Disclaimer: Lowly Muggles such as myself don't deserve to own Harry Potter. And so, I don't.

A/N: Over 800 views, and a mere 11 reviews? You all disgust me! Click the button! But to my faithful (who don't sink my battleship) I humbly thank you: Snow Empress, paulalou, dcscprincess, foreverforgetful, razzmataz, Emilie Rose, duj, and MagicalMe5.

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IV: Pain of the Truth

Those malicious hazel eyes were taunting him ruthlessly. Amidst a delighted scream of united laughter, James Potter flicked his wand casually, sending Snape toppling to the ground, his thin face grinding into the dirt. His wild, frantic breath was coming in sharpened gasps, and he was powerless against the bullies that had made his life hell for the past five years...

"LEAVE HIM ALONE!"

And then Snape was drowning in a wave of his own shame and rage. It was bad enough that Potter and Black couldn't resist any possible opportunity to humiliate him, but why...why...must they do it in front of Lily? The thought of having her stand up for him, when he couldn't even stand up for himself, was almost too much to bear, and he struggled uselessly against the curse restraining him...

"Ah Evans, don't make me hex you," Potter's voice was playful and teasing...the fact that he was humiliating a fellow classmate caused him no more shame than it did the giant squid.

But Lily's voice was full of rage as she shrieked, "Take the curse off him, then!"

She was the only one for whom Potter would comply, and as Snape realized this, a fresh wave of what felt to be nausea rose in his throat. His jealously, shame, and pure hatred for the Gryffindor boy in front of him rendered him almost incapable of moving; as he struggled to his feet, Potter said resentfully, "You're lucky Evans was here, Snivellus."

"I don't need help from filthy little Mudbloods like her!"

There was a brief second in which time seemed to come to a standstill; Snape, gritting his teeth furiously, cast one glance around for the soon-to-be deadman that had just uttered that foul word...and then with a jolt, realized it had come from his own mouth, and the surprised, hurt look on Lily's face was directed straight at him...

The distant tolling of a church bell joggled Snape awake; he jerked upright, drenched in a cold sweat, and stared around the tiny room. He had fallen asleep in his sitting room, hunched in the shabby armchair...that had been hours ago. It was very late.

Muttering about the uncomfortable catch in his neck, Snape stood and gathered an armful of heavy, leather-bound books from the rickety table. He strode over to the book-covered walls, sliding each thick volume into its appropriate space. He struggled to ease one particularly bulky one into its slot, cursing the darkness and wondering how long the candle had been out...

A thunderous rapping at the door sent a cascade of brown-leather hardbacks thudding to the floor. With the agility of a man much younger, Snape whipped a thin wooden wand from inside his black robes, holding it over his head like a dagger as he stared at the front door.

"Yes?"

There was a moment's pause. Then..."Disturbing your beauty rest am I, old friend?"

Snape slowly allowed his muscles to relax, and with a casual wave over his shoulder, ignited the single candle hanging by the ceiling. Then he hurried over to the door, drew back the bolt, and cracked it.

A pair of icy steel-gray eyes looked back at him from a narrow and pale face. Snape quickly opened the door, exclaiming, "Lucius! Come in, come in!"

Lucius Malfoy stepped over the threshold, letting his black hood fall from his sleek blonde hair. The two men grasped hands briefly, and Snape invited Malfoy to have a seat on the couch. The older man complied, but his cold gray eyes never left his host. "It has been a while, Severus. How are you?"

"Ah, as well as is to be expected," Snape said lightly, busying himself with what remained of the bloodred wine he had consumed at dinner. He poured two goblets, and then returned to his patched armchair, passing one of the two drinks to Malfoy. "But tell me, how are Narcissa and Draco?"

"They are very well," Malfoy informed him; as he looked at him properly for the first time, Snape noticed a glint of excitement dancing in the Death Eater's eyes. "As am I...and as you shall be, once you've heard my very relieving news!"

Snape returned his goblet to the rickety table, leaning closer to his guest with curiosity. "You know of something I don't, my friend. May I be enlightened?"

In a tone of great triumph, Lucius Malfoy told him, "It has happened at last, Severus. The Dark Lord's path to power is clear once again!"

And with those words, the world seemed to spin before Snape's very eyes. He willed his face into an expression of disbelieving delight as he stammered, "But...surely you don't mean...?

"Ah, but I do mean it, Severus!" Malfoy leaned further still, his face half in shadow from the guttering candle. "It seems that someone in their midst has turned traitor...less than two hours ago, the Potter's exact location was finally revealed!"

Snape took the blow stoically enough, and displayed no emotion whatsoever. His black eyes were empty, expressionless, as he stared at the man across him from. Inside his head, however, his mind was whirring furiously...this couldn't be, there was surely some mistake...or perhaps this was a ploy by Dumbledore, to keep the Dark Lord on the wrong track...

"Who was the traitor?"

"I do not know," Malfoy shrugged. "And I don't believe it matters...the Dark Lord never reveals the identity of anyone, should we not need to know it. The information was relayed directly to him, I believe."

Snape was listening with half an ear...so Voldemort knew where Lily was. There was his promise to spare her, after all...a promise he would be sure to break, had he half the chance. But there was also Dumbledore...and if Snape could leave right now, alert the Headmaster this had happened, then the worst may be avoided. It would be too much to hope that the Dark Lord would not figure out his double agent then, but that was unimportant...Lily's face was swimming in his mind's eye, he had to get out of here to save her...

"Do you know when the Dark Lord plans to...er...rid himself of the obstacles?"

And it was now, perhaps, that Lucius's eyes glittered the most dangerously. With an air of great satisfaction, he leaned forward and confided, "He is to waste no time with this opportunity, Severus. He has embarked for their location immediately."

The world turned black.

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The winged stone boars that flanked the Hogwarts drive were splashed with silvery moonlight. Snape hurried through the gates, transitioning from a brisk walk to a sprint, slowing only to throw open the huge front door and burst into the silent Entrance Hall.

Getting rid of Lucius Malfoy had been close to impossible...once the Death Eater had finally satisfied himself with Snape's reaction and taken his leave, Severus had wasted a fair few moments pacing his sitting room, debating his next move. He wanted nothing more than to Apparate instantly to the Potter's safe house...but he had no idea as to where it was. That, after all, was the power of the Fidelius Charm. When that option was discarded, he could think of only one more: to go straight to Dumbledore, and hope against hope that this was a clever ploy to send Voldemort in the wrong direction...

The gargoyle guarding Dumbledore's office roared indignantly to life as Snape practically screamed, "CHOCOLATE FROG!" at it. Snape hurtled into the Headmaster's living quarters, pausing only to draw breath. The silver instruments that littered the room were twinkling in the light streaming in from the window...with a heavy feeling like lead in his stomach, Snape began pacing the floor, willing the old man to walk in...

He was unaware how long he paced, how many hours had crept by, when the door of the office finally swung open, and Albus Dumbledore entered. He was wearing a thick purple traveling cloak, and looked much older than Snape had ever seen him.

Dumbledore looked very unsurprised to see Snape there; he took a long moment to untie his cloak and remove it. Then, without preamble, he looked straight into those hollow black eyes and said quietly, "I'm so sorry, Severus."

There was no need for any more explanation; in a dizzying whirl of color, Snape felt the feeling in his legs disappear, and he sank into a chair by the desk. Images were flashing through his mind, much too fast to be comprehended...they were jumbled together, melting into a splash of fiery red hair, and eyes greener than the springtime grass...Lily sailing off the swing into the air, Lily laughing uproariously at Professor Slughorn in Potions, Lily gripping his hand so tightly he felt it would fall off...

Snape could feel her hand in his, and he clenched his fists to tight his nails bore into the flesh. He moaned, feeling suddenly very lightheaded, and had no choice but to listen, listen to everything Dumbledore was telling him: the Dark Lord was gone...destroyed. But all that paled in comparison, and Snape finally managed to gasp out, "I thought...you were going...to keep her...safe!" and he wasn't crying...for he knew that if he started he would never stop, he would simply cry until his body shriveled up and he died...

"She and James put their faith in the wrong person. Rather like you, Severus. Weren't you hoping that Lord Voldemort would spare her?"

Snape heaved in a breath, hating the old man...how could he remind him of it at a time like this? And no, he had never really believed she would be spared; why else would he risk everything to seek out Dumbledore, to ensure her safety?

"Her boy survives."

Snape twitched involuntarily, but otherwise did not acknowledge him. How could he spare relief for the boy? He was not even curious as to how the son had managed to escape. All he could see through the tunnel in his mind was the loss of Lily, and how he had brought it about...

"Her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and color of Lily Evan's eyes, I am sure?"

"DON'T!" how could he do this? How could Snape not remember her eyes, the exact size, shape, and color of them? "Gone...dead..."

"Is this remorse, Severus?"

"I wish...I wish I were dead." He'd see Lily again...yes, being dead would be quite a comfort to him...if only he could just drop dead right now. But he was not as brave as Lily, and never would be...

"And what use would that be to anyone? If you loved Lily Evans, if you truly loved her, then your way forward is clear."

It was too much. It was too much to have to sit here, and listen to Dumbledore lecture him about his way forward...there was no moving forward! It all stopped here...his life had been leading up to this point, and now there was nothing left for him to do. His mind was in a frenzy, his body shaking uncontrollably. Without a backward glance at Dumbledore, Snape leapt from his seat and tore out of the office, all the way down into the fresh sweeping lawn; his eyes were oddly dry as he flung himself through the boar-flanked gates, and vanished.

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A/N: Only one more chapter! PLEASE review! I ain't too proud to beg!