Chapter Four

"Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes…"

Four weeks later

"What the hell?" Trisha's gaze was drawn away from the television in the corner of the bar and watched in astonishment as the pubs front door flew open at speed and a tall figure dashed through it like an Olympic sprinter.

"Sorry I'm late!" Nikki halted in front of her and doubled over the bar to catch her breath.

"Calm down, we aren't busy…its Wednesday afternoon." Trisha stifled a laugh at the dark haired woman's unnecessary compassion to her new job.

"I know, but I don't like to let you down, and I hate people to think I'm unreliable."

"Well, you're here now, so make yourself useful…grab a seat and tell me all about what you've been up to since I last saw you and take away my boredom." Nikki did exactly as she was told, perching herself high up onto a bar stool for a well-earned rest as Trisha pointed the remote control towards the wall mounted television to turn the volume down, before turning her attentions back to her new friend.

"I've had a pisser of a week…and things have gone from bad to worse in the space of 24 hours, hence why I'm late." Nikki couldn't suppress the sigh that left her lips in an automatic expression of how she was feeling.

"What's happened?"

"What hasn't happened would be an easier question to answer. Well, first off I haven't slept in days thanks to the tosser in the room next to mine who thinks its perfectly acceptable to blast out Guns n Roses at 3 in the morning, my studies are suffering because I have to work ever hour that God sends to make ends meet, and to cap it all off my English Lit lecturer has put my name forward for student services. She thinks volunteering will do me the world of good, and I need the extra credits…I just don't have the bloody time for it though, or the patience! It's going to drive me round the friggin' twist having to help out some thicko student, with some kind of mental impairment, three days a week." Nikki caught her breath.

"Wow, you do have it rough. If there's anything I can do to help…" Nikki shook her head firmly.

"I'll get through it somehow…I don't have any other bloody option. Anyway, enough about my shitty existence, how's things with you? How's your friend?"

"Helen? She's not so good, either. She pretends she's fine, but we all know it's just a front she's putting on for our benefit. She knows we're all hurting for her, and she won't have it. Pity isn't something Helen copes well with. It's that stubborn Scottish streak she has running through her." Trisha gave a sad smile and carried on.

"She has point blank refused to go back to Glasgow to stay with her Father, so Claire, her room mate is looking after her…well, as much as Helen will allow her to."

"How's she coping with the knowledge of the attack?"

"As well as a person can after hearing you've been sexually assaulted. She doesn't talk about it, and acts like its no big deal, but again its all pretence. She's hurting inside, that much is obvious. She's a different Helen. All the fun has gone out of her, which is hardly surprising under the circumstances…but I miss seeing her smile, and her laugh…it used to be so infectious, she would have us all in stitches just listening to her. But, you know Nik, I don't think we'll ever hear her laugh like that again." Claire's chin trembled and Nikki grabbed her hand tightly with a squeeze.

"Hey, you will. It's gonna be a tough journey for her, and its still very early day's. Once she adapts to loosing her sight, and with all the love you guys give her she's got plenty to smile about again. Just give her time, and I'm sure the old Helen you know and love will reappear. She just needs a reason to live again."

"I hope you're right Nikki. I really hope you're right."

"Claire, stop bloody fussing over me!" Helen slapped her friends hand away as she unsteadily reached for the silver kettle that sat far back on the kitchen bunker.

"I've lost my eye sight, not my bloody marbles!" The kettle was pulled hastily from its holder and held under the cold water tap until it was full and replaced to boil.

"I know, I'm sorry Helen, but I'm just trying to do my best for you. I don't want to interfere, but you know as well as I do that there are certain things you can't do on you own, and I want to help."

"Thanks, Claire... for making me feel like a useless shit. It's one thing that I already feel worthless…but to have my best friend confirm it…thanks a fucking bunch." Hearing the kettle's power button switch off Helen fumbled around the bunker with her hands until her fingers entwined with the handle and lifted it from its cradle, pouring the boiling water into the cup, which she had already filled with a tea bag and milk.

"Oh come on Helen, you know that's not what I meant."

"Wasn't it? Helen turned so she was facing her friend, even although she couldn't make eye contact.

"No and you know it! Claire made for the kitchen door, knowing that if she stayed a full blown argument would ensue. Fighting with her best friend had become par for the course these last few weeks and she didn't know how much more of it she could take. Never in the last three years had a cross word been said between the two, but now every time Claire opened her mouth Helen chose to take a verbal swipe at her. Well not any more. No longer was Claire prepared to pander and tiptoe around Helen like she were some child wrapped in cotton wool, despite the love she felt for her. If Helen wanted to make things hard for herself then so be it, but she wasn't waiting around to see her fall flat on her face.

Helen lost her train of thought as she spun around to resume her pouring, knowing Claire was about to do a disappearing act on her like she always did when their conversations got heated. Anger and resentment welled in her like a bubbling geyser. Claire was treating her like she was a vegetable, incapable of taking care of herself, and she didn't like it one bit. She didn't need anyone helping her, especially out of pity, the reason, she assumed, Claire was so willing to aide.

"That's right Claire. Piss of to Caroline and had a good old bitching session about me." Helen whispered her words of resentment, not intending for anyone bar herself to hear them.

Her temper was rising up causing her to lose all focus on the concentration she desperately relied on since her vision had so cruelly and prematurely been taken from her.

Claire heard the blood curdling scream followed by the smashing of glass as Helen hurled her mug against the tiled wall. But she didn't turn back. Instead she walked out of the dorm room and headed straight towards the pub, whilst Helen sat with her back against the freezer door, nursing the blistering burn that covered the majority of her left hand.

Tears cascaded the length of her pale cheeks as she cried in frustration for everything she had lost and was about to lose. If this was how the rest of her life would be, she didn't know if she wanted to live any more.