Love of Food, Food of Love

Disclaimer: Don't own One Piece.

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Herman stood in front of the table and barbecue pit he made for the party, looking at the collection of food he had prepared so far. There were many plates of sizzling meat, grilled fish, plentiful vegetables for salad, barrels of beer and bottles of wine.

The merman tapped his tail against the sand, "I have drinks, the Captain's horde of meat, veggies for health...this barbecue is missing something, but I have no idea what it is...," he scratched his head, "I hate it when this sort of thing happens with my meals,"

"What's wrong, Herman?"

Twisting his stalks around, Herman saw Pingu looking at him. Looking down, he saw Niri, the bird standing on the former Marine's head.

"Oh, hello, Niri,"

"Yo," Niri nodded, looking at the table behind him, "So, what are you missing from the barbecue?"

Herman sighed and shrugged, "I don't know...it's just something...it's in the back of my mind, but I can't get it out in the open,"

"I'm sorry," Niri sat down at the table, putting Pingu in front of her, "Need help with anything else?"

Sighing again, Herman sat down nearby, "No...I've got it all prepared, except that one missing piece," he drummed the table idly with his webbed fingers.

Niri frowned a little, Poor guy...better get him to think about something else before he bums the party before it starts!

She cleared her throat and leaned forward, "Herman, can I ask you something?"

The merman looked at her, "Hm?"

Niri propped her head on a hand, "You said you were exiled from Arlong, and spent time in the Calm Belt. What was it like there?"

Herman looked up at the sky and scratched his chin, "Dangerous at a lot of times, Niri...what, with all the Sea Kings, but every now and then I would come across a populated island. Of course, back then, I would try and stay away, in case it's inhabitants thought ill of me...," he trailed off, a look of content filling his eyestalks.

Niri raised an eyebrow, "Yoohoo?" she waved a hand in front of his face.

"There was one island in particular, near the Calm Belt where I felt happy to be at, despite most of it's people,"

"Oh?" Niri poured herself a beer, "What was it like? What'd you do there?"

"Well...,"

-Flashback-

East Blue, Calm Belt, 4 Years Ago...

"Son...of...a...bitch,"

Herman tugged hard on the carcasse of a Sea King he had just beaten onto the rocky and sandy shore of the nearest island. He was swimming through the waters, trying to find anything to eat without distubring many inhabitants of the Belt, but got caught between a Sea King and it's dinner. In defense, Herman clobbered the beast and dragged the body to the nearest island.

The lobster merman wiped his brow, "Man, I'm either out of shape, or these things are getting tough, despite this being the East Blue...,"

As he measured the Sea King carcasse, trying to decide how much to cut away for his dinner, Herman heard noise from above him, on the main part of the island.

"Guillaume, please tell me yer young'in isn't gonna be tryin' to cook the family gumbo, again?"

"Well, it ain't like I haven' tried to stop her, she jus' keeps tryin' no matter what anyone tells her! Besides, she's got the spirit of our family in her,"

"If you say so, Guillaume, but when are you finally gonna actually put a stop to her foolish dream? She can't cook fer shit, and everyone who's tried has either croaked or been put to bed rest!"

"Alright, now I think you're exaggeratin', Sebastion,"

"If you think so, Guillaume...,"

As the voices died away, Herman climbed the wall of the island and poked his eyestalks out to see two men walking away. One was of average height and of a slim body, wearing a suit and walking with a cane, why the other one was a bit overweight and wearing overalls and what appeared to be fishing boots.

While he watched them leave, an interesting aroma filled his senses. The presence of a delicious scent coming from nowhere made Herman remember back to Bellemere's last day at Cocoyashi village. While it did hurt to remember it again out of the blue, Herman had to find out the source of the scent.

Climbing onto the land, Herman followed the scent, as well as a well-used dirt road to a village near the heart of the island. As he walked, the citizens of the village stared and whispered things about him under their breaths, but at the time, Herman couldn't care, he had to find out what smelled so good.

The trail led him to what looked like a fish bait shack, but the sign above told him different.

LeBeau Bayou Cuisine

"That's something I've never heard of before...,"

"Well, lookee here. We got ourself a big ol' crawdad, walkin' and talkin' on land!"

Herman looked down from the sign to see a tall young man with fiery red hair wearing torn pants, a long leather coat, and fingerless gloves. He was sitting at a table, a deck of cards next to him while he looked up at the merman.

Said merman bowed, "Hello, I hope I didn't startle you,"

The boy grinned, "You? C'mon, big boy, I've seen a lot of Sea Kings screwin' each other over and fighting for as long as I can remember. Compared to the horrors I've seen from them, you ain't nothin' scary," he rose to his feet and held out his hand, "Remy LeBeau,"

"Call me Herman," the lobster-man said as he shook hands with the surprisingly calm human, "LeBeau?" he pointed to the shack, "You own this place?"

"Actually, my ma and pa do," Remy wiped his nose, "I just help out with the cookin' and bringin' in the extra Beli's,"

"You mean cheating the villagers out of their money with that damn card game of yours, Remy!" an irritated voice from the back made Herman turn to see a young woman, about the age of sixteen walk into view.

She had long, crimson hair and beautiful green eyes. Herman could tell that she was a cook, or something that related to the place because she wore an apron that had the place's name printed on it. She glared at Remy and picked up a pot from a nearby stove, "Git over here, I need a taste tester before trying to sell it to the customers,"

Remy backed away, hands waving, "Oh hell no, cherie, I ain't eatin' none of that damn gumbo of yours again. The last time I had it, I barfed like no other, I shit like a fountain, and I passed out for three days!"

The woman glared harder, "You nothin' but a damn liar and a damn thief, Remy! Now, git over here!"

"Hell no! I'd rather feed myself to that damn kurowani you got for a pet!"

Herman watched the two go at it for a few more minutes before clearing his throat, reminding them he was there, "Excuse me...,"

The young woman looked him over, "Damn, a giant crawdad!"

Remy laughed, "Naw, cherie, this here is Herman, and I do believe that he's come as a customer," he sat down and shuffled the deck of cards, "Care for a game, mon ami?"

"Remy...,"

Herman looked at them, "Uhm...well, I was going to say, if he doesn't wish to taste your creation, I'd be glad to offer my tastebuds," he smiled sheepishly, "I'm something of a cook, and I'd love to try new dishes,"

Remy whistled, "A cook? Hot damn, girl, looks like we actually got a good cook besides ma and pa,"

The woman raised a nearby skillet, "Remy LeBeau, you had better git back in the kitchen, or go feed Bubba, otherwise I'm gonna beat the shit outta you!"

"Alright, alright," Remy shook his head in defeat and waved at Herman as he made his way around the shack, "Good luck, bud...by the way, pinch your nose, it'll save you a lot of pain,"

"REMY!"

Herman watched as the young man practically flew out of sight, leaving him with the young woman.

"Now," she sighed, grabbed a nearby empty bowl and scooped some interesting food from the pot into the bowl, then held it out, "Bon appetite,"

Herman looked at the bowl: it's contents were rice, thick brown sauce, chunks of meat and at least three different vegetables. He sniffed it curiously, "What did you say this was called?"

"This here is LeBeau Gumbo," the young woman said proudly, "Finest Gumbo in the East Blue!"

"I've never heard of it...," Herman took a spoon and scooped a chunk of the gumbo out of the bowl, "Cheers,"

"Bon appetite,"

Herman opened his mouth and ate the small spoonful of gumbo...threw up and passed out.

-----

"Damn, cherie, I told ya yer cookin' is horrible!"

"Hey Bubba! Remy wants to play with you!"

"Get that damn kurowani away from me!"

"Shut up, I think he's coming around!"

Herman opened his eyes and found himself laying on a soft mattress inside a large room, the faces of the young couple he had met shortly before eating the gumbo. Groaning, he slowly sat up and held his head, "What happened?"

Remy jerked a thumb to the woman, "Billie Jean here gave you a bowl of her Deadly LeBeau Gumbo," he cracked before ducking a hard right hook that the woman threw at him, "You've been out for five hours. I'm surprised you haven't shit blood,"

Herman couldn't help but laugh, "I'm sorry...," he turned to the woman who gave him the food, "You're name is Billie Jean?"

She nodded, "Billie Jean LeBeau, nice to meet you, Herman,"

"I told ya," Remy shook his head, "Yer cookin' even took down a livin' crawdad. Told ya it was bad,"

Jean sighed and collapsed on a nearby bed, holding her head, "Dammit, what's wrong with me?! I keep makin' everyone sick, but I always follow the recipe right!" she sniffed loudly, "If this keeps up, I'll never be good enough to leave the island!"

"Leave the island?" Herman tilted his head, "Forgive me, I know it's not any of my business, but why do you want to leave the island?"

"Because it's her dream," Remy answered with a sly grin, "Little Billie Jean here wants to be a cook at the 'great' Baratie,"

"Remy...,"

"What, it's true though, right sis?" Remy glanced at her, "That's what you want, right?"

Jean snorted, untied her apron and threw it into a nearby garbage can, "That's what I want, but it doesn't look like I'll be getting there...,"

"Don't say that,"

Both Remy and Jean turned to Herman, who was back on his feet, a strange look in his eyes.

"Why not?" Jean scratched her head, "I can't cook for shit! I thought I had a knack for this, but when I made the gumbo, everyone got sick and despite what they said, I keep trying, but it's worse than the last batch!"

"Well, no more!" Herman knocked his fists together, snorting, "As a cook of the sea, I cannot sit by and let a young chef abandon her dreams because of one bad dish! Billie Jean LeBeau...," he gave a thumbs up, "As of today, I am going to teach you how to become a better cook!"

Jean and Remy exchanged looks, "Okay...?"

"Damn right, now c'mon, let's go! Show me the kitchen!"

-----

And so, Herman stayed with the LeBeau's for awhile, teaching Jean and her family everything he knew about cooking. Needless to say, they were impressed by his knowledge of recipes and skills with the stove. Herman was even impressed that they accepted him so easy so quickly. It was as if they didn't care about his race...in fact, it was like they didn't even know about merman.

Sadly, even though he taught Jean everything he knew, he couldn't help but feel frustrated when her dishes kept ending badly. While his newfound pupil slept over cookbooks, Herman racked his brain, trying to figure out why it was always going poor for her.

"She's got talent, she knows the stove and kitchen well...," the merman muttered as he pet Jean's pet kurowani, Bubba, "So what is wrong? She doesn't screw up the recipes I give her, but even they turn out bad,"

As he sat there in the kitchen, a couple of familiar voices reached his ears. One was the voice of Jean and Remy's father, Guillaume. Looking through the doorway, Herman could see the suited man with a cane standing in the living room.

"Guillaume, why do you allow that freakish fish...thing take up residence in your home?" the suited man asked slowly, "It's bad enough you allow a beast like that crocodile-,"

"Bubba is a welcome member of this family, Sebastion," Guillaume interrupted him, "As for Herman, he is a fine man, and has been a great help! With the recipes he's been givin' us, we'll be able to make our eatery great!"

Sebastion chuckled and straightened his tie, "That's only if you come to your senses and forbid Billie Jean from cooking anymore. Everyone knows that she's hopeless.

That wasn't a smart thing to say...

Herman burst into the room, looking angry, "Don't you dare insult my pupil in this house, sir!" he walked towards Sebastion, making the suited man back into a corner.

"My, your...," Sebastion looked Herman over, "...guest seems to have a short temper, Guillaume. I suggest that you do something or else he'll kill you all in your sleep,"

Before anyone could stop him, Herman grabbed Sebastion by the collar and lifted him a good three feet off the ground.

"Herman!"

The merman glared hard at Sebastion, "You are not welcome here...," he opened the door and threw the suited man as far as he could without injuring him too greatly. Growling, he slammed the door and put his head against the door.

"I can't believe I just did that...,"

Guillaume patted Herman's shell, "Don't worry, boy, if you hadn't done that, I would've punched him myself!"

Herman looked at him, "You think he was wrong? You think Jean's not hopeless?"

The overweight man sighed, "I didn't say that. Billie Jean's my only daughter and when one insults my daughter, they have a tendency to get a black eye," he rubbed his neck, "I love her with all my heart...but it just hurts me when I see her like that,"

Herman cocked an eyebrow, "Guillaume, can I ask you something?"

"Of course, Herman, feel free,"

"You love your daughter, and you said it hurts when she makes bad results...,"

"Yes, so?"

"When did it start, the bad results?"

Guillaume scratched his belly through his overalls, "Uh...a year or so ago. She had made the family gumbo for the first time, and she wasn't exactly perfect...so as a bayou chef, I had to tell her my mind,"

Herman nodded, "I see...and from then, it became worse?"

"Yeah, it did," Guillaume shook his head, "I don't get it...,"

"I do," Herman put an arm around Guillaume's shoulder, "Now, here's what we're gonna do,"

-----

The next day, Herman waited outside the shack, which had been repaired and repainted to look good as new, with Remy, Guillaume and Bubba while Billie Jean prepared the food in the back.

As they waited, the villagers who walked by either whispered questions about why they were sitting there, and other snickered about Billy Jean being the next Grim Reaper.

"Pa, are you sure about this?" Remy shuffled his deck of cards, "What if she...,"

"She won't," Herman said confidently, "I believe in her,"

"But Herman-,"

"No 'buts', Remy," Guillaume murmured, wiping his face with a handkerchief, "I trust Herman and his advice, so if he says Billie Jean won't fail, then she won't,"

Remy shrugged, "If you say so, pa,"

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity of waiting, Billie Jean came out from the kitchen, holding a big pot of LeBeau Gumbo, made from the family recipe. As she set out the bowls and spoons, more and more people gathered around, as if they were a crowd watching a circus.

"She's still cookin' !?"

"Dayum, these boys are either very brave, or very stupid. I'm not really surprised at Big Crawdad right there, but Guillaume and Remy, I'm shocked!"

Billie Jean turned away and slowly entered the kitchen, leaving the three men with the crowd and pot of gumbo.

The three men took a deep breath and gathered themselves a bowl of gumbo, the meat and rice covered in thick sauce.

"Pass the teeth...,"

"And through the gums,"

"Watch out colon, here it comes,"

Everyone in the crowd held their breaths as the trio ate a large helping of gumbo. They all waited for the men to pass out, puke, or just keel over dead. However, none of that happened. Herman grinned widely as Remy and Guillaume stared at the food in surprise before shoveling more and more into their mouths.

"They're not dead?"

"Doesn't look like it...,"

"Think it's actually good?"

Guillaume laughed loudly as he scooped gumbo into more bowls, "C'mon, everybody! This is great shit right here. Step right up, and witness the amazing debut of Billie Jean LeBeau's Gumbo!"

While the crowd ate, Billie Jean poked her head out of the kitchen and stared at them.

"No way!" she whispered, not seeing Herman standing next to the door, "They're actually eating it?!"

Herman patted her on the head, "I told you! I said you'd get better at this if you kept trying," he looked at her, "I think the gumbo's gonna go away soon, and if they're as addicted to that as they are with your family's cooking, I think you better make more food,"

Billie Jean looked at him for a short while, her eyes watering before she took him into as big a hug as she could.

"Thank you, Herman!"

"My pleasure, child,"

-----

A short time later, Herman found himself preparing to leave the island, standing on the cove where he had dragged a Sea King carcass, with the intent to eat it. However, he had completely forgotten about it and now, it was gone. Picked clean by scavengers or washed away by the tide. He didn't care though...it was just a big fish, there were plenty more in the Calm Belt for him to take down.

"Herman, are you leaving?"

The lobster turned to see Remy and Billie Jean walking up to him, the later wearing a new apron. Herman nodded, "Yes. I think I better move on. Your father said that Sebastion isn't the kind of man who gets thrown out and takes it without a fight. I better go before the law comes...,"

"But you didn't do anything wrong!"

"I know, Jean, I know," Herman waved her off, "But before I go, I'm glad that you were able to become a good chef here. Keep working hard and I'm sure you'll end up at the Baratie!"

"You think so?"

"I know so," Herman gave them both a hug, "You two take care alright? If Sebastion ever comes making trouble for ya...," he lowered his voice to a whisper, "Just give him Bubba's shit mixed with his food,"

Remy roared with laughter while Jean wiped away her tears.

"Hey, hey," Herman knelt down to her level, "Don't be sad, Jean. You have a great talent and I'm sure that once you get to where you wanna go, you'll be like no other chef!"

"Really?"

"Really really," Herman chuckled and gave her a kiss on the forehead, "Well, it was fun while it lasted, but it's my time to go,".

The lobster merman turned and ran into the ocean. His body welcomed the familiar sensation of ocean water against his skin as he dove under water and swam from side to side, getting the nostalgic feeling back. As he broke surface, he turned and saw the two LeBeau's waving at him, yelling their goodbyes.

-End Flashback-

"So, I left," Herman took a drink of beer, "I haven't heard anything about Billie Jean or Remy, but I'm not worried. I'm sure that sooner or later, with the knowledge I and her father passed onto her, she'll be a great cook,"

"What was the reason she kept doing so badly?"

Herman tapped his chin, "Ah, yes...well, you see. When her father critiqued her as a chef, her heart was wounded because she truly thought to be a bad cook. For that, her work suffered and through that, her dishes were horrible. So, I told him that as a father, he has to believe that his daughter is capable of doing superb cooking. He was so desperate for his daughter's happiness, he said he'd put his faith and love into his daughter and her cooking. Since he and Remy did, her confidence soared and she became the best chef on the island, next to her father of course,"

He took a swig of beer, "You see, that's what's important

Niri and Pingu wiped away tears with napkins, shaking their heads.

As Herman looked at them, he suddenly snapped his fingers, "THAT'S IT! I know what's missing!" he shot to his feet and ran to the ship's galley, "I KNOW WHAT THIS BARBECUE NEEDS!"

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Kilnorc: Man, that was so far, the longest chap in the new fic. LOL. Hope you guys like Herman's little filler...it was fun to make. In case you didn't get it, the people and place he was with in his flashback are based off Cajuns and gumbo is a cajun cuisine. Remy Lebeau's name and description comes from the X-Man, Gambit. I just figured he's Cajun and he's cool, so why not have a character based off him? Also, in case you didn't know, kurowani is a black crocodile...which is based off a southern legend a friend of mine told me once, but I forgot...hehehe.

On the next chapter of Grand Prix...

DJ: There must be something I can do that'll make me better capable of protecting the others, but what?

Devon: How about not sucking at being a swordsman?

DJ: Why you...baka demon! I don't need that from you!

Devon: Whatever...

DJ: I need a sign...I need to know what I can do to be a better protector of my nakama! I...oh my god. Is that who I think it is?! What's he, of all people doing here?!

Song of the Blade

DJ: It's really him! Maybe he can help me out?