Rambling 5

Harry Potter and the Bro Code

'Oi Harry, read this,' shouted a slightly buzzed Seamus Finnigan as he tossed a Muggle men's magazine over to Harry's bed. The five Gryffindor boys had managed to smuggle some Butter-beers and Fire Whiskey up to their dorm room following the Quidditch victory party that won them the Quidditch cup in their sixth year.

Harry took the magazine, and blushed heavily as the inexperienced wizard saw his first naked women.

'Err guys, is this okay for me to read?'

'Blimey mate, you never had a wank before?' said the ever-blunt Ron Weasley.

'Of course I have,' bit back Harry. He turned the page, red-faced, and found an article. 'That should be safer,' he thought.

'The Bro Code', read the title.

'Live By The Code, Die By The Code...
Me, Myself, and I
A set of rules meant to be a guideline to live by between Bro's. The rules began as unwritten rules to follow but because they haven't been followed properly and for some men they needed to be spelled out in bold print.
1. Bros before hoes.
2. Thou shalt not sleep with your Bro's ex-girlfriend.
3. Never drink the last beer, unless you have been granted specific permission that it is OK
4. If a girl falls into the following criteria, she is off limits forever until the end of time:
A. Was an ex-girlfriend.
B. Your Bro specifically told you he wanted her.
C. Is your Bro's sister.
However, if it's your Bro's cousin, well she's up for grabs, and you're welcome to rub it in his face for years to come.
5. Never diss a Bro if his team just lost a crushing game.'

'Interesting,' Harry thought.

'Guys, this bro code thing... is that real?'

'Oh'cou'se Harry!' slurred a now pretty drunk Ron. 'You never break the Bro code.'

'Hell yeah mates! Bro code for life!' yelled of all people Neville, as he passed out on Dean Thomas' bed. Dean just pushed him over the edge, and nodded in his own reply.

'You see,' began Harry carefully, 'the reason I ask is –'

'I got ya mate! Oi Seamus you Irish git! Throw Harry there the last beer would you?' yelled Ron almost incoherently in reply, and passed out.

As Harry sipped his beer, he considered the rule. He was an idiot, he decided. Cho was clearly off-limits because of #4A, Hermione because of #4B (and her being a total bitch this year), and Ginny... despite the rather steamy kiss... was clearly in #4C.

The next morning would not be pretty.

'Ginny, listen...' he said very quietly that morning, as the buzz of the morning Common Room conversation grew louder around them and people began to leave for breakfast.
'I can't be involved with you any more. We've got to stop seeing each other. We can't be together.'

Ginny said, with an oddly twisted smile. 'It's for some stupid, noble reason, isn't it?
'Oh Harry, I don't care about Voldemort or what his followers may think. I know you want to be out there fighting Voldemort, maybe that's why I like you so much.'

That floored Harry.

'"Maybe that's why I like you so much?" Dammit Gin-Gin, I thought you grew over your infatuation with the Boy-who-Lived finally.
'If that's how you think, it's all the more reason we can never be together.'

Harry walked off, not caring about the hurt, then angry look in Ginny's eyes, or the gossip that started up. He just barely missed being hexed by Ginny's signature bat-bogey hex when Hermione grabbed the young red-head's arm.

'Oh Ginny, I don't know what got into him. I'll talk to him,' she said, trying to calm the fire cracker down.

'I know exactly what got into his stupid head!
'RONALD BLOODY BILIUS WEASLEY, get your lazy arse down here!'

Ron, thinking he heard his mother bellow, rushed down the stairs, only to be met by the glowing tip of Ginny's wand.

'What. Did. You. Tell. Harry. Last. Night.'

'Huh? Gin-Gin? Wha –'

'Mucus ad Nauseam!' the enraged spitfire yelled, and snot bats began attacking Ron's face, who ran howling back up the stairs.

'Oh Seamus... anything to tell me?' Ginny focused on her next target.

'Oh damn.' Seamus was not the brightest bulb in the box, but he was not an idiot.
'It must have been the bro code... oh damn, oh damn, oh damn...'

Meanwhile Harry had made it to the breakfast table.

'Romilda Vane? Nah, she's even more of a fan girl than Ginny ever was, even if she does have spectacular tits for her age.
Susan Bones? Best tits in Hogwarts. Maybe last year, but she's been so sad since her aunt died, I don't need a repeat of Hosepipe Cho.
Parvati or Padma... maybe I can get both? Nah they've been angry with me since I was such a fool at the Yule Ball.'

Harry continued scanning the female half of the Hogwarts populace present at breakfast, mentally comparing them.

'Daphne Greengrass? She'd curse first, kiss later... same goes for Tracey. No Slytherins then.'

Suddenly his field of vision was blocked when a nicely shaped pair of boobs pressed against his face.

'Luna! What in Merlin's name are you doing?'

'Oh hello Harry Potter,' began the reality-denying blonde. 'You are suffering from an acute infestation of wrackspurts, so I decided to help you out by smothering them to death.'

'Damn she does look good... and was a lot of fun at Slughorn's party,' Harry thought. 'She's also fair game according to the brocode...'

'Erm Luna, do you want to –'

'Not until after the third date Harry, even if I do think your basilisk would fit nicely in my Chamber of Secrets,' replied the blonde.

'Not that!' squeaked Harry. 'Do you want to, maybe, go out some time?'

'Of course Harry, how else can we get to our third date? It's a good thing you have such a smart girlfriend,' she replied, beaming at him.

The fact that Harry Potter was now going out with Luna Lovegood seemed to interest a great number of people, most of them girls, yet Harry found himself newly and happily impervious to gossip over the next few weeks.

And Luna proved to be very prophetic after their third date.

A/N: Another quick cathartic story, I needed to get a particularly bad Harry/Ginny fic that began very promising out of my mind.

Bro Code courtesy of bebo, dot, com.

The story is set exactly at the end of chapter 24 of Half-Blood Prince, that is between pages 499 and 500 in my adult edition of the book.
Several words copied verbatim from JK Rowling's work.