3. Life?
Cold - we're so cold.
I had to ask myself several times, why I did what I did.. Why I couldn't put it pass her, and understand that.. What am I even saying? I had a perfectly well-rounded man infront of me. A man, I had to remind myself.. A man. I wanted her.
Zack and I laid out against the Earth - it rained that night, so I'm sure you could smell the wet grass, and feel the mud against our backs. We were titltede just enough to were we had faced each other - Zack and I. My arms craddling my head, as I listened to him speak of many things. His arms were folded under his' head, but his body still turned towards me - his' feathers had been nearly flatten against his' body. Even under the star lit sky, and the moonlight dancing down on his' skin.. He looked gorgerous even now... I've thought that alot lately.
I bit my lip - from hard I'm sure I'd been biting down on it lately, I'm sure it would of turned a blood red by now. I'm beginning to wonder why I had whined so silently to myself about it.
Zack was telling me about his' missions out there while he was a SOLDIER. I was proud of him, no doubt at all.
"Zack." I finally said, shifting my weight in his direction, inching my way towards him. "That's all in the past."
Yes, remember your words, Aerith. PAST. A place where you can't run to anymore.
Oh, golden chocobo that I'll never have! Please, let me love him!
...I was really trying to force myself to love him.
I twisted myself so I laid on my midsection, propping myself up on my elbows, hooking together my fingers as I stared down at my bracelets. "Tell me what we can do about us... Now."
Zack had fully turned his' body towards me, "Depends.." He whispered back, it was like a secret. "It depends on how much you want to risk." He finally said aloud.
Risk? I ran the tip of my tongue against my bottom lip. What didn't I risk? It was like a night like this.. We saw them.
Them. Not just her. Not her dancing to her own melody, not her waiting for him to arrive. No, it was them. Zack began to tell me of details, as I reminded myself why I wanted to do this all.
Just like this; beautiful, starry out, somewhere between midnight and nearly one in the morning. I think I found the stars in the sky, and traced out her name many times that night. Shyly I had placed my name infront of her last, tracing it out like I was playing connect the dots. Zack had led me by hand - never went anywhere without him not leading me around.
I guess it was sound of a protective thing he had going on. From what, I wasn't exactly sure. Yet, he was my protector. The protector of the Cetra. Sure, he wasn't like Cloud - but he grabbed up this role just like he had. I giggled to myself, Zack shot me a look of curiousity, and I'd explain - he would shake his' head.
I couldn't help - would she be my beautiful protector? Guard me from... Whatever's out there. The elements, the weapons out there. Take me into her arms, and whisper that it's alright? Tell me, she wasn't going to let me fall. I could just imagine us at that time.. What if would be like.. As her wife, what roles would we play for each other.
Would she stand up, and be the tomboy she always was? Would I be so ladylike and dawn a gorgerous gown that only her eyes were meant to see.
Zack and I had went around to do our weekly visiting. We figured, since it was high on my list of things to do - we would visit her last. I mean, why not? It was around the same time the golden haired boy would be there.
So we skipped afew hours, and found everyone else.
On our way back, of course, we stopped at her house. We really didn't want to go far that night, no traveling up her stairs, and peering through the window.
No, not this time. This time, we just stood there as the spiky haired man came to the door before us - he appeared nervous. It was a side of him I hadn't seen before... Not only that, he was dressed up. Head to toe in a black tux.
Never thought he'd look handsome in one of them before. I just stared forward, while Zack wrapped his' arms around my shoulders from behind me. My hands had come up to find his' lower arms, and latch on there. I think he whispered something in my ear at that moment. Cloud's hand didn't have to reach for the handle of her door, rather she opened it.
My god, if I could of traded places with Cloud - even for that moment - she was... Truly a goddess. Her medium length locks had been pulled back to a bun, strands here and there had dropped down around her face, framing it so beautifully. Her lips shimmered in a ruby lipstick, eyes outlined with such care. A gown that touched the floor.
As she stepped out from the frame, wrapping her arms around Cloud's neck so lovingly, her lips meeting with his' - jealousy... It was boiling even now. If it wasn't for the sound of her heels clicking against the stone, I could of sworn she was floating.
"She's..." I let out a sigh, pulling myself tighter into Zack so I couldn't run, Zack, in turn, tightened his' grip.
"Beautiful." Cloud finished my thought.
Placing his lips against my lips, he whispered so delicately. "I'm sorry..." He had said.
When you fall, So spent from emotion, She is what, Brings you to your feet.
I bit my lip - harder than before, I'm sure.
The bodice of her gown really showed her mounds, lifting them without support - the dress did it all it seemed. The material trailed just slightly behind her, it was slightly puffed outwards, but dragged - diamonds could rain down from the sky right now, and she'd still be the only thing I'd be looking at. Crystal earrings dangled from her ears, swaying lightly with each move she made.
The only problem I had - letting out a small cry, I had turned towards Zack's chest and buried my face there - as gorgerous as she looked.. She was dressed in white.
A tiara was placed so neatly in her hair, a veil running out from under it.
My fingers had began to play with strips of grass - we didn't go to visit them for some time.. I didn't want to know the real answer actually. If she was actually Mrs. Strife... Strife, the name growled in my head. Someone I wanted so badly - someone I watched him push away time after time..
"Why can't we be like that, Zack.." I finally said.
Yes, Aerith. It was time to completely forget about her. Even if I didn't want to know the truth - even if she really did marry him.. I somehow didn't want to know.
"Like what?" Zack had rolled in my direction - literally rolled - I couldn't help but to smile.
"Like them."
"Which part of it?"
"Zack!" I huffed, sitting up rather quickly, slamming my palms against the ground. His' eyes opened wide for a moment, but he could tell I wasn't in much of a mood for games.
"Like them.." He nodded, his' body twisted and he fell on his' back, "There's alot to risk, Aerith.." He said that already, my eyes just narrowed.
"Please.."
A nod, it was his' turn to bite his' lip. He knew the information I wanted now, one of my hands rose - cutting him off for any of his' thoughts. "Listen first..." I said, leaning in his' direction, my palm cupping his' cheek. "Everything they are and more..." My opposite palm would lay flat against my midsection.
A second nod, his' face inclined, placing afew presses from his' lips against my palm. "Both, one or none." His' voice was... Fearful. This must be a reason why he never even attempted. "Will make it."
So... what he said even now. Even if I wanted to slip back into her life - just as a friend, one blast from the past - it would be nothing more than a danger.. It would risk his' unlife as well. "What's our chances?"
His' shoulders lifted into a shoulder as he nuzzled his' face into my palm. "Not sure... Never seen anyone even attempt it, never even heard of it."
Truth be told, Zack had spent plenty of time with others - once he learned of my - end, he was at my side nearly every day, yes. We spent time with others, but with what I've learned of as of late, I didn't want to be nearby anyone but him.
I dropped myself to the ground, and crawled over to him, placing my face inches away from his, sliding my hand further back behind his neck, giving his' hairs a small tug, "Just thought about it though.." My lips brushed against his'.
Somehow I felt... Like if I wasn't going to ever get a chance to be with her, I'd surely keep him for myself - I didn't want to lose this.
Zack's lips parted as I spoke, begging for a tender press. I began to twist my fingertips into his' ebony locks, "Just imagine," Another inch closer to his' lips - even if we weren't completely under the way of his' feathery wings, the heat generated from even the smallest touch was nearly unbareable. "You and I." My opposite hand lifted, and drifted around his' waistline, one of my legs lifting and latching around his' own legs.
He moaned - my face flushed - a second tug and our lips pressed together.
Would this be what my life would be like if we hadn't given our lives away? If we'd live right now? Would it be completely opposite, would he of left his' separate way, and I would chase after her?
"Mrs. Aerith Fair, hmm?" His' hands cupped my cheeks, just under the jawline, I giggled at the name. He seemed to be tasting it on his' lips.
Aerith Fair, my mind began to play with it. "Aerith Fair." I spoke aloud, tasting it on my own lips, allowing it to dance on my tongue. "Y'know.. I kinda like it.."
Inside, I think I must of screamed like a schoolgirl. Which thought exactly for... I wasn't sure yet, the fact that I was settling for someone I never quite imagined myself with, or just perhaps deep down inside I only wanted her, because I couldn't have him.
Zack had planted afew more, small but tenders kisses to my lips. "Kinda like the sound of that." He said in between each kiss, I laughed, his joyful tone blended with mine, it was a sudden roar of laughter.
I leaned into him, toppling him over - hands quickly planting themselves against - what I would imagine - was the muddy Earth. "Only one way we can do that, Mister Zack Fair." I leaned oer him, trying to wear my brightest smile.
Life, I had told myself. That's where we were leading - how I feared for him more than my own well being. If he was lost because of this silly... No, it wasn't silly - it would be terrible.. This terrible path we were about to led, I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself.
Zack only shook his' head - it seemed more thought than anything else - was he dragged me down into his' chest, clutching down onto my being, my arms now craddled under his' head. "You have time, Zack." It was my turn to nuzzle into him, "All the time you want.."
All the time he wanted - all the time we needed, hopefully we could somehow.. Just SOMEHOW perfect a way so this would be completely safe for myself. My eyes began to drift close - his' pure pinions would wrap us in. I pressed my lower half into him, he released a small moan from between his' lips - the want, the desire you could hear from him.
It was almost more than I could bare.. To be wanted - to be loved by someone like him.
Something just told me... It was just time to forget about her, driving myself into a wall for someone I couldn't have wasn't worth it anymore - he was there. He was now. He was gorgerous. His mako tinted eyes had such a fire to them - it was like he was starting to drive me wild.. In every sense of the word.
His' voice, eyes, touch, taste... Everything - the way he looked at him, the way he would touch my face so delicately.
Yes. This had to be right.. It just had to be.
She moved on with her life, she was now - Well, I was sure anyway - Mrs. Cloud Strife. What she had been doing, what she even thought about me was beyond my control now - if she would be carrying one of his' children - even now.
"Zack." I nuzzled at him, beginning to trace my fingertips on his' jawline. "Think it would even be possible.. After all this time." My eyes dropped abit - a mother.. I probably wanted nothing else than to be happy - her happiness - his' happiness... I think it led mostly to his' happiness even now.
He would merely nod. It all seemed so promising, kinda couldn't wait.. Such a trusting thought. "I guess we have time to practice.."
Oh!
My head inclined backwards, Zack's palms found one of my own mounds, his' lips dancing, and trailing against the side of my neck. I couldn't help but to press him deeper into it, one of my hands finding his' on my chest.
If this wasn't right. I don't know what was right anymore.
- Lucky that my breasts are small and humble, So you don't confuse them with mountains.
I found myself giggle, curled up against his' chest, his' arms wrapped loosely around us - something romantic about being out in the open air, the stars unknowingly having watched our every move. Then I stopped, and just look straight at him. "Zack.." I whispered.
He met my call with a gentle hum, his eyes were closed, his pinions had encased us abit more than before it seemed. "I'm wondering.."
Another hum, he almost seemed to know where this was leading.
A moment of silence was casted upon us. I somehow didn't want to even tell him my thoughts. His' brows are slightly upward. I think he knew.
"What if I wanted to be with her.." I finally said, my fingertips began to trace against his' bare chest, drawing invisible lines, each letter curved and curled into one. "And for some... Unknown reason, she wanted to be with me.."
His' eyes just opened - just barely, but they were opened. "I want your happiness..." His' lips found my forehead, and he held the kiss linger for several seconds.. I only pressed into him. "With.. Or without me.." I could hear it in his' voice.. It was hurt, pain.. I felt my eyes water. "Don't press someone to be with you, don't do anything you don't want."
His' fingers would find mine that were drawing on him, gripped them up, and pressed his' lips there. I just whimpered his' name, he only looked up at me with a half-hearted smile. "Let's live, Aerith.." You could see how unsure he was. "Let's live... Just you and I."
It turned into a beg. A plea.
"As Mr. and Mrs." I promised..
I don't think I just wanted to anymore. I think deep down inside. I wanted to. Every moment spent with him, was another that I wanted to have it last even longer. A moment I seemed to forget about her.
Zack bobbed his head, before slipping his' form downward, my body twisted so I was laying on my back, holding my arms opened for a moment before closing him in, his' head would rest on my mounds. "As Mr and Mrs Zack Fair.." He began to taste it on his' lips again, it felt so sure..
Wasn't it?
After that, we laid there in silence...
Oh... What did I write on him?
I promise to love you...