Life without Andy

Profile: Keisha

Dear Diary,

it's hard to say I miss Andy. He was my boyfriend, yes. But I just refuse to accept this. They say Andy killed himself. That's... stupid. Stupid, stupid, stupid. Why didn't he talk to me? I would've tried to help him. If I had helped him, would that have prevented this? I wish I knew.

I know he's dead. I don't think it was intentionally. He was just confused and hurt and... alot of things that I didn't notice. I should have realized the signs flashing on and off. When Andy had asked me if I thought Robbie was cold, it was weird enough. That should have set off an alarm.

But it didn't, and now here I am, feeling sorry for myself. I didn't notice that Andy was having serious issues because it was getting on my nerves. When he would be happy one minute, sad the next, and mad in between, I just couldn't handle it! It was too much!

At least I know I tried to help him. Maybe telling him that he had to accept Robbie's death sent him over the edge. Or maybe he was already headed for that. Whichever, I now know it's too late to stop it.

Diary, I've figured out why I'm so upset about this. I realize that I really did love Andy. I couldn't see it at first, my own pian blinded it. But now I know. And I wonder If Andy loved me too.

One thing is for sure, I will habe to take my own advice. I miss them both, Robbie and Andy, but like Robbie's death, I will have to accept Andy's. It will be hard, but I know that I can do it.

Rhonda has always been my best friend. Through these hard times, she's still proving that. Through thick and thin, we've been together, and that includes this situation. She and Tyrone have a good thing going on, and she wants to be with him too. She still manages to be here for me too however.

I learned through these hard times. I wish Andy were still here, and I probably always will. If he could hear me now, or see this entry; I want him to know it. I love you; and I'm sorry for not being there when you needed me the most.

Oh Diary, I hope he understands.

I feel alot better after having jotted down my feelings. In time I will accept this mishappen, and Andy will be the first boy I've ever come to love.