Chapter 4

Your Knowledge, My Despair

Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight.

Ok, so I know this story started out slow. Hopefully, you'll like it better now. There's quite a bit of fluff in this one. Happy reading!!

).O.(

I stood there, staring at the closed door for a moment, silently cursing the one whose idea this had been. Why? Why was I put right next door to him, when everyone knew he was the one I could stand the least? What were they thinking?

I turned and moved as quietly as I could towards the bed. Once I'd sat down, I stared back at the wall, half listening to the soft music, half cursing the one playing it. I bet it was his idea… It would be just like him to add more pain to my already tortured existence. I glared at the wall angrily, wishing with all my might that I could disappear.

At that moment, the music suddenly stopped, and I heard the soft pad of feet moving towards the hallway from the other side of the wall. I followed the sound, as best as I could through the wall, with my eyes, praying feverishly that he turned away from my room and went downstairs. Not so lucky.

I held my breath as he stopped outside my door. There was a pause, then some light pacing, then finally, a soft knock. So soft, I almost missed it entirely. I silently released the breath I was holding, and hoping my voice sounded somewhat normal, called for him to come in.

I watched him come in and shut the door behind him. He stood there a moment, just looking at me, then moved over to sit on the opposite end of the bed.

"Bella," he started, then frowned. He stared at the floor for a moment, and seemed to take a deep breath. Then he turned and looked at me, smiling a half crooked smile that took my breath away. I turned away quickly, letting my hair fall over my shoulder, refusing to let him see me blush.

"Bella," he started again. "I wanted to tell you that… I'm sorry. I wish I could give you what you need, but I can't, and I'm sorry. I know the last couple of months have been hard for you. I never wanted that to happen, and I hope now that you're here, I can start making it up to you. Will you please forgive me?"

I stared at the floor in shock, unable to even think for a moment. Then the anger hit, hard. I turned the deadliest glare I could manage at him, and had the satisfaction of seeing him flinch away from me before I let it out.

"Did you really believe that this would make it all better? You bring me to yourhouse, put me in the room right next door to yours, come in here and give me a half-assed apology and still no answers… And I'm supposed to just let it go? Be okay with it, because you apologized? Well, you need to understand something, Edward, I don't work like that. I'm not going to change my story just because you made things more comfortable for me. You either give me the answers I want, or I'm not lying for you."

I crossed my arms over my chest, closed my eyes and took a deep breath, willing the angry tears to dry up before they could drip down my face. Unfortunately, one broke free, but before it got too far, I felt a cold finger brush it away quickly. I snapped my eyes open, and stared into Edward's pain filled golden orbs.

"I can't, Bella, please…" He said this so quietly, I almost didn't catch it. He reached out to touch my face again, then seemed to think better of it and pulled back. Instead, he scooted a little closer on the bed and stared intently into my eyes. "Bella, I swear, I would tell you everything if I could. But I can't…"

"Why not, Edward?" I asked just as quietly. "What secret could be worth all this?" I waved my hands vaguely around the room, at a loss for words. "Why is it so important for me not to know?"

Edward let out a sigh, then turned away and stood up. When I realized he was again leaving me with no answers, I snapped. I jumped up and blocked the door, glaring at him again.

"You are not getting away from me so easily this time, Edward," I practically growled. Edward raised his eyebrows at me, and I blushed a little in embarrassment. My anger was stronger, however, and I walked up to him and pushed him in the chest with my finger. "What's the big secret? I swear, I won't tell anyone. Please!"

Edward stared into my eyes for a moment, and I forced myself to keep focused. It was much too easy to fall into those deep, golden pools and drown in them, and I couldn't allow myself to do that at such a critical moment. Instead, I stared back, trying to tell him how much he could trust me, how if he'd just trust me, everything would be okay. He opened his mouth to speak, and I held my breath.

"I'm sorry, Bella…" Edward turned his eyes away and brushed past me. I stared at the spot he'd just left, feeling the tears well up and spill over as anger consumed me. The pain of the last two months, the rejection as he refused to trust me, the feeling of hopelessness at my situation, pushed me over the edge. I glanced around the room, and my eyes locked on a tall crystal vase filled with roses and lilies sitting on my side table. I lunged at it and, throwing the flowers on the ground at my feet, turned and hurled the vase at Edward's head.

Time seemed to slow down as I watched the heavy vase fly at Edward. I could almost see the individual water droplets rain down to the floor as the vase flipped. Then, suddenly, time sped back up and there was the sound of breaking glass. The vase shattered into millions of microscopic pieces as it collided with the back of Edward's head. I stared in wonder and shock as Edward froze, then turned and stared at me with the same expression frozen on his face.

"What… what the hell are you?" I sputtered, in awe of the fact that he wasn't bleeding and was still standing. A stream of emotions played across Edward's face, but before I could identify them, Carlisle ran in, followed by Esme, Renee and Alice.

They stared at the remains of the broken vase, then the flowers at my feet, before looking between me and Edward, obviously waiting for an explanation.

"I'm sorry," Edward said immediately. He grinned that crooked grin and ran a hand through his hair. "I was going to go get more water for the vase, and I tripped." He shrugged, still smiling. "Sorry about the vase, Alice. I'll buy you another one."

I stared at Edward, too shocked at his explanation to say anything. Carlisle and Esme looked between me and Edward, then locked gazes with each other for a moment. Carlisle nodded, then turned back to me and smiled. "Are you alright?" he asked gently. I stared at them for a long moment, trying to decide if I should say anything about Edward's lie or not.

"Bella?" Renee repeated, staring at me from the doorway. "Are you okay, Bella? Say something!" She looked like she wanted to run to me and scoop me into her arms, but there was glass all over the floor and all she had on was socks. I was almost glad about that.

"I'm fine, mom," I said, turning to her so I didn't have to see Edward. I smiled reassuringly, and it seemed to convince her. She turned to Esme, obviously wanting to continue whatever conversation they had been engrossed in. Esme smiled at me, then led Renee from the room.

I stared at the glass on the floor, wondering how I would get out as I was also just in socks, when Edward came and scooped me up, bridal style. My heart sped to at least twice its normal speed as I stared up at him, and I'd swear I heard him chuckle under his breath. "I'll take her to my room," he told Carlisle, his voice as soft and smooth as velvet. Carlisle locked eyes with Edward for a moment, then nodded.

"I'll get the vacuum," Alice said as she flitted out of the room. Her voice brought me back to reality, and I realized that Edward was walking towards the door, taking me with him.

Before I had the chance to protest, we were in his room and he was setting me down carefully. He immediately stepped back and took a deep breath. Looking up into my eyes, he said quietly, "I'll be right back. I'm going to go help clean up." He gestured at the black leather couch I had noticed earlier and said, "Make yourself comfortable." He stared into my eyes for a moment, then added softly, "We'll talk when I get back." Then he turned and left, softly shutting the door behind him.

I watched the door for a moment, listening to Edward and Carlisle's soft voices talking in the next room. I tried to make out what they were saying, but they were too quiet. I heard Alice come up with the vacuum a few moments later, and when she turned it on, I looked around the room to distract myself.

I smiled as I realized that Edward's room looked exactly how I had imagined it. The walls were a nice golden color, the carpet a soft cream; shelves lined one whole wall and were filled with cd's. The only furniture in the room was the black leather sofa I was currently sitting on, pushed up against one of the walls, and a huge king sized bed situated in the middle of the room.

The wall facing the backyard was all windows. Ceiling to floor, wall to wall. I stood up and took the few steps needed to stand in front of them. I stared out at the backyard in awe. The yard was immaculate. It was freshly mowed and had a little garden on the right. About a hundred feet out, the woods took over, surrounding the house except for the strip that is the driveway. The house seemed to be in the middle of nowhere, and I shuddered as the thought 'no one can hear you scream' danced across my mind.

I was about to turn around and head back to the couch when something caught my eye in the woods. I stared harder, trying to see through my reflection in the glass, but to no avail. Frowning, I turned around and looked for the light switch. I found it by the door, and was quickly back to the window in the now darkened room.

I stared hard straight ahead of me, trying to see whatever it was that had caught my attention. It was probably nothing, I kept telling myself, but something urged me to keep looking. Then quite suddenly, a figure appeared at the edge of the woods. I stared, wondering if I should tell someone or not. Maybe he was lost? For it definitely was a he. Short black hair, baggy clothes… I stared harder, trying to make out some sort of features.

The figure suddenly turned and stared up at the windows, and I gasped as his eyes caught mine. Blue. They were a cold, ice blue, only barely hidden behind an expensive looking pair of designer glasses. His mouth went slack when he saw me, and his eyes widened in fear. Then he turned and glared at the house as he half ran towards it.

"Bella, what's wrong?" Edward's voice came from behind me, and I gasped again as I turned around. I hadn't even noticed him come in. I realized the vacuum was off, and the whole floor seemed extremely quiet suddenly. I stared for a moment, trying to get my thoughts in order enough to speak.

"Someone's out there," I finally managed, pointing out the window to where I could still see the boy, getting closer to the house by the second. He looked up at the window, catching my eye again, before noticing Edward standing next to me. He stopped in his tracks as Edward turned and saw him. I couldn't help but notice the sudden loathing on both of their faces.

Edward inhaled sharply, then turned and scooped me up. I barely noticed the boy's look of outrage as my arms instinctively went around Edward's neck, because he was running again, but this time in the opposite direction.

Hmn… So who is our mystery boy? Will Bella ever get her promised talk with Edward? All in due time… For now, please, review?