NOTE: Wow, you guys are wonderful! Thank you so much for all of your comments and support. Thanks to Tygee/Victoria, I think I've figured out how to respond directly to your individual comments so I'll try to get to all of you in the next few days.
Here's the Damon/Elena chapter. There's a bit of set up for the next chapter then it's all DE. I will warn you, it's pretty intense and emotional. Or at least it was for me when I was writing it! :)
One issue I had with the way the show wrote Elena was how willing she was to give up in the face of the Klaus threat. Though she is a strong character in her own way, I felt she was a bit too passive given what was at stake. She is not in this chapter. So, while it could be a little OOC for S2 Elena, I think given what she's gone through and given this is Damon, it's not so far out there you don't recognize her. At least I hope. :)
Happy reading! I hope you enjoy it and please, please, please let me know what you think!
Chapter 4
Katherine's hand was on the cellar door's lock when Elena's stopped her with a whispered question.
"How much pain is he in?"
Dropping her hand, she turned to face Elena. "Excruciating would be an understatement. He's trying not to let on, as per Damon's usual style, but it's gone beyond his control now."
Elena took the news in, swallowed the truth of it then asked another. "And the delusions? Have they started?"
Katherine nodded.
"He could easily confuse us."
"He already has," Katherine informed simply.
That heart melting moment earlier when he'd tried to apologize for all the wrongs he'd done to Elena came swiftly to mind. Katherine forcefully pushed it away and attempted to shut off her emotions. If she didn't, the next few hours would be longer and more difficult then they need be.
She almost felt for the girl standing in front of her who had no emotional switch to flip.
Mistaking the sudden questions for doubt, Katherine offered Elena a way out. "Look, if you don't want to do this..."
"No, that's not..." Elena took a steadying breath. Her chin rose defiantly, bravely. "I'm going in there and there's nothing you can do to stop me."
"But?"
"I need to do this alone."
A subtle but profound change had taken place in Elena Gilbert. From the panicked, unsettled girl of five minutes before, she was now the calm, strong young woman determined to single-handedly save the vampire that had single-handedly turned her world upside down.
Whether her motivation was entirely altruistic or born of emerging emotions she was as yet unable to name let alone embrace, wasn't quite clear. What was clear was her unshakeable resolve, her unbending will.
"I don't think so." As a hint of admiration filtered through her expression, Katherine smirked at the suggestion. "If he lives, I'm already dead for bringing you into this. I hate to think what he'd do to me if he were to hurt you because I left you alone with him. And that's not even taking into consideration your boyfriend's reaction when he finds out about all of this."
If bringing Stefan into the conversation was Katherine's way of dissuading Elena, it didn't work. Her focus remained unwavering. Her belief in Damon, strong.
"He won't hurt me."
"He isn't himself. You don't know what he'll do." Katherine reminded her. "No, it's together or not at all." Shaking her head, her decision brokered no argument.
Elena argued anyway.
"There are things that need to be said, Katherine. Things that need to stay just between us." Katherine was stubbornly unmoved. Elena tried a different tact. "If you want me to help him, you have to let me do it my way. And my way does not include the vampire that's promised to stake him when the time comes. We both go in that room and you'll be the crutch he doesn't need."
Surprised by Elena's quick deduction, Katherine's eyes narrowed. "How did you know?"
"Because I know Damon," Elena responded softly. "You already said he wanted to end it. He'd do it himself if he could, but since we're in the dead of night, the sun's of no use to him. And given how quickly he's seen this progress, he knows he may not be in the right frame of mind or have the strength to stake himself when he's ready. So, out of some twisted sense of irony, he turned to you."
Katherine was impressed. That the girl had put it all together so quickly was either evidence of the Petrova blood running through her veins or a tribute to the strong bond that had grown between Damon and Elena.
She'd been right to tell Stefan he was making a mistake letting Damon get too close.
She'd also been right that Elena was exactly what Damon needed in these final hours.
"But that still puts you in unnecessary danger."
Frustration sparked in her eyes as Elena sighed at the lameness of Katherine's argument. "I'm standing in a hallway arguing with my vampire boyfriend's vampire ex-girlfriend about saving his vampire brother's life after having come off of a face-to-face with a sadistic vampire that killed me. I'm well past unnecessary danger."
Katherine inclined her head in concession. "Point taken."
It was clear by Elena's reasoning and the fire in her eyes that Katherine had no hope to sway the girl. So, she quickly devised a compromise. "Alright. We both go in. Once I've determined you're relatively safe, I'll leave you alone to say what you need to say." A thought struck her. "Do you even know what that is?"
"With Damon its best to leave my options open." Elena quipped cryptically.
Understanding that better then Elena knew, Katherine nodded. "So?" Sensing Elena's hesitancy, she challenged her. "Come on, Elena. Be smart. You know I'm stronger than you. It's the only way you're going through that door."
Obviously displeased with her options, but more interested in getting to Damon, Elena nodded her consent before asking a question that could make or break everything. "Stefan said there was hope. Does that mean you know of a cure?"
"Yes. Maybe." Katherine glanced through the barred window at a restless Damon. Her sigh was full of defeat. "I don't know. That's what I sent Stefan to find out. If there is a cure, and I do stress if, then there's only one person I know that could lead us to it."
"Who?"
"It doesn't matter. All that matters now is helping Damon get through the next few hours until we know for sure."
"And then?"
It was more than just a question begging an answer. It was the blueprint from which Elena would take her cues.
"And then…we'll see." Katherine's hand returned to the lock on the door. "Are you ready for this?"
Elena nodded.
Staring into the cell Katherine paused one more moment for one more bit of advice. "Elena, I know Stefan said to be the Elena he knows. If you find she can't handle this, then please..." Producing a wooden stake practically from thin air, Katherine handed it to Elena. The unexpected plea in her eyes was as crystal clear as what she was offering. Protection. A fighting chance. And if it came to that, a final release. "...be the Elena Damon needs."
Elena stared at the stake.
Rejected everything it represented.
Then reached out and wrapped her fingers around a weapon she feared she would wield before the rising of the next sun.
His mind was playing tricks on him.
Fact, fiction, dreams, reality - they all blurred into one until he didn't know what was real, what wasn't.
Only one name punctured the whirlpool of distortions with a single light of clarity.
"Elena..."
Damon whispered her name as he put all of his energy into focusing on that one beautiful face. That one beautiful soul. He'd never see her again. He'd made sure of that. And yet, she was with him every conscious moment. Every rational thought. Every painful breath.
He groaned in agony and writhed on the make-shift cot that would be his death bed. Slumping wearily into the canvass, his thoughts ebbed and flowed, scattered and gathered. He didn't want to die. He wasn't ready to go. Not when there was still so much to tell her. So much he needed to say. To apologize for.
Yet the pain wracking his body left him little choice but to hope that death would find him soon.
Katherine.
His thoughts spun in the direction of the woman he'd turned to for help. For release. It was ironic, really. The person he trusted least in the world would be the person he trusted last. But perhaps, it was only fitting. After all, she'd been the one to give him an eternity of living death. It was only right that she'd be the one to usher him from his deathbed into eternal life.
If there even was such a thing.
At least that was the argument he used to enlist her help. Surprisingly, she'd been harder to convince than he thought. He didn't have the strength or even the desire to reason out why.
No, his desire was for only one thing now: Elena's forgiveness.
But since he'd denied himself the chance of asking for it in person, he would never have the peace of knowing if he'd obtained it. A heavy price to pay, but one that he deserved. Perhaps it was his way of earning her forgiveness somehow. Or perhaps he was too afraid to know her answer. To see the distance in her eyes.
An eternity of penance couldn't begin to repair the damage he'd caused, the hurt he'd inflicted. But it wouldn't stop him from trying.
Even from the grave.
He'd told her as much in the letter he left on her bed.
It was the most selfish thing he'd ever done. He told her that too. It even eclipsed the night he confessed his love for her then took it away, the silent memory of which he would take with him as his only comfort.
By saying to her on paper what she deserved to hear in person then leaving her with no way to rail, to reject, to respond...
He was risking her hatred for that too.
But he knew Elena. He'd seen her heart. He'd felt her compassion, her gentle strength as she'd embraced him when everyone else guarded against the monster he'd become. And he knew she would be able to move on. Maybe even forgive. And if he was lucky, she just might spare a fond thought for him.
In time.
It was all he could hope for now.
And that hope alone would carry him to his grave.
Damon.
Through the haze of his muddled thoughts, he heard a familiar voice calling to him. Through blurred vision he saw the outline of a figure rushing to his side. Just as a beloved face floated into view, his weary eyes drifted closed in what he hoped was the last time...
Elena Gilbert had wanted to feel.
Well, she felt now.
Everything, and all at once. The tsunami of emotions that hit her threatened to overwhelm her. Paralyze her. Bring her to her knees.
Anchored to the cot by a weariness that was bone-deep, Damon's breathing was shallow and ragged. The Army-green canvass beneath him was spotted with blood and soaked with the beads of perspiration that ran together and spilled over his exposed skin. An occasional moan escaped his parched lips, harsh and full of pain. All of that was nothing compared to the handsome features pinched in continuous, silent anguish.
Just inside the door, she closed her eyes against the sight, her hands clenched into to tightly-balled fists by her side.
Words from a few moments before echoed in her mind.
"Stefan said be the Elena he knows..."
A part of her, the part that allowed her to put one foot in front of the other even as the ground around her crumbled, began to push its way to the surface. Her ability to deny the truth of her feelings, to compartmentalize them, wrapped itself around her heart and insulated it from being crushed by their weight. A sort of functioning numbness took control.
Her focus shifted to the one responsible for the intense emotions threatening to rule her.
"Damon."
Rushing to his side, Elena fell to her knees.
"Damon?" She brushed her hand against his forehead, his cheek. In an eerily restless calm, he was muttering something she couldn't understand beyond a few sporadic words. "Damon, can you hear me? It's Elena."
He moaned in pain but nothing else.
"God, he's burning up." Elena glanced at Katherine, then around the room. Before she could make the obvious request, Katherine sped out of and back into the room to hand her a fresh bowl of water and a new rag.
She immediately began to gently press the cold cloth against his heated skin.
He began to stir. Blue eyes, dulled with pain, fluttered open then closed then struggled to open again. They held, half-closed, focusing on the beautiful face hovering so close to his.
It was a dream. It must be. Or one of those damn delusions coming back to haunt him.
Only in the center of a delusion could her dark eyes be so full of emotion. So wrecked with anguish and bright with unshed tears. Only in a dream could her touch be so gentle. So protective. So possessive.
Still, she felt real. More real than at any other time her face had invaded his mind. He could literally smell the sweetness of her skin, hear the rush of the blood in her veins, and feel the silkiness of her hair as it brushed against his skin. He shouldn't dare to hope she was really here. He shouldn't want her so close to danger. To death. To him.
But he did.
"Elena?"
Relief flood through her. Her gaze snapped up to meet his eyes and a brief but bright smile touched her lips. "Hi there. What do you think you're doing, huh? Trying to hide from me?" She wiped his face with the cool cloth and struggled not to let the emotions overwhelming her show too much. "Well, I found you, see? I'll always find you. You should know that by now."
"What...are you...doing here?"
"I heard you were having a rough day, so I came to be with you." Her lips trembled as she forced a smile. Her hands were in constant contact with some part of him. His face, his hands, his chest. "To take care of you. We're going to get through this, ok? I promise we will."
This was real. This was happening. She was here and she was holding out to him a hope he couldn't risk feeling. He wouldn't. Not now, when it was almost over. If there was ever a time that he couldn't bear to want something he'd never have, to hope when all hope was gone it was now, here, in this moment. He simply didn't have it in him to be strong any longer.
A harsh whisper filled the room. "Elena, no. Go, please. Don't want...hurt you..." He pulled in a shallow breath, an effort that wracked his entire body and morphed into a fierce coughing spell that added to the stains on the dingy canvass beneath him.
"Shhh, it's ok, you won't," Elena valiantly blinked tears from her eyes as she continued to wipe his face and wrap a comforting arm around his shoulder. "I'm not leaving, do you hear me? You're stuck with me till we find this amazing cure I've been hearing about."
"No use." He shook his head and tried to push her hand away. "Don't want you here...for this."
"Shh..."
He clawed at the sides of the cot as if trying to squeeze the fear and suffering out of him. To keep himself from breaking free and letting instincts take control. Even now, in the midst of his agony, he was trying to shield Elena from knowing the depths of his pain. And it was costing him greatly.
"Elena...go."
"No."
"I said..." Panic. Desperation. Fear. "...go!"
A flash of anger fueled his actions as he lashed out. While still weak, his second attempt to push her away had real strength behind it and he managed to knock her backward several feet. Katherine made a move to intervene, but Elena shook her head and waved her off.
"Be the Elena Damon needs.."
She didn't think. She didn't reason. She reacted.
Instinctively. Passionately. Stubbornly.
"No!" Instantly scrambling back to his side, she covered his hands and stilled them with one hand and turned his face toward her with the other. "Damon, look at me. Look at me!" She waited till his faltering gaze focused on her face. "The rules of the game have changed. You don't get what you want this time. I do. So don't you dare fight me right now. You. Won't. Win."
Feeling defeat in the face of her fierce determination, Damon sought help from another source.
"Katherine...Kath..." His pain-filled eyes swept the room till he found her hovering close on his other side. "Get her...out of here."
"Sorry, but no."
"What have…you done? You...promised."
"Yeah, well..." Filling his sight, she reached out and touched the side of his face, a gesture that was at once endearing and uncommon. "...you know how big I am on keeping those."
He groaned and fell back against the pillow, an unexpected chuckle rattled deep in his chest. "Should have...known."
"Oh, relax." Katherine chided gently. "She forced my hand when she came looking for you. Nothing else has changed. See?" As if to prove her point, she held up the bundle of treasures she'd been sent to gather. "All here. Just like you asked."
Damon reached for the bundle and sighed with relief when she gently placed it on his chest. His hand gripped the faded material.
"Elena..."
"I'm here," Caught up in the meaning of their exchange, Elena whispered absently.
He attempted one last time. "If you don't leave..."
"What are you going to do?" She challenged, feeling no real threat behind his words. "Kill me? Been there, done that. Or maybe turn me into a vampire? You tried that once, remember? It didn't work." She ignored the shudder the reminder brought to his face. "So what else you got, hot shot?"
The fight drained out of him. Despair took it's place. Eyes squeezed shut against the force of it, Damon's words were stilted and slow. "What are you trying to do? Torture me? Pity me? I know you're not here to...forgive me. I don't deserve that. Not after...everything I've done."
Elena and Katherine exchanged glances. His defiance had been short lived, evidence of just how far the poison invading his body had progressed. Elena's fierce stubbornness had been more than a match for him. By silent, mutual agreement, it was time. With a curt nod and a pointed finger at the door, Katherine exited leaving Elena alone to say her piece.
Once Elena was sure the door was closed, she turned back to Damon and scooted closer to him. As close as she possibly could without climbing inside of him. Aware that unwanted vampire ears were listening, her voice dropped to a whisper only Damon could hear as her tear-filled gaze settled on his face. "And what if I was here to forgive you? Would that make it easier for you? Would it help you die in peace?"
A jerky nod of his head dislodged a single tear that slipped out of the corner of his eye. "Yes."
She nearly crumbled at the sight.
But she didn't. There was too much at stake.
She was fighting for more than just Damon now.
She was fighting for them both.
Needing to feel connected in a way she never had before, she shifted till her forehead touched his temple. Her eyes squeezed shut with the effort it took to say the words needed to make him hold on. "Then you're right. I didn't come here to forgive you. And if you insist on dying today, I promise you...I never will."
"You...hate me that much?" The pain of the thought caught in his voice.
Her lips hovered above his ear. "I need you that much."
"Please, don't." His hand released and flexed around hers in agitation. "Don't...give me a...reason...to fight this. Not when there's no cure."
"I don't accept that." She shook her head firmly, defiantly. "And I won't accept you giving up on yourself. Not you. Not now. Not ever."
"Elena..." The plea in his voice broke her heart.
"Listen to me," Slipping her hand over his, Elena entwined their fingers and sought his attention. "And listen good, because I'm only going to say this once. You, Damon Salvatore, do not get to come into my life, turn it upside down, turn me inside out, make me..." She broke off knowing such a confession once said could never be undone. "...feel and then die on me. Do you understand? Who you are, what you mean to me...I won't allow it to be for nothing. I can't lose you, Damon. I won't."
Their gazes locked and held.
The intensity in her eyes, the ferocity in her voice set him free of her censure just as surely as her compassion and understanding had captured and held him prisoner to her heart. No one in his 160 plus years had ever wanted him to live so much. Had cared so deeply. No one had ever fought for him like this.
Knowing that stirred something deep inside of him.
The will to really live. To be. To laugh and love and feel. Everything and nothing. The highs, the lows, the good, the bad.
To be human again.
Like a Phoenix from the ash, the humanity he'd burned and walked away from sparked to life and began to blaze. And it didn't hurt this time. It didn't fill him with dread. Or make him feel inadequate.
All because one beautifully stubborn 17-year old girl refused to let go.
Damon's free hand gravitated to her face. A single finger lightly traced the curve of her cheek and caught a tear that had slipped unbidden. "Why are you so stubborn?"
She covered his trembling hand with hers to hold it in place against her face. "Why are you?"
The questions went deeper than the words. Hidden in the unspoken between them was an understanding that went beyond everything they'd been through to everything that could be. It pierced through the pain, the anger, the desperation and unveiled a peace, a hope, a love that connected them in a profoundly fundamental way.
In that moment, they were one.
Damon was the first to admit it. "We are...more alike than either of us...want to admit."
"Yes," Elena nodded and smiled through her tears. "Yes, we are."
An unexpected bout of pain pulled him from his relative calm. As he twisted and turned, the veins in his neck were taut with the struggle and failure to keep a tortured growl inside. Instinctively tuned to Damon's agony and brave beyond her years, an instantly alert Elena climbed onto the cot and folded herself around him, wrapping her arms around his neck and cradling his head against her heart.
"Elena."
"I'm here."
"Elena...it hurts...so much. I don't know if I can..."
"Shhh, you can, Damon, I know you can. You are..." She caressed his face as she whispered the soothing words of encouragement. Her hold on him was death-tight. "...the strongest, bravest person I know."
"Not...strong enough."
"Yes, yes, you are," Tears filled her voice as it hovered just above his ear. "You can do anything your heart tells you to do. I'd stake my life on that. But it's ok, you know...if you need to rest. I'm right here and I'm not letting go. So just hold on to me and we'll get through this together, ok?"
He answered in actions instead of words. Seeking her hand and gaining it, he pulled it to his lips for a brief kiss then lowered it to his heart and covered it with his own. Elena fiercely blinked back the tears blurring her vision.
"I've done so much to hurt you." His voice was gravelly and low, evidence that he was fading fast. "I'm so sorry, Elena. For everything."
"Shhh, I know." Her arms tightened around him.
He tilted his head, seeking her gaze. "Forgive me. Please."
"On one condition." She whispered as she brushed her lips against his temple. "You live to see tomorrow."
She felt rather than saw his smile as he relaxed back into her embrace. "Promise?"
"Promise." She nodded and smiled in return. "Now close your eyes...and dream of something beautiful."
He nodded weakly as his eyes drifted closed. He pulled in a rattled breath and exhaled a truth he could no longer keep to himself.
His humanity demanded nothing less.
"I love you, Elena..."
Three words and her name.
Each one pulled at a string...
...and Elena Gilbert's restrained heart came undone.
tbc...
P.S. I know I didn't really address SE AT ALL in this chapter and it was seriously skewed to DE. The focus for me here wasn't between SE/DE but Elena realizing how much Damon means to her and fighting to keep him alive. I don't think I had her do/say anything that would be considered 'cheating', but given the circumstances there's a raw honesty that manifests itself and will have consequences to SE that will have to be dealt with. Just not here. :)