I have a great beta - thank you CileSun92!

Running on sunshine - chapter three

hey just get over yourself,

this thing ain't good for your health,
hey just get over yourself…

Seattle Grace Hospital, cafeteria

Meredith Grey knew how sometimes surgeons described as"beautiful" things commonly known probably more with words like "tragedies". Tumors were, indeed, in this group. She had heard plenty of times tumors be called "smart" or "fascinating". She did so too. But she was pretty sure no surgeon, ever - probably not even her mother - had felt actually grateful toward a tumor. Okay, maybe her mother probably had, at some point, but she was sure for a more noble reason than hers.

A spinal tumor, to be more specific, which was going to take her almost twenty hours, being optimistic, to be removed. And she was grateful because between the twenty-hour surgery and the hours she would spend studying before actually performing it she had a good excuse to avoid Addison.

Meredith lived at the hospital, she had lived there for a week, now: switching from a surgery to another, doing her rounds, then hiding between the attending lounge and the cafeteria at hours when she was almost sure she wouldn't run into Addison. She had rushed into her bedroom after their heated kisses and Addison had tried everything in her power to have her talking. She had knocked at the door, even threatened to pull it down, and then she had texted and tried to call her cell-phone. Obviously, without any success. Meredith was a stubborn little thing and she was well aware of that flaw, but the point was, she didn't want to talk to Addison because Addison and whatever the redhead stirred in her were scary. Extremely. So, even if she was well aware that she had to go home and face her after the surgery, for now this was the thing she was most comfortable with.

It was a week since they have seen each other for the last time, just because they had passed by each other in the hall, and when Addison had tried with a frustrated "Doctor Grey…" Meredith had immediately replied that she didn't have time because she had a surgery starting in less than ten minutes.

"I'll see you at home," she had promised, trying to make it up a little, but then she had not showed up. And she didn't intend to.

Right now, she was curled up in an uncomfortable chair in a corner of the cafeteria, trying to keep her eyes on the textbook on the table.

The place was quiet, except for the normal flow of people that went to get coffee, there was just a table full of dermatology interns grabbing a late lunch. So, she had space, tranquillity and time she intended to spend studying. Except she keep on staring at the wall, thinking about Addison.

She had a very huge problem which stemmed from not seeing her: she missed her like crazy. She was trying anything in her power to avoid her and then her meals were lonely and sad. She wanted Addison sitting next to her, sharing jokes and telling her stories, stealing her food from her plate. She felt thrown back to how lonely and plain her life was before Seattle, before her house, before Lexie and Susan. And, most of all, before Addison. As crazy as it sounded, in two weeks this elegant, beautiful woman from New York had shown up and completely destroyed her balances. She needed Addison and it was the first time in her life that she allowed herself to need someone. She needed the redhead who was able to make her feel at home, to make her feel safe. And since the kiss a week before she felt alone again. But the difference was, this time she knew what it felt like to have someone. She knew how it felt to have Addison.

"Hey, Grey," a smirking voice greeted, and a male, sexy body let itself fall on the chair right across hers.

"It's you," Meredith groaned, her green eyes meeting Mark Sloan's. "What do you want? I need to study, I have a big surgery in two days. Bigger than your ego, actually."

"I like how feisty you are," he smirked.

She rolled her eyes and tried to fix her eyes back on the textbook hoping that he would give up and walk away. He slept at her home, spent time with her… with Addison, she didn't need him stealing away her precious study time. But suddenly, she realized a missing point and asked him: "Wait, what are you doing in my hospital?"

The smirking wasn't going to leave his lips anytime soon, apparently.

"Got a job here. Plastic surgeon. I'm pretty sure Addie told me she would text you about this."

"I didn't have time to check my texts. I will - later. I really have to focus my mind on this, I don't wanna screw up the patient on my first important surgery here."

"Nah, don't worry," Mark smiled. "They say good things about you, all over the place. Okay, you may have scared a few interns to death but…"

"How do you know all of this if you're just gotten a job?"

"Mark Sloan knows everything." Already that smirk. He could switch from almost nice to annoying in five seconds top. "Anyway, didn't you talk to Addie?" he added. Meredith blushed immediately.

Just the mention of her name can set my cheeks on fire. I'm screwed.

"I didn't see her much recently, I'm living here mostly."

"Yeah, she mentioned it. Looked like a lost puppy." Meredith blushed again and Mark grinned. He knew something. Meredith was sure of it, he had figured out something. She really doubted Addison would have told him what had happened between the two of them, but actually, against the great familiarity she felt with her, she didn't know her as much to swear what she would have told and what she would have preferred to keep for herself.

"How did you meet her?" she asked, putting her pen in the middle of the textbook and closing it. He was annoying as hell, but even smart and she was the only person who really knew Addison.

"Back in pre med," he told her, smiling. An actual smile, not his usual smirk. "We've been friends since… forever. And I'm sorry if I showed up like this at your house, but I was afraid. She had some sort of a breakdown when she decided to leave New York and look for a different life, I was just afraid she would leave behind even our friendship."

"This is really sweet," Meredith commented with a smile, even if she felt a pain rushing all over her inner organs. She knew it was jealousy. Rationally, she did.

"Anyway, I stopped by just to ask you if you want to come out for drinks, tomorrow night."

"What?" she frowned, raising her chin. He wasn't asking her out. He couldn't be. He wasn't really her type, and even if he were… Addison…

"Yes. To this place across the street. Just a few drinks, so we can get to know each other." Again with the smirk.

"Joe's?" she grinned. She loved nights out at Joe's. Since she had discovered it, the night of the arrival - the night she had met Addison - it had become her favorite place to hang out after work. And she needed tequila to deal with this Addison situation. Plus, her coworkers will be there - especially Jackson and Alex, definitely her buddies, in Alex's words - and it would definitely be a nice way to celebrate her great surgery.

"Why not," she gave in. "You will meet a few coworkers as well."

"That's great," he grinned back, gently eying her breasts as she rolled her eyes. "I'll be watching your surgery from the gallery," he assured. Meredith groaned: "Let me study or you'll see me fail. And… say hello to Addie?"

"I will," he smiled back and finally left her alone.

It was official: she was so screwed.

Seattle Grace Hospital, surgical floor

Addison Montgomery had spent her morning cursing herself. Well, actually she had spent her morning checking on her patient with Lexie Grey, her intern for the week, at her side, but most of all, she had cursed. Under her breath, in her mind. She had cursed so much she had been sure she had hurt a thing or two and she was actually unable of keeping something in her hands for more than five seconds. Her hands were shaking. And Lexie looked anything like Meredith, she was a smart but perky girl, with long dark curls while Meredith was blonde, quiet and fierce but she reminded her of her sister. She did, and she was another reason why Addison was cursing.

She had left New York because her life had become a mess: the man she loved - or the man she had thought she loved - had left her to marry her best friend, and in a few hours Addison had lost her man and her best friend. There had been other reasons, too. New York simply didn't fit anymore. She was tired of walking around Manhattan in high heels - even if she hadn't exactly gave up on them in Seattle - and she had definitely had the feeling she had spent years caring more for the aspect than for the substance. Yes, she had worked hard and built herself a great career but personally, she had nothing. She had nothing and she wanted everything, so accepting to run the department at Seattle Grace Hospital had appeared like the greatest idea, everything considered. Except she had come to Seattle and in less than a month she had been able to put herself in another difficult situation. And this is why she had spent her morning cursing.

Meredith Grey was… something. Really something. Something very close to perfect, even if she was anything but it. She was a mess, actually. But to her, she felt perfect. She was nice and warm, funny and smart. She was a great doctor and she had made her discover things she hadn't thought she could ever enjoy. She never thought she could feel an attraction like that for another girl, she had always been more of sure about her straightness. But that night at Joe's, the night she had signed her contract, she had spotted her in the bar and everything had simply… clicked. Between deciding of never talking about their sex again and making out on her bed a few nights before, Meredith, in less than a month, was already a big part of her life, and this scared her like hell.

Of course, the idea of whatever was happening between them was scaring her. She was afraid of the complications, she was afraid because Meredith was a woman, she was afraid mostly because she didn't know how Meredith really felt about the idea of them. And she was pissed, because after their kisses, the night Mark had shown up, Meredith completely refused to talk to her. She was avoiding her, practically living at the hospital. And she was pissed, and most of all, worried: the following day, Meredith had a great surgery, and she was stupid enough to sleep in an on call room at the hospital just to avoid going home and have to face her.

"Dr. Grey?" she called softly, stopping in front of the room of a patient.

"Yes, Dr. Montgomery?" Lexie grinned. They had run into each other a few times at Meredith's house, and they were on a first name basis. Inside the hospital, it was always Dr. Grey and Dr. Montgomery, just nicer. And a little perky, but Addison figured it was a constant Lexie thing.

"Have you seen Meredith, recently? She isn't picking up her phone."

"I spotted her in the cafeteria with Dr. Sloan during my break," the brunette replied, and Addison felt her stomach turn. Was Meredith going to sleep with Mark? Her Meredith? Everyone slept with Mark. She had too, at some point, in med school. "I wanted to go greet her but my pager went off. Anyway, I believe she's studying."

"I hope she'll go home tonight," Addison said. "I'm on call, so…" She stopped and bit her lip. How much could she tell Lexie? "Just tell her, okay? And tell her… I'll be thinking of her, tomorrow, ok?" Lexie nodded and Addison took a deep breath, torn between how much she missed Meredith and the realization of how screwed she really was.

Ellis' old house

The night before her surgery - her biggest surgery, since she had started working at Seattle Grace - Meredith had thanked God or whoever for him because Addison was on call. She needed her mind entirely on the surgery, so she'd rather come to an empty house than face Addison and talk their issues out.

She just needed tranquillity.

She had soaked in a bath for half an hour, and now she planned to eat her pizza, have a Coke - if she touched the wine she would probably get drunk over the Addison issue - and read the steps of her surgery all over again. Then, movie in bed and eight, long hours of sleep. This moment of her night would probably be the best to eat the chocolate chips home-made cookies she had found on the kitchen table.

Apparently, Susan had shown up again while she was at work, and next to the plate she had found the sweetest note ever: Lexie told me you have a big surgery coming up tomorrow. I hope you'll be home tonight, to relax and enjoy these. Your father, your sisters and I are proud of you, and we are sure you'll do wonders. Love, S.

The only wrong note was the mention of her father. She didn't want to have anything to do with him, and she was beyond sure he wasn't proud of her. She was positive Thatcher never thought about her. He acted completely like a sperm donor, and between him and her mother she was sure she had the most unloving parents in the history of parenting.

Thank God she had Susan and Lexie. They had changed her in ways she had never thought possible, they had showed her with patience and constant presence that they really loved her. She was softer around the edges, now. And she wished she could see Molly, sometimes, Lexie's sister. She was growing attached to her family, and Susan's sweet attitude of taking care of her made Meredith feel torn between gratitude and the need to let the woman in and the deep desire to see some sort of interest from her mother. She would probably text her. Just for… She didn't know what for, but maybe she should stop avoiding.

She was strolling downstair, her Dartmouth t-shirt loose on her body, still moist for the bath, when the house phone ringed. She frowned: they never used the phone house. Anyway, she picked it up, calling a tentative: "Hello?"

"Mer, it's me," Addison breathed.

Maybe she should just stop avoiding.

Karma was a bitch.

"Addie," Meredith said back.

"Don't hang up."

"I won't," Meredith assured. She didn't want to deal with it but she wasn't going to be a bitch to Addison. "Are you at work?"

"Yeah, I have a break until one of my mothers doesn't go nuts and I wanted to check on you."

Meredith couldn't help but smile. She had refused to talk to her all week and Addison was calling just to check on her. This thought brought a deep, warm feeling which washed all over her throat, down to her stomach.

"I'm good," she assured her. "Bath, pizza, notes and then movie in bed. And guess what? Susan brought cookies."

"You lucky bitch," Addison groaned. "I would kill for a bath and a cookie."

The thought of Addison taking a bath wasn't much of a help, and Meredith groaned softly.

"I swear I'll bring some in tomorrow, so you can have breakfast with them," she offered. Bringing her cookies involved seeing her…

"I love you," Addison grinned on the phone and Meredith felt her throat go dry again. "I want to have breakfast with you," she confessed. "Do you think you'll have time before your surgery?"

"I don't think I'll be up for food," Meredith replied, but when she felt Addison's sad "oh" she added: "But maybe I can have coffee while you eat your cookies."

"That would be perfect," Addison said and then groaned again.

"Desperate mother going nuts?"

"Yeah, I have to go. Don't stay up too late, ok?"

"I swear I won't. Don't kill any babies."

"I'll try. I'm going saving a life, but…" she paused. "I'm sending you a kiss, 'kay?"

"One back at you," Meredith whispered. "Have a good night."

"You too, Mer. I'll see you tomorrow."

Meredith actually spent her studying time while her brain repeated all over Addison's voice saying I'm sending you a kiss.

She was so screwed!

Seattle Grace Hospital, Operating Room 1

Meredith Grey had stayed into the OR for seventeen hours, and for seventeen hours Addison Montgomery had sat in the gallery, watching her while she operated.

As soon as Meredith had scrubbed in, she had told her residents, Drs. Kepner and Stevens, that she would love to work in almost absolute silence. She had gestured a nurse to turn off the intercom and then she had started.

Addison's eyes had been on her for the entire day. For once, she had decided she could run a department sitting here which practically meant leaving it in Karev's hands. He had grinned when Addison had gave him the news, and he was ordering interns around since the first lights of dawn, appearing in the gallery every hour and a half asking with a grin: "How's my buddy doing?"

The other constant presence had been Jackson Avery, who had just had a boob job scheduled first thing in the morning, and then he had sat next to Addison, sharing occasional smiles with her and comments about Meredith's perfect skills and, most of all, about what of a great job his wife was doing not driving Grey nuts. Addison was happy to share this moment with both Karev and Jackson: she knew how deeply they both had learned to care about Meredith in less than a month, and she felt at ease with them. She had even texted Callie to go and see how great Meredith was doing, but when the bright Latina had showed up asking "What's up with your girl, Addie?" she had immediately regretted it.

"She's not my girl," Addison breathed, biting her lips as her eyes rested once again on Meredith. It was true, she wasn't her girl and she wasn't even sure if there was any possibility she could be, some day. Or that she would be, for the matter.

"You're always attached at the hip," Jackson observed, a smile sweet and smirking at the same time. "With all the 'we're rommies' stuff…"

"It's just…" Addison observed Meredith's hands, moving calmly and precisely, her eyes never leaving the microscope. "We get each other."

"How's my sister doing?" Lexie exclaimed, entering the gallery abruptly and sliding in the empty seat next to Addison and opening a bag of chips. "Hey, Dr. Montgomery," she grinned. "Chips?"

"I can't remember the last time I ate," Addison realized, accepting some gladly. "Your sister is doing good."

"Good?" Mark retorted, appearing out of nowhere like he always did. He bent over to kiss Addison's head and sat behind her. "That chick is a fucking shining star."

"Interesting choice of word, Dr. Sloan, but entirely appropriate," Richard Webber, Chief of Surgery, commented. Addison was positive she had never seen a gallery fuller of surgeons. Meredith was amazing, everyone could see it. And except for some unpredictable event, there was no way the patient won't survive.

That morning, Addison had had breakfast with Meredith - a quiet, nice breakfast where they had found again their balance without actually talking of the big pink elephant in the room. This had just made Addison's feelings bigger and now she was positive her Meredith needed her. She would just stay there, but if Meredith lifted her eyes, she would see her. Except Meredith had done so just twice: after two hours of surgery, the first time, and at sixteen, the second, when she had even smiled at Addison.

Emerald city bar, Seattle

Even if she had been pretty sure moving to Seattle could do wonders for her, Meredith had never imagined she would feel so happy and so complete after almost four weeks. She was at Joe's, dressed in a short back skirt and a lavender shirt - Lexie had insisted she needed to wear something nice - and her night out for drinks with Mark had suddenly become a party to celebrate her success in removing a spinal tumor fifteen other surgeons had judged inoperable.

She had sat down with Mark for fifteen minutes during which he had flirted shamelessly and then Jackson and Alex had shown up, claiming they needed to buy their buddy tequila 'cause she was a rockstar. In the following hour had arrived her sister, a few other interns - who seemed to prefer to watch from a distance, even if Lexie swore most of the male ones had the hots for her, since she was such a hotshot neurosurgeon - Callie and her wife, Kepner and Stevens - Meredith, for once, wasn't feeling the need to offer them a nice and warm bath in the acid - and at last Addison.

She had walked past the door in the same outfit she had worn all day - fitting black pants and silk, red shirt with black high heels - and immediately, her eyes had locked. Meredith winked, sipping her margarita, and Addison simply smiled, walking to her. None of them was trying to be sexy - Meredith was just fuzzy for how well the surgery had gone, and Addison was happy. Genuinely happy, because a month ago she had turned her life upside down to come to Seattle and she had met this incredible girl, who happened to be a great neurosurgeon, too.

"Hey, golden girl," Addison smirked. "Congratulations." She raised a hand, wondering if she could pose it on Meredith's shoulder, but before she could make a decision she found the blonde in her own arms, her tiny hands lacing at her mid-section, her head on her shoulder. Addison hugged her back, a warm, long hug full of unsaid feelings, moving her arms so Meredith cuddled against her, her face hidden against her neck.

None of the two knew what they were doing: they had met a month ago and they actually had spent a month fighting whatever was growing between them. And then, every time they let their defenses slightly waver, they found each other like this - cuddling in the other, searching comfort in the other.

Addison had been right, that morning in the gallery: they get each other. Without knowing every single detail about their lives, they just seemed to know what the other needed. And apparently, this made the situation even more confusing.

"Do you want to order something to eat?" Meredith grinned, leaning back slightly, but keeping her arms wrapped around Addison's waist.

"Whatever the golden girl wants," Addison smiled back, her hands moving from Meredith's back to her shoulders, tentatively reaching to touch her hair. Watching her so closely, Addison realized for the first time that Meredith had an adorable handful of freckles spread across her nose.

"Chocolate cake and another margarita?"

"Can do. Go get a table, I want to talk to you, I haven't see you in a week. I'm going to ask Joe for our food." And without thinking, just like that, Addison leaned in and pecked her lips softly.

"Oh," Meredith breath, her mouth slightly open, her eyes wide.

"Sorry," Addison breathed, squeezing her hand. She needed to touch her. It was an overwhelming feeling, she always needed to have her close.

"No…it's - it's ok, I think."

"Oh," Addison grinned. "Promise you won't live at the hospital for another week?"

"I promise. We - I think we need to talk. We need to talk out whatever is happening between us"

"We have to."

"Just… Home, ok? Let's enjoy our cake and drinks and then we can go home and talk on our porch."

"On our porch," Addison grinned again.

"I -" Meredith started, but then she shook her head and leaned in to kiss her back. Softly, just a quick peck on the lips. "Go grab the cake."

Everything had suddenly changed. They had spent a week obsessing over this feeling, a dark cloud constantly on their heads. And now, it seems like Meredith's surgery had wiped away the clouds. The night was cloudless, and they felt happy.

The thing - their thing, whatever it was - was still there, and when they didn't stress over every little thing, it felt nice and warm. They just need to figure out if they were ready to deal with it.