Seung Jo had begun to finally get into his book when his phone rang for a second time. He stopped, groaned at the annoyance of being bothered once he finally got into his book. His worrying over Ha Ni had subsided and whatever the hospital had wanted before clearly it wasn't urgent enough for them to leave a message. Seung Jo had not received one at least. This time an unknown number had popped up onto his screen. Seung Jo stared at it for a few seconds trying to understand why he had the sudden urge to pick it up. Something felt wrong about it all. First the hospital calls on his day off, then an unknown number. Typically that shouldn't have felt odd to him, that sort of thing could really happen at anytime. And it had happened to him before, but all day he had felt off about everything he looked at. His phone stopped vibrating, and the ringtone died out as another missed call registered on the screen. Seung Jo held the phone staring at the words "missed call" for longer than he usually would, his gut said something was wrong. Seung Jo always trusted his gut ever since he made the choice to love Ha Ni, and it had never steered him wrong. His life was better then he could have ever imagined it with all that Ha Ni had given him. The phone vibrated a second time and a voicemail popped up on the screen. Seung Jo lay his book down on the coffee table before him unfolding his legs and leaning on his knees. He stared at the screen a little longer, his feelings of uncertainty turning to nervous bouts of fear that seemed to patter around in his stomach making him feel as if he were going to throw up. He pressed a few buttons reaching the screen with the highlight cast over the word "play". It was just a voicemail, someone had probably just gotten a wrong number and called by accident, it happened all the time. Seung Jo tried to rational why he should feel anything but afraid or nervous, but that lingering feeling held strong in his stomach. So he pushed play and listened.
"Ah, hello Dr. Baek. This is Dr. Goo from the hospital, earlier the hospital was unable to reach you and I thought I would try to at least call you myself just to inform you that your wife is fine, and has been released to your mother about 10 minutes ago. If you have any questions or your wife has any questions either please feel free to call me at this number, it is my office phone number. Thank you." The message ended, but Seung Jo kept it pressed to his ear for dear life. What did he mean she's fine? What happened to her? When was he injured? Why had he only gotten the message no? What happened? Question after question raced through his mind, and all he could do was feel that panic and bile rising in his throat. Where was his Ha Ni? Why wasn't he with her at this point? He had missed the call about her being in need. He had been selfish again. Pushed aside her needs for his day off. Seung Jo stood, and paced toward the window his heart beating out of his chest and all of the small burns of bile filled his throat. He felt sick, and he felt cruel. He had once again mistreated his wife. Once again made a mistake, because he wanted some time to understand what had been happening. He stared out at back yard, glancing every so often at the kitchen window to see if any lights flashed there. The daylight had long gone, so that meant that this had been happening for a while. Ha Ni had been ill or injured for a long time. He had received the call from the hospital just around the time after lunch.
The hospital was not that far away, and yet to Seung Jo it felt like it took hours before he finally saw the flash of light come from the kitchen window. His heart leapt into his throat, as another bout of bile rose and fell inside. He could hear the doors of the car slamming, but nothing else until the front door was being unlocked and a shuffling of things could be heard. Seung Jo spun around his eyes automatically dusting over Ha Ni's form. She didn't seem to be physically injured, there were no signs of stiches, or casts, or even bandages. She seemed fine outwardly for the most part. Though once Seung Jo's eyes reached her's again he could tell something was very wrong. They were bloodshot, and she had swollen patches around them. And yet, when he looked into them he could only see the dull emptiness he had glimpsed this morning for a short second. He didn't know what to do now. Seung Jo remained stock still, as the two women entered into the living room. Ha Ni looked more timid now that she was approaching Seung Jo, but his mother looked absolutely furious.
"Ha Ni, why don't you go up stairs and have a lie down?" Omma gently nudged Ha Ni toward the stairs. Ha Ni's eyes widened for a moment, before she saw the flit of worry and anger that seemed to dash across Omma's face. Ha Ni new better than to argue at this point, so she smiled weakly and ascended the steps. Both Omma and Seung Jo listened to his shuffling feet and a door closing behind her. The second the door had closed Omma turned, her eyes burning holes into Seung Jo. Seung Jo just continued to stare at what was happening around him. His voice would not release, and he couldn't even move his body to Ha Ni. She just had looked to worn and fragile at that moment, he was afraid of breaking her. Or perhaps breaking her more.
"Where were you?" Omma's voice rang out in the silent room coldly. The air was thick, and yet Seung Jo could not speak a word. He moved his mouth, but it felt dry and his throat was constricting. Ha Ni's eyes had caused his panic, he had to do something. Say anything to help. "Are you going to answer me? Where were you?"
"What happened?"
"She collapsed at the hospital after hearing some news today."
"Why? Is she ill?" His eyes stared at the staircase as if he could still see her form there taking each step with such pain.
"She needed you. I have no right to tell you what is happening with her. You need to talk to her, and take care of her."
"What happened?" Seung Jo said again. "Why did she collapse?"
"I told you. She was given some news that caused a panic attack to ensue. The only thing I'll tell you is that after the first attack she fainted, and the second one the doctors had to sedate her."
"I'm sorry." He felt meek, and his voice came out shallow and wispy.
"Why weren't you there?"
"I didn't pick up the call in time. I never received a message." Omma sighed then, and Seung Jo could only look on as she seemed to age before him. He face was tired and older looking. Far beyond he years that he new her to be.
"Seung Jo, I'm scared for her. She needs you more than ever, and you weren't there." She shook her head, and sighed one last time before getting up and moving to the kitchen trying to busy herself with making food for Ha Ni. Seung Jo just watched, his chest aching with the guilt he felt. He had to know what happened from Ha Ni. He had to find out what was going on with her. All day he had been thinking about how she had seemed off, and this finally confirmed that something was occurring. He felt his strength return to him, and slowly walked up the stairs and to his bedroom door. He stopped, his had raised to knock, knowing that he had to win back the trust Ha Ni had given him. But just as his had began to near the door, he head a sob. As he listened more intently, he noticed that it wasn't just one, but a series of sobs emitting from his love. It broke his heart to hear it. The utter sorrow and pain he could hear in those small gasping cries. Seung Jo breathed in deeply and knocked on the door before pushing it open. Ha Ni had shuffled around quickly, laying on her side with her had wrapped around her waist. Small hiccups escaped her lips every few seconds, and Seung Jo felt worse than before. He wanted to hold her to his chest, and let her feel that he loved her, but he didn't know if that would help. He sat on the edge of the bed, and reached a hand out to touch her back. Ha Ni flinched under his sudden touch, but seemed to quickly relax under the touch.
"Can you leave?" The words came out so quiet Seung Jo didn't think he had heard them correctly.
"What?"
"Can you leave?" A tear rolled down Ha Ni's nose dropping onto the pillow. She couldn't face him now. All that she had feared seemed to have come to light that day and the last thing she wanted was Seung Jo to hate her for it.
"Why?" The question seemed to vibrate through her, sending her heart into overdrive, it actually sounded like he cared, but she knew better. She always knew better.
"I can't." Ha Ni's voice had gone from the hushed whisper to a broken fragment of sound. She couldn't look into the face she loved, and seeing the loveless eyes of her husband staring back at her. She couldn't.
"Look at me. Please, Ha Ni- ah, look at me." Seung Jo didn't move, he only waited for her to make the first move as he was really scared of what was happening, this wasn't the Ha Ni he knew. "Ha Ni, I need to know what happened today. Tell me, please."
"You weren't there. You weren't there."
"I know I'm sorry, I didn't know. What happened?" The strain seeping into Seung Jo's voice, but Ha Ni couldn't hear it.
"I'm scared." Seung Jo's arms wrapped around her, but as he leaned down she shifted closer to the edge of the bed. Seung Jo let his hand slip from her waist, and felt a pang of guilt grip at him once again. "Can you leave?" Ha Ni repeated for a third time. She hugged at her stomach once more, and curled her knees in closer.
Seung Jo pushed himself off the bed, backing toward the door his eyes sore and his chest aching, but he opened and closed the door behind him just like she asked. He stood outside staring at the white door, hoping to hear her call out to him. He wanted to understand, but he had been doing so many things wrong. And because of that he never actually knew what to do or say. Seung Jo pressed his hand to the door, and his forehead alongside it. So he listened intently hoping for her voice to call out to him. Hoping beyond hopes, but what broke his heart more than her silence was the soft whimpering sobs. Seung Jo clenched his fists feeling his eyes burn with tears, and then hurried back downstairs in hopes of prying further information from Omma. As he descended, he could see that Omma had finished the food she was preparing, and was now sitting staring at a cup of tea. The steps creaked beneath his footfalls, so Omma stood up and hurried over to the food picking it up. Seung Jo said nothing to her at the point, and just let her scurry past him and up the stairs. The bedroom door opened and closed, and a few seconds later repeated the pattern and Omma reappeared down stairs. She diverted her eyes to the kitchen, and Seung Jo knew he had to find out something with her. He approached her slowly, almost as if he were trying not to spook an animal.
"Where is Appa, Eun-Jo, and Ha Ni's father?"
"Eun-Jo is upstairs, I checked on him while you were with Ha Ni. Your appa is staying late at the office tonight, and Ha Ni's father should be home soon." Her words were tight lipped, but Seung Jo had to try and press on.
"She won't talk to me. She doesn't even want me to touch her."
"She needs to be the one to tell you Seung Jo, not me."
"But She won't even look at me." Seung Jo's voice rose higher with a clear tone of distress tangled in it, "I need to know what happened today. I feel to helpless right now. She won't tell me what's wrong, and just hearing her..." His voice finally gave out. Omma turned around, her hands clenching around a dish towel she had been using. "I'm sorry Omma, I'm just being foolish, being overly emotional. I'll leave her alone, she doesn't want to tell me now, that will be the best for now." Seung Jo stood and moved to the stairs. "I'll sleep down here on the couch for the night, let her have some space." Omma watched, her mouth moving to stop him, but nothing came out. She couldn't tell him anything without revealing everything that had happened, and she wanted to give Ha Ni that chance.
Later on that evening, Ha Ni awoke, her stomach rumbling slightly. Her body still ached, and she felt tired though she had probably been asleep for hours. Ha Ni sat up feeling as if she needed to stretch, slipping on her slippers, before walking over to the tray of food that Omma had brought up earlier. There were a few remnants left from when she had finally gotten herself to eat something. Most of what was left were either half eaten or too dry to actually eat. Ha Ni sighed, feeling disappointed at the fact that she had to venture out for more food. Ha Ni shuffled out of the room slowly, unconsciously placing her hand over her stomach. She walked out into the small open space outside her room, and proceeded to step quietly so as not to rouse any of the others in the house. Ha Ni yawned, and proceeded down the steps and into the kitchen. She opened the small window of the fridge to pull out some water before grabbing an orange from the basket on the counter. Ha Ni moved around the counter and sat at the table, munching on a slice of orange. Her hand once again gravitated to her belly, and perched just above her belly button. Absent mindedly, she rubbed it in circles and bit into another slice of an orange. Ha Ni finally looked down at her belly. It still looked exactly like it always did, nothing seemed to change, just yet. Though every time she looked at her stomach even if it was a passing glance, she could feel the flutters of nervous joy throughout. She worried at her lip, thinking over and over again about all the mistakes she had made because she didn't know about her baby. She could feel the burn of tears as another wave of sadness enveloped her. She tried to hold back the sob threatening to escape her throat, but she couldn't and it came out almost like a hiccup. Her chest began to ache more and more as she thought about her baby, and how she really couldn't give it the best without Seung Jo. But something felt really wrong in their relationship already, she could feel them drifting apart even if she didn't want them too. Another hiccup-like sob escaped her lips, and a shifting groan came from the couch. Ha Ni gasped quickly trying to stop another sob from escaping. She wiped away her tears quickly from her face, and tip toed over to the couch, peaking over the back. To her surprise, Seung Jo lay on the couch, his feet curled up against the far arm of the couch. He looked as peaceful as she always did when she watched him sleep. That was the only time she ever thought she saw his true self, the very vulnerable side to him. Her eyes burned again, as she fought another bout of tears welling up, and walked around the chair to sit beside his head. She sat down leaning against the couch, and watched as a few puffs of breath left his lips. He was so handsome, and innocent when he slept. The image of her baby flitted through her mind, the thought of it looking like Seung Jo as it slept broke her heart. He was going to leave her; she knew he would eventually. She wasn't the smart, beauty that he should have been with. She was average, and got lucky to even have the chance to carry his child. A tear rolled down her cheek, and she caressed his cheek, watching as his face smoothed out from a dream he must have been having. She swiped her thumb against his cheek, feeling the smooth skin of his cheek. She didn't want it all to end, she loved him more than anything, and now she was going to have his baby. A sob was stuck in her throat, but she swallowed hard and whispered, "Why don't you love me?" Ha Ni rubbed her thumb softly against his face once more, before getting up and walking to the steps and back up to bed.
Seung Jo lay awake listening as Ha Ni's steps finally faded and their bedroom door made a soft click. His chest ached more than ever, but he couldn't stop the thoughts running through his mind. What was she thinking? Of course he loved her, more than anything in the world. No matter what she did, no matter what she said, he was always going to be hers. She was stuck with him. He would have to explain to her in the morning, figure out what she was thinking. That is if she would let him.
"Ha Ni, what are you thinking?" He sighed heavily and stared up at the ceiling, thinking of how he could possibly get her to speak with him, not just when he slept.