After I turn around and make sure Jackson can't see me anymore, I pinch my eyes shut, ball my hands into fists, and squeal as quietly as I can. When I open my eyes, I still can't stop smiling. I clutch my phone tight to my chest and jump when it pings with a message notification. Ignoring the handful of texts I have from my sister, I tap the newest bubble that pops up.

TallDarkHandsome SENT YOU A MESSAGE!

TallDarkHandsome: I totally heard that.

My whole face heats up and my jaw drops, mouth falling open in a gasp. Quickly, I look over my shoulder to find him standing where I thought he wasn't. Still a good distance away, but definitely in earshot. And now, he's waving with a stupid grin on his face.

xxxCaroline: you did not. Stalker. Go home!

TallDarkHandsome: Okay, I will. But you go first. I'm not ready to stop looking at you yet.

"Oh, my gosh," I say out loud, clicking my phone screen off. Then, I turn around and wave it above my head, waving him goodbye. "Are you going now?" I call out to him.

"Once you do," he says playfully back.

"I'm going!" I shout, laughing.

He laughs, too, though I can't hear it. I can see his grin, though, and that's enough. "I'm gonna text you later," he says, tipping his head in my direction.

"Wait!" I say, then pull out my phone to bring up our message thread again.

xxxCaroline: this app is annoying. imessage me - 555-482-4738 :)

TallDarkHandsome: Added. You'll be hearing from me in a little while.

xxxCaroline: in a way I'll like? ;)

TallDarkHandsome: I should hope so.

I make the screen go black once more, then turn again. "Go home, Jackson!" I giggle. "Text me."

"I will," he says. "Keep an eye out."

With an idiotic smile on my face, I turn around and walk towards the train while looking through the rest of the texts I'd missed while he and I were together. They're all from Ariel, starting at zero and escalating to 100 in a style that is very much my sister's brand.

RECEIVED - Can we talk :(

RECEIVED - Bunny are u around?

RECEIVED - Text me when u can. I'm really sad and I need u :(

RECEIVED - April? Hello?

RECEIVED - Did u die?

RECEIVED - APRIL?

RECEIVED - WHERE ARE YOU? I need you!

"Oh, my god," I mutter under my breath, tapping my Ventra card before walking through the turnstile. After I'm past it, I press Ariel's contact to call her instead of wasting time with a text.

"Finally!" she exclaims loudly, before the first ring can even finish. "I've been texting you literally all night. Thanks for ignoring me."

"I wasn't ignoring you," I say. "I have a life, believe it or not."

"Didn't you hear your phone?" she says, sounding desperate. "I texted you like, a billion times. I'm not trying to be annoying, Bunny, but I really need you."

I sigh, defeated. "What's up" I ask.

"Joey dumped me," she whimpers. "Out of nowhere, right after cheer tonight. He freaking texted me. It wasn't even in person!"

"Oh, god," I say. Joey is - or was - Ariel's boyfriend of about six months. He's on the football team, she's on the cheer squad, it was very cinematic. She really liked him as much as you can like someone in high school. I'd only met him a few times, but they were cute together. "I'm sorry, Rel."

"So, yeah," she says, sniffling. "I'm really upset and you weren't even answering, and I don't wanna talk to Mom and Dad. I'm pretty sure they're banging right now, anyway. And I'm here all alone!"

She's always been the best at guilt trips. No matter what, I always bend to her will because she's my little sister and I don't want her to feel bad. "Alright," I say. "Do you want me to come over?"

"Yeah," she says. "And can you bring ice cream? My life sucks."

"Sure," I say. "I'll be there in a half hour. I'm just about to get on the red line."

I hang up and put my headphones on once I get situated on the train. I put my Taylor Swift playlist on shuffle and stare out the window, the sky growing dark now, until I feel my phone vibrate with a text. It's a number I haven't added, so I already know who it is.

RECEIVED - Thinking about me yet?

I can't help the grin that sneaks onto my face. I don't want to look like one of those girls smiling at their phones in public, but I can't help how he makes me feel. I don't know if I should be trying to help it, either. I can't seem to do anything besides encourage him and play my part in the game, which means flirting back.

SENT - you ask that assuming I ever stopped….

RECEIVED - Damn. You're good.

SENT - i know ;)

I pick up ice cream for Ariel and end up at the house just when I said I would. I walk in to find it pretty silent - I can hear the TV playing in the master bedroom, though, and for that I'm glad. I don't want to hear Mom and Dad having sex, even if I can't blame them. They barely see each other, but still. They're my parents and I don't need to know about it. "Rel?" I call, even though I already know she's in her room brooding.

"It's unlocked," she says from behind her door down the hall. I peek my head in to find her on the bed, turned away to face the window. "Took you long enough," she mutters.

"Hey to you too, ungrateful," I say, plopping down on the mattress. "Here. Got your two favorite men - Ben and Jerry."

She rolls over and I see that her cheeks are stained with tears, which tugs at my heartstrings. I hate seeing her cry. It reminds me of when we were kids and she'd fall and hurt herself, and I would feel so bad that I'd pinch myself until I hurt, too. I guess I've always been a bleeding heart. "Thanks," she says, picking up the container. She meets my eyes after peeling the lid open, then takes the spoon from me. "It's melty. You took forever."

"Geez, Rel," I say, frowning. "I get being upset, but I'm here now. I don't know what more I can do for you."

She glowers; the same glower she's always had. She's only gotten better at the expression with age. "You were with a guy, weren't you?" she asks.

"Yeah, and?" I say defensively. I feel how wide my eyes are, so I try to calm my features. I'm not sure it works.

"And…?" she says, jutting her chin forward. "You always put work before me. Before your friends. Before freaking dance, which is why you have to do the cam job in the first place."

"I don't have to do anything," I say. "I choose to do it."

"And you choose to put everyone else second to it," she murmurs, looking down at the ice cream. "Yeah, I get it."

"No, you really don't," I say. "I'm here now. I'm literally right here, looking at you and waiting for you to talk to me so I can be your shoulder to cry on like always. I'm here for you, Rel! What more do you want?"

"I wanted you to answer my texts," she says. "And you left me on read for hours while I was dying."

"I was busy!" I say.

"Yeah. With a client," she says.

"Don't say - no, it wasn't like that," I say, huffing.

"What do you mean?" she asks. "You weren't with a guy who watches you?"

"I mean, yes," I say. "But he's not like… it's just different, okay? You wouldn't get it."

"Try me."

"I'm allowed to have a life, Ariel," I growl. "I don't have to justify everything to you."

"I'm just asking," she says.

"No, you're not," I say. "You just want something to be mad at 'cause you're pissed at me."

"Why am I not allowed to be pissed? I needed you and you were on a date with some random old man!"

"He was not - oh, my god," I say, rubbing my temples.

"He wasn't what?"

"He's not an old man!" I burst. "You really think you know everything, don't you?"

"No," she says simply.

"Whatever," I say. "God forbid I actually go on a nice date without being shamed for it."

"Who's shaming you?"

"You are!"

"I am not!" she retorts. "And what do you mean, date?"

I realize that I'm not going to find a way around telling her. Maybe it'll be better in the long run if she knows, even if things don't end up working out with Jackson. And knowing how this business works, they probably won't. But she won't get off my back unless I spill, that's obvious. "He's more than a cam guy," I say.

"You said he was a viewer," she replies.

"I mean, he is," I say. "But it's more than that. He's young, he's attractive, he's really kind… I don't know, it just feels different."

"How different can he really be if he was watching your channel?"

"Wow, thanks," I say sarcastically. "That makes me feel great."

"What! I'm just saying," she says. "Isn't it usually a specific kind of guy?"

"Yes, and what I'm saying is that he doesn't feel like that."

"Well, be careful," she says, giving me a look. "It scares me how you think going out with these guys is safe, 'cause it's really not. He could be a catfish."

"I just saw him in person," I say. "He's not."

"Not like that," she says. "Like… personality-wise. You don't know what he really wants."

"You don't, either!" I say. "You don't know him, and I-"

"And you do?" she finishes. "After your videos got him off and after one date?"

"Shut up," I say harshly. "You are such a child."

"You act younger than me!" she argues.

"I don't wanna talk about it anymore," I say, trying to cool down. "I came here 'cause of what happened with Joey. I don't wanna talk about Jackson."

"You know his real name, too?" she asks. "I didn't think you used anything but their screen names."

"I told you, it's different," I say, jaw tight. She shakes her head and sighs like she's so wise and sees more than I can. "What?" I prompt.

"Nothing," she says. "Whatever."

We spend a while in tense silence as Ariel picks at the ice cream and I look everywhere in the room but where she sits. I intertwine my fingers and crack my knuckles to relieve some of the pressure, but anger still toils in my gut. I ignore it, though. There's nothing to be done. After a good fifteen minutes have gone by, I break the silence by saying, "So… I'm sorry about what Joey did. It sucks."

"He's a piece of shit," she grumbles, stabbing the spoon into the middle of the ice cream container. "Literally a piece of shit."

"Fuck him," I say, leaning forward with my elbows on my knees, legs folded in front of me.

"Yeah," she says. "Seriously."

Those are all the words we exchange. After a bit more time passes, she turns on a rerun of Law & Order: SVU and we both fall asleep with the lights on. I don't know how long we're out, but I'm disoriented when I'm woken up by the sound of my phone buzzing next to my head. I pick it up with bleary eyes and squint at the screen to see that Jackson is texting me, his number so new that I notice I forgot to add him as a contact.

RECEIVED - Hey beautiful, you around?

I blink hard and sit halfway up, supported by an elbow. I look over my shoulder to my sister, who's flat on her back, mouth wide open, dead to the world. Satisfied, I turn back around and start typing.

SENT - yeah :)

RECEIVED - How's your night?

SENT - you mean the three hours since our date? Lmao. it's good. Just hanging out. Accidentally fell asleep, oops.

RECEIVED - I didn't wake you, did I?

SENT - yeah… you kinda did. But i dont mind :)

RECEIVED - As long as you don't mind.

SENT - no. i wanna talk to you, Handsome :)

RECEIVED - Should I call you?

My eyes widen as I look at the screen and my heart jumps in my chest. I swallow hard, thumbs jamming before typing as quickly as I can.

SENT - no, but… can we text? ;)

RECEIVED - You mean like…

SENT - do I need to spell it out? You're smarter than that :P

RECEIVED - Haha, okay. You're right. I'm just out of practice, I guess. What are you wearing?

I laugh to myself and shake my head. He really is rusty, but I can't judge him too hard. I just happen to do this a lot. But usually, I'm nowhere near as invested in the conversation. It's more about me getting the other person off and no attention gets paid to me. I have a feeling this occurrence won't be like that.

SENT - maybe nothing. Maybe something…. Really tiny :)

RECEIVED - What color?

I'm still in the sundress from earlier, but I honestly don't remember what color underwear I have on. I lift the skirt to check, finding them satin and navy blue.

SENT - a little pair of satin panties…

RECEIVED - Can I see?

My core is already buzzing. I should be desensitized to this by now, but with him I'm not. I'm going crazy over the fact that he wants to see; he wants a picture because I make him horny. It's stupid to get worked up over, because obviously I make him horny - he watches my shows. But I never said it made any sense to be excited.

SENT - of course. One second pls :)

Carefully, I turn the bedside lamp off and leave Ariel alone in her bed with various snack wrappers discarded around her. She's always been a heavy sleeper, so she doesn't so much as stir when I get up and head towards the bathroom down the hall. Once I'm in, I turn on the low light and lock the door, sitting against the far wall. After I'm situated, I pull my dress off over my head and take a picture of my underwear on my body, knees pressed together.

SENT - just for you :)

RECEIVED - Shit. Those are tiny.

SENT - what are YOU wearing, handsome?

I bite my lower lip and watch the typing bubble come up, anxious to see how he'll respond. I can barely sit still and cool tile under my legs isn't doing anything to calm my nerves. Without a bra on, my nipples strain against the air, reacting to the arousal flooding through my body.

RECEIVED - Would you believe me if I said nothing?

SENT - only if you send proof ;)

I wait a few moments before a photo attachment comes through. In it, he didn't bother to cut his face out of the image as most men do. Instead, he put his whole body on display. His very naked, built body - and he's packing. I've seen a lot of pathetic dicks and a lot of mediocre ones, but his doesn't fall anywhere near those categories. His is the closest thing to perfection I've ever come across. It takes me a minute to collect my thoughts and think of a way to respond like Caroline would. It's natural to respond with shock as April, but Caroline wouldn't.

SENT - all i need now is for you to put it inside me

RECEIVED - You want that, beautiful?

SENT - yes please, handsome ;) you aren't gonna make me beg for it, are you?

RECEIVED - No, I would never do that. I'd give it to you because you deserve it, you deserve to feel good, beautiful girl. And I'm gonna make you feel so, so good.

SENT - I know you are :) but I'm gonna tell you what I'm gonna do first.

RECEIVED - Tell me.

SENT - I'd get on my knees in front of you, naked and dripping in oil just how you like. Can you see it dripping over my shoulders, down over my nipples and into my bellybutton? You can put it on my back and watch it on the curve of my spine, over my ass cheeks…

RECEIVED - Fuck yes.

SENT - and I'd suck you off so good you wouldn't even remember your name. I'd figure out just what you like, baby, taking it as far as I could until you hit the back of my throat. I'd open up for you and let you fuck my mouth, squeezing your balls and looking up at you… I just wanna do a good job for you, Handsome.

RECEIVED - Fuck, Caroline.

SENT - I'd let you cum all down my throat and swallow it all. Every last bit, and keep you in my mouth until you were spent. And after, I'd kiss every inch of you and let you know how much I loved it.

RECEIVED - Jesus Christ.

RECEIVED - Show me your panties.

He already knows what's going on and I have no idea how. I'm wet and there's a soaked patch between my legs, and I make sure to get a good shot of it before pressing send.

SENT - that's what you do to me…

RECEIVED - I would do so much more.

SENT - oh yeah?

RECEIVED - I'd eat you out through the underwear first. Flat on your back, legs spread as far as they'd go. My tongue so warm and wet on your lips, baby, I can almost taste you.

I rub my lips through the fabric of my underwear, going slow as I watch him continue to type. I want this to build. I want to make myself wait because the end result will be worth it.

RECEIVED - I'd get you close before I ripped those panties off and had my way with you. I'd turn you over onto all fours and press you onto your elbows, that beautiful ass up in the air all ready for me. Fuck, you'd look so delicious.

I slip a hand inside my underwear now and tease myself, going a little further while circling my first two fingers around my clit. I make a small sound and press my mouth shut afterwards, closing my eyes as I inhale deeply through my nose. I only open them to read his next text.

RECEIVED - I'd push my cock inside you until it was buried all the way, filling that tight, sweet little pussy. I'd love the sound it makes when I fuck you, all wet and delicious, I just wanna fucking eat you up. I'd fuck you until you couldn't breathe, until your knees and elbows wobbled and you couldn't hold yourself up anymore. But then I'd get you on your stomach and go nice and slow, make sure to hit that spot deep inside you, and feel your body do its thing while you came. Our juices mixing together dripping down your thighs - I'd lick up everything before you even caught your breath.

"Fuck!" I exclaim aloud, then throw one hand over my mouth as the other busies itself between my legs. I work my fingers in fast, rapid circles until I come with a twitchy jerk, doubling forward with my mouth wide open. I hold my breath for a long moment until it all comes rushing back, chest expanding as I let out a long, relieved moan. "Shit," I sigh.

SENT - I just had… the best orgasm.

RECEIVED - Same here. Christ.

There's a few minutes of silence where I'm not sure what to say. Usually, this is the time where the conversation would end with a normal cam guy, but that isn't the case here. Currently, I have that app turned on Do Not Disturb and have ever since mine and Jackson's date. It just occurred to me that I never switched it off.

SENT - don't tip, okay?

RECEIVED - Are you sure? I mean, you got me off.

SENT - just don't.

RECEIVED - I feel like I'm taking advantage of you in some way.

That's a blow to the gut. It makes me feel like he doesn't see what we're doing as something equal, he still sees it as a service. I don't know why, but it makes a bitter taste appear on my tongue.

SENT - I mean, tip if you want.

I don't know why I said that. I don't want him to tip, but I feel more exposed now than ever and it has nothing to do that I'm sitting on the bathroom floor in only a pair of damp underwear.

RECEIVED - I'm getting mixed messages here... I'm sorry, I don't understand. Don't you want the money?

SENT - if you wanna pay me, it's cool. But i didn't talk to you for the money Jackson. I didn't jerk you off for a freaking tip. I did it because I wanted to

I don't know why I said all that, or why I used his name in that context. It's not like me and it's definitely not something I should be doing. I'm going too far. I'm pushing it.

RECEIVED - Don't you do this with everyone? Why would it be okay for me not to pay you?

I clench my jaw and shake my head roughly. I should've known. This is nothing special to him and I've been acting like an idiot, just like I thought. I'm so embarrassed.

SENT - just send the money then. Thanks. Im going to bed.

I get up, take a quick shower, and don't bother looking at my phone after that. I'm too pissed. Instead, I throw it on the bed and get back in, joining Ariel who hasn't even moved. Surprisingly, even though my brain is spinning, I fall asleep within seconds.

…

The next morning, I wake up the sound of laughter beside me. It's not loud, but it's insistent like that of someone trying to keep their giggles at bay. It's annoying over anything, and I know it's Ariel. For a moment, I don't remember why I'm in such a bad mood, but when the memory comes back, I wish it hadn't. Now, I'm even more pissed.

"Shut up," I grumble, smacking the mattress while aiming for my sister. "I'm trying to sleep." The laughing doesn't stop, though. At least, not for more than a second. She keeps snorting and making stupid noises in her throat, so I have no choice but to open my eyes and find out what's so hilarious. When I do, I see that she has a phone in her hand. Upon further inspection, I see that it's my phone. I sit up instantly, hurtling across the bed to grab it from her. "What the fuck?" I sputter. "Give it! You bitch, give that to me. What are you doing, going through my phone?"

"God!" she exclaims, falling backwards as I've tackled her.

I don't know what I'm looking for, but my eyes are wild on the screen as I try to see what she was seeing. The first thought that comes to my mind is, of course, Jackson. "Did you send something?" I interrogate. "Did you send him something?"

"No," she says, still trying not to laugh. "But you sure did, you slut!"

Her tone is joking and there's a big smile on her face, it's clear she expects me to laugh. But that's the furthest thing from what I want to do. Instead, a pit grows in my stomach and expands, making me think I might be sick. My lips tighten and I don't know what to say. I hate that she saw everything that transpired between me and Jackson, I hate that she went through my phone in the first place. And most of all, I hate that a word like that would come out of her mouth directed towards me.

"Fuck you," I say before hastily standing up from the bed.

As I gather my purse and shoes, she tries to win me back. "Bunny, stop. Bunny, I was joking! Come on!"

"No," I say, shaking her hand off my shoulder. "Get the fuck off me. I'm leaving." She puts her hand right back, though, until I jolt it away "I'm leaving, I said!" I shout, letting my voice rise.

"Holy shit, calm down," she says.

"Don't touch me," I say, stomping down the hallway after putting my shoes on. She's still following, and Mom and Dad are sitting at the kitchen table staring.

"April?"

"Sorry, can't stay," I growl tersely.

"What's going on?" Dad asks innocently.

"I just have to go," I say, and now I really do because I'm on the verge of tears. And I don't want to cry, because that would involve them asking me what's wrong - and that would only bode for a made-up story that I would have to fabricate on the spot. None of that sounds ideal. I need to get out of here.

"Bunny-" Ariel starts, but I cut her off as we're both near the door, out of earshot of our parents.

"No. Don't," I say sternly. "And don't call me, either. I don't want to talk to you."

With that, I turn my back and walk down the front path towards my car. I don't make eye contact with her as I back out of the driveway, though she's still standing there watching me go.

When I get home, I can't stop crying. I stumble in the house a giant mess, upset with seemingly everything in my life. I throw my belongings onto the floor and sink down with them, covering my face with my hands as I lean forward onto my knees.

I was stupid for putting feelings into the relationship that Jackson and I have. It never called for feelings. He never saw it like that, and I made myself look like some stupid, desperate girl. That is not me. And to make matters worse, Ariel not only saw the explicit pictures and messages I sent, but she saw me get shot down, too. I've never been so mortified.

So, I let myself cry. I let it all out on the floor, lying on my side like the true pathetic heap that I am. When I'm done, I'm exhausted but also rejuvenated - angry, too. Jackson led me on. Ariel betrayed me. The only person I can count on is myself, as usual.

I need to do something to get my frustrations out and to get my mind on something else, but dancing is out of the question. It takes too much focus that I don't have, even if I shouldn't take a day off. My only other option is to go live, which seems about right. It's been a couple days since I did a solo show, and I could stand to make some extra money.

I get into costume hastily, making sure that I look like Caroline without putting in all of the work. I don't know what I have planned for today, but I'm sure I'll think of something. Sometimes, I just wing it and that ends up being better than having something set in stone.

Welcome to your session, xxxCaroline. Go Live now?

As usual, I click the 'Yes' button and watch the screen come to life with my image reflected back at me. After that, the viewers come pouring in once they get the notification that I've gone live. "Hi, boys," I say. "Long time, no see."

Bigboi12: We missed you, sweet thing

UrDaddy420: There's daddy's little girl

Peterpiperpecker: hey pretty pretty

I smile to myself. They're so easy. "I was just bored, hanging around the house today…" I say, twirling the end of a pigtail around my pointer finger. "I wasn't sure what I should do. So, I thought you guys might have some ideas."

More viewers come flooding in, more and more by the minute. I keep talking to them, subconsciously waiting for him, but I can't wait forever. Jackson's screen name doesn't join them, and I find myself agitated because of it.

Kenny69: show us a real up close of ur pussy

Papabear: did you shave, pretty?

"No," I say. "I keep it natural, you guys know that. I thought it was what you liked best about me." I stick out my lower lip. "I'm not wrong, am I?"

Bigdick_9: oh no, sweetheart. We love you natural. Those curls… mmm mmm

UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS

UrDaddy420: Show us that pink little pussy, baby. We missed you so much.

"Okay," I say, giggling. "You guys just wanna look at it? Really close?"

FarmerJon: yesssss fuck

"You're so silly," I say, slowly slipping my skirt off along with my underwear. I bring the camera closer, the handheld one, and position it on the floor. The monitor gets a whole new view now, one right between my legs as I sit down and get situated. I bend my knees and spread them, giving the guys a perfect shot inside my body.

UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 500 COINS

UrDaddy420: Get the camera closer, sweet girl. We wanna see every little detail.

"I guess you're lucky my camera is HD," I say lightly. "Okay, hold on."

I move it closer and more views come in. I scour the list for Jackson, but he still doesn't show. It's taking me out of the performance, thinking about him so much.

Bigboi12 TIPPED YOU 300 COINS

Bigboi12: clench for us, pretty

I push my knees further apart with a hand capped over both of them, then tighten my inner muscles for the camera. The tips flood in when I do, which nearly makes me roll my eyes. It's almost like robbing them.

Papabear: Just like that. You look so beautiful baby, so pink and perfect

Kenny69: we saw the pink now show us ur asshole!

UrDaddy420 TIPPED YOU 1000 COINS

Peterpiperpecker TIPPED YOU 500 COINS

Camguy11 TIPPED YOU 400 COINS

2horny4u: lol pretty sure every one of us wants to see your pretty little asshole, carebear

I take a deep breath, prepared to do it, but find myself so distracted that I forget what I should say halfway through my inhale. The character drops for a split second and I have no idea what I'm doing, spread eagle for strangers on the internet. I shake my head to clear it, scared of the dissociative moment, then look to the feed. He's still not there. I don't want to do this if I can't stop thinking about him.

"Sorry, guys," I say. "I hear Daddy calling me. I'm gonna be in such big trouble!"

I see a few of them typing responses, but I don't wait until they show up to turn the live feed off and strip the rest of my outfit. I pull on a robe that hangs on the back of the door and undo my hair haphazardly, frowning the whole way. I want to text Jackson, but I have no clue what I'd say without sounding clingy. I'm just a cam girl to him. Why should I have the opportunity to contact him? Why did he give me his number, anyway?

Rolling my eyes to myself, my phone lights up with CamGirl App notifications as I walk down the hall.

UrDaddy420 SENT YOU A MESSAGE! (3)

BigBoi12 SENT YOU A MESSAGE!

Camguy11 SENT YOU A MESSAGE!

2sitonmyfacee SENT YOU A MESSAGE (4)

"No," I say aloud. I don't want to read their messages right now because I already know what they say. They're pissed that I took their money and ended the stream without an orgasm. They have the right to be angry, but there's nothing I can do to fix it at the moment. So, they can stay mad.

I take a shower in scalding hot water after turning the app back to Do Not Disturb. When I get out, my body is clean and steaming, and I feel better when I wrap myself in a towel and head to my real bedroom. When I get there, I see that I have a two texts - one from Ariel and one from Jackson. I ignore my sister's and open his.

RECEIVED - Can we talk?

I stare at those three words for a long time, sitting on the edge of my bed with dripping skin. With my thumbs poised over the keyboard, I want to chew him out. I want to block him and ignore his existence. I want to send the middle finger emoji and nothing else. But, since I'm weak and a slave to my heart, I don't do any of those things.

SENT - Sure, whatever.

Instead of texting back, he calls. My phone lights up with his contact and I watch it ring, wondering if I should let it go to voicemail. I'm not that petty, though, and I stupidly miss hearing his voice. So, I answer. "Hey."

"Hi," he says, and there's something in his tone that I can't quite place. Is it regret? Caution? Hesitation? I have no idea. "It's Jackson."

"Yeah, I know."

"Oh," he says. "Sorry. I just wasn't sure if you had my number saved."

"I do," I say, then wrinkle my eyebrows. "And we were literally just texting."

"Right," he says. "I saw you went live a little bit ago."

"Yeah."

"How'd that go?"

"Fine," I say. "Not like you saw."

"You noticed?"

I close my eyes and roll them. I shouldn't have said that. "It's whatever. Yeah, I noticed," I say.

"Look," he says. "Let's just get to the point. Why are you pissed at me?"

"Seriously?" I say, raising my eyebrows.

"Yeah, seriously," he says. "I thought we had a nice time last night. Did I do something wrong? Did I overstep? Did I misread the situation - is that not what you wanted?"

"Oh, my god," I say, rolling my eyes again.

"No, don't 'oh, my god' me," he says. "Tell me what's going on. Because I'll be honest, I have no fucking clue. One minute you were fine, then the next you were giving me the cold shoulder."

"Um, yeah!" I exclaim. "Because you tried to pay me."

"What?" he retorts. "Wait, what? You're mad because I wanted to tip you?"

"Yes!" I answer.

"I'm sorry, I really don't understand what's going on," he says. "Why would you be angry over getting paid? For something that you did for me?"

"Because I… ugh!" I say, throwing my head back. "Because! It wasn't like that. Okay? Or I thought it wasn't like that." For the first time, I realize I'm not in character at all. He hasn't said anything or brought it up, which is strange. "It was like, just me and you. Getting each other off. Like… me and you. Not you paying me to do it for you. It was a reciprocal thing that we both wanted. And when you tried to add money to it, I don't know. It made me feel cheap. It made me feel like you were just using my service and there was nothing else to it."

"And you… you want there to be something else?" he says.

I let out a long exhale, realizing how stupid I am. I'm going to have to block him after this. "Yeah," I say. "Okay? Yeah. I'm an idiot. I realize now that I was totally off base, but that's where my head was. So, this can just be over now, okay? It's embarrassing enough, we can just forget it ever happened. It's whatever."

"It's not whatever," he says.

"I don't need a lecture from you," I say. "I'm an adult. I know-"

"I know you are," he says. "Believe me, I know."

"Then what are you saying?" I spit.

He chuckles softly and I can picture his smile. I hate that I can. "I wanted to pay you because I felt guilty," he says. "For enjoying it so much, what you did for me. You make me feel… so many things that I haven't felt in so long. And I assumed… it's your job. You do it to make money, and by paying you I was lessening the guilt I felt. I never assumed you were invested, too, that you want something more out of it, too."

"Well, I do," I say petulantly. "So…"

"So…" he mirrors, and I hear him smile this time. I hate him.

"So, what now?" I say.

"So, come over," he says smoothly.

…

An hour later, I'm standing in Jackson's doorway wondering how I got to this point. My stomach is alive with nerves and my hands are shaking - I have an outfit on that's toeing the line between myself and Caroline, and I'm almost too jittery to put my hair into the classic pigtails. I'm in the middle of doing so when he answers the door and floods the porch with light.

"Hey," he says, grinning. "You don't have to do that, put your hair up. If you don't want to."

"Oh," I say, then pull the one hair tie out that I had gotten in. "Okay."

Then, he turns to the side and opens up his home for me. "Come in," he says.

I only hesitate for a moment. Then, I take a step forward and do as he suggested. I go in.