-Wonderweiss's translated speech will be in Italics, unless unable to be translated, it will remain untouched; there may be times when his speech if fine.
-all thoughts for all characters will be as such: "{abc}"
Chapter 4:
Two Birds, One Stone
F*CK AIZEN! He took away the slip n' slide that Gin promised me right when I was about to use it the minute I woke up this morning! And Nnoitra needs to pull that monkey out of his butt!
Give me a minute, I'll explain.........okay. What happened was Gin brought me the slip n' slide he promised earlier today. It even had that little pool thing at the end. Though, I had just set it up and somehow Aizen found out and quickly took it away before I could apply water. Ever since Nnoitra had his things burned last night, he hasn't been a happy camper. Tesla, knowing his anger, quickly disappeared to the Living World which made me Spoon's new punching bag, though I've been avoiding him so far. I just barely got through the last encounter; he beaned me off the head with the flatter side of Santa Teresa.
So now I need to plan a revenge scheme. One for Aizen, and the other for Spoon. But I wasn't sure what to really do; Aizen can easily overpower every Arrancar here with his Spirit Pressure alone, and Nnoitra has the strongest Hierro out of all the Arrancar. I wouldn't be able to stand up to either at this point, let alone getting anyone to help me. There was only one thing to do: Go to the Living World.
With that in mind I use Garganta and head for it, following a dim light. Upon arrival, I was in another part of Karakura Town. It looked like I was in the city itself. As I land, I find I'm next to...Ura....Urahara Shoten. Guess it's some kind of store. Once I landed, two kids come out, a girl and a boy. The girl looked meloncholly and wore her black hair in pigtails, wore a white shirt and pink skirt. The boy had short orange-ish hair, wore a white shirt and blue pants, and had a huge black bat in his hands.
"See Ururu, didn't I tell ya it was another Arrancar?" the boy shouts poiting his bat at me.
"Sorry, it was hard to tell, Ginta." Ururu says.
She was very soft spoken. But she also looked to have the same gentle nature as Orihime. Then a man app---IT'S THE GUY WITH THE AWESOME HAT!
"Well, well, so it's the child Arrancar again, eh? Doesn't look like he's looking for a fight this time." he says.
"Please Kisuke, he's the enemy!" Ginta yells.
Right before Kisuke could reply, I tackle him to the floor and take his hat, run back outside and put it on, facing the group with a happy face.
"Hey, you give that hat back to Kisuke!" Ginta shouts running towards me.
As he goes to swing the bat to hit me, I simply jump in the air. He falls hard to the ground and I land on the roof.
Feeling playful I reply, "You'll never take me alive, copper!"
"That brat!" Ginta growls.
"I wouldn't talk like that, Ginta. You can be a brat yourself sometimes." Ururu says.
Kisuke walks back out saying, "That's enough, all of you. The Arrancar doesn't want to fight...he just wants my hat. Now then Arrancar, do you have a name?"
"Wonderweiss Margera." I reply coming down to the ground.
"That's quite a name you've got there, and I know for a fact you're not much of a talker. Here, come inside. You might as well draw for us an explaination of why you're here." Kisuke replies.
With that we go inside and a couple hours later, I had explained mostly everything that's been going on. It seemed like he already knew Orihime was missing from here.
"So Aizen hasn't changed a bit. Well, there's still a beat of a ceasefire going on right now...why not, let's have some fun and piss him off!" Kisuke says.
"Are you sure about this, Kisuke?" a really tall guy asks wearing a blue apron.
"Well, Wonderweiss here is going to be the only one to travel to and from Las Noches. I'll give him all he'll need to get back at Aizen and that Spoony Head guy." Kisuke replies.
"I still don't know about this." Ginta says.
"Ururu, go in the back and grab a box that says 'Gag Cube'. We're going to have some fun today." Kisuke requests.
Minutes later I'm armed with two Whoopie Cushins, Ooze, and three cans of Silly String all differently colored (pink, green, and blue) to start. I head back to Las Noches and begin the onslaught.
Sneaking over to Nnoitra's room, he wasn't there. Thinking carefully I head for the floor below where the Gyms are, and bingo. He was setting up a bench to lift weights. As he's distracted trying to figure out the ammount to put on, I quickly blow up the cushin, sneak in, place it on the bench, and sneak back out, hiding in a very dark corner. That's when Stark appears and as he walks in, the cushin goes off. Perfect timing!
As I try really hard to keep from laughing Stark says, "Real nice, Nnoitra."
"That wasn't me!" Nnoitra claims.
"Doesn't matter; it was noisy and rude. I'm out." Stark says turning tail.
I peek inside the moment Stark's gone and Nnoitra discovers the whoopie cushin. I make a mad dash back upstairs before he could glance out the window in the door. Next was Aizen.
I could actually sense him; THE THRONE ROOM! I head there and find he's still standing beside his chair. The whoopie cushin won't work well here; more people need to be around. Being as sneaky as possible, I find my way to the chair, open the ooze case, and let the ooze slip out onto the chair. I quickly use Sonido to escape. I watch outside as he goes to sit down. Hmm, he didn't notice. I'll have to wait till later for the results.
Let's see, one whoopie cushin and three cans of Silly String. I'll save the cushin for when Aizen calls a meeting with the Espada. But where should I unleash the string? Hmm......oh I know---no that won't work. I need to make it a good spot. Oh wait, I know exactly what to do! I'll build a trap! But I need blueprints and more stuff. I could definetly use them in the upcoming meeting today! With that I head back to Urahara Shoten.
"Ah hello Wonderweiss. That was a fast trip." Kisuke greets. I was right inside the store.
I take a piece of paper and a crayon and tell him through writing what I wanted to do, "Let's make a trap."
"A trap, huh? Oh, I see you still have one whoopie cushin and 3 Silly Strings. I think I understand what you want to do. Okay Wonderweiss, let's get to work." Kisike says.
Soon we're working on blueprints of the Espada Meeting Hall. All the Espada and Aizen sit in assigned seats. Along with the plans we started to dig through other Gag Cubes and accessory items (like rope). He has all sorts of gags that even Soul Society wouldn't dare to sell. It took us four hours to come up with a trap, and there was another two hours before the meeting. I understood what needed to be put together in order for it to work properly. He gave me all the tools needed and all the gags to be put into place. With all this I head back to Las Noches, head into the empty meeting hall and went to work.
Two long hours later, the trap was set and I was watching from Szayel Aporro-sama's computer; there was a camera set up in a good spot on the wall, since the ceiling was too high up---is that a centipede?
....I must stop being so ADD! Anyway, everyone was flooding in, going into their respective seats. A few were actually chuckling and I soon got to see why; Aizen had a green stain on his butt. Haha, that'll never come out! The moment he sat down was when the show began.
I rigged his chair so that the whoopie cushin was right under the seat. The moment he sat down, his weight pushed down the seat and made the cushin go off, making the majority laugh. Then, silly string bursts out from the floor, flying all around the room in their colorful awesomeness. Most of the pink string landed on Nnoitra and Aizen while the other colors landed on everyone else. Then, honey came pouring out above Aizen and Nnoitra's heads, along with feather soon after. Next, a small "flower" came out from the table and stood in their faces, releasing a foul oder from what they were connected to: Farts in a Can. Next came fake tongues the sprouted from the floor on both sides of their chairs with water seeping out and licking their faces. Then, ooze falls from the ceiling and onto them. The tongues retreat as the ooze works its magic on Nnoitra and Aizen. That's when glitter falls from the ceiling as well, sticking to the ooze and any uncovered honey spots.
And then the final piece...a movie with a split screen showing both of them dancing to certain songs while nude and only wearing one of those transparent scarf/sarong things.
Don't ask how I found those; I'm still not sure.
When the two minute movies ended, the meeting didn't even exist; everyone even including Ulquiorra was laughing (of course keeping out Nnoitra and Aizen). Seeing this, everyone but the two leave, not even caring who put such a creative trap up. Both had red faces from embarrassment, were very pissed and had said look.
"...Aizen..." Nnoitra says.
"Yes, Nnoitra?" Aizen asks.
"This was that child's doing, wasn't it?"
"I believe so."
"Give him back the slip n' slide."
"Don't use Santa Teresa for a paddle."
Aizen's Spirit Pressure: he's got a lot of it. It's strong enough to tame any and all Arrancar in his army. This was shown when he restrained Grimmjow from leaving Las Noches in order to kill the intruders, Ichigo, Uryuu, and Chad. Grimmjow was easily overpowered as Aizen increased his Spirit Pressure.
Hierro: also called Iron Skin, this is an Arrancar's "armor". It's mostly comprised of their reiatsu. Kenpachi Zaraki is the only Shionigami to have anything close to Hierro since he can't be easily cut as seen during his duel with Ichigo, whereas Nnoitra has the toughest iron skin out of all the Arrancar. Nel Tu and Kenpachi are the only two capable of doing significant damage even if Nnoitra can't be cut. However during his duel with Nnoitra, Kenpachi adjusted to the toughness of Nnoitra's skin and was able to cut and eventually kill Nnoitra, scoring another win for Soul Society.
Karakura Town: a city in Japan where Ichigo and friends live. This town alone is known to have a high amount of spirit energy, making it Aizen's prime target in order to create/find the King's Key. The war has finally spread here.
Urahara Shoten: or Urahara Shop in the English Translation. This is a simple store within Karakura run by Kisuke Urahara. There he lives with two kids, Ginta and Ururu, and a previous Captain who's really good with Kido even though he's in a gigai. This is used by Shinigami when they are in need of something, and is also the place where most of Ichigo's meetings and training take place. It is also where Rukia picked up some Mod Soul Pills and found one real Mod Soul (now named Kon) was found.
*Ceasefire: a fanfic exclusive. Because these are really misadventures that Weissy is telling, the main storyline is put on hold before it can continue. It also means a temporary "truce" between two powers as both sides try to come up with better battle strategies.
*Gag Cube: a fanfic exclusive. Kisuke has been known to house many things in his store besides Mod Souls. These "cubes" are just boxes filled with things like whoopie cushins, silly string, farts in a can, etc. It's only used for fun, and has no real function.
Espada Meeting Hall: in the anime and manga, this is shown for the first time when all the Espada come together to get an update on what's going on outside of Las Noches. It's in one of the six towers held above the dome. It contains a long table with really tall chairs.
Soul Society: the place where spirits of the dead and Shinigami live. It has two main parts: Rukongai and Seireitei.