Chapter 4

Rachel walked into the choir room for glee rehearsal five minutes early on Tuesday. She was early only because she couldn't think of anything else to do with the time. It wasn't as though she had tons of friends to talk with about the latest gossip and Jessie was currently staying after in math so that he could make up a test. So she arrived at glee early, planning to just sit and wait for everyone else to arrive. But there was someone else already there.

Finn's head jerked up when she walked in. "Hi Finn," Rachel greeted him. She hoped that they could at least be friends now. Finn had been there for her the other night and she hoped that they could forget about the kiss and focus on the friendly dynamic they'd created. But he, apparently, was thinking otherwise.

"Hey," he practically grunted at her before taking out his phone. He opened a new text and started typing random words, just using it as an excuse to ignore Rachel.

Rachel didn't understand Finn's behavior. What had she done to deserve it? He had kissed her, not the other way around, and she hadn't promised him anything. So she'd gotten back together with Jessie, so what? She was never going out with Finn. It wasn't like she was cheating on him. And yet his demeanor right now was radiating anger.

She tried again to start a friendly conversation. Maybe he really wasn't as upset as it seemed, maybe he would want to be friends. She went and sat down in the chair next to him. Finn quickly shoved his phone back in his pocket. He didn't want Rachel to see his fake texting and realize he'd done it just to avoid her. "So why did you leave rehearsal yesterday?" she asked him.

"I, um, had stuff to do," Finn turned his head to look away from her, pretending to be intently studying something on the wall.

"What kind of stuff?" Rachel asked.

"Just stuff. I don't need to tell you everything. Its not like I'm your boyfriend," Finn said, his voice filled with bitterness.

"Oh," Rachel said in a small voice. "Well, if you want to talk, I'm here."

Finn could feel himself losing control. All of his blood was boiling and he wasn't even sure if he was more furious or heartbroken. "Hey, you know what I want to talk about," he finally snapped, looking straight into her eyes. Rachel was taken aback at the sudden vicious quality of his voice and the same quality in his eyes, boring into her. "How about the fact that I kissed you and you totally kissed me back and then ran off to be with that asshole instead of me!" Finn was now speaking very loudly, although not quite shouting yet. He stood up and began pacing in front of her. "How about the fat that I know that kiss was real? There's no way you ever kiss that freaking jerk like that! You want to be with me too, and you know it! You're just too scared to admit it!"

Rachel was completely shocked by Finn's outburst. He stopped pacing suddenly, and looked her right in the eye. "You say that you can't be with me because of all the times I've hurt you. Well what about all the times you've hurt me?"

Rachel opened her mouth to respond, but right then the door to the choir room opened and in came Mike, Matt, Santana, and Britney. Finn walked away to sit in the seat farthest from Rachel.

She just sat there. She couldn't move. Her brain was trying to process everything he'd said. But for some reason, she couldn't forget the look in his eyes. She recognized that look. She'd worn it herself several times. It was the look of heartbreak. She must have really hurt him to evoke that intensity of sadness and anger. Eventually the room filled up and rehearsal started. She was barely paying attention to anything that was happening. She was vaguely aware that Jessie was sitting beside her and that Mercedes, Puck, and Artie all performed their Beatles songs.

Rachel's mind was fixed on Finn, and how much she had messed everything up. She didn't know who she wanted, Jessie or Finn. She'd been so happy when Jessie had serenaded her Sunday morning, and yet she still had very intense feelings for Finn as well. She just sat in a kind of trance until glee was over. When she noticed everyone else getting up to leave, she stood up as well and walked out of the room. Jessie soon caught up to her.

He pulled gently on her arm to make her stop walking and talk to him. "What's wrong? You were silent all through rehearsal," he said, clearly concerned.

"Nothing," she lied and continued walking. Rachel wasn't even sure what the real answer to that question was herself, she certainly wasn't in the mood to discuss it with Jessie. She walked with him to his car as usual, and got into the passenger seat when he opened the door for her, the concerned expression still on his face. They didn't talk very much on the way to her house.

When he stopped the car inn front of her yard and began to undo his seatbelt, meaning to walk her to her door, she stopped him. "You really don't need to walk me to my door," she told him and then moved and got out. Shocked by her abrupt departure, Jessie just sat there, wondering what on earth was going on with his girlfriend. After he saw that she was safely inside, he drove away, accompanied only by his thoughts.

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Rachel walked into William McKinley the next morning determined to fix things. The first order of business was to apologize to Finn. She found him at his locker. She waited patiently until his closed his locker door to begin speaking. This was when Finn finally became aware of her presence. He looked at her expectantly, waiting for her inevitable long speech.

"Finn," Rachel began slowly, not completely sure what to say, "I just wanted to sincerely apologize to you. I'm very sorry for any pain that I've caused." She stopped for a second to gauge his reaction.

He was staring right at her, with a sadness in his eyes that nearly broke her heart. He could tell already that she had not come to tell him that she was leaving Jessie and that she was in love with him. She was just going to wrap up her apology and walk away, leaving him with less hope than ever that they would find a way to be together. He sighed, "I'm sorry too," he said, "I shouldn't have freaked out at you yesterday. You didn't do anything wrong. You just made a choice."

Rachel didn't know what to say to him now. He was so dejected and seemingly heartbroken that she didn't have any idea what could make him feel better. "See you around," Finn said with a forced smile as he turned and walked away from her.

Rachel couldn't let the conversation end like this. In that moment all she could think about was how much she truly adored him. Hell, how much she loved him. She didn't think about Jessie at all, she hurried after Finn, grabbed his arm, and pulled him into the empty choir room.

She stepped towards him, closing the space between them inch by inch. Realization dawned on Finn, and he instinctively brought his hand to her cheek, tracing her cheekbone with one delicate finger. They both closed their eyes and Finn leaned down until their lips were only a millimeter apart.

"Ahem," someone cleared their throat. Finn and Rachel jumped apart and turned to see Puck standing by the door, a questioning look on his face. "Sorry," Puck smirked, "didn't mean to interrupt. I'll just leave you two alone." Puck swaggered out, apparently very amused by the situation.

Rachel, now a good ten feet away from Finn, looked to his face. She saw him staring at her with something in his eyes that she couldn't recognize. 'What was it? Well,' she decided, 'whatever it is, it's too much for me to deal with now.'

Finn was gazing at Rachel, attempting to convey all of his love for her in that one look. His heart sunk however, when he saw her turn and walk away from him, leaving him stranded and confused.