A/N: Revised as of 12/22/2013! READ AND REVIEW!

Year Four: The Astronomy Tower

They wandered to the Astronomy Tower after dinner. It was only a few days before Halloween and everyone was very cheerful; everyone except her. She had walked around the school for the last two months in a daze. Everything that happened that summer had finally registered in her mind the minute she opened her Hogwarts letter for another year. She spent the summer wallowing in memories. She had really messed up her life and her relationship with her sister. But once she saw the letter, she snapped back to reality. She realized what was important in life and why she kept living. She thought of Hogwarts, of magic, of her friends. But the person she thought of the most was her sister, Petunia.

She had left Petunia to go through this alone. She didn't understand what her sister went through while she was away at school and now she will never know. She was away for nine months at school while Tuney was home facing their terrible situation. And then when she returned home and learned of the disaster, she went through a phase where all she wanted was to be alone. So she sat in her room crying leaving Petunia to clean up the mess. Then another tragedy struck and instead of facing it with Petunia, she pushed her away forcing them both to go through it alone. And she could never forgive herself.

In one room, Lily sat holed up wallowing in self-pity. In another, Petunia sat listening to her cries and trying prevent herself from crying too. She had to be strong, she had to seem okay. And she wasn't okay; neither were. Petunia was a complete wreck but hid her feelings to help her little sister. And all she did was push Petunia away. She refused to talk and after a while she stopped crying but she had been too quiet.

And now she walked out into the chilly air with her best friend. Most couples came up to the Tower to make out or worse. But she went up to think and Severus came up with her refusing to leave her side. Severus was the only one who knew what happened in the Evans' household in Spinner's End. She never told him because she didn't have to; it was the talk of the village. Severus was the only one there for her besides Petunia. He pushed her to talk to him and open up, after while she let her secrets unfold. He kept those secrets deepening his friendship and love for her.

She tried to push the thoughts of that summer away during school hours but at night she would always find a place to sit and cry, Severus always by her side. She thought of everything that had happened but tears never fell. She thought of the horrible things she did that she thought would have made her forget, but still her eyes remained dry. It wasn't until she thought of Petunia. She regretted having to choose between happiness and her sister, but she shouldn't have had to choose in the first place. She just wished she made the right choice by returning to Hogwarts; she just hoped that Petunia would forgive her. Slowly, the tears fell down her cheeks.

Severus took her hand and squeezed tight, "It will all be okay, Lily."

Lily nodded hoping he was right.

Severus led her over to the far side of the tower. There was a large cranny where a statue once stood. He sat her down and she leaned against the wall. He took a seat beside her and pulled her close. She leaned on his chest and just let her tears fall. He couldn't say anything to comfort her and that killed him inside so he just held her tight and reassured her that everything will be alright.

"Thank you Sev," she whispered into his school robes.

He patted her auburn hair, "Anything for you."

She pulled away and leaned back on the wall looking out into the sky. Severus copied her and looked out at the stars but thought of her the entire time. They sat like that for what seemed like forever.

"I think I hate myself," she whispered wiping the stray tears.

"Don't," Severus whispered back, "you went through a really hard time. Be proud."

"Proud?" she laughed, "I left my sister alone so I could come back here. I'm selfish and that is not something to be proud of."

Severus grabbed her hand and squeezed it again, "Petunia would never expect you to give up magic. She will forgive."

She nodded hoping he was right but knowing Petunia would hate her.

They sat like that for at least an hour; their backs against the walls and their hands clasped together, not speaking. It was a comfortable silence… a best friend silence, where you don't have to say anything because your thoughts are connected. But curfew was quickly approaching and Severus had to walk all the way down to the dungeons.

She stood up reaching her hand out to Severus, "C'mon, I don't want to stay out past curfew."

Severus nodded and took her hand. They walked back to the other side of the Tower and started the descent down the stairs when they heard four familiar voices.

"You're being stupid. I'm sure they're not doing anything up there." a soft voice said.

"Shut it, Moony! She shouldn't be up there in the first place, especially with him." an annoyed voice spat.

"C'mon Prongs. Give the girl some credit. She wouldn't do anything like that," the soft voice quickly added, "especially with him."

Severus and she stopped to hear the full conversation.

"Well, I'm just making sure." the voice growled.

"Prongs! You're being stupid!" a squeaky voice shrieked.

"Listen, Wormtail, if you know what's good for you, you'll shut your mouth." The harsh voice growled.

"A bit harsh Prongsie, don't ya think?" a fourth voice laughed.

"Sod off, Pad-" James Potter cut his sentence short when he saw Severus Snape and Lily Evans standing only a landing up from the four boys. He quickly stashed a piece of parchment in his robes.

"What are you doing here, Potter?" Severus spat.

"I could ask you the same thing couldn't I, Snivellus?" James smiled.

Severus whipped out his wand and James followed, "Don't call me that!"

"C'mon Snivelly. It's just a nickname." Sirius Black smiled pulling out his wand standing to James' right.

"Put your wands away," Lily snapped.

"And get hexed by Snivellus? No, thank you Evans." James smiled.

"C'mon James, just put it away," Remus Lupin begged.

"Listen to them, Potter." Severus hissed.

"Stop it, Sev. Just put your wand away, they won't do anything." Lily said.

"They're Marauders, Lily. You can't trust them!" Severus whispered.

"Please," she begged.

Severus saw the desperation in her eyes and so he did as she asked sliding his wand into his pocket. James lowered his wand as Sirius put his back in his own pocket.

"So what are you doing here, Potter?" Lily wondered.

"What are you doing here?" James said with a bit of an edge.

"That's none of your business," Lily stated.

James narrowed his eyes in annoyance, "Well, then it's none of your business to know why I'm here."

"Well from what I heard you guys saying, you were looking for someone," Lily said a bit suspicious, "we were the only two up there."

James' face showed a slight panic, so Sirius quickly said, "The only two you knew of. Do you know how many nooks and crannies there are up there Lily? There are eight. So for all you know eight couples are up there snogging each other senseless and you just walked right by there."

"Oh," was all Lily could think of.

"Well it's almost curfew, we should be going," Remus urged his friends.

They all nodded and the six walked down the tower steps. Lily and Severus kept a good distance from the boys. Severus strongly disliked them and Lily just wanted to prevent an argument from breaking out. But when they reached the seventh floor hallway, Severus and Lily would have to part.

"I'll see you in the morning," Lily smiled.

"Yeah," Severus muttered, "see you."

Lily grabbed his arm as he turned away from her, "Thank you, Sev."

"It's nothing, Lils." he smiled.

Severus went down to the Dungeons as Lily followed the Marauders to the Common Room. Lily stayed normal pace but James slowed down and the other three followed his lead. When Lily caught up to them, James rounded on her.

"So, Evans, why in the hell were you with Snape?" James spat.

Lily gave him a stern glare, "I believe I told you that was none of your business."

"Look, I'm just watching out for you."

"Watching out for me?" she laughed, "I don't need you 'watching out' for me, Potter."

"Oh, please, Evans. Snivellus Snape has been dying to- to," he struggled for words, "to do some funny business with you since First Year!"

"You don't know him, Potter," Lily spat at him, "so stop acting like a git."

"Oh c'mon Evans! He's been in love with you forever! All he wants is to get in your-"

"Finish that sentence and I'll hex you." She promised.

"Well then stop hanging out with him!" James yelled.

"Sod off," Lily said as she turned to the portrait of the Fat Lady, "Sherbet Lemon."

The portrait swung open and Lily walked quickly in followed by James and the Marauders.

"Evans, please tell me you weren't-"he knew he'd regret what he was about to say, "snogging him."

Lily stopped abruptly and slowly turned, "Merlin, Potter! What is wrong with your bloody head? First off, no, I wasn't snogging Severus and second off, even if I was, it's none of your bloody business!"

"So," James had to make sure, "that's a no to the snog?"

Lily's eyes narrowed, "That's a no to the snog."

Just as she turned to go up the stairs to the girls' dormitory, James grabbed her hand, "So, Evans, would you go out with me?"

Lily yanked her hand from his, "You really can be such an arse!"

She turned from him and stormed upstairs. She grabbed the door to her room and yanked it open, slamming it behind her. Mary Diven and Dorcas Meadowes sat on the floor with fashion magazines in their hands. Marlene McKinnon and Cara Connors were on Marlene's bed talking of Quidditch. And Emmeline was in the bathroom. When they heard Lily come in, they all looked up wondering what could have upset her.

Lily laid on her bed and muttered into her pillow furiously, "I really hate Potter!"