our Order now."
Do I want to be in the Order? I cannot remember clearly if I do or not. I want to be with Gemma. That's all. To help her out and be her hero. I suppose I want to be in the Order now, but I don't want to be a woman. No, I definitely do not want to be in the Order now. Or do I? Can I still protect Gemma if I'm not?
"Okay." Is all I say.
Felicity seems happy, I suppose. She licks my face. I didn't want her to do that. My cheek feels slimy now. I wipe it off, feeling slightly ill.
Suddenly Ann throws her arms around me from behind. I didn't even know she was there.
"You're one of us now!" She cries, slurring a bit.
These are not the two girls I want draped on me. I see Gemma still laying where I fell on her.
"Kartik." She calls my name softly.
I push the other girls from me and crawl over to Gemma. I settle myself on my stomach next to her. She turns to me, her bright eyes no longer dulled by drink. She smiles a lovely smile, one I have begun to covet as just for me.
"Thank you." She whispers to me, bringing her palm to my cheek. Her hand is cool against my flushed face.
"For what?" I do not quite know why she is thanking me, but I am certain she is no longer tipsy.
She brings her face close to mine. The firelight dances in her emerald eyes. She is incredible. I can see my entire future laid out in those eyes. She brings her rose lips to my forehead gently. Warmth floods my entire body from that kiss.
"For everything, Kartik."
I find her hand and our fingers lace together, reminiscent of that blasted corset of earlier tonight. I bring her hand to my lips and kiss the soft skin there as innocently as I can. From the look in her eyes I know that someday this English rose will open up to me, but it will not be tonight. From the look in her eyes I can see love and hope. I can see that she loves me, and that there is hope for a future together.
I gave up everything for Gemma, and I will continue to do so, for she is the only woman I will ever love, the only think I will ever need. This thought comforts me, and soon I am falling asleep, under the light of my Moon.
What can I say, Kartik can be a horny teenage boy sometimes. He is human, after all.
Thanks for the lovely reviews, everyone! Keep 'em coming - I want opinions on Kartik's POV. Have I captured him? Have I failed miserably?
One more chapter to go, I think.
Love, peace, forever,
-LunaEquus