Taking Over Ordon

Teemo, Arin, and Fred were making their way out of Ordon Village when Darrel arrived. The chicken saw them first and froze, trying to decide whether he wanted to attack or hide. A second later, Arin looked up and spotted him. She nudged her companions and nodded towards Darrel. Fred's eyes narrowed, but Teemo grinned. "Cool! Now we don't have to go find him!"

"What are you doing here?" Darrel demanded.

"What do you think?" Arin asked. "Enia sent us to stop you!"

Darrel began to laugh. "You think you'll be able to stop me?" He was playing with something, rolling it between his wings and grinning.

"What's that?" Teemo asked, squinting at the object.

Darrel hid it behind his back. "Oh nothing."

"Come on, tell us," Teemo begged at the same time Fred said, "What are you doing here, jackass?"

"What do you think I'm doing here?" Darrel replied with a roll of his eyes. "I'm taking over Hyrule and this... quaint little town will be my base of operations!"

"...How stupid are you?" Fred asked.

Darrel blinked. That was not the reaction he'd been expecting. "What do you mean?"

"You just told us your master plan. Kind of stupid, don't you think."

"I haven't told you all of it."

Fred rolled his eyes. "I rest my case."

Darrel glared at him and started stalking towards the group. "Get out of my way little boys and girl, least you get hurt."

"You're such a dickhead, did you know that?" Arin told him, but none of them moved. The four of them stood there for the longest time, almost like a stand-off in an old wester film, until Teemo took the initiative and punched Darrel in the stomach. Darrel doubled over and Arin drove his face into the ground. The enraged chicken jumped back to his feet and shoved them out of the way.

"You'll regret that!" he yelled and looked around until he spotted a young blonde boy with a ridiculous hair cut playing with a pad of paper. "You there! Give me a piece of paper!"

The boy jumped and scampered away from Darrel in fright. Darrel snatched the pad of the ground and tore the top peace off. He procceded to scribble on in furiously. Teemo, Arin, and Fred watched him warily. "Fear the wrath of my army!" Darrel shouted.

A boot-sized gummy bear appeared.

The three friends began to laugh. "What the hell?" Teemo snorted. "Where'd that come from?"

That was when the gummy bear snarled and leapt at his face, determined to bite it off.

Teemo yelled in shock and reeled back, the gummy bear bowling into his chest and knocking him over. The bear's gelatinous mouth snapped shut above his nose and its little orange paws clawed at his face. "Get it off!" Teemo yelled.

Arin yanked the monster off her friend and slung it away. It skidded along the ground, dirt sticking to its body. She turned to look at Darrel. "What?"

"Damnit," he muttered. "I wanted a rabid bear." He wrote something else on the pad of paper.

"Oh my Gods," Arin said as she helped Teemo up. "Do you think that's...?" she trailed off.

"Let's hope not," Teemo replied.

A small garden snake appeared on the ground before them. "Damnit!" they heard Darrel yell again as the gummy bear attacked the snake and ripped its head off. The little monster greedily stuffed the head in its mouth and chewed, blood dripping down its chin.

Arin made a face. "That's gross."

"What are you trying to do, Darrel?" Fred asked.

"Make an army to destroy you! Make a bomb, damnit, a BOMB!" A small firework appeared on the ground before him. Darrel sighed. "Well, it's a start." He looked back at the gummy bear that was busily devouring the rest of the snake. "Attack my Gummy Bear of Doom, ATTACK!"

The gummy bear looked at him and growled before going back to its meal.

Angrily, Darrel turned back to the pad and began to write. Above them, storm clouds began to form and thunder crackled ominously. Lightning split the air and left behind the metallic scent of ozone. The once clear day grew darker and darker until Teemo, Arin, and Fred could barely see a thing. Then, as quickly as it had started, the storm disappeared and the sun returned to Ordon Village, leaving everything the same.

Well, not quite.

There was a confused looking army standing in the center of the village. An army of Bokoblins, Bulblins, Dynalfos, Lizalfos, ReDeads, Stalfos, Stalkin, and Staltroop. Not that Teemo, Arin, and Fred had any idea what the creatures were called. But the villagers did. With screams of terror, they disappeared inside their homes. The army looked around at their new setting, utterly befuddled.

"What's going on?" one Bulblin asked another in thier particular language. "One minute I was at home playing a game of Who Can Do the Stupidest Thing and now I'm here."

The other Bulblin shrugged.

"I am your master!" Darrel yelled at his new army. "You will obey me! My first order is that you will over take this puny little town!"

The army stared at him. A couple of the Bokoblins chittered together in their native language. "Is that a chicken?" one asked.

"I think so," replied another. "So why is he telling us what to do?"

"I don't know," said the first. "Why is he so big?"

"Don't know. Do you think he'd taste good?"

The two of them began to drool.

Darrel, having no idea what they were just talking about, glared at the two Bokoblins. "Would you two shut up?"

One of the Dynalfos stepped forward, the sun glinting off its metal helmet. "Who are you?" it asked in Hylian (or English, however you want to think of it), its vocal cords mangling the words.

"I am Darrel T. Mutantchicken. I am your master."

"Says who?" the Dynalfos demanded.

"I am the holder of the Mystic Pen, the most powerful weaon in the Universe."

"Shit," Teemo muttered in Arin's ear.

"Prove it," said the Dynalfos.

"I brought you here, didn't I?"

"That was you?"

Darrel nodded. The Dynalfos looked around at the rest of the army. "Such power must not be easy to control. You must be very strong indeed. Alright, we accept you, Darrel T. Mutantchicken, as our leader. What would you have us do?"

Darrel grinned; finally he was getting somewhere! "Take over this town for me, would you?"

The giant lizard bowed and bellowed something at the rest of the beasts. Yelling war cries and shaking their weapons, they dispersed amoung the houses, breaking windows and killing people. "We gotta stop them!" Teemo yelled, activating his strange powers. Fire danced in his hands and he chucked the balls at the nearest enemy, a Lizalfos. Arin twirled her hand and a long whip made of water appeared in it. She cracked the weapon and snagged a Bulblin around the neck before it could strike down the little blonde boy Darrel had stolen the paper from.

"You think you can stop me?" Darrel shouted above the din of the battle. "Think again! I'm unstopable with this! I can always conjure more soliders no matter how many you kill! No one can stop me now!" He began to laugh like a madman. He sent a ReDead stumbling after his three enemies. They dodged out of the way and ran down a narrow side street.

"What do we do now?" Fred asked, panting.

"I don't know," Teemo answered. "What can we do?"

"Take the pen from him," Arin responded confidently.

"How? We can't even get close to him."

"We have to try."

They nodded at each other and ran back into the fray, charging Darrel and yelling war cries. Darrel calmly scribbled on his pad and suddenly they were frozen, unable to take another step. "You see," he said, walking up to them and staring Teemo in the eye. "There's nothing you can do. No one can stop me as long as I have this." He held up the Mystic Pen.

Teemo hoped something random would happen, like a bird swooping down and snatching the pen away, but nothing did. Darrel had them beat. There was only one person left who could stop them and Teemo had no idea where she was.

Enia: Are we there yet?

Samik: How should I know?

Enia: *shrugs* I don't know.

*WHOOOOOOOO!*

Enia: Oh goody, we are.

Samik: How are we going to fight in the dark is my question.

Enia: Hrm... *suddenly places her hand against the ground* Phosphate Tyra! *the ground is lit up by a glowing green light* Ha! I love magic!

Samik: Wh-what is that? *points towards a giant beast with two legs and a large mouth. It is covered with black fur and has strange pink toes on the edge of its feet. No eyes can be seen*

Enia: I know what that is! That's the Imprisoned from Skyward Sword! I hated fighting that thing!

Samik: Why is it here?

Enia: This is some kind of rifty thing, like the Gap Between Dimensions. Hey, I wonder if we'll see Phantom Ganondorf here!

*Phantom Ganondorf floats by as they speak, glowering*

Samik: That was weird. How do we beat this thing?

Enia: Well, first we have to destroy all its toes.

Samik: You do realize that sounded really weird.

Enia: I know. Then it will collaspe and we have to hit the little poley-thing on top of its head.

Samik: Easier said than done, I take it?

Enia: Yup. I hate this battle... Too bad we don't have Groose and his giant cannon thing.

Samik: We'll just have to make do. Ready?

Enia: Always.

*they attack, yelling war cries*