Chapter 4
Hmmm, Klaus thought to himself. How am I going to do this? How was he going to get the key without Paul knowing? Herman then came back into the room with many other congressmen.
"Happy birthday to you!" They all sang at once. Paul looked up at them. "Happy birthday to you." Herman put the cake down on Paul's desk. Klaus looked at the cake, smacking his lips. MMMM, that looks delicious; too bad I'm not allowed to have a piece. "Happy birthday, dear Paul. Happy birthday to youuuuuu!" Roger began pounding at the door again.
"IF YOU'RE ALL HAVING CAKE, I WANT SOME TOO!"
"What was that?" A congressman wanted to know. "Is someone else here?"
"No!" Herman told him. "What? Do you think we're keeping someone hostage in the closet?" He laughed. "That's crazy!" The congressman laughed too.
"Yeah, that's crazy all right. I don't know what I was thinking." Herman turned to his boss.
"Make a wish, boss." Herman told him. He gave his boss a napkin and a fork. His boss blew out all of his candles. The congressmen all cheered. Herman took out a knife.
"I'll cut the cake." He volunteered.
"Enjoy your cake." He said after the cake was cut and everybody had a piece. "We'll let you work and eat in peace." They then all left.
Paul abandoned his work and dug in at his cake. Roger pounded at the door.
"I WANT CAKE!" He shouted. "I WANT CAKE! GIVE ME SOME CAKE!"
"SHUT UP!" Paul yelled. "I'M THE BIRTHDAY BOY; I GET TO DECIDE WHO GET CAKE AND WHO DOESN'T AND PEOPLE WHO WANT TO ARREST ME DON'T GET CAKE!
"LOOK, I WON'T ARREST YOU! JUST OPEN THE DOOR AND GIVE ME CAKE!" The man chuckled to himself, obviously not believing him, and continued to eat.
"GIVE ME THE STINKIN' CAKE!"
When he was done with the cake, he stood up and the keys fell out of the pocket, and onto the floor. Paul didn't notice this. He wiped off his face with his napkin, took his plate and fork, placed the napkin inside, and left the room. Klaus saw that the keys had dropped to the floor. This was his chance!
He nudged the side of the bag with his nose to make the bag move. He made it fall to the floor. He inched towards the sharp end of the key, ripping the bag a little at the top. Once the bag had a hole in it, large enough to fit his fin through, he grabbed the keys, and moved towards the door.
"OKAY ROGER!" Klaus shouted. "I GOT THE KEY AND I'M IN FRONT OF THE DOOR! ALL I GOT TO DO IS UNLOCK IT SOMEHOW." He was trying to think of a way when Roger knocked the door down. It fell towards the fish. He gulped. Oh, boy. The door fell on top of him.
"Fins?" Roger called. "Fins? Where are you?"
"I'm under the door." Klaus said, his voice muffled. Roger then grabbed him.
"Oh, thank goodness you got out Roger." Klaus told him. "Because I had no idea how to put the key in the lock and free you; no idea at all."
"So, getting the key was utterly pointless then." Klaus sighed.
"Pretty much. Ja; you know, you could have told me you were going to kick the door down."
"I could've, but I didn't. Now, let's get out of here."
"HEY!" They turned around, and saw a steaming Paul. "How did you get out?"
"Look!" Roger said, pointing to nothing in the distance. "A decoy!"
"How stupid do you think I am?"
"You're right. You're far too smart for that." Roger then butted Paul in the groin and ran out of the room. Grunting in pain, Paul got up and ran after him.
"GET HIM!" Paul shouted to his employees.
"Look!" Roger said to Herman. "A decoy!"
"What kind of dummkoph would fall for that?" Klaus asked. Herman looked for the 'decoy', and Roger ran past. Klaus sighed. "I stand corrected."
Roger ran out of the US Capital building.
"Call the police, Bridgett." Paul told her as they saw Roger driving off in Francine's car. Bridgett nodded and took out her cell phone.
They were only on the road for twenty minutes when they heard police sirens.
"Oh good; the police are here. We can tell them about Paul." Roger stopped the car and got out of the car. An officer got out as well. They walked to each other.
"Officer!" He started. "I know who ordered those eagles to burn many American flags and also stole the Declaration of Independence."
"Yeah, I know. You did." Roger was shocked.
"Wait, what? No I didn't."
"Oh, really?"
"Yeah really."
"That's not what Congressman Paul Silverman says. He said you did it and you stole his car and his fish."
"And you believe him?"
"Well, yeah. He's a congressman. He wouldn't lie." He turned to the other cops coming up to them. "Cuff him, boys."
"What is wrong with the police in these stories?" The cop cuffed him and dragged him to the police cruiser. "No, no, NOOOO!" Klaus looked out and gasped. He pushed his way out of the car and headed towards Roger. "I didn't do it! I'm innocent I tell you; I tell you, innocent! It was that Paul guy and his friend I tell you; it was them!"
"Yeah, yeah." The cop said. "Tell it to the judge." Before they got Roger in the car, the alien picked Klaus up once he got there and put him in his pocket. The doors closed and when the cop got in his car, they drove off.
"I TELL YOU!" Roger yelled when he was in a jail cell. He was wearing a striped shirt and matching hat. There was another inmate in the same outfit and hat with a beard. "I WAS FRAMED; I DIDN'T DO IT! CONGESSMAN PAUL AND HIS FRIEND DID IT!"
"Yeah, yeah!" Said the cop who put him in the jail cell. "You can keep saying that, but we won't believe you." He then left with the key.
"TEST ME THEN! TEST ME WITH THE TRUTH DETECTOR! COME BACK!"
"You can always play dead." Klaus told the alien. "To get out I mean."
"You want to get out?" A voice asked. They turned and saw the bearded man. "Because I can help. I'm planning to get out as soon as an officer gets me for my basketball game. You stick with me, and you'll be home free."
"Okay, thanks."
"Name's Dan by the way."
"Name's Braff."
"Okay, Dan," Said an officer, opening their cell. "Are you ready for your basket…OOF!" Dan butted the officer to the floor and ran out.
"Come on!" He told Roger. Roger bolted after him.
"WE HAVE ESCAPERS!" A cop shouted when they ran outside.
"AFTER THEM!" They ran as police officers ran after them.
"By the way." Roger began as he ran. "What were you in for?"
"I bombed a train station." Dan explained. "Killing everybody inside."
"Oh."
"I don't think we should trust this guy." Klaus whispered to Roger. "He murdered a bunch of people; that's the absolute worst crime you can do."
"Hush, Fins!" Roger whispered back. "I know what I'm doing."
"What are you in for?" Dan asked the alien.
"I was falsely accused of telling eagles to burn people's American flags and stealing a car, a goldfish, and the Declaration of Independence." Roger explained.
"Oh. You mean you didn't really did those things?"
"No."
"Oh, because that'll be cool if you did."
The two then ran into a dead end in an alleyway. The police surrounded them.
"We have you surrounded!" An officer said. "It's no use to try and run!"
"Oh it isn't, is it?" Dan said. The officer nodded.
"There's too many of us and if you try to run, we'll taser you and take you back."
"Let me say one thing," Dan then pointed to Roger. "He did it!" Roger looked at him, shocked.
"What?!" He questioned.
"He was the one who escaped, not me. I only escaped to hunt him down and bring him back." Roger glared at Dan.
"That's a lie!" He shouted. "Traitor!"
"You should never trust a person in jail."
"He's right you know." Klaus whispered to Roger. "You shouldn't have trusted him."
"Hush, Fins." Roger whispered back. "I know."
"Well, adios!" Dan said. He butted an officer to the ground and ran off. The officers gasped. But before he could run out of the alleyway, another officer tasered him with his taser. Dan screamed and fell flat to the ground. Other officers helped the fallen officer to his feet. The officer next to Roger, hand cuffed him and led him to his car. More officers picked up Dan, hand cuffed him, and led him along.
"Fins," Roger whispered to him. "You still have that tracking device on you?" Klaus nodded and held up his fin to show him. "Good. Now, I need you to go back and place it on the Declaration of Independence. Then, come back with the laptop, and I'll show them the location. Once they see it with Paul, they'll know for sure that it was him and then they'll release me and put him behind bars."
"What?" Klaus questioned. "Go back with Paul? But Roger, I can't."
"And why not?"
"Because he's a former fish killer. Und he plans to assassinate me to relive his childhood."
"You mean he's a grown Darla from Finding Nemo?" Klaus nodded.
"Uh-huh, talk about messed up! So, you see how I can't do this?"
"You can't let fear take control Klaus. You need to do this. " Klaus grinned.
"You need me? Don't worry Roger, as long as you need me, I'll be proud to risk my life for you."
"Yeah, yeah!" Roger's officer noticed the disguised alien whispering to his pocket.
"Are you whispering to your pocket?" Roger looked at him and nodded.
"Yes I am; do you have a problem with that?"
"What do you have in there?"
"What? I have nothing in here."
"No, you have something in there; otherwise, you wouldn't be whispering to it." He reached into Roger's pocket and produced Klaus. Roger faked a sigh.
"Okay, you caught me." The officer looked at him, confused.
"You were whispering to a goldfish?"
"Yeah, I was." The officer then realized something.
"Wait a minute; you stole the Congressman's new pet fish on his birthday." Roger sighed.
"Yes, and I bet he's missing it terribly!" The officer just shoved him into his car.
"Congressman Paul," The officer started as he was back in Paul's office after Bridgett had led him in. "I believe this belongs to you." He handed Klaus to Paul. The officer had put Klaus in a new zip-lock bag. "He was in the man's pocket."
"Thanks."
"Just doing my job. Hope you have a good birthday." He then left.
"Oh, I will." He looked at Klaus and threw him onto his desk. He went to the drawer and took out the Declaration of Independence, looking at it, thinking hard. He then snapped his fingers as he hatched an idea.
"Herman!" He called. Herman came in.
"What it is, boss?" He looked at Klaus, then at his boss. "Aren't you going to kill your fish?" He asked. Klaus held his breath.
"I'll do it later." Klaus sighed in relief. "Listen, I have another birthday present you can give me." Herman just looked at his boss.
"Don't you think you have enough for this year? I mean, you have a car, a laptop, and a fish. You don't want to get greedy." Paul pounded his desk in frustration.
"No; no I'm not!" He then pretended to be sad. "You don't want to disappoint your boss on his special day, do you?" Herman shook his head.
"No, sir."
"Good, change of plans. Instead of threatening Congress about our original plan, we're going to let that guy take all of the blame. Now, we're still going to go and tell Congress, but instead, we're going to say it was that guys' plan instead."
"Okay."
"Now, for my birthday present, I want you to buy me a 3D printer, we'll scan the original Declaration in it, it'll print a new one, and we'll give the archives the fake one while we keep the real one."
"But, a 3D printer is expensive! I was saving my money for a Wii U."
"Well, that's just too dang bad, isn't it? You want to keep your job, don't you?" Herman nodded. "Well, then I suggest you buy it for me." He then looked sad again. "Please; for my birthday!" Herman nodded again.
"Yes sir, right away sir." He then left. Paul sat back down at his desk and resumed working. Klaus scurried to the Declaration of Independence. He was about to put the tracking device on it, when Paul grabbed it.
"Oops!" He said to himself. "Bridgett doesn't know I have this. Don't want her to be suspicious." He put it in the drawer, locked it, and resumed his work. Klaus cursed silently to himself.
An hour later, Herman came back into the room with the 3D printer.
"I had to go to multiple stores to find one." He told Paul. "This one was the last one in stock." Paul got up and went over to him.
"Perfect! Let's open it up and scan the Declaration of Independence." Herman nodded and put it on the desk and opened it up as Paul got the Declaration.
Paul grabbed the fake Declaration of Independence when it was done printing and hugged it close to his chest. Herman shut off the printer. He then looked at his boss.
"What if they find out it's the fake one?" He asked. "I mean, they don't look exactly the same."
"Hopefully, they don't." Paul said.
"Yeah, but what if…"
"They won't, okay?" Herman gulped.
"If you say so, boss."
"Let's go to that jail and show them the 'Declaration of Independence'." Herman looked at his watch.
"Now? Work lets out in ten minutes. Why not then?" Paul sighed.
"Fine. We'll go then." Herman left. Paul opened the drawer and put the real Declaration of Independence inside it. Klaus went inside it before he closed it. He inched his way towards a pen in the drawer and let it rip a little at the top of his bag again. He took off the tracking device on his back and placed it on the scroll. He was about to go out when Paul closed it shut. Klaus cursed to himself. He then shrugged. Oh well. hopefully, Paul will open it again before he leaves.
Ten minutes later, Paul opened the drawer. Klaus looked up at him. Finally! Although it only has been ten minutes, it seemed like a lifetime for the goldfish.
"What are you doing in there?" Paul asked. "I don't remember putting you in there." He took him out. "And let's fix that tear." He taped the tear with a bandage. "There. Now, you're coming with me…to your watery grave!" He laughed. Klaus gulped. Paul then did a face palm. "Why am I talking to a goldfish?" He shrugged. "Oh well, it's just a stupid fish; it's not like it understands a word I'm saying."
Herman came into the room.
"Ready, boss?" Paul looked at Herman and nodded.
"I'm ready." He took Klaus, picked up the fake and the real Declaration of Independence, and left the room with Herman.
After saying goodbye to Bridgett and the other Congressmen and Congresswomen, he and Herman left for the jail.
"I'm telling you officers," Roger said to the two police officers. They were in front of his jail cell. "I don't have the Declaration of Independence because I didn't take it. Congressman Paul does."
"I'm getting really tired of you saying that." The first policeman said.
"Well, I'm sorry." Roger told him. "But it's the truth, I'm innocent."
"And I'm getting tired of you saying that." The second officer said. Roger sighed. "Now, where is the Declaration of Independence?"
"Let's help him out." Paul said to Herman. They were in the entryway. The other police officers didn't notice them. Herman nodded and Paul threw the fake document. The real document was in Paul's car. The fake one landed in Roger's cell. The officers noticed it. Roger looked at the glaring officers, and laughed innocently. He gave them a nervous grin and shrugged. "Hey! How did that get in here?" The first officer grabbed it from between the bars and opened it. He then closed it.
"Yep." He told the other officer. "This is the Declaration of Independence all right."
The two police officers glared at Roger. Roger grinned and laughed nervously.
"I know this seems bad." Roger began telling them. "But, I swear I never had it when I came in here."
"Oh really?" The first police officer challenged. "How did it get in your cell then?" Roger shrugged.
"I don't know. All I know is that I…"
"Yeah; yeah!" The second officer said. "You didn't do it. Why don't you save it for the judge? We'll keep this until your court date, then back to the Archives it goes." They then left. Paul and Herman went into Roger's face. Roger stumbled back in surprise, and then put his hands on the bars looking mad.
"What do you two want?" He wanted to know.
"Nothin'." Paul said. "I just want to thank you for taking all of the blame."
"I bet you're having fun with this." Herman nodded.
"You have that right." He told the alien. "We're having a blast!"
"Well, I hate to tell you this, but your 'fun' will come to an end." Roger said. "For after my court date, the police will no longer think I'm guilty, they'll release me, and then they'll arrest you two." The two men laughed.
"Oh yeah?" Paul challenged. "And what makes you say that?"
"Because I'll show them that you did all of this."
"How?"
"I don't know, but somehow. You can't hide this forever!" The men laughed again.
"We'll see."
"Roger; Roger!" Klaus whispered, waving to him from Paul's pocket. Roger took him out of the pocket as the two men left.
"That's not the real Declaration." Roger was confused.
"What?"
"That's the fake one that you saw. The real one is with Paul."
"What are you talking about, Fins?"
"They printed out a copy from a 3D printer."
"Okay, so did you put the tracker on the real one so that I can show the police?" Klaus nodded. "Did you bring the laptop here so that I can show them?" Klaus shook his head. Roger sighed. "Fins!"
"How can I do that? I can't bring a laptop here all on my own, without Paul knowing. I'm just a fish." Roger sighed again.
"You're right. I shouldn't have expected a fish to do all of that. Well, at least the tracking device is on the real one. Now the question is, how are we going to show them without the laptop?" They thought about this a while. Klaus then hatched an idea.
"We can still do it." Roger looked at the fish.
"How?"
"The tracking number! We can type it in and then it'll show us it's exact location. All we need to do is get onto a computer or a laptop from here."
"That's a wonderful plan!" Klaus smiled.
"Thank you. Glad you like it."
"There's just one flaw with that plan." Klaus looked confused.
"Really; what?"
"How are we going to get out of here and get onto a computer without anyone knowing?" Klaus realized he was right.
"Oh, right." He sighed. "Never thought of that." Roger sighed.
"Of course you didn't."
"Dinner time!" An officer said to Roger as he opened the jail cell door and placed Roger's soup and water down on the ground. Roger looked at the soup, then at the officer.
"It's dinner time, already?" He asked. The officer nodded. "Well, I wouldn't be surprised. It was evening when I came in here."
"It's not usually dinner. But since you got here an hour after dinner time; we wouldn't want you to feel left out." Roger pretended to be touched.
"Aw; you're so thoughtful of criminals." The officer shrugged.
"Well, I try my best. Criminals got to eat to, no matter how horrible their crime might be."
"True that." Klaus nudged Roger in the sides. Roger looked down at him. Klaus gestured with his fins towards the open door. Roger understood what he was conveying.
"Oh! The door!" As the officer was about to go out, Roger ran out.
"Hey!" The officer shouted. He was about to go after him, when Roger closed the door in his face. The officer pounded on the bars. "Let me out!" Roger took the keys out of the lock, and looked at the officer.
"Sorry!" He apologized. "There's something I got to do first." And with that, he went off. The officer continued on pounding the bars, angry.
"YOU COME BACK HERE AND LET ME OUT OF HERE NOW!"
Roger ran to the offices, looking for one that was vacant.
"Come on!" He said. "Is every police officer in their office?" Klaus noticed one that was vacant.
"There's an empty one."
"Where?" Klaus pointed to the far corner.
"There; in the far corner!"
"Good eye, Fins!"
"Well, I try my best."
"There he is!" A voice shouted. Roger turned around and saw the officer who he had trapped and other officers. They ran to him.
"RUN!" Klaus yelled. The fish didn't need to tell him twice; he ran for it and ran inside. As the officers came closer. Roger slammed the door into their faces. He then dragged a chair in front of the door, hearing their shouts and pounding.
"Quick!" Klaus said. "The computer."
"You don't need to tell me, Fins." The alien ran towards the computer and looked at the screen. "Ooh, naughty, naughty! This officer is going to get fired!" The poundings and shouts grew louder.
"Hurry, Roger!" Roger exited out of the website and went to a tracking website.
"What's the tracking number?"
"The tracking number?"
"Yeah; I need one so I know the location."
"I-I can't remember." Roger looked down at Klaus.
"What you mean you can't remember? This is crucial information, Klaus. If we don't know where to go; we're sunk. Think!" Klaus thought about it. "Think!"
"I'm thinking!"
"Well think harder; we don't have much time." Klaus thought hard; searching deep for the number in his brain. What was it?
"KLAUS!" Klaus then had it.
"Aha; I have it!"
"Good; now tell me!"
Klaus told Roger the number and Roger typed it in.
"AHA!" Roger said when he had the location. "There you are!" The door then burst open. Roger and Klaus looked up.
"RUN!" Roger yelled. He quickly folded the laptop, grabbed it, and bolted to the door.
Roger ran from the officers.
"DON'T LET HIM GET AWAY!" An officer shouted after them. They ran and ran. Roger ran and ducked in an alleyway. He quickly looked at the screen. He ran into the police parking lot, picked up a rock, and threw it at the first police car he saw as hard as he could. He then grabbed a nearby stick.
"What are you doing?!" Klaus wanted to know as they got in and Roger shut the door behind them. Roger used the stick to break into the steering column.
"I'm breaking in a police car." Roger answered. "And I'm going to hot-wire it."
"Why?! Have you gone completely crazy?! You may get longer time for this!" Roger did the wires next when he was done with the steering column. He put the stick aside.
"Maybe. But, I have to show them where the real Declaration is." Klaus saw that the police running towards them. His eyes widened.
"Mach schell, Roger! They're running this way!"
"Have you ever hot wired a car before? I'm going as fast as I can." He got done with the wires. "There." He buckled up, broke the steering lock, and started the engine.
"I don't know you." Klaus said. "That's what I'll say to the police when asked about you."
"And what will they say when they hear a fish talking?"
"Good point. But, I still won't know you."
"Hush, Fins, and get ready for the ride of your life!" With that, Roger drove off like a jet. Klaus screamed.
"Are they following us, Fins?"
"I don't know."
"Well, check!" Klaus looked at the back windows and saw a trail of police cars after them.
"Yep; they'll following us."
"Good. Keep an eye on them." Roger hit the gas pedal and they sped up. Klaus screamed louder.
"YOU'RE BREAKING A LOT OF TRAFFIC LAWS!"
"Good; whatever gets us there faster." Klaus screamed and screamed.
When Paul got to his house, he noticed the tracker device on the Declaration. He picked it up and looked at it.
"What's this?" He asked himself. "Is this a tracking device?" He then threw it into the nearby bushes. He went inside his house.
Roger stopped the car as soon as they were in front of the Paul's house. Klaus breathed heavily. Roger picked up Klaus.
"Come on!" He said, putting him in his pocket. He grabbed the laptop and carried it to the house. He looked at the screen of the laptop. "Hmmm, it doesn't look like it's in the house." He looked around. "But, then, where would it be?" Klaus noticed something in the bushes.
"Wait!" He cried, pointing to the bushes. "I think I see the tracking device in those bushes." Roger went into the bushes and picked up the device.
"Hmmm, you're right. But if the tracker device is here, then where…"
"Looking for this?" Roger turned around and there stood Paul, Declaration of Independence in hand.