Chapter 4
Gisela had nothing new to offer Conrart, which hadn't surprised Yozak at all. She had, however, informed them both of a lot of damage that had been healed by healers in Big Cimeron too many times or incorrectly. Most of the damage had been centered on Conrart's hands, feet, and nose. His nose actually looked fine, and so did his feet, but his hands were bent and crooked from too many healings performed too quickly. She said that one day, if Conrart ever felt up to it, she would be willing to knock Conrart out and re-break the bones in his hands and heal them up properly.
Conrart hadn't reacted. In fact, after Gisela allowed Cecilia and Yozak into the room, Conrart hadn't even looked up from his lap. He sat there in silence listening as Gisela and Yozak spoke. Yozak had thanked the healer for the check up and had asked her to go into the antechamber to tell everyone else what was going on. Conrart still didn't say anything once the healer left, so Yozak moved to the side of the bed next to Conrart's feet, and started hitting Conrart's legs with the closest thing at hand: a mostly-worn seat cushion from the seat by the wardrobe.
That snapped him out of it. "What the hell?" Conrart snapped angrily. "What did I do?"
"Nothing," Yozak said with a glib smile, tossing the cushion back to its chair across the room. "You were off in your own world again, Captain, so I brought you back. His Highness is ditzy enough, thank you."
"I heard some yelling," Conrart said calmly with a small smirk. "What did he say to set you off?"
"He said some bullshit about supporting you that sounded all nice and everything, but because I'm tired I yelled at him." He shrugged and pulled a face. "I went a little overboard."
Yozak felt a hand hit him over his head. When he turned to look he saw Lady Cecilia standing over him with fire in her eyes and her hand poised to strike again. "You little liar! That little idiot put all the burden of rehabilitating my baby on your shoulders, and you told him how it really is! King Yuri is cute and sweet, but he's young and inexperienced. Never belittle yourself again!" With that she went over to Conrart and shoved his head in her breasts under the pretense of a hug.
Had he belittled himself? He hadn't thought so. Yozak had been worried about Conrart's mental health since he saw him hanging in that dank cell covered in scabs and dripping with blood. He'd been near panicking since he saw the blood coming from Conrart's back end. Conrart had a natural tendency to take bad things way too hard – to internalize them and allow the dark, depressive thoughts to pull him into the dark, dank prison of his own mind. Dealing with that had always been difficult, and would be even more so now that Conrart had constant visual reminders of the most recent bad thing all over his body.
It had taken a whole two years to get Conrart to stop flinching every time he looked in the mirror and saw the cut through his eyebrow. And he still hadn't forgiven himself for Lady Julia's death.
"Mother, I can't breathe!" Conrart wailed as he pushed his mother off of him. Fortunately, Conrart had been behaving fairly normally so far. That would probably change when Conrart became more mobile and had to look at his scarred body every day… and when his memories became more real and undeniable than nightmares in the dark. Yozak took a deep breath to steady his nerves before leaping back into the chaos that could only be termed "hurricane Cecilia."
"My Lady Mother," Yozak said ever so politely from directly behind the blonde nymphette, using all of the charm he could muster to draw her attention. She turned to look at him in surprise, dropping her middle son back onto the bed, forgotten. "He needs to relax," he said, indicating Conrart.
Conrart, for his part, looked up at his mother calmly. "Can I please talk to Yozak for a little bit, mother?"
"Of course, Darling!" she called over her shoulder as she waltzed out of the room. "You boys don't stay up too late!"
Once the door was closed Yozak shook his head and sat heavily at the end of Conrart's bed. "Does she even realize that it's just past midday?" he asked weakly.
"You know Mother," Conrart retorted with an irritated look. "She's as wispy as the air she can wield."
"Wispy?" Yozak asked thoughtfully. "Gunter's kind of like that, too. Do you think that all air people are wispy?"
Conrart shrugged. "Fire people are energetic and assertive, like Wolfram, and earth people are steady and strong like Gwendal. I think people are attracted to the element that matches their personalities the best."
"Sometimes I wonder why we can't use power or connect to the elements," Yozak said quietly. "But, more often I wonder what element you would be. You're strong like Earth, but passionate like fire. You're fast moving like air, and your presence sooths like water. I can't choose just one."
Conrart smiled. "You'd be Earth," he mumbled. "You support me. I wouldn't be home right now if it weren't for you."
"Aw, Captain, you touch me!" Yozak teased, placing his hand over his heart. In truth, he was touched. Conrart always noticed the things he did. Even when he was mourning Julia, he thanked Yozak for supporting him off the battlefield. In fact, he'd thanked him at the end of Julia's funeral service.
"But I have a question for you," Conrart said. "Is it just me, or does Mother think you and I are lovers?" Conrart asked.
Yozak felt himself pale a little. Conrart's eyes narrowed as he watched his friend's reaction, and Yozak noticed that the wheels in his friend's head were turning. "Yeah, she does," he finally replied. "Honestly, I'm surprised you haven't noticed her setting us up before now." He sounded casual, but he didn't feel calm at all. He actually wanted to kick the bed, he was so frustrated. It was bad enough that Lady Cecilia kept dropping hints, but Conrart was going to just outright deny it the same way Conrart always denied his feelings. It happened with Julia, and was happening with Yuri. Now, knowing Conrart, he was just going to deny him without even asking how Yozak felt.
Of course, Yozak didn't really know how he felt. This was his best friend he was thinking about! He'd never once considered kissing him, let alone fucking him. But he never minded cuddling with him, like he had done after Conrart's first few fights with his brothers about his heritage, or after Julia died and he needed the consolation. From what he knew, that wasn't normal friend behavior, was it? And the fact that he'd wanted to cuddle with Conrart again after his night terrors on the ship, but Conrart was too afraid of touch to allow it. Classic rape victim behavior, from what Yozak understood.
And here it came: Conrart's unintentionally heartless reply. "Really? I never noticed. Well, mother does tend to stick her nose in where it isn't needed."
Yozak felt himself implode. Why was he so disappointed? It wasn't like he was hoping for Conrart to look at him and say, "Well, would you like to try going out with me?" or "You know, I wouldn't mind proving her right," or anything. Well, anyway, he put on a cheery look that, under normal circumstances, never would have fooled his best friend and said, "Yeah, I guess. She did end up kind of taking me in, so I can't complain too much."
"I guess not," Conrart replied, completely missing how he had just hurt his friend, too absorbed in his own misery to really notice anything. Then he decided to twist the knife. "Is his Highness out there?"
"He's waiting to speak with you," Yozak confirmed through clenched teeth. Conrart's infatuation with that boy was completely unhealthy, bordering on pedophilia. He wished his friend could just give up. The kiddo could barely accept homosexuality as a natural course in their country, let alone take the stick out of his ass and wonder about his own sexual preferences. The kid didn't seem to be attracted to women, or anybody for that matter. The voluptuous Lady Cecilia – every straight or bisexual man's favorite wet dream – even scared the shit out of the boy.
"Could you send him in?" Conrart asked, pulling Yozak out of his thoughts.
"Yes, Captain, right away," Yozak said as he stood and calmly left the room. He walked up to his little puppet king and said, "He'd like to talk to you."
"Oh, all right. Thanks, Yozak!" Yuri beamed.
Yozak couldn't take it anymore. He'd had enough. He walked out of Conrart's suite and slammed the door behind him.
Yuri closed the door softly as he walked into Conrad's sick room. Whatever had happened to make Yozak mad had happened when he was talking to his godfather, so he wanted to make sure not to upset Conrad.
"Hey, Conrad, how're you feeling?" he asked the man sitting up in the bed.
"I'm feeling better, Highness," Conrad said with his trademark smile on his face.
"Conrad, call me Yuri!" Yuri said. The name argument was more tradition these days than anything serious. He got the feeling that everyone had heard it a few times too many, but he kept it up because he always said it to Conrad. It was their thing.
"Of course, Yuri," Conrart said in a voice as gentle as ever – almost too gentle and self-deprecating. Conrad wasn't showing any of the self-confidence he usually displayed, and that more than anything frightened Yuri.
"What's wrong with Yozak?" Yuri asked with his usual lack of tact as he pulled the chair beside the wardrobe up next to Yozak's bed. There was already one on the other side that he assumed Gisela and Yozak had used when they were in here, but for some reason he didn't feel like going that far into the room. He was getting a feeling off Conrad he didn't like, and he wanted to be able to run for help if Conrart suddenly needed it.
Conrad's eyes widened when he heard Yuri's question. "I don't know. He was fine when he left."
"I've never seen him so mad!" Yuri said, waving his arms around in big gestures in an attempt to act normal and ignore the strange vibe coming from Conrart. "He slammed the door when he left! Even that time after I first met him and he thought I was a coward he never showed his real temper. Back then he was just testing me, and sure he was wary about a kid like me leading a country, but I can understand that. He hasn't been that mad at me since, so it makes me wonder what you guys were talking about that made him so mad."
The boy sure had matured since his first arrival, Conrart noticed. He was paying attention more to the moods of the people around him, and he was starting to take on the responsibilities of his role, much to Gwendal's relief. Of course, his perception brought up an uncomfortable question for Conrart: what had he said that set Yozak off? Was it his dismissal of a potential romantic relationship?
That didn't make sense. Yozak had never expressed any interest in him outside of their current friendship. Conrart may have toyed with the idea of sleeping with Yozak for a while after he'd delivered Yuri's soul and before Yuri first arrived at the Great Demon Kingdom. But that had just been because he was lonely. He'd been desperate enough to consider anyone as a potential partner, even his best friend. Anyway, it didn't matter now since he'd fallen for Yuri. And it wasn't like Yozak had ever suggested they sleep together or anything.
Besides, why would Yozak want someone as filthy as him?
"Um, Conrart, did you hear me?" Yuri asked gently. Conrart snapped back to the present, mildly embarrassed that he'd zoned out in front of his precious person.
"I'm sorry, Yuri, but I was just thinking about my conversation with Yozak. My mother seems to think that he and I should become lovers, and I'm afraid I said something that made him angry."
Yuri stared at him wide-eyed and surprised. "You mean, you two aren't together?" he asked, his voice full of amazement.
"Of course not!" Conrart defended sharply. "He's my best friend."
"I'm sorry, it's just that the way you two are so touchy-feely when you're together I assumed that you two loved each other like that. I mean, I know I was against same sex relationships when I first got here, but now I've realized it's not such a bad thing. Seriously, I think I actually like Wolfram now. I kind of wish he'd kiss me."
Conrart felt something inside himself shatter and his insides dropped into nothingness. Suddenly he was so tired, he could barely keep his eyes open, so he slid down into his covers and rolled onto his side facing away from his king. "I'm really tired. Could you please leave me for a while?" he asked after a while when Yuri hadn't gotten up to leave.
"Sure, Conrad. Have a good nap."
When he left, Conrart felt tears well up into his eyes, and before he knew it he was crying for another love that would never be his.