I'm the worst, I know.

I've been dealing with a lot lately and updating has been hard. But I pounded out this chapter this evening and decided to put it up right away as an apology of sorts. There will be mistakes; I have no Beta. But I'll probably go back through and clean it up tomorrow after I got a good night's sleep.

I'll have some more news at the bottom, but for now, enjoy the new chapter!

The last time Alice Cullen had spoken to Edward, he'd been in South America. He wouldn't say exactly where. She tried to focus all her energy on him, but it was pointless. The images she did see were foggy and dark. He was always traveling by night and made sure to stay in unpopulated areas. There was nothing remarkable in the visions to give her a hint.

For a while, she was still able to call him and leave him voicemails. Once in a blue moon, he'd answer. He'd confirm that he was alive, that he was feeding, and then he'd hang up without so much as a "goodbye."

Alice had learned that goodbyes weren't something Edward was good at.

After that terrible day, when Edward left Bella, he didn't say goodbye to his family. He left as soon as he tied up all the loose ends. Alice couldn't see where he was going; only that he chose to leave. He ran aimlessly and recklessly, keeping to the woods. He didn't stop until he was sure his family wasn't following.

The last clear vision Alice had of Edward was him, consumed by his grief, alone somewhere dark and humid.

In the months that followed, Alice was miserable. Her family seemed to be crumbling; they had once been so close, so together. Now there was an undertone of sadness in everything they did. They were missing two very important family members.

Even though she wasn't supposed to look, visions of Bella would occasionally slip into Alice's mind. It was always bittersweet to see her best friend like that. The visions never made sense. Once, she saw Bella agree to visit Port Angeles with Jessica, the petty girl from high school. Another time, Alice saw Bella staring at a couple of beat up motorcycles, deciding to take them. Alice was glad that she was still out there, still existing, but seeing her broke her frozen heart. Bella didn't look well; she looked sad, almost sickly. She didn't tell anyone what she saw, knowing it would only cause an argument. But every time she saw a vision of her, she started to care less and less about what Edward said. If her best friend was in pain, then she needed to help her.

But then, something changed. While Bella didn't look exactly happy, she started to look more like her old self. Alice didn't know what caused the change, but she was thankful. Bella was going to be okay.

It was an average day for remaining Cullens. Rosalie had gone to the nearest shopping plaza to pick up a few new things. Emmett and Jasper were hunting somewhere; Jasper had started hunting more frequently after the incident at Bella's birthday. Esme was in the kitchen, reading one of those "Chicken Soup for the Soul" books.

But suddenly, an image appeared of Carlisle getting on a plane. The sign above the gate read "Seattle." Alice gasped in surprise, which immediately got Esme's attention.

"Alice?" she asked, sitting next to her and grabbing her hand. "What did you see?"

"Carlisle is going to Seattle," she whispered, still concentrating on the vision.

"Seattle? But why?" Esme asked.

Alice shook her head, her hand already reaching into her pocket to call Carlisle.

He answered after one ring.

"You saw," he said.

"Why?"

He was silent for a long moment, and Alice could hear the rustling of papers in the background. Esme whispered Carlisle's name, prodding him to continue.

"Bella," he finally answered. "I'll explain shortly. I'm stopping home to get a few things, but I've already booked my flight."

Esme and Alice were silent for a long moment, exchanging worried glances. "Edward won't be pleased."

Carlisle scoffed loudly and hung up, leaving Alice and Esme in shock. It wasn't like Carlisle to be so rude. It only made them panic more.

By time Carlisle had returned home, Jasper and Emmett were back. Jasper immediately knew something was wrong; he could feel Alice's anxiety from a mile away and raced back to her. He held her hand, sending waves of calm at her, but for once, it did little to soothe her nerves.

When Carlisle arrived home, he walked calmly into the living room where the majority of his family was congregated.

"I'm very sorry for my rude behavior on the phone earlier," he said, looking at Alice and Esme. "I'm very…the news I've received is very distressing, and I'm unsure how to proceed."

Esme stood up and walked to him, offering her hand. He took it and squeezed it gently, glad for his mate's comfort. He looked at his family and sighed before speaking.

"I received a phone call from Charlie Swan today," he started. The room was silent. Alice's eyes rose in surprise.

Emmett was the first to speak. He moved to stand behind Alice and Jasper, putting a hand on Alice's shoulder.

"What did he want? Is Bella okay?" he asked. Emmett always had a soft spot for Edward's human. She was a good girl, a rare good person and the thought of her being harmed in anyway caused him more pain than he could admit, especially in front of Rose. He thought Edward was an idiot for leaving her behind and resented him for it. Any moron could see how much Bella loved him, but Edward wasn't just any moron.

"Bella has been admitted to a psychiatric hospital in Seattle. She had a mental break down," Carlisle explained. "She's hallucinating and believes Edward to be back with her. She was talking to no one." He repeated word for word the story Charlie had told him on the phone, and he knew if Esme and Alice could cry, they would both be sobbing. Esme clung to his arm and Alice leaned into the embrace of her mate.

"I don't understand," Alice said, her voice high and panicked. "She was doing better! She was…how did I not see this happening?"

Carlisle pulled his wife closer to him and sighed. "It wasn't a decision she consciously made, Alice. You don't decide to…" Carlisle couldn't finish the sentence, but the words hung in the air.

You don't decide to lose your mind.

~0~

When Rosalie returned from her shopping trip, the house was in chaos. She stared at Esme, who was staring out a window, unseeing. Esme didn't acknowledge Rosalie's entrance. Esme knew that, even though Rose wasn't as heartless as she liked to appear to be, she would only have cruel words to say about poor Bella's condition. She would leave that conversation to Emmett.

Rose called for her mate, waiting only a moment before he appeared before her, his normally jovial expression replaced by one of pain.

"What's going on?" she asked.

Emmett glanced at Esme before grabbing Rose's arm and pulling her through the house into the backyard.

"It's Bella," he started.

Rosalie let out a loud, annoyed sigh, but Emmett held up his hand before she could say anything.

"Carlisle's gone to Seattle to help…she's had some sort of meltdown," he explained. Rosalie didn't like the sadness in his voice, and she was immediately furious with Edward's human, yet again.

"So we must uproot our entire lives again for this girl?" she said, exasperated.

"Rose, come on, this is serious."

"I'm being serious!" she exclaimed. "I'm so sick of this pathetic little human ruining my life again and again! Why can't she just-"

Before Rose could finish her thought, she heard the sound of quick footsteps approaching. She turned around just in time to see Alice shove her, hard. Rose flew back across the yard, but managed to land deftly on her feet.

"What the hell, Alice?"

"Enough, Rose," Alice seethed. Jasper stood a few feet away from Alice, in shock himself. His wife had a large range of emotions, but he had never felt anger like this come from her. Normally, she was so in charge of her feelings, but as Alice stared at Rosalie, all she could feel was anger.

"I'm done with your petty anger. I'm done," she said from between her teeth. "You may not care for her, but the rest of us do and I will not have you trivializing her pain. So either keep your mouth shut, or stay away from me."

Rosalie didn't say anything for a long moment, but she knew she made a mistake. She looked between her siblings and finally held up her hands, resigned.

"I'm not happy Carlisle left for the girl," she said. "And no, I don't care for her, but I wouldn't wish pain on her because I know that would hurt the rest of you."

Alice backed up, her hand reaching out for Jasper. He gripped her hand, offering her all feelings of peace.

"Esme, Jasper and I are leaving," she said to Rosalie. "We're meeting Carlisle in Seattle. We don't know if there's anything we can do or if we can even see her yet, but I'm not going to sit here, doing nothing. I know Emmett would like to go as well, but I don't see him going without you." Her voice was calm, almost robotic, as she spoke to her sister.

Rosalie looked Emmett, her face serious. He looked into his mate's eyes, wishing he could make her understand.

"I care for Bella the way I care for Alice, the way I care for Jasper. She's my sister," he explained. "But you are my mate, my wife. If you wanted me to stay here, with you, I will. But I wish we would go to Seattle."

Rosalie thought for a long moment. She looked at her brother and sister, and then at her husband, who looked so sad, so hurt. And she had an unusual moment of selflessness.

"Come with me, Emmett," she said. Alice's eyes glazed over as a vision, and when it finished, she looked at Rosalie and smiled.

"Thank you."

~0~

Alice had been right. There wasn't much they could do, and they weren't allowed to see Bella, not just yet. Carlisle described what had transpired his first night there. He suddenly looked much older than he was, his eyes aging with his grief.

Every day, she would sit in their hotel, her attention completely focused on Bella. She only saw little things, mundane things, but they were enough. At least she could see her, even if she couldn't be with her.

Alice had begun to lose hope. Bella wasn't responding to anything and, according to Carlisle, she wasn't able to tell the difference between reality and hallucinations. But then, one day, she saw it. She saw Carlisle, looking guilty and tired, staring at Bella.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I'm truly sorry," he whispered. "I'll go."

Bella made the decision, then and there, to try. She shot out, grabbing Carlisle's wrist, and just stared at him for a long time. Then she spoke. Her voice was hoarse from either screaming or disuse, but it was Bella.

"Real?"

When Carlisle came back to the hotel that night, he seemed more hopeful. He wasn't going to kid himself; he knew it would take a lot more than one moment for Bella to get better, but it was a step in the right direction and that's all that mattered.

Alice decided it was time for her to take a step, too. After discussing it with Carlisle, she joined him at the hospital the next day. It was a visiting day, and the hallways were a bit busier than normal. She went into the common room, where Carlisle had told her he would be waiting, and looked around, finally spotting the familiar face among the strangers.

Charlie always arrived early on visiting days. He knew Renee would come bustling in at the last minute. Worried as she was, she was still a scatter brain, and her worry wasn't helping that at all. He knew Bella was in one of her one-on-one counseling sessions for another ten minutes, but he liked to be there as soon as she was free.

"Charlie?" he heard a familiar voice say.

He looked up from the magazine he had been staring at blankly to see Alice Cullen, who was staring at him with trepidation. He should have known when he invited Carlisle here that the rest of the family would come along eventually. And even though he knew he should be angry with her for Bella's sake, he couldn't deny the soft spot in his heart for Alice. And he could see in her eyes how sad she was, how terrified she was for her friend.

So Chief Swan stood up and opened his arms to her, and she immediately hugged him back. He clung on to her for a lot longer than he was accustomed to, but Alice knew they both needed this moment. When he finally pulled back, there were tears in his eyes.

"I'm really glad you're here, kiddo," he said sincerely. "Bella would want you here."

"I'm so sorry, Charlie," she said. "This is my entire fault." And even though she couldn't cry, her voice broke on the last word, and she looked down at her hands, twisting them together.

"It's not your fault, Alice," he said, his voice gruff. "You were never anything but good to her."

She smiled at him sadly, wishing it were true. "I missed her so much."

Charlie thought for a long moment, and Alice suddenly had a vision. Bella would be coming into the common area any moment.

"I should go," Alice said, wary.

"Stay," Charlie said firmly. "I think it might help for her to see you. Call it father's intuition."

Alice thought for a moment, trying desperately to see what would happen if Bella saw her, but the future was too uncertain. She couldn't make it out.

"If you're sure…" she said, still unsure.

At that moment, Alice breathed in and felt the familiar burn in her throat that was associated with Bella's scent. She breathed it in deeply, welcoming the pain that came along with her best friend. It wasn't anything compared to what Edward felt, she knew, but Bella did smell better than most humans.

She glanced around the room and gasped when her eyes landed on Bella. She was walking slowly towards the chair by the window, the chair Alice had seen in all of her visions. She was wearing gray sweatpants and a black short sleeved shirt that made her pale skin look even paler. Her long brown hair was pulled back into a low ponytail. She was skin and bones. Alice was convinced that if Bella lifted her shirt, she would be able to see her ribcage.

Though she had seen Bella in vision after vision, nothing prepared her for seeing her in reality.

"Come on," Charlie said, wrapping a hand around Alice's elbow, pulling her forward. He released her when she started following on her own accord. As they walked towards Bella, she looked over at the entrance to the common room and saw Jasper and Carlisle standing back, watching. She subtly waved Jasper over, cautioning him with her eyes to stay out of Bella's sight. But she wanted him here just in case.

"Hey, Bells," Charlie said in greeting. Bella looked up at him and nodded. Charlie's eyes lit up, and it broke Alice's heart to know this was probably one of the biggest reactions he'd gotten from her in a long time.

"Someone is here to see you, Bella," he said, talking to her softly. Alice's cold heart warmed at the love Charlie had for his daughter. He spoke to her so gently, as though she would fall apart if he spoke too quickly or too loudly.

Bella looked at him with muted curiosity. She wasn't sure how much time had passed since she'd been here, but her visitors had always remained constant: Charlie, Renee, and Carlisle.

Alice stepped into Bella's view tentatively, watching her for any indication of panic or fear. Her eyes widened immediately, and Alice heard her heart began to beat loudly in her chest.

"Hello, Bella," she said in the same tone Charlie used. She didn't want her to be afraid of her. The thought pained her. She glanced at Jasper, too quickly for a human to notice, and saw that he was concentrating very hard on Bella.

Bella's lip started to tremble and her eyes filled with tears. Her mind was raging a war, the realistic side telling her Alice was real, that she had to be real because Charlie had brought her and Charlie was real. But the other part of her brain, the cruel part, mocked her. If Edward wasn't real, why would Alice be? Why would Alice be here? She lifted a hand to her forehead and took a deep breath, trying to calm her racing heart.

"I'm so sorry, Bella," Alice practically sobbed. "I don't want to upset you. I'll go," she said, making a motion to leave.

"No!" Bella pleaded. Alice froze in place, staring at her, waiting for her to speak again. "Stay."

Alice smiled her dazzling smile, the first one Jasper had seen her smile in weeks. Alice nodded and sat down next to Charlie while Jasper sat down a few chairs away, pretending to be reading a book. He stayed focused on Bella, on every emotion she felt. He was still reeling from what he had felt from her just moments before. He looked up at Carlisle with worried eyes, and Carlisle made his way over to him, saying hello to various patients and their families on the way.

"What happened, Jasper?" he asked in a hushed voice he knew humans couldn't hear.

"It's bad, Carlisle. I've never felt someone so conflicted before," he said. He winced, the memory painful. "She may be making progress, but she's far from being okay. She doesn't know how to process things anymore. She's…broken."

Carlisle didn't respond. Instead, they both sat quietly, absorbed in their own thoughts as they watched Alice, Charlie and Bella.

Broken things can be fixed, Carlisle wanted to say. He just hoped Bella wasn't too shattered.

~0~

Running was the only thing he seemed to do anymore.

He hardly stopped. He didn't want to. When he ran, he could pretend he was putting distance between himself and his grief. But when he stopped, he had nothing to do but remember, and that was bittersweet torture. No matter how much he tried to focus on the happy memories, their final moments together would always creep in, and instead of being haunted by her laugh or her sweet sigh, he was haunted by her broken pleas and sad brown eyes.

The torture was deserved, surely, but he still tried to avoid it at all costs.

He knew he should check in with his family. The thought of Esme worrying about him was almost enough to make him turn his cell phone back on, but he didn't want to hear her pity. He didn't deserve it.

So he kept running, trying to leave his past as far behind him as possible.

He had no idea he was being followed.

I hope this chapter somewhat made up for my long absence.

News: I will be updating Confessions of a Love Cynic within the next 24 hours. I was so inspired to write this tonight, and I'm sticking with the momentum and moving on to Confessions.

Please review and let me know what you thought of the new chapter. I decided to toss in a little bit of Edward at the end, just so we know what he's up to.

Lots of love,

Emilia Elliot