OKay, guys, bad news: I can no longer updates from school, which I've been doing usually. SO I'm doiing two things: I'm updating once a week from home, and I started a blog for it as well:

www . welcome - to - the - masquerade - . blogspot . com (you know the drill - remove the spaces)

But I give you . . . THE FOURTH CHAPTER! REVIEW!

Chapter 4: Waiting For The End

Sitting in an empty room, trying to forget the past . . .
This was never meant to last . . . .
I wish it wasn't sooo . . . . .
I know what it takes to move on, I know how it feels to lie.
All I want to do is trade this life for something new,
holding on to what I haven't got . . .
~Linkin Park

I almost forgot about monitor duty! Yikes! I rand down different hallways, cutting sharp corners and dodging people when nessecery. I slig-shot into the room right before I was supposed to, barely missing being late.

Abe had explained to me that now the BPRD was backed by the UN, so now we have to look at every step backwards and every shadow made in the world that they want us to. So that's what the huge monitor room and monitor duty were for; it was our way to keep an eye on everything.

So it was just a giant room covered with monitors. There was a seat (the one I sat in), surrounded by a half-circle control panel. I was supposed to be here for almost twelve hours straight. Ha ha - I was suckered into coming back in by that fucking creep.

I reclined in my chair and let myself drift. My eyes hurt from crying, and I was still in my p.j.'s. I felt so bad for unloading on Abe like that - he didn't deserve that from me. I was supposed to be strong; I was supposed to be better than that. But no, I had to weep and cry over someone who's been gone for eight years, and didn't really like me that much to be truthfully honest.

Me, however . . . my feelings for him have changed. They weren't so "OMG-I-TOTALLY-HATE-YOUR-GUTS" anymore. No, they were more cordial than that.

Something nicer, something more, I thought to myself. Something . . . almost . . . . like love . . .

Love? No way. Not a snowball's chance in hell. How can it? Please. He wouldn't even look at a person like me. I was nothing but a joke and an embarrassment to him. I mean, seriously, for serial. I was probably on the bottom of his "could-be girlfriend" list, right after Kate and Liz. Oh jeez-

"Hi there."

I was shocked out of my reverie by Devon coming into the room. Shit - I hadn't been paying attention to the monitors. I straightened up and pretended that I had been paying attention the entire time. "Hey," I replied. "What's the deal?"

"Just coming to see what you were doing," he shrugged. He found a spare chair and brought it up beside mine and sat down.

I shrugged back in response. I was getting some bad vibes from this guy; I didn't like his face. He's almost like a politician: he had a helluva poker face.

"So . . . uh . . . where were you at all this time?" he asked.

"Kate told you," I sighed. "I was at school. Majoring in creative writing. Minoring in biology."

"Why'd you leave in the first place?"

I almost smiled when I said, "Philosophical differences." I reclined in my chair. "How's the home front?"

"Abe's the antichrist," he said suddenly.

I did a double take and shouted "WHAT?"

"Yeah," he went on, "We got trapped underground by these weird orange monsters and the frogs-"

Uh-oh.

"-And then this guy with a flaming skull head said that-"

"Wait," I cut him off. "Flaming skull head? You don't mean the Black Flame, do you?"

"I-I think so," he said. "Why?"

"DAMMIT!" I jumped out of my chair and started pacing behind the control panel. "I THOUGHT I FRIED HIS MONKEY ASS ALREADY!"

I walked a couple steps away; I was starting to spark (damn that too! I thought I had that under control!).

Devon just stared at me in terror. Yep, I was back on my game, scaring the (semi)new guy. "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal?" I repeated. "The big deal is that it killed Roger!" He stared blankly at me - oh day of days, he didn't know who Roger even was! The prick! "And I fried his ass almost ten fucking years ago!" I took a deep breath, and tried to calm myself down before sitting down at the control panel. "Go on," I ordered. "What happened?"

"Well, anyways," he continued, "This guy - the Black Flame - told us that Abe was some evolved form of the frogs, and that he was going to lead us to the end of the world."

I blinked slowly, staring at him with a blank expression. Then I laughed - like seriously, I laughed my ass off. "Dude, you know how many times we hear that here? "Oh, he's the Beast of the Apocalypse!" "Oh, he's the Antichrist!" God man, no one takes it seriously!" I practically giggled. "Man, you ain't been around long, have ya, noob?"

He just shook his head sadly, like I was someone to be pitied. "You don't understand," he heaved this huge, heavy sigh. "You're too close to him-"

"Check it, Batman," I interrupted pointedly, "You probably don't know this, but this whole organization was started with Hellboy, and this guy Trever Bruttenholm."

"What's that got to do with anything?" he asked slowly.

"Well, the Professor believed that a man was a man based by his character, not the circumstances of his birth, or his supposed destiny. It was what you did, not what you are."

Devon shook his head again.

"Damn you to hell, then," I said brightly. "Better leave, afore I really open a can a whoop-ass."

He left, thank God, and I retreated back into my thoughts.

This guy - Devon - he didn't know shit. Whether he's been here for a year or five, he doesn't know jack shit about this place. He should know by fucking now that you don't go around talking about that crap. Not only does it worry the noobs, it pisses off the veterans. Yeah, we know that some people around here might kill us all. Hell, one of us almost succeeded. But that doesn't mean he gets to talk about it. In fact, he don't get to mention it until he's been through it.

Memories are a funny thing, you know? No matter what you do, they're always there. And they always appear at the worst of times.

I shook my head to clear it, and went back to staring at the monitors.

Five hours into it, I had a bad case of numb-ass. There was nothing on. Just a buncha wacked-out psychos who keep saying the US is being taken over by un-American monsters. They obviously mean the Bureau. There's pictures of Kate and Manning, and a small number of shots including Devon and Johann. There's a few clips of this giant monster thing down south (first time I've heard of it; I have to get out more).

But otherwise, it's like watching every news channel ever made. It's hell boring.

"What I would do for a drink," I moaned. "A Dr. Pepper, a Coke - gods and goddesses, I'd even go for a beer."

"I can't believe you're already old enough to drink."

I jumped a little at her voice, but relaxed immediately when Kate sat in the chair Devon had been in. "Yeah, Kate," I replied, "I've been able to do that for a couple years now."

"That's funny," she said, "Because according to your ID, you've been about to do it since about three months after you left."

"Jeez, Kate!" I scoffed, "It was just a beer! It's not like I didn't anything else illegal!"

Well, I think so, at least, I thought to myself. There was that party . . . that Mountain Dew. Oh, and those weird cupcakes . . . what happened that night? Oh man, I should probably find that out sometime . . . "At least, I don't think so . . ." I muttered. "Anyways, how goes it? What's new?"

"Abe told me about . . um, what happened in your room," she said bluntly.

Like that's a big surprise. "So what?" I shrugged.

"And Devon told me about your guys' little talk," she continued.

God, he is such a tattle-tale. "Again, so?"

"If you want someone to talk to, you know I'm here, right?" she lay a gentle hand on my shoulder.

I nodded, and she moved her hand, leaning back in her chair. "You weren't the only one upset by him leaving, you know," she informed me. The accusation in her voice was rich and smarmy: I didn't go off the deep end like you did..

"Kate, lemme explained something here," I sighed tersely, "I grew up with these people. This place is probably the only place I can properly call home. You guys are my family. So forgive me for taking it a little harder than you."

"I'm not saying that," she half-snapped. "I'm telling you that you're not alone."

You're not alone. Wow, who thought that those three words would make me feel a little better inside. I've been alone for so long - not just back in Nebraska, but for part of my child(teen)hood. I've never had someone tell me that they were going through the same things, too. It was . . . . nice. Can't really think of another word to call it other than "nice".

I looked over at Kate and smiled. "Thanks."

"Anytime."