Chapter 3! My favorite character comes in here, but more on him later~ Just so you guys know, these chapters are popping up super fast cuz I wrote them all earlier, so don't expect this all the time -3-'''

DISCLAIMER ON HETALIA ONCE AGAIN! T_T

The awesome Gilbert here again, stuck at this UNawesome house with these complete-opposite-of-awesome humans and a midget Ivan. They've been poking him with sunflowers for the last half hour for crying out loud! There had to be something wrong here. When I woke up, they called me the unspeakable word. When he wakes up, they feed him! Ivan got flowers. I got to clean up the house! Why did he get flowers? It doesn't matter. (It would've been nice though) I'm too awesome for them anyway!

Little Ivan ran up to me with a large flower that's taller than him for a change and held it up to me. "What do you want squirt?"

"Podsolnechnik?"

"Flowers suck. Beat it."

"B-but...Podsolnechnik..!"

Clingy midget started tearing up and pulling on my pants leg. Now that I looked at him, he'd make an awesome foot rest...

"Uaaah! Otets..!"

"Eheheh~"

"GILBERT!"

Loud! That Frau is unawesomely LOUD! But, it was more unfortunate for midget Ivan who was now half way across the room with his head stuck in a pot and staggering around-

BANG!

Kesesese! The twerp was in for it now.

"Prussia!"

"What? It wasn't me! Ivan did it!"

"Yeah, but who got the hat stuck on his face," Lin ground out, pulling the pot off Ivan's head.

Not awesome.

"You owe me for that vase," Vilkas muttered before producing a dustpan and broom to clean up the mess.

"Ivan is sowwy.."

"It's not your fault Ivan. I can get another one."

Kids get all the breaks, slight pun intended.

"Just for that I should tell Mal you can't come drinking with us tonight."

"You guys drink? Psh. That would be a drag anyway."

How dare they keep me from my precious beer!

"No, he's gonna come."

"Eh? Am I hearing you right Val?"

"Might as well make him useful. He can start paying for the vase by playing a few games."

"Name a game and I'll beat it then! But only because I want to!"

Hey, any excuse for some free beer, right? Lin and Caligo looked at him incredulously for a minute before either shaking their head or shrugging. The beer shall be mine!

"Someone's gonna be pissed if they find out he's not human."

"Then they just won't find out."

"And if a bar fight breaks out we'll just beat them up?"

"Exactly!"

She practically slapped herself in the face and I laughed. Humans were pretty unawesome and lame but it sounded like these ones knew how to have a good time every now and again!

"Yeah. You guys go have fun with that."

"What's the matter Mavi? Scared you'll get hurt?"

"Of course! Besides I already know you'll have me babysit Ivan since I have Feli!"

"Well it's not a possibility if you belong to the awesome Prussia!"

"I'd rather get in trouble at the bar."

"Fine, fine. You have chibi duty tonight," Vilkas sighed.

Midget Italy was already being dragged around the house by Ivan for some reason, Mavi shrugging her consent and proceeded to watch them poke each other with sunflowers.

"Well don't just stand there." Vilkas waved his arms like he was trying to shoo the two girls off his couch. "Let's find Mal and drag his ass out with us."

"What do we need him for?"

"If Gilbert decides to get his stupid ass into trouble then I ain't gonna be the one to drive down to the police station and get him," Caligo practically yelled.

"You think the awesome Gilbert needs to be supervised?"

"I think you need to be on a leash but you're Mal's responsibility. Not ours."

"Especially since you're the designated driver."

"WHAT? Lin! Help me out here!"

"Sorry Cal, I'm not getting arrested for his sake anytime soon. Besides you're lucky that you can go out. I have an exam tomorrow."

"OH COME ON!"

"Kesesese!"

~Caligo's P.O.V.~

10:30 at the bars and Gilbert's still chugging brews like a dying man in the desert. I had to admit, whoever made these guys knew how to build them for excessive drinking. Then again, countries weren't human and therefore alcohol wouldn't affect them as much as it would, oh perhaps-

"Duuude! Doncha wanna beer maaan?"

"Get off me Mal!"

As cold as it might've seemed, I shoved the drunken idiot off of me onto the floor and cracked open another soda. Only 2 beers and he was on the fast track to making a total ass of himself. Sometimes your friends could be full fledged turds... "What was the reason we had Mal come along again?"

Vilkas burst out laughing as the guy on the other end of the ping pong table somehow managed to nail himself in the face with the ball and hit the floor ass first. "Relax Cally girl! Mal's having a good old time there," he snickered, an alcohol induced blush spread across his face.

I was tempted to remind him that he would normally be the first one to smack him upside the head for making drunken moves but he was enjoying the game. I honestly ended up losing count of the rounds at some point and being the only sober one at the moment, found it highly suspicious when the hype of the game had gone down. 11:52 rolled around and the bar was still pretty crowded... So what was bothering me? Mal was passed out on the table, Vilkas was drinking himself into another bout of laughter, Gilbert...

SHIT! GILBERT!

Obviously the others weren't about to go after him, much less help me as I literally spun around in circles looking for the drunken idiot. Who knew how much liquor he could take but surely he must be drunk as hell by now! A familiar mop of platinum blonde hair bobbed out the door of the bar and I went after it. Even if there was the slightest chance I was wrong, it was better to know he didn't leave the bar yet.

The unmistakable blue of an SS uniform rounded a corner outside the parking lot in a hurry. Bastard must be sober because I swear he knew I was following him! "Gilbert! Get back here or so help me god, when I catch you...!"

Great. Of course he runs down an alley. A metal trash can rolled noisily out of the alley's entrance and shadows danced like those weird ass cyclists doing the drunken Macarena back in the bar to the scuffle of boots. He sure knows how to pick a spot to get mugged. I busted out my karambit, brand new and sharp as a razor, just in case I had a little unexpected surprise before creeping down the dark walkway.

"Was machst du? Release me at once Gilbert!"

'Naw shit, this isn't good...' What's worse yet was that it was an undeniable male voice, spoke in German for pity's sake and knew Gilbert by name! I had the distinct feeling that next time I retrieved him from anywhere, it would be a prison or at least a police station...

"Hey, Gilbert! Get your ass back here now!"

"Nein! I just found him and I dun wanna go home yet. You don't lemme come by an' visit anymore. Wir geht's, Lil Master," Gilbert half whined, half purred.

The whining made me feel like we were a bit too hard on him earlier, but the velvet in his voice? Creeper chills. I'm only kind of sorry. More stomping and shuffling followed and I ran into the alley to find him on the ground, practically wrestling with a man just as strangely dressed as he was.

I couldn't keep from rolling my eyes as I put my blade away and yanked the clearly drunken ass off the poor man before giving said drunken ass a smack to the back of the head. "Go back to the car or I tell Mal it was you who stole his phone today!"

"I'm..too aweshome to take a..orders from chicksh like you..!"

"NOW!"

He muttered something about "loud, bossy arse" but he'd get an ear full from me when he was hung over later. 'Now to see if I can explain our way out of this one,' I thought grimly as I offered my hand to the shaken man. "Sorry about that...he's one of my friend's buddies. He didn't hurt you, did he?"

"'Hurt' isn't the word... Mentally scarred perhaps," he grunted as I helped him up.

I threw his arm over my shoulder and my free arm around his waist to help prop him up. No matter how proud he was, I could see enough to know that Gilbert's assault on him did some kind of damage to him. His voice kind of reminded me of the Terminator dude, but with less bass. He was starting to sway and his body turned to dead weight just as we made it to the car. I couldn't help but think that something was kind of familiar about this guy, but the questions would definitely have to wait until morning...