A/N This is a little angsty and when I lost my mother I went through so many different emotions until one night I had a dream where she told me it was okay that she was okay so this is based off of a personal experience I hop you enjoy.
Chapter 4
Acceptance
Josey got in her car and drove to the beach. She parked and walked out a few miles away down the beach and sat on the sand. She wept. She felt like a big crybaby she cried over everything these past few years and she hated it. She had been strong so strong before everything happened. She pulled a picture out of her wallet and stared at it for what felt like an eternity, when she finally looked up from the photo she noticed that the sun and set, she kicked off her shoes and walked in the water and enjoyed the small waves sucking the sand out from under her toes. All of a sudden she got angry.
She had never gotten angry at him before. She was stuck between denial and begging. Acceptance had never came and neither had anger, in that moment she had hated Han so bad that if he was alive she would have yelled at him hit him cursed him and anything else she could thank of. He made her fall in love with her and he had left her and gotten himself killed. He missed there child's birth, her first words, her first steps, he missed the first time she was sick and the first booboo. He never tucked her in or scared the monsters away or read her bedtime stories. He had just left them. She hated him in that moment. She screamed and cursed his name until she had no breath left and she collapsed on the sand and fell asleep.
Soon the dreams started except this time it was different. She stood in the water and Han walked up to her. This felt different. "I miss you." Was all she could choke out. "I miss you baby girl more than you will ever know." He said as he reached up and pushed a strain of red hair out of her face. "You left me. I was still a kid Han I was nineteen when you died and when I had Hannah. You've missed everything" The anger starting to boil back up. "I'm sorry Josey. I am but you're not alone your happy and I see her. I swear I do. You saved me Josey you're an angel you know that?" "I can't let you go." She spoke as she realized this was her letting go. "You need to. I couldn't let Gisele go and look at what I missed. I will always love you Josey." He reached up and kissed her and pulled him into his strong arms and held her for what felt like an eternity. She didn't want him to let go ever. She felt so at home in his arms and it broke her. Apart of her felt this was real his last goodbye. Finally he pulled back from her he looked in her eyes and kissed her one more time. "Baby girl I love you and always will." He disappeared into the water.
Josey woke with a start. She remembered the dream so vividly and she was sure God had given her a chance at goodbye. She realized right there in that moment that Han did love her and she would always love him but the time for mourning him had passed and it was time for her to start living her life and quit feeling guilty over being with Sean.