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Chapter 4

The more time I spent with Ashley, the deeper I fell in love with her. I wanted to be near her every second of the day, I wanted to feel her strong arms around me and her warm breath on my neck. I never wanted to let her go, but I knew she needed her space and I gave it to her more frequently than I would have liked to. I was set to leave the mountain in less than a week and I still had no idea how I was going to do that. It was hard being ten feet away from her, let alone nearly six hundred miles.

SIX HUNDRED MILES! What the hell was I going to do?

The week had gone by fast and I found myself counting the hours until I would have to leave her. I know she was thinking about it too, though she didn't ever speak of it. I hadn't known Ashley that long or that well, but I could tell when she was upset. She was quieter than usual and would spend more time down at the stables. I think being around Lila and Rosie calmed her. She would spend hours with them, cleaning out the stables, grooming them and talking to them. We took many long walks with the two Tennessee walking horses, up and down trails, into the deep forest, through shallow streams. And we galloped through the meadows, scaring me half to death each time, but it was quite thrilling. Horseback riding was just another thing I was going to miss when I left.

It was a Saturday evening and we were at the creek. It was starting to sprinkle, but the trees caught most of the light drops. We sat on the big boulder, my back to her front, just taking in the beautiful night. We were so comfortable in the silence. I never had that with anyone else. As many words as I held back, as many feelings as I had locked up inside, I didn't need to say them; she just knew.

The crickets chirped, tiny splashes formed in the water from the rain and the trees swayed slightly. It was one of those nights where everything was just right and it felt as if we were the only two people in the world. I was hit with all of these overwhelming feelings of love and passion and beauty. It was all around me and I could almost not handle it.

I leaned my head back onto Ashley shoulder and she kissed my cheek.

"Are you cold? Do you want to get going?" she asked.

"No, I'm perfect."

"I wouldn't go that far," she joked. I playfully elbowed her in the ribs.

"I'm kidding, Spencer. I mean, nobody is perfect, but you're pretty damn close."

"You're crazy, but thank you."

"I am a little crazy, and it's entirely your fault. Everything about you drives me crazy."

"I sure hope you mean that in a good way."

"I do."

I felt her warm lips on my neck and closed my eyes. She drove me crazy, too. In many, many 'good' ways. "Yeah, maybe we should get going."

We headed back to her cabin just as the rain started to fall hard. By the time we reached her porch, we were drenched and our jeans were muddy up to the shins. Ashley somehow had gotten a little bit of the mud on her face and I couldn't help but giggle.

"What are you laughing at?" She pushed me up against the wooden rail and pressed herself against me.

"You have a little mud," I reached my hand up and wiped the mud with my thumb, "right here."

"There's some on you, too," she said.

"Right here," she whispered before leaning in and kissing me. It was one of those sweet and hot kisses that I had only ever experienced with Ashley. I wanted to tell her right then that I loved her, but I also wanted to rip off her clothes and take her right there on the porch. She pulled away from the kiss and began to undo the button on my shirt.

"What're you doing?" I asked. Maybe she had read my mind.

"Undressing you. We can't go inside with these wet and muddy clothes on." She slid my shirt off, her eyes never leaving mine, and I was done for. I was hers.

As we made love that night, I knew I never wanted anyone but her for the rest of my life. I was leaving in a week; I was going back home, but I knew in my heart, and I had nearly convinced my head, that eventually my home would be with Ashley. Wherever that may be.

"Spencer?" she whispered. It was storming hard outside and the lightning lit up the bedroom, showing flashes of Ashley's face and her still slick body.

"Yeah?" I replied, half asleep.

"What's her name?" she asked.

"Who?" I knew who she was referring to, but I was surprised and I wasn't sure if I was ready to talk about her.

"The girl who broke your heart." It came out quietly. She didn't want to ask as much as I didn't want to answer, but she was curious, and she deserved to know what happened. I sighed into the heavy night air and felt her squeeze my hand. "I wouldn't ask if it wasn't important to me. I wanna know all of you, Spencer, even the bad parts."

"You really want to talk about this right now?" I had just spent one of the most wonderful nights with Ashley. I didn't want to ruin what was left of it talking about… her.

"I've wanted to ask you for a while now. I just didn't know how to bring it up. I know you came up here because of her. Do you… do you still love her?"

"No, I don't." I shook my head. "I haven't for a long time." I sat up and slid out of bed.

"I'm sorry, Spencer."

"You don't have to be sorry. You deserve to know. I just, I don't want to talk about it."

"I understand that. I do. I didn't want to talk about what happened in my past either, but I did, for you. Because I wanted you to know exactly who I was and where I came from."

"I'm not as strong as you are, Ashley." I sat down at the foot of the bed and wiped away a tear which threatened to fall from my eye. I felt her move behind me. She moved my hair aside and kissed my bare shoulder.

"You don't have to be strong for me, okay?"

I nodded and turned towards her. She leaned in and left a soft kiss on my lips, sending shivers throughout my entire body.

"Whatever you tell me, it's not going to change the way I feel." She kissed me again, this time letting her lips linger. Her hand caressed my cheek. "You can talk to me about anything, Spencer."

I knew that I could, but I feared that she would, in fact, feel differently about me. I pulled her hand down from my cheek and held it in my own.

"Okay, but can you put some clothes on first?"

"I can do that," she replied with a small laugh.

Ashley put on a robe and handed me a shirt to wear. It was going to be uncomfortable enough talking to Ashley about my heartbreak; I didn't want to do it with us both completely nude. She sat down on the chair in the corner of the room and I sat back down on the end of the bed.

I let out a long sigh before I started. "Her name is Autumn, and we met at an awards banquet my second year at the paper. She was older than me, smart, beautiful and a very talented writer. I had known who she was before I bumped into her at the banquet. I was a big fan of hers, actually. Anyway, she offered to buy me lunch so we could discuss an article I had written and after that we started seeing each other. And my infatuation with her only grew the more I spent time with her. She had accomplished everything that I had only dreamed of. She was so brilliant and I learned so much from her. It didn't take long for me to fall for her. We were having a secret affair for quite some time. She was married—well, they were legally separated, but her wife made her feel guilty for seeing other people. She bought a condo in the city and we would meet there almost every night. We would take weekend trips to her summer cottage and fly to her beach house on Kiawah Island. I loved her and I loved my life with her. Our affair lasted almost a year and I thought she was finally going to officially divorce her wife, but she didn't." I stood up and walked to the window. I was beginning to feel the anger creep up and I needed to feel the cool breeze from the air conditioner on my face.

"We went out to dinner one night and we were having an amazing time. The food was great, the wine was great, it was a great night. And just as we were about to leave, she told me we couldn't see each other anymore. She told me she was going back to her wife because she was still in love with her and she wanted her back, as well. I remember sitting there for maybe an hour afterwards. I drank an entire bottle of wine and the restaurant manager had to call a cab for me.

"I was a wreck for weeks. Then, of course, a few months later when I had finally begun to feel like myself again, when the pain had finally subsided enough for me to leave the house without looking like death and actually live my life, I ran into her at a bar. She admitted that she missed me and that she wasn't happy. She had filed for divorce and she was nearly free, but she didn't feel free because she was still in love with me. And, of course, me being young and stupid and gullible, I believed everything she said and we started seeing each other again. She asked me to move into the condo with her and we went on regular dates and were a normal couple. I don't know why I stayed with her once she made it clear that she never wanted to get married again or have kids because I wanted both. I stayed with her, and she sucked me into her life and pulled me away from mine. We went on double dates with her friends, and parties for her friends, and she dressed me up with fancy clothes and jewelry and showed me off to everyone she knew. And, after a while, I began to feel alone. When I talked to her about it, she asked me to marry her. I had grown up a little since I had first met her, so I knew why she did it. She didn't want to lose me. And after everything that she had put me through, I still couldn't walk away from her, I still loved her. So, of course… I said yes." I sighed to myself and turned towards Ashley who had my full attention. "I need a drink."

I sat down at the kitchen table and she set two small glasses down and poured us both some vodka.

"Perfect," I said as I picked up the glass and downed it. Ashley opened her eyes wide and then poured me another before sitting down next to me. "So, yeah, I agreed to marry her, but I made her promise that things would change. And things did change. We spent more time with my friends and even my family and she actually seemed like she enjoyed it. As our wedding day got closer, she began to travel a lot. She had just released her latest book and had to do a twenty-city tour. I was upset with the timing, of course. I had already planned most of the wedding which was going to be on a beach on Kiawah Island, so I wasn't worried about that. I just sensed that she planned it that way. The stress of getting married again was beginning to get to her, but she promised me that it's what she wanted, more than anything. The night before the wedding was so wonderful. She was so excited and she couldn't wait to see me in my dress. Except, she lied. I stood at the altar in my gorgeous dress, my hair beautifully done, and endless tears streaming down my face. She never showed up. And I didn't hear from her until later that night as I lay in bed, exhausted from crying. She told me she was sorry and that I deserved better than her and that I needed to move on." I downed the second glass of vodka and sat back in my chair.

"A week passed and she still didn't come home. I tried calling her, but she wouldn't answer me. The phone just rang and rang until one day someone picked up… another woman. I was so hurt and angry and I completely lost it. I picked up a baseball bat and destroyed the condo. And then I packed up my stuff and moved in with Katie. A few weeks later when she finally decided to come home, she came up to my work and started screaming at me and threatening to press charges against me for property damage. After that, things got bad, really bad. I woke up one day and decided I wasn't going to go to work, I wasn't going to talk to anyone, and anyone who tried to talk to me I would just ignore. I was severely depressed. Crying and yelling and throwing things became normal to me. It took Katie threatening to kick my ass out on the street to get some help. I went to a therapist and started doing yoga, and I was doing a lot better, but I still felt empty inside. For my entire life, writing had always been therapeutic to me. I was always able to write what I was feeling or be inspired by the way I was feeling. And I had nothing, not one word or sentence. My boss' patience with me was already wearing thin, if I couldn't write, he had no use for me. He recommended I take some time off and my therapist couldn't agree more. So… here I am."

Ashley, who remained quiet the entire time I told my story, still hadn't said anything and I was beginning to get nervous.

"So, yeah, I got my heart broken and I wasn't strong enough to handle it. I was stupid and I was weak." I hung my head, trying desperately to hold the tears back.

I felt her sit down next to me; she wrapped her arm around my back and pulled me into her.

"You weren't stupid, Spencer. Or weak. You were in love and you believed in love. She had you twice, and she let you go twice. She was the stupid one." I leaned my head into the crook of her neck and I let the tears go. "You lost yourself. I get that. I did, too. That's why I ended up on this mountain, Spencer. We're both here because we needed to find ourselves again, and we did."

No words were said after that. I kissed her like I never had before; giving her everything I had in me. Every emotion I was feeling came out and I didn't stop them. A few tears fell from my eyes as she laid me back down and hovered over me. She wiped the wetness from my cheeks and planted soft kisses on them. We made love again, this time more intense and also desperate. I was desperate to show her how much I wanted her, desperate to hold on to her for as long as I could.

I woke up alone again and couldn't help but feel sad. After telling her everything that happened last night, I didn't expect her to stay; I didn't expect her to make love to me. I expected her to find any reason she could to leave. Maybe she finally came to her senses, I thought to myself. I quickly threw on a robe and when I opened the door to the bedroom I found Hershey waiting for me. I followed him into the kitchen and, like he always did, he turned on the coffee maker. I sat down at the table where I found a note from Ashley.

Sit down, have some coffee and muffins. We have a long day ahead of us. Xo

I stared at the note with a goofy smile. She was so sweet and wonderful and caring. I couldn't believe I had found someone as amazing as she was.

After a cup of coffee and a blueberry muffin, I showered. By the time I had finished getting ready, Ashley was back. She leaned on the door frame of the bathroom as I was putting my earrings in.

"Morning," she said.

I smiled at her in the mirror. "Good morning. Where did you go so early?"

"I had to freshen up Cabin 3. I have a renter coming up around two."

"Really? So we won't be alone up here anymore?"

"Doesn't matter who's up here. There's still only me and you."

A light blush formed on my cheeks and I tilted my head with a smile. "You're sweet, but you have a job to do. I don't want to be the reason for an unhappy renter."

"He's a frequent renter, a photographer for a travel magazine. He never bothers me, and I rarely see him."

"I suppose all renters aren't as needy as me."

She laughed. "Not usually. Actually, not at all." I stuck out my bottom lip, pouting. "Awww, don't do that. Besides, I liked that you were so needy. It gave me a chance to spend time with you and get to know you a little." She kissed me on the nose and, before she could back away, I pulled her back and pressed my lips hard against hers. The kiss was rough and wet. She pushed me up against the wall and I nearly came undone when she dragged her lips down the length of my neck and bit down on my shoulder.

Needless to say, we didn't leave the cabin until after noon. The way she kissed me; the way she touched me; the way she whispered in my ear 'you're so damn beautiful'; the way she held me afterwards: all those things told me that my past didn't matter to her. I had worried for nothing. She couldn't have taken it any better. She was right: we had both lost ourselves; we both came up to the mountain and found ourselves; and we found each other in the process.

She had some places she wanted to take me, but time did not permit moving too far from the cabin and we ended up at the creek again. I watched her fish for more brook trout until eventually she handed me the rod and showed me how to do it myself. I had been fishing before, much to my dislike, but because Ashley enjoyed it so much, I did it anyway. Sometimes, I suppose, it's not the activity you don't enjoy, it's doing that activity with a certain person. Fly fishing wasn't so bad, actually—especially with Ashley close behind me, showing me the ropes.

When we returned early that evening, there was a message on the machine for her. The renter in Cabin 3 was having some problems with his air-conditioner.

"Not needy, at all, huh?"

"It's just the air-conditioner. I'll be back before you know it."

"I told you that you needed to replace all of them. They've got to be more than fifteen years old."

"Yeah, yeah," she said as she walked down the gravel road.

I got a text from her twenty minutes later saying that she hadn't even started with the repairs. The renter, Steve, was being quite the chatterbox. Apparently, his wife had just left him and photography was all he had left and yada, yada, yada.

Nope, not needy, at all.

Not even a minute later there was a knock at the door. It couldn't have been Ashley, so I cautiously open the door and peeked out.

"Hi, I'm looking for Ashley," said a tall, gorgeous blonde wearing a pant suit.

"She's not here at the moment, but she should be back soon."

She put her hands on her hips and I noticed the shiny gold badge that hung from her belt.

"Is there a problem?" I asked.

"Oh, no! No problem. Sorry, I forget that I have this on sometimes." She pulled off the badge and slid it into her pocket. "I was in town and figured it was past due for a visit. You said she should be back soon?"

"She should be. Maybe 20 minutes?" I eyed her suspiciously. Who was this woman? She must have sensed my curiosity.

She stuck her hand out and I shook it. "I'm sorry. My name is Lisa. I'm Ashley's ex."

One more chapter after this. Leave a review if you wish :)