Lucius was outraged. Someone had the nerve to be dragging him out of bed, bumping him along a very hard floor and yelling at him as they did it. Unimpressed, he vowed silently that this person was going to regret the very day they had been born. He tried to open his eyes, but could only make out fuzzy white shapes. Something was wrong. His chest was hurting and he could feel blood trickling from his nose and down into his mouth, yet rather than looking after him they were hauling him around probably causing even more damage. Come to think of it, he was not even in bed. Honestly, this would not do at all.

"Master Malfoy!" the shout almost split Lucius' head in two.

"What on Earth do you think you're doing! Unhand me at once!" he tried to command, but all his buzzing ears heard was his own voice groaning, "Urrghahamm!"

Now there were two voices, he thought, and a third person was coughing and spluttering behind him, and oddly, a strong draft of fresh air blowing through his hair, before he was dumped unceremoniously onto soft, damp soil.

Interesting, he was outside, dirtying his robes by lying on old leaves and – what was that? Mud? Ugh. The cry of some night creature echoed above him. Merlin's teeth, he was lying on the floor of the Forbidden Forest!

"Naughty ickle stoodents!" cackled a familiar singsong voice next to him. "The Head Boy's blown his own head off! He'll have to be the Headless Boy now! Silly Slytherin shysters popped a pongy poisonous potion."

Oh great. Not him. Not now.

"Peeves!" bellowed a voice he recognised as the Bloody Baron's. "Cease your infernal prattling and help the Moorish child climb out."

Potion? Moorish child? The cauldron! Snape! Lucius forced his eyes open and blinked rapidly, trying to make out the shapes around him, coughing to clear the fog in his throat as he managed to sit up and pay attention. Peeves was pulling Severus out of a narrow stone hole, obviously the entrance to some sort of tunnel. An ancient metal grating, overgrown with tree roots and rotting vegetation had been pulled aside to allow both boys to be dragged to safety. This must be the outlet of one of the ventilation shafts the Baron had shown him.

"Baron?" croaked Lucius weakly.

"Master Malfoy! Though I am delighted to see you healthy, I must chastise you. The sound of the awful combustion did alert me. Young sirs, you might both have been killed!"

Snape was sitting nearby, propped against a tree trunk, choking and trying without success to uncross his watering eyes. Lucius looked him over for a minute and decided that he would probably live.

"Peeves pulled us out?" he asked, toes curling in embarrassment.

"Peeves did, Luscious!" Lucius scowled. The poltergeist had not used the nickname since he had been a first year. He struck a classical pose, inflating his weedy chest. "Peevesy is a hero! Luscious and his big-nosed little-friend owe their lives to me!" His remaining months at school were going to be very trying, if he wasn't expelled, that is.

"Does anyone else know? The staff I mean? Did Dumbledore hear the explosion?" The Baron's transparent features formed an unpleasant smirk.

"Events below ground but seldom reach the lofty heights of a Griffindor ear. Great Salazar," he doffed his feathered hat in respect, "Made sure of our privacy."

"Thank you for rescuing us," he murmured quietly, not used to being so deeply indebted to others, even if they were ghosts.

"I confess, I did it for the memory of Lady Matilda de Malfoy," his expression softened into a wistful smile. "Hers was an inquiring spirit, like your own. She once provided me with invaluable assistance in a small family matter."

Fifteen minutes later, the odd cavalcade of a ghost, a poltergeist and an unsteady fourth year being supported by the dishevelled Head Boy began making their way through the forest, any dangerous or hungry beasts apparently kept away by their supernatural guardians. They must be very deep in the forest, Lucius thought, there wasn't so much as a rabbit track to guide them as they picked their way through brambles and sinister patches of mud. Suddenly the hairs stood up on the backs of the humans' necks as a blood-curdling howl sliced through the darkness, echoing all around them.

"A wolfie?" asked Peeves with glee, knowing full well that no mortal predator could do him harm. Severus craned his neck upwards at the unusually bright sky.

"Full moon," he whispered, tightening his grip on Lucius' waist.

"Werewolf?" gasped Lucius in horror. Peeves' grin became even wider. He licked his finger and held it up experimentally.

"Well, my slippery snakes, it's downwind of us. It has probably smelt your smelly scent already, and is on it's way, slavering at the thought of your delicious flesh…"
"Peeves!" bellowed the Baron. "Enough!" He held up his hand for silence. The sound of rustling and cracking branches way behind them caused Severus to give a little squeak of terror.

"Make haste!" hissed the ghost, "This way! Peeves, help the boys."

They hurtled through the undergrowth as another howl resonated behind them, along with a desperate barking which sounded more like a panicking dog. Lucius did not waste energy thinking about it, as Severus tripped and fell yet again, still disorientated and cross-eyed from the blasted potion. Peeves hauled him up by his collar, thoroughly enjoying himself, giggling at Lucius;

"Oh, isn't this exciting!"

"Not far!" encouraged the Baron, shooting ahead of them towards something they could not see. Lucius didn't dare risk another glance behind. There was more than one pursuer now, he could hear at least three separate hunters, and definitely all gaining on them. The Baron had stopped at a gnarled old oak tree.

"Up! Climb up!" he urged, glancing fearfully behind them at the sound of a much closer howl.

"Can…ah…werewolves climb trees?" panted Lucius, but did as he was told. Peeves yanked Snape into the air by his hair and a sleeve, dumping him into a man-sized hole in the centre of the trunk, hidden in the branches about four yards up.

"The password is 'purity'!" Lucius heard the Baron holler as he clambered in after Snape.

They were inside the trunk now. An indignant squirrel scolded them angrily as they sat tangled untidily around each other, hearts pumping painfully hard. Lucius was confused. Why did they need a password to hide in a tree? Severus was shaking in his arms. After a minute he managed to catch his breath, he raised his head and queried,

"Purity?" At the sound of the password, the floor disappeared and they were falling straight downwards, yelling in shock.

…….

Peeves and the Bloody Baron were confused. The mortals had got to safety through the secret passage just in time. Seconds later, a young werewolf had galloped into the clearing, sniffing at the base of the oak and yipping with disappointment at the loss of his quarry. Unperturbed by the ghost and the poltergeist, he scratched at the trunk until a black dog and a stag with huge antlers arrived shortly afterwards. The dog was keenly alert, despite his lolling tongue and heavy panting, and scoured the clearing with his eyes and nose, apparently searching for something. Not finding it, he relaxed a little, and barked playfully at his companions before gambolling away, hotly pursued by wolf and stag.

"Peeves is no expert on beasties and creatures and things with four legs," the poltergeist addressed the Slytherin ghost conversationally, "But methinks that kind of thing is not normal."

The Baron hated it when Peeves had a point. Absolutely hated it. It seemed his earlier, vulgarly-expressed suspicions about young Malfoy's bedroom preferences had been correct too. It had certainly been interesting to watch. He sniffed disdainfully and fussily rearranged the bloodstained ruff around his neck.

"This is Hogwarts, Peeves. The term 'normal' does not apply here."

…….

It took Lucius and Severus a moment to register that they had stopped falling and landed on something soft. Exhausted, terrified, disorientated, filthy and breathless, they clung to each other without opening their eyes in case the situation had somehow defied all logic and actually managed to get worse. Cautiously, Lucius stretched out a hand and felt a crumpled pile of cotton underneath them, and something smaller and woolly – a Quidditch sock? He opened his eyes. Dirty sheets and pillowcases stretched as far as the eye could see, interspersed with stained shirts and, dear Merlin, underwear! They were in the laundry chute. As if in confirmation, an enormous pair of pyjama trousers floated down and landed on Severus' head. Frowning, the dark boy read the nametape.

"Tiberius Goyle. Urgh!" he flung the article away in disgust.

Lucius started laughing and found he couldn't stop. Wave after wave of hilarity poured out of him, snorts, squeals, hiccups and yelps all releasing the tension of a disastrous evening. Unable to support his shaking limbs any longer, he collapsed backwards, only to find something digging into his neck. Rummaging underneath him, he seized the offending article and held it aloft for examination. A red and black lacy bra was dangling from his fingers.

This proved too much for Severus. He joined in Lucius' hysterics until he went blue in the face and had to be slapped. Wiping his still-crossed eyes he fought to catch his breath.

"Whose is it?" he indicated the ample piece of lingerie. Lucius checked the label and broke into a grin.

"Bellatrix Lucretia Black, 32E." He gave it an experimental sniff before stashing it in a pocket. Expecting some kind of disapproval from the breathless Severus, he was surprised to get a nod of approval.

"You never know when something will come in handy," he noted.

"Exactly my thoughts when I borrowed that bloody illegal poison book from my father," Lucius' face fell suddenly. He stared wide-eyed at Severus, with an expression which suggested that even the momentous events of the day paled into insignificance next to the deep, deep trouble he was now in. "What happened to the book?"

…….

A/N: Thank you reviewers, I'm glad to hear you're enjoying this.

Excessivelyperky: Thanks for the Chaos-Rose recommendation, wow, wow and triple wow! Her stuff is amazing! If anyone hasn't read her Severus/Lucius then you must (unfortunately mine will then be shown up as the hopeless load of old pants it is, but that's my problem, not hers!)

Bluebird: I know, they see everything, the monochrome menaces.