Everything seems to blur together now. The plane landing, meeting my sister at the airport in Winnipeg, her asking me how I am doing, finally arriving at the cabin. She knows how I prefer the solitude of the woods and the quiet. She leaves me the keys and heads into the city to stay at a hotel. I am almost thankful that she didn't stay. If she saw how I have been acting, she would be concerned and probably start asking questions. I am not even sure what I would tell her at this point.
It doesn't take me long to get settled in. I make my way out to the dock by the lake, my favorite place on the property besides the woods. It's so peaceful and quiet here. I really enjoy coming here after a hectic schedule. It helps me recharge my batteries and helps me focus.
I sit down, letting my legs dangle over the edge near the water. The cool air caresses my face and the stillness of the water soothes the turmoil within me.
I close my eyes for a moment, just listening to the sounds of nature all around me. I take a deep breath and exhale slowly. I slowly open my eyes and gaze out on the surface of the water. I decide to go for a short swim since no one is around.
I take off my shirt, shorts putting them beside my shoes and socks. I dive into the cool water, letting it envelope me. The chill pushes me forward as I move in the water. I keep going until my lungs start to burn and I come up for air.
I lie on my back and float for a bit. I stare up at the sky, watching the cloud drift by. My mind starts to wander but I immediately swim back to the dock. I know where it wants to drift or should I say whom it wants to drift to.
I reach the dock and pull myself up. The cool air makes me shiver a little as I pull my shirt back on and walk back. I make my way inside, go to the bathroom to find a towel to dry off with. I look at myself in the mirror above the sink. Jesus I look like shit. No wonder Matt and Nick asked me if I was ok. The dark circles under my eyes look almost like bruises and my eyes look a little blood shot. My beard also looks a little long. I usually shave it before I head back to work which I will do later.
I suddenly feel exhausted so I make my way to the bedroom and lie on the covers with a towel wrapped around my waist. I stare up at the ceiling, watching the fan slowly circle over head. I don't remember closing my eyes but when it happens, I see nothing at first.
Then my surroundings start to take shape. I am looking out a window, admiring the city of Tokyo during the night. I can see the Tokyo Dome right outside. I suddenly feel arms slide around my waist from behind and I smile, holding those arms with my own. A voice breaks the silence.
"You will be there one day I just know it. You and I will do it together Kenny. It is where we belong."
I slowly turn around and there he is, a younger version of Kota smiling at me. I wrap my arms around him and pull him close. I close my eyes, inhaling his scent.
"I cannot wait for that moment and with you by my side, nothing can stop us from reaching the top."
The next thing I see when I open my eyes is when that peace was shattered. He is at the door with his things in his bag, a tear sliding down his cheek. He closes the door and I sink to my knees, sobbing into my hands.
I wake up startled and it's dark outside. I rub the sleep out of my eyes and curse for dreaming of the day it was beautiful then the day it all went to hell. Fuck what the hell is wrong with me? I knew I shouldn't have kissed him. What the hell was I thinking? What came over me?
Could it have been the longing I will always feel? The part of me that pisses me off when I think about it? Or was it something he planned all along? He knew that just his mere presence would bring back so much. I want to hate him for that but I can't bring myself to at the moment. My head is still spinning from the latest dream.
I can't escape him no matter where I go. How in the hell can I face my fellow Bullet Club members? Am I really fit to lead them especially after this? What would they even say if they knew? Maybe Tama was right when he questioned my leadership during the G1 tournament.
With this recent distraction, it could be the final nail in that coffin. I sit on the edge of the bed, running my hands through my long curls. I am not sure how long I stay in that position. I put on some sweat pants and a shirt and walk out into the cool night air. The moon is out and it paints my surroundings in an eerie glow.
"Get a hold of yourself Kenny, Jesus. He does not have that type of power over you, not any more."
I take a deep breath and exhale, trying to calm myself down enough so I can try to sleep. I remember telling myself when he left, I would never let anyone have that type of power over me ever again. The power to make me care so much that the mere thought would bring me to tears. Never again and I am doing my best to keep that promise to myself.
The memory will always remain crystal clear to me no matter how I try to forget. He had just gotten the opportunity by WWE to participate in the CWC, a tournament to crown their first Cruiserweight champion. I told him that they wouldn't know how to use him, that they would misuse him if he ever decided to sign with them full time. He just refused to listen and decided to take them up on their offer.
I had never been more frustrated at him for that. We argued about it till it was time for him to leave for Florida. His pride is what drove a wedge between us. That is something I have never forgiven him for. I couldn't even look at him when he left. That was the end of us.
I let my focus go into furthering my career. Winning my first G1 last year really put my career on the fast track. It sky rocketed me to where I belonged. It was my destiny to be at the top but as they say, it is quite lonely there as well.
I am not sure what the hell I was thinking when I had my gear designed for the finals this year. Maybe that stupid part of me wanted to get his attention, to see if he still gave a damn. I was not prepared for the shit storm I caused. Fucking idiot, Jesus Kenny.