Disclaimer: My version of reincarnation is not supposed to follow any particular religion or creed - I borrowed heavily from several different traditions, with my own bits sprinkled in.

Trigger Warning for this chapter: physical abuse

Regression

"The stars never change, my child," said Mother. "Look, there is Punarvasu, those two stars." I followed her long, dusky finger up the the stars. I snuggled closer in her arms. "Why do they have only one name?" I asked.

Horrible minute by horrible minute, I dragged myself around the city wall one more time. "Are you sure this will improve my physical conditioning?" I asked, stealing a sideways glance at my blonde companion. My lungs ached and burned.

"I've been doing this since I was, like, four," Ino said with a dismissive flick of her ponytail. "And I'm the best girl in class!"

I didn't have enough breath to answer in more than a groan. The end of the wall was in sight, and I planned to toss myself face-first on the cool morning dew at the first opportunity.

Ino hadn't even broken a sweat. "Come on! Let's go around one more time!"

We rounded the corner, and I made my feet put one in front of the other. "Just-" I panted, "One more."

Ino laughed at me outright.

I chafed under her laughter. I had been around many of girls like her - girls that enjoyed helping and being friends with you just so long as you were a little less interesting, or a little less talented than they were. I knew that she would grow up into a woman who would truly care about those less fortunate than her, but the childhood self-centeredness was still a lot to bear.

Not to mention that she hadn't even talked to me until last month, when she and Sakura had their huge blow-up over Sasuke. Childhood was the worst.

Despite our obvious gap in level, I was finally pulling about even with the rest of my classmates. I was at least as good as Sakura or Shino, even though I couldn't keep up with the more athletic types in the class. But where the other low-physical classmates had incredible chakra control or family techniques to lean on, I was still struggling to express and control chakra outside of myself. Inside, to make myself move faster or hit harder, chakra was easy enough.

But outside? It felt horribly unnatural to push and form chakra outside of my body, as if I was trying to open a wrist with a knife. There was pain, but the worst part was the feeling of losing myself - as if I was bleeding soul instead of blood.

Logically, I knew that wasn't the case. Chakra was just an energy, not a repository of self. But it just felt so awful and foreign to push that energy outside of myself.

However, this chakra inhibition meant that I, unlike my other low-physical classmates, could not rely on chakra to help me graduate or keep me alive. I had to make it physically.

"One more time!" Ino chirped as the sun began to peek over the horizon. Her father, with his matching blonde ponytail, waved at us from atop Ino's house where he was doing some sort of salutation to the sun.

My legs were being dragged into the ground, like I had magnets attached to my feet. But if I could just keep putting them down in front of the other...

One step at a time.

By the time it was time for breakfast, I dragged myself to the nearest convenience store. I could have gone back to the house and prepared myself breakfast, but then I would have to talk to Umi. I was avoiding that as much as possible, these days.

I picked the plainest sort of rice triangle and a set of boiled eggs and put them down on the counter while I slid out my wallet.

"Four hundred and twenty yen," said the cashier.

I slapped the necessary coins down on the table, and took stock of my emptying wallet. I couldn't keep buying breakfast out like this. Maybe I'll pick up a part time job somewhere, I thought. I can't ask Umi for more money.

I sat at the counter, sweaty and awful, to eat my breakfast. Rice stuck to my fingers as I let the ache of my morning run rebound through me like echoes in a canyon. My chakra ached too, in a strange way.

I had to face the facts. It was going to be years before I could compete with my classmates. Doing things the long and slow way wasn't going to help me graduate. If I didn't graduate and tie my loyalty to the village with a headband, then I was going to be stuck with Umi forever. Once I graduated, though, and swore my loyalty to the village, I would have a job. She wouldn't be able to leave with me at a moment's notice - not without a lot of fuss from the village.

"Look, are you going to finish? Because, honestly, you stink," the cashier said from behind me.

"In a minute, Yuimura-san," I said politely. I didn't say anything about you stinking of cigarettes, asshole.

It was still early to go to school, but maybe I could use the showers. I got up and disposed of the trash in the appropriate receptacles. "See you tomorrow."

"Not if you smell like dying skunk again," muttered Yuimura.

"I'll make it dying raccoon next time," I muttered as the doorbell chimed cheerfully behind me.

Surprisingly, I wasn't the first one at school. "Hello, Mimiru-kun," said Iruka-sensei. "You're here early."

"I always am, sensei," I said cheerfully. "May I use the showers? According to Yuimura-san, I smell like a dead skunk."

Iruka gave a bark of a laugh, like he was surprised to be laughing. "Well, I wasn't going to say anything, but…" he waved a hand toward the gym area. "Help yourself." He glanced at the clock on the wall again. "But you had enough time to go home, Mimiru-kun. Class doesn't start for another ninety minutes."

I shrugged. "I live on the other side of town," I lied blithely while slipping out the door.

In the girls' area of the gym showers, I stripped and stood under the warm water, letting it slide through my hair. My hair was thick enough that it was taking a few minutes for the water to penetrate all the way through. I ached all over, but it was a good ache. It made me feel more balanced than I had in a long time, more in tune with myself.

Maybe I'll try the clone technique again. I thought. After all, no one is around to see me fail. I had been drilling hand-signs for months, so my fingers folded easily into the appropriate shapes.

"Bunshin no jutsu," I muttered.

I felt the chakra exit my body, and almost lost control of the shape of it because of the shock of pain. It felt almost like when Umi reached inside of me to try and wrest my soul from my body, sinew by sinew. But I was doing it to myself, which made it hurt in a different way. I bit my lip to keep myself from shaking.

A clone formed beside me, but it didn't look like me at all. First of all, it wasn't a prepubescent girl but a man - a taller, and darker man, with a tri-cornered hat tilted jauntily at an angle. I had imagined this clone to turn in a circle, and the man did so, with a look of confusion in his eyes. I felt rather than saw him reach toward the water, and stare in shock as it went through his hand.

I felt a tug on my chakra, like ripping, and the clone dissolved as I let out a short cry.

Not doing that again anytime soon, I thought.

I got up from the floor. I hadn't realized I had fallen. Soap was stinging in my eyes.

Mechanically, I washed the soap out of my hair and dried myself off. I pulled the change of clothes from my bag. A soft, well-worn t-shirt paired with some stretchy leggings was my preferred school outfit, and I paired them with the regulation sandals and socks. I was too tired to care about fashion at the moment - and Umi would wonder where I'd gotten the clothes.

After school that day, Naruto haunted me like a shadow. "Mimi-chaaan, let's go eat ramen!"

I rolled my eyes. "I have to study, Naruto. So do you, as a matter of fact."

"But studying is stupid!" he announced, dancing in front of me so I had to stop.

"No, you're stupid if you don't study," I shot back, stepping around him.

"I'm not stupid! Hey! Take that back," he shouted at my back.

"If you study you're not stupid," I said.

"I don't need to study to be smart," he said, offence draining out of him like water from a sieve.

"Well, how are you supposed to learn anything without studying?" I offered.

"I already know everything, dattebayo!"

I rolled my eyes. "Let's go study at your apartment, Naruto," I suggested. "There's ramen there." And it's free, I thought. My wallet was remarkably empty at the moment.

"Let's study at Ichiraku!" he said. "I want Teuchi-oji to see how smart I am!"

I gave up. "Fine." I didn't have to buy anything, right?

Even though days in Konoha were mostly temperate, the nights could dip chilly fingers down the back of your spine and hasten your walk back home. I definitely had not dressed warmly enough for the evening. I had just spent another surprisingly fruitful session with Naruto, working on penmanship. Now that he had decided to be 'totally awesome at seals, dattebayo,' he was starting to apply himself.

Umi had kept us in Konoha for almost five months now, and still hadn't told me why we came. After the initial fight, though, I didn't dare to ask her why we were there. Fear had settled into my bones at the idea of returning to that house while she might be home, and even though the cold was raising prickles on my bare skin, my steps slowed.

I had been a slave two times before this particular instance, and escaped only once. But Jed had been a far braver spirit than I. And though there was less back-breaking work involved in my current slavery, I had never before had a master that could reach inside of you and torture from the inside.

At least Jed's mind was always his own. It was Jed who my clone had become, I realized. I hadn't looked at him from the outside before, so it had taken me a while to recognize him. Mirrors weren't great in the 1770's.

I knew she was inside long before I ever stepped over the threshold. Even if the lock on the gate hadn't been left ajar, I could almost hear the rhythmic chants that her spirit seemed to shout.

"Where have you been?" Umi said the moment she heard the door open.

"School project," I said. "I was assigned to help tutor another student." A little lie, but close enough to the truth that if she tried to find out where I was, it wouldn't raise suspicions.

She was facing away from the door, a pot of something foul-smelling bubbling away on the stove. "It's time for another regression. You have not made more progress on Katherine, I assume?" She pronounced Katherine like Kah-saw-lin. She'd never gotten the hang of th.

I had been hoping to avoid this. After all, Umi hadn't helped me regress in a year, at least. And whatever her plans were, I couldn't allow her to know that I might have some vision of this potential future. "I've been making progress," I said in the quietest voice possible.

"Not fast enough," Umi snapped. Her short grey hair was a wild halo around her head, which made her look like some aging fallen angel. "Come here, brat."

My feet felt as if they were made from stone, but somehow I found myself kneeling at the feet of her chair, the noxious fumes from the stove filling my nose. I could keep her away from those memories. It was such a small part of Katherine's life.

What was the most emotional thing that Katherine lived through? It was easy enough to redirect to emotional things.

It had been easy to distract in older lives, where life had been more obviously painful. Katherine had lived in a time of unparalleled prosperity and peace in her area of the world. She had faced very little physical hardship in her short life. But every person's life was difficult emotionally, in their own way.

Her crooked fingers found their way to my temples, and

pain

pain

pain

be

careful

think

Night fell, and I curled up on the blanket. "Are you sure we are allowed up here?" I asked, worried.

"We'll be fine," Vanessa said, lighting the candle. "It's a beautiful night, isn't it?"

Not as beautiful as you, I thought. She was like an angel in this light, with the candle picking up all the copper tints in her curly dark hair. I wanted to touch them.

"Let's tell stories!" she said.

Vanessa was like a flame, I thought. Beautiful and entrancing, but dangerous to touch.

I shook myself. "Sure, you go first! You're way better than me." I could feel the roof shingles under the blanket, and I shifted to keep the ridges from digging into my hip.

I wasn't really listening to her words, at this point. I'm not in love with her, I told myself. That would be wrong. I can't be that kind of person.

But all I wanted to do was touch her.

I pushed it down.

pain

"I'm sorry, Kathy. You're a cool girl, but you're just so… smart."

It was a stab to the heart. "Well, what am I supposed to say to that?" I snapped. Don't let him get to you. "I don't need someone who doesn't appreciate me." I hung up the phone without listening to his sputtered apology.

There were tears in my eyes, but I blinked them back fiercely. I wasn't going to cry over a boy that stupid. So what were three wasted years? I had the rest of my life.

pain

A body, laying in a casket. Gray curls arranged neatly around the head. I wish it wasn't open, I thought. I don't want to remember her like this.

My head ached.

pain

"Anyone who believes in God is a psychopath."

I thought we were friends.

pain

I reeled back from Umi's hands and curled into a ball on the floor. "It's too much!" I shrieked. If anything, Katherine's memories felt more disjointed after that session, as if Umi had pried apart the layers of memory like layers of epidermis. My throat was raw. Had I been screaming? The memories themselves weren't horribly painful, but having her sift through them and peel bits away was horrible.

"You've always been weak," Umi said dismissively. "If you don't finish remembering and categorizing Katherine's life in the next month, then we will do that every day until you do."

I couldn't get up from the floor. My workout in the morning had been horrible enough, and between my chakra blowout before class and the fact that today had been sparring day, I just couldn't move anymore.

It was like every part of me stung. Poison. Poison in my muscles and bones and mind.

"Finish making the medicine for me, brat. I'm going to bed." I heard, rather than saw her clump across the floor to the sleeping room.

I couldn't possibly move. I was an exposed nerve. The world was burning. I was in hell.

But if I burned the medicine, then it would give her another excuse. I propped myself up on the chair, somehow, and dragged it in front of the stove. I collapsed into it, my eyes just above pot level.

This particular medicine needed to be stirred as soon as it thickened, and it seemed nowhere near that. It would lose a lot of potency if stirred before then, so I had to wait.

And wait.

Sitting in the chair was agony. Even thinking hurt, like tapping fingers on a bruise.

But one thought burned and burned in the forefront of my mind.

I HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE.

A/N: Hello all! Sorry for the wait, but I was moving back to South Korea with the new hubby. I can't promise really consistent updates, but I have no intention of stopping writing at the moment. So follow or favorite for updates. If you enjoyed it, don't forget to leave a review! It's really so encouraging.