A/N Long, groveling apology at the end.
He stood shivering outside the door, hoping she would come out. In his left hand, he clutched a sleeping bag- in his right, a wand. Eyes never leaving the oak door in front of him. A flash of irritation crossed his pale face-the fat lady was snoring rather loudly. He sighed. Glancing down at the bag in his hand, he wondered if he should unroll it. It seemed unlikely she would come. An hour had passed since the door had been opened last, and it was now past curfew. Just a few more minutes, he thought to himself. If she doesn't come…
The door creaked open, and Severus gazed upon the face of Lily Evans. She looked furious; Severus supposed she had a right to be, after what he'd said.
"I'm sorry," he ventured. Her eyes became slits.
"I'm not interested," she said cooly. She bagan to turn, but Severus grabbed her arm.
"I'm sorry!"
"Save your breath." Severus had never seen her so icy before. He opened his mouth again, about to make another protest, but she cut him off. "I only came here because Mary told me you were threatening to sleep here." Swiftly, her eyes slid to the sleeping bag, before snapping back to his face.
"I was. I would have done. I never meant to hurt you, I just-"
"Forgot yourself?" There was no pity, just a cold, hard look. Severus felt his heart tear. "It's too late. I made excuses for you for years. None of my friends understood why I talked to you. You and your Death Eater friends- you see, you don't even deny it! You don't even deny that's what you were all aiming to be! You couldn't wait to join You-Know-Who, could you?"
He opened his mouth, then closed it again. What could he say? That he hadn't known? Both he and Lily knew that was not true. She continued to speak.
"I can't pretend anymore. You've chosen your way, I've chosen mine." She was leaving him, and suddenly, Severus knew he couldn't stand it if she did. He tried one last time.
"No- listen, I didn't mean-"
"- to hurt Harry that way? But you treat every Potter like dirt. Why should my son be any different?"
With a final look of contempt, she walked back through the portrait hole, leaving him standing there, bare footed and cold.
Severus woke shuddering. This wasn't the first time his dream (a recurring one) had altered from the memory. Lily's words often changed, and sometimes, she never came at all. The underlying message was always the same- he had failed her.
This also wasn't the first time the Potter brat had been mentioned. It was rare, but over the course of the summer, mentions of the whelp had grown in his dreams. Still, it had never been so pointed before. Or so…powerful.
Turning over in his bed, he was met with a glare from the glowing numbers on his clock. Six thirty. Severus groaned and got up. First years to get ready for. His day was getting better already.
Since Potter's reveal yesterday, Draco had taken to spying on him. It had started out with curiosity about the boggart, then spiraled into frustration, and finally, concern. His father would have been disgusted; you didn't sympathize with the enemy, much less become concerned about them. Potter had Weasley and Granger. And Draco was a rival at best- a malicious bully at worst. His concern would hardly be welcome. Besides, he was meant to exploit an opponents weaknesses, not help them cry it out! But the feeling stayed.
So it was that at precisely five minutes to Potions, Draco was standing by the dungeon door, eagerly looking around for Potter. He knew Potter wouldn't dare be late, and he was right. Potter came running down mere seconds after Draco himself had come.
Still panting, he wearily turned to Draco. Potter's glare was as burning as always, but intense hatred no longer fueled it. Instead, the emotion glittering in his emerald eyes was fear. It was raw and ugly, and his face was etched with pain.
"What is it, Malfoy?" The quiver near the end was hardly noticeable. Anyone else would have heard malice, but Draco had been trained since birth to detect anything hidden. Especially weaknesses.
"Merlin," Draco breathed, shocked at the emotion radiating from him. Before he could stop himself- before he had time to think about what he was about to say- the words he had sworn not to say came tumbling out. "Are you alright?"
For a moment, time stood still, as Draco's gray eyes met Potter's green. The spell was broken with Potter turning around sharply, and heading upstairs, away from the dungeons.
Amidst the fumes of various potions- varying from the correct pink to a fearful hybrid of gray and green- Severus stalked, pausing every little while to make a snide comment. Though the children cowered, Severus felt no sense of joy. He very nearly sighed, but caught himself, and instead, spat out a scathing comment to Brown, who had been whispering madly with Patil instead of working on the potion in front of her. His day was utterly ruined, and was no doubt about to get worse. Taking care not to let his anticipation show on his face, he barked,
"Your potions should be done by now. Bottle them up and bring them to the front. Except for you, Longbottom. I already know you have received a zero for the day, and your potion would likely burst the glass anyway." Longbottom's eyes filled with tears, as they always did, but this time the expression made him ashamed. The boy's face had looked much like Potter's had yesterday. For the first time, Severus allowed himself to wonder if his words left more damage than he had thought. If Longbottom had been faced with the boggart yesterday, would he have seen Severus himself?
The thought made Severus uneasy. And as always, unease led to anger. Why should he care if Longbottom feared him? Was that not the meaning of respect? These feelings, this uncharacteristic emptiness- it was all that Potter brat's fault! Speaking of which…
"Weasley, Granger, come here!" He ordered. They slunk over to the front, trepidation on Granger's face, indignation on Weasley's.
"Yes, sir," said Granger, polite and prim as always. Severus curled a lip, fighting the urge to sneer. "Is anything the matter"Potter, Ms. Granger," he said, without preamble. "Do you know where he is?" She shook her head.
"No, sir, he never showed up to breakfast, and we were hoping to find him here." Her face was earnest. Damn it, he thought. Now what? He had heard once that when frustrated, it was best to start at a place of comfort. So he did.
"When you do find him," he said coldly, "be sure to tell him that he has lost twenty points for failing to appear to class. As well as a week-long detention, to be served with me, starting tomorrow at eight."
"That's not fair!" Weasley burst out, his ears red.
"I assure you, twenty points is noth-"
"But Malfoy didn't show up either, and you didn't take off any points for that!" Severus was hardly known for being fair, but he was known for being malicious. Weasley should have thought of that before he opened his mouth.
"You are correct," he said silkily, voice dangerously soft, "I did not take off points. But I am assigning a week-long detention to him as well, starting tomorrow, at eight. With me." Smiling crookedly, he let the words sink in, watching the horror dawn on their faces. "Dismissed."
A/N For those of you who just stumbled upon my story, please ignore this apology and skip down to the important announcements below.
I will iron my fingers immediately after uploading this. I implore your forgiveness for being such a naughty, naughty author. Will you, my readers, ever forgive me? I deserve clothes for this. (end house elf impersonation)
Ok, honestly, I do feel bad for doing this to you. I know the worst thing for a fanfic reader is an author who never updates, and i promise you, from now on, I will try to update every fortnight, or at least monthly. If I don't be sure to send me long PMs telling me what a horrid person I am for not keeping my promise.
IMPORTANT ANNOUNCEMENTS
I have a new poll on my profile, on your favorite not-so-good Hogwarts Professor. Check it out and vote!
I will be updating again within the next week. BUT for the first person to answer this question correctly, I will have a preview, which they will receive within 48 hrs.
The question is: What was the original name for SPEW?
Are any of you hunger games fans? If you are, are you excited for the movie?
And finally, even if you're still mad at me and wish me a painful death, review please :)