The Light of My Life

Chapter 4—Five Twenty-Seven

Once I get to the door, I stop, my hand frozen on the door knob. Is it really Austin? Can it? Maybe I just dreamt of the door bell ringing. That could totally be it.

I don't know what I'm feeling now, whether it's fear or anxiety, but it's something. Taking a deep breath, I twist the door knob and swing the door open.

It is. It's him. The Angel was right.

"Ally," Austin says. "Hi."

He appears surprised. I think that's the word. There's this look of concern etched on his face, and he's got his hands tucked into the pockets of blue jeans, and his hair is as messy as always, and he's wearing a chained gold guitar pick around his neck over a V-neck t-shirt. For just a moment, he looks like...the old Austin. The Austin from three years ago.

I nearly gasp at his appearance as he still waits for a response from me, only listening to my silence. He just waits. He doesn't gesture for me to begin to speak; he just waits until I want to talk.

And that's when I realize that after two days, I've missed him. After two days of not seeing him, I miss him. He's standing right in front of me, but I miss him. I miss the old him I knew as a teenager, I miss the new him I've gotten to know just recently.

What catches him off guard is when I throw my arms around him and bury my head into his chest. I'm sure that I've startled him, but he only replies by gently putting his arms around me.

We stand there for who knows how long. Momentarily, I feel safe in his embrace, like just for a while nothing could hurt me.

After some time, I'm the first to unravel my arms and he follows. I look at him for a moment, and I see he still has the same look of concern from earlier.

"Come in," is the first thing I say, stepping aside. He does so.

The house is still dark, but the sun's beginning to rise, lighting up the environment little by little. We sit on the couch in the living room, and he turns to me.

"I wanted to come by," Austin says. "To see if you were, um, okay, I mean."

"I'm fine," I tell him. "But thanks."

"Oh. That's good."

Right after I say that, I know immediately that that's a lie. Fine? I'm fine? How could I possibly be fine at a time like this?

I've been so down lately that it sometimes gets to the point where I don't feel anything. There have been a few ups recently, but it somehow ends up declining, like heading down a hill. There's a long silence between us, but this time it's less comforting. It's almost awkward.

I notice that he's looking at me, as if I'm to say something. He doesn't speak a word, doesn't get up to leave, or anything, again. His hazel eyes gleam, thinking, wondering, pondering. I've missed that part of him, too. His eyes. They nearly seem to glow in the dark room, like an angel's eyes would.

Then, I remember, "...he's here to help you..." That's what the Angel said, isn't it? Austin is here to help me. Of course he is, he wanted to see if I'm okay.

But the thing is that I'm not. I'm still not. After everything that's happened, pain and comfort and all, I'm still not fine.

When I talk, I hesitate at first, not sure how to put things into words. "Um...," I try. "I'm not," is what comes out of my mouth.

"You're not...what?" He lifts an eyebrow.

"Fine. I'm not fine. I'm sorry."

Austin puts a hand on top of my knee, rubbing it. "There's nothing to be sorry about. It'll be all right."

"You seem so positive about all this," I can't help but note. "How are you so calm?"

"I just hope that everything should turn out the way it should, that in the end, it turns out...all right." He pauses. "I did with you."

"You did?"

"Of course, I did. Whether you wounded up back in my life or not—which you did—I hoped that everything was going to be all right for you."

"It doesn't seem that way right now..."

Austin shrugs. "You can't have a rainbow without rain, can you?"

"I guess not," I admit.

"Come on," Austin continues, getting up from the couch and holding out his hand. "Let's do something somewhere. Anything anywhere. You and me."

"But it's Monday."

"Yeah. So?"

"Don't you have class today?"

"Not today." He grinned mischievously. "Professor emailed that he was sick. All of my homework's done so I am totally free for today."

I'm still thinking about it when he says, "We can go anywhere you want. Café, library, mall, beach...Sonic Boom?"

I've made up my mind, finally standing up. I entwine my fingers into his. "Yeah."

He furrows his eyebrows. "Yeah to where?"

"Everywhere." Maybe the Angel is right. If Austin is here to help, then it would be anything but wrong for me to accept it, right? "Let's go everywhere today."

"Sounds good to me." There's another gleam in his eyes and that smile to go along with it. "I don't think much is open this early in the morning, but I'm sure the café is?"

"You had this all planned out, didn't you?"

He shrugs again. "It's 5:27 AM. New day. You never know what could happen."

It turns out that Austin really did have everything planned out. Either that or he just happens to have all of this stuff coincidentally in the back of his car.

We arrive at a local café that's actually part café and part library and bookstore. We're the only customers in the place, but it's not like either of us mind. There's a certain aroma to the café; it's an interesting mix of fresh hot coffee and the pages of new and old novels. It's surprisingly relaxing.

"Take a look around," Austin says. "It's a nice place."

"You come here often?" I ask.

"All the time," he says. "I'll go get breakfast and coffee. Want anything specific?"

I wave a hand off. "Well, what's good here?"

"Everything." He smirks.

"I'll take whatever you like."

"Then prepare for a major load of fluffy, mini pancakes topped with warm butter, maple syrup, sliced strawberries, and whip cream, with a side of crispy bacon."

For a second, I look at him in awe. "That is really specific."

"I get it every time I come here."

I roll my eyes playfully as he goes to order and I check out the rest of the café.

There are numerous amounts of shelves filled with all sorts of literature. Classic and modern. Action and adventure. Thoughtful and laid back. Novels and comic books. Old and new. Paperback and hardcover. The categories can go on and on and on.

I've read so many books in my life that I forget that there are hundreds, thousands, and millions more stories out there to read and learn about. There's just so much to know. I randomly pick a book out of the shelf in front of me. It's titled The Road by Cormac McCarthy.

I've heard about this book. It's known for having purposeful grammar errors in its ongoing-no-chapter format in a post-apocalyptic time period.

It's about...hope. How in the worst of times people keep going no matter how dark and dreadful the circumstances may seem. Because somewhere there's always a light that shines hope. Because somehow people believe that things will always get better.

Whether they do or not by the end of the novel for the characters, I'm not really sure. But I hope so. I take it back with me and bring it to a table where I see Austin setting down two plates of pancakes and bacon and two cups of coffee.

"Hey," he says. "Got a book?"

"Yup. The Road."

"Really? Cormac McCarthy?"

"You've read it?"

"It's the first book I picked out here." Austin then gestures to the food. "Bon appétit."

The meal is delicious. It's honestly one of the best I've had in a while. I suppose a stack of pancakes aren't so bad once in a while. Or in Austin's case, just about every day.

"So, you've read The Road. How is it?" I question the blonde, though I probably already know the answer.

"It's really good. Classic story about never ending hordes of zombies, flaming meteors, and letters from England saying how the characters are really wizards."

I give him a look. "Nice try."

"What?" He lets out a chuckle. "You think I'm not serious?"

"Yeah, pretty much."

He rolls his eyes at me. "I meant what I said. That it's really good. Just read it for yourself. You'll see how it is."

"Fine," I sigh. Then, "So where to next?"

"That depends. I believe it's the mall. But where do you want to go?"

"The mall," I answer instantly.

"Well, all right then."

After breakfast, Austin and I spend time at the Miami mall. Neither of us buys anything or is looking for anything in particular. Instead, we have mini photoshoots with different sunglasses, hats, and leather jackets at different clothing stores in the most ridiculous poses possible.

Austin's offered to buy me anything that I've tried on, but I always insist that he doesn't have to. I probably have enough accessories and clothes as it is. Instead, I offer the same to him, to buy him anything that he's tried on. However, his reaction is the same as mine. Not that purchasing anything is really necessary; I think that just maybe, we already have everything we need. For now, at least.

Maybe I'll get that pair of sunglasses I saw in that one store...

I don't know how long we're at the mall, but it's well into the late afternoon by the time we're done. We must have gone into nearly every shop in the mall.

Then, we only drive by the beach, deciding that we could stay in the sand another time, even though Austin already has beach blankets, lawn chairs, and umbrellas stored in the trunk of his car.

The view from the passenger seat is beautiful. We drive around for a while, with no particular destination. We're just driving. But from all around, I'm able to always see the way the sun's light comes through the leaves of the palm trees, bringing light to the shadows on the sand. The waves continuously crash on the shore, occasionally knocking down sand castles that are built up again, only farther away from the water. They're always knocked down, but are always built again, always further and further away from the ruthless waves of the deep, blue sea.

Stopping at the parking lot near the Miami Beach, Austin turns off the car. He says, "So I wanted to ask you something."

"Uh huh?"

"I know I said that we could go to Sonic Boom sometime, but I wanted to know if you needed to go somewhere else before we do."

"Where would that be?" I ask.

Austin pauses for a moment. "The hospital?"

"Oh," I let out. "The hospital..."

"Yeah, I was just thinking that considering it's been a couple of days since you've seen your dad, so I thought...," his voice trails off silently, unsure of what I might say.

"You thought that I would want to go see him?"

"Yeah." Austin nods. "We can go to Sonic Boom some other time. I figured the hospital would be a lot more important to you is all."

I tell him, "Yeah."

"Yeah?"

"Let's go to the hospital." Compared to how I was this morning or the past few days, my voice seems more confident now, even if just by a little bit.

He nods again. "Okay. Whatever you say."

"Could you come with me this time, though? To his room, I mean?"

"I thought it was for family only."

I place a hand over his. "You're considered family to me."

Austin smiles and again, his eyes gleam at me. "All right. The hospital it is."

A/N: Just wanted to say The Road by Cormac McCarthy is actually a really good book. I'm not done with it yet, and it's partially for a summer reading assignment, but it's definitely one to consider reading. Hope y'all enjoyed the chapter!