A/N: I'm really sorry it took so long for me to update. School started on Monday, and I'm already up my ass in homework. So this is the 4th chapter. Hope you guys like it. The 5th chapter should be up within a few days.
Chapter 4: So…What Now?
We sat on her couch, our knees touching.
"So, what does this mean for us?" she asked, turning to face me.
"I'm not exactly sure. I mean, I think…I wanna be with you, but-"
"But, you don't know if you're ready."
"I just, I feel like I'm betraying her somehow."
"But you're not. I think she'd want you to be happy Ash."
"How do you know that?"
She shrugged, "Because if you being happy, meant being with someone else besides me, then I'd let you go, as cliché as that may sound."
I smiled and leaned in, letting my lips linger on hers for several minutes.
"Thank you Ja-Spencer."
We both froze. She stood up.
"You…you almost called me-"
"I didn't mean too!" I was now standing up as well.
"But…you did," she said, her voice cracking.
"Please Spencer, I didn't mean it. It was probably because I mentioned her."
She walked towards the door and opened it.
"I think you should leave," she said, lightly pushing me outside.
I turned and faced her.
"Can I at least call you later or something?"
She looked down at her shoes.
"Give me your phone."
I quickly handed it over to her and watched her push down several keys. She handed it back to me, a little harshly.
"Goodnight Ashley."
"Night Sp--" I was cut off by the door being slammed, right in my face. I sighed in defeat, and headed back to my car.
"God, Jay, this would be the part where I ask your advice, and I can't even do that!"
"So, guess who asked me out?"
"Who?!" Jamie asked. She was still giggling from our tickle fight that had just occurred.
"No, you have to guess!"
"Okay, okay. Uhm…Adam Brody?"
"Har har… I wish!"
We both began to laugh hysterically.
"Was it…Aiden?"
"Yeah, it was!"
"No way! You've been crushing on that guy for…forever!"
"I know!"
"What'd you say?"
I frowned. "That I'm not allowed to date for another year."
She laughed.
"Why are you laughing? This is so not funny!"
"Ashy, you're only in the 8th grade! What's the point of dating now anyways?"
"True. Well, we can still crush, right?"
She bounced up with a smile.
"Of course we can!"
"So, then tell me JayJay, who are we crushing on this week?"
Her face quickly turned serious.
"Can I tell you something Ash?"
I could tell just how serious she was, because she was no longer using my nickname. I reached over and cupped her cheek.
"Course you can Jay."
"Promise you'll still love me?"
I laughed.
"Of course I will."
"I…I think I'm lesbian."
I smiled.
"I know Jay."
I could've sworn I heard her release a breath. One that I was almost positive she had been holding.
"How did you know Jay? I mean, how'd you figure it out? That you liked girls? I'm lost here, and I just wish I had you here, so you could tell me that everything is going be fine."
"So, do you always talk to yourself when no one's around?"
I turned to see who had just sat beside me.
"Hi Spencer."
"Hey."
"How'd you know I'd be here?"
"I just had a feeling. Something told me that after what happened, this is where you'd be."
I reached down and ran my fingers over the headstone.
"I hate that I can't let her go."
"I don't think you should."
I turned to look at her. I was confused.
"What do you mean?"
"Why would you want to let her go? She was your best friend for so long."
I turned to look back at the grass before me.
"I know, but it hurts sometimes. I just wanna forget. Make it stop hurting."
"Is that you always got drunk and had all those one night stands? In an attempt to forget?"
I turned to face her, and I couldn't believe what she had just said.
"Who told you that?" I glared.
"Anna paid me a visit right after you left."
"She had no right to tell you that."
She reached over and cupped my face. I grabbed her hand and carefully pulled away.
"That's not why she came to see me."
"Then why?"
She slightly cringed at the bitterness that was now in my voice.
"I'm not sure how she knows, but…she knows about us, whatever it is that we are. Anyways, she said that if I broke your heart, she'd kill me."
"Well, that's nice or whatever," I said looking down.
She pulled my chin up, and made me look into her eyes.
"She's your friend Ash. She's just worried, and quite frankly, so am I."
"Can we go now?"
"If you want, yeah, we can."
I stood up, and held out my hand. She tilted her head, as if asking what I was doing, or where I was going to go.
"Do you trust me?" I asked, now smiling.
"With my hea-life."
I smiled even bigger, knowing what she was going to say.
"Come on, there's somewhere I'd like to take you."