Gil's mind couldn't properly comprehend the situation.
Oz was kissing him, he was frozen in place, unsure of what to do. The fact that Oz had initiated this had shocked him enough, but what shocked him more was his inability to react, this was what he'd wanted wasn't it? The feel of Oz's lips against his own, every time he tried to co ordinate his thoughts, he would be reminded of what was happening and he would lose track all over again.
Oz took Gil's lack of response as rejection, and regret over his impulsive actions began to sink in.
Why had he been so stupid and foolish?
Insecurity and doubt also chose this opportunity to rear their ugly heads.
Had the previous night's tenderness and affection been out of pity? Or just simple obligation? Had any of it been the way Oz had interpreted it?
Oz felt the familiar sting of tears behind his eyes, he needed to go before he shamed himself again, his pride couldn't take another blow, no part of him could at that moment.
He pulled away, taking a moment to look into Gil's golden eyes, which were wide. The man opened and closed his mouth.
"Oz…you…I-I don't…" He seemed to be having the most difficulty speaking.
Oz smiled sadly, Gil felt his own heart clench in response.
"It's okay Gil…y-you don't…you don't have to say anything." Oz said with the slightest of wavers in his voice.
He dropped his hands from Gil's shoulders and took a step back. He was suddenly terribly conscious of how cold the room was, the distance between them sliced into Oz like a knife.
He took another step back, he was like a wounded animal, except it wasn't Oz himself that was wounded, it was his heart.
Oz turned away and went as if to run from the room, but Gil wouldn't let him.
"Oz, wait!"
He leapt from the bed and grabbed Oz's wrist, his grip gentle but firm. The boy stopped, his hand outstretched, mere inches from the door knob.
Gil released his hold on Oz's wrist and walked around to stand in front of him. Oz had his head lowered, small fists clenched at his sides.
Gil removed his gloves, discarding them to the floor at his feet. He rested his now bare hands on either side of Oz's face and forced the boy to look at him.
Tears again…
Gil had seen this look before, right after the incident with Oz's father, this utterly defeated heartbroken look.
"Please Oz, no more tears," He said softly, stroking Oz's pale, wet cheek with his thumb. "No more tears."
He leaned down slowly, gently bringing Oz's face forward to meet his as both golden and emerald eyes slid closed, lips finally meeting in a sweet and tender kiss.
Oz shyly brought his hands up and slid them around Gil's neck. An overwhelming warmth just flooded his body, Oz thought he might sink under the weight of it, but he didn't care.
He pressed slowly but eagerly into the kiss, he was completely certain now, he hadn't been wrong about his feelings at all.
Uncertainty. Sadness. Pain. None of it could touch him now. For the first time in his entire life, Oz felt like he could actually be happy without worrying about the future.
They only broke apart only when the need for air became impossible to ignore.
They stared at one another in silence, but it wasn't an uncomfortable silence, it was simply silence.
"Gil…" Oz breathed.
No one in his life had ever looked at him the way Gil was now, like he actually meant something, like he was important, like he was…loved.
Hot tears spilled over and down his face, he pushed forward and buried his face against Gil's neck. He was laughing, he wondered if, after this, he would ever be able to stop smiling.
Oz felt Gil wrap his arms around his waist, pulling him in to fully press their bodies together. Oz gasped as a surge of electricity went through his entire body, setting his skin on fire.
"You know, we should probably go downstairs soon, Break's likely to get the wrong ideas and you know he'll say them out loud." Oz half laughed, half sighed.
Gil growled.
"You don't know how many times these past ten years I've wanted to…"
Oz giggled, Gil had said this once before. He pulled back and gave Gil a quick kiss on the cheek, effectively silencing the man. Unparalleled happiness swelled in Oz's chest with the small action he'd just taken, with the knowledge that he'd done it and he hadn't been rejected.
Gil felt like a huge weight had been lifted off his chest, he felt so light and free. He loved his master, he loved Oz, and Oz loved him back. The light in the boy's emerald green eyes, reflected on his face, in his smile, they brought Gil unbridled happiness. How he loved Oz's smiles, how he'd missed them those ten long years.
Gil became suddenly sombre.
"Gil?" Oz noticed the shift in his mood.
Oz lowered his arms, took Gil's hand and led him back to the bed. He guided Gil to sit and then he dropped down beside him.
"Don't be sad Gil, I don't want you to be sad anymore." He said softly, emphasising this with a gentle squeeze of his hand.
"I…I…missed you…so much." Gil whimpered.
Oz realized he was speaking of the ten years he'd missed while in the Abyss. He wondered just how much Gil had thought of him in that time, how much loneliness he'd felt, how much sadness he'd endured.
"You did?" He said.
Gil nodded, reaching up with his other hand to rub at his eyes, he was crying. Oz had only seen Gil cry once after he'd escaped from the Abyss. When he had been drunk and had begged Oz to take better care of himself, saying that if he didn't Gil would be sad.
Oz stood, releasing Gil's hand and wrapped his arms around the man's head.
"I was so worried, I thought I'd k…I'd never see you again." Oz hadn't been able to say 'killed'.
Gil wrapped his arms around Oz's middle in response, Oz was grateful to be the one comforting for once, instead of always being comforted, he was glad to be able to give something back.
They remained that way for a moment, Oz rested his chin on the top of Gil's head, he supposed that in a way, he was still being comforted as well.
"Oz! Seaweed-Head!" Alice's voice boomed through the mansion.
Both Oz and Gil shot up and they broke apart just in time for the chain to kick the door open with a loud bang.
"There you are! I looked everywhere for you!" She practically shouted.
"Stupid rabbit! Use your inside voice, we're right here." Gil growled.
Alice seemed to completely ignore what he said as she stomped over from the doorway.
"The stupid clown wants to see Seaweed Head, apparently it's important." She said as she folded her arms across her chest.
"Why? What could be so important?" Gil asked.
"I don't know! Go ask him yourself!" Alice said in a huff.
Gil frowned before standing and walking past them, Oz watched him go, a small sadness taking root. He already missed that closeness they had shared.
-XXX-
Oz hardly listened as Alice reprimanded him for being so difficult to find, stating once again that as her manservant, he had some nerve leaving her. His mind was focused solely on Gil, his mind trying feverishly to hold onto the exact feeling of Gil's lips against his own, wanting to remember it exactly as it had been; perfect.
"Oz! Are you listening to me?!" Alice said impatiently, snapping Oz from his thoughts.
"Yes, Alice." He lied, smiling.
Alice didn't seem to believe him, but said nothing to confirm or deny it. When they arrived downstairs, only Sharon was to be found.
"Miss Sharon, where've Gil and Break gone?" Oz asked.
Sharon smiled.
"Break had something important to speak to Gilbert about, so they've gone somewhere else to speak privately."
Oz didn't like the sound of that, a feeling of unrest settling in his stomach.
-XXX-
When Break and Gil finally returned, Oz's bad feeling was seemingly justified, the golden eyed man was clearly put off by something.
In fact, he immediately left the room, not saying a word.
"What was that about?" Alice asked.
Break just smiled and sat down with Sharon.
"Nothing for you to be concerned about, Miss Alice."
However, it was something for Oz to be concerned about, and even if not, he wasn't going to ignore this. He followed after his servant, wanting to know what had him in such a bad way.
-XXX-
Oz was puzzled when he didn't find the dark-haired man in his room, or anywhere else for that matter. He searched the entire mansion in a relatively small amount of time and was unable to find Gil anywhere. He returned to Gil's room to see if the man had left any indication of where he'd gone to.
He noticed that Gil's hat and coat were gone as well, his gun was also missing.
Gil, where did you go?